Second Chance
by AnnikaMalfoy
Summary: Edward's dead. Bella's heartbroken. And Jasper just wants to help. What will Alice do when she sees that Jasper's help will turn into something more? What will she do? And who will help her?
1. Prolouge

**A/N:So please don't kill me. I'm begging you. I know I said I was going to finish White Horse before I got into this one. However, I need to write something tonight and I'm still working out bits and pieces of the next chapter. It's the chapter where she tells Charlie and Edward comes up with another plan to get to Bella. However, I'm not sure how I want those conversations to go so I'm going to give that another day and get started on my Bella/Jasper fic. I've had 19 votes and only two people don't want me to do it, so I'm going to do it. This isn't going to be too long. I may even do some work on White Horse because this is just going to be the prologue for Bella/Jasper. I'm not completely sure about the first chapter but I have to get this one started because I'm dying just sitting on it. And I promise all of my White Horse fans that it will get priority over this one. I just need to get it started or I'm going to bust. Now, this is my first real Bella/Jasper fic so please bear with me. I'll do the best I can. Once again, a special thanks to IdreamofEddy who planted one small idea in my head that will hopefully turn into an amazing story. I suggest that any Bella/Jasper fans who are reading this, read IdreamofEddy's Breathless Hunger. It is the most unique Bella/Jasper story, I've ever read. Okay without further ado, here's the prologue for Second Chance.**

**JASPER**

_Jasper, _

_If you are reading this that means my vision came true and I'm no longer with you. I know you would've rather it been you than me. I also know that you still love me and part of you always will. However, like I told before, as much as I still love you, I know I don't need you anymore. I know you probably told yourself that on numerous ocassions over the last year just to avoid hurting me. Please stop lying to yourself. I don't need you. _

_Bella, however, needs you more than anyone else in the world right now. I'm sure you can feel that someone deep inside. And honestly, I think you need her too. The two of you have so much to learn from each other and I don't want to see you lose that chance. So take the chance on her for me. _

_The choice I made was my gift to the two of you. Jasper, Bella lost so much when she lost Edward and you're the only one who could give anything back to her. That's why I did what I did. So you could be there for her to hold on to. She needs you so much. Don't walk away, please. _

_Jazz, you've been with me since the day I awoke to this existence. You were one person that kept me pushing on when being on my own became too much. The day I met you was the best day of my unlife and I don't think I'd ever been happier than I was that day. Not even on our wedding day. You are an amazing person Jazz and I love everything about you. _

_I hope that you will not let your guilt over what happened stop you from being happy. I made my decision because I wanted you to be happy and if being with Bella makes you happy then do it. I will always love you no matter what. Just like I will always love Bella no matter what. _

_I know you love me and don't want to hurt me but I don't want you to be miserable because of me. I wouldn't be a very good wife if I did that. Which is why I made this decision. I wanted to give you a second chance at happiness without the guilt. So just be happy and don't feel guilty. _

_I love you and hope that you will find the happiness in Bella that I know is meant for you. Don't let what happened to me or Edward drive you away from her. You need her so please don't waste this chance I've given you? _

_I will always love, Jazz and I just want to be happy. So go be happy. _

_Love, _

_Alice_

I folded up the the letter and placed it in my breast pocket and smiled slightly. It was all the reminder that I needed that Alice wanted this as much as I did.

"Are you ready?" Emmett whispered as the music started to play.

"Let's do this." I whispered back as we both stood up at the alter.

As I saw Bella walking up the aisle in her beautiful wedding gown arm and arm with Carlisle, I couldn't help but think of everything that led us to this moment. The good and the bad.

**BELLA**

_Bella,_

_If you are reading this that means my vision came true and I'm no longer with you. I just want to tell you that what I did for Jasper was my decision . I know how you have a tendency to blame yourself for everything. Don't blame yourself for this. I chose to jump in front of Jasper and take the attack. Just like Edward chose to send you away from the fight that terrible day._

We did it because we love you and that's all there is too it. Don't be afraid to get close to Jasper just because of what he was to me. I want him to be that to you too. And don't worry about Edward, either. He only ever wanted you to be happy. And if Jasper makes you happy then go for it. 

_Please allow Jasper to help you through what happened to me. I know he really helped you get over Edward. I hope that he'll be able to do it again. Please, let him. I don't want you to end up where we are. You have too much ahead of you for that. Let Jasper help you get there. Please. _

_Bella, you are one of the smartest, prettiest, and sweetest people I've ever met. I couldn't have asked for a better best friend and sister in this life. Don't let guilt over me stop you from being happy because that's not why I made my decision. I did it so you could be happy. So go be happy, even if it means being happy with Jasper. _

_I know you love me and don't want to hurt me but I don't want you to be miserable because of me. I wouldn't be a very good friend if I did that. Which is why I made this decision. I wanted to give you a second chance at happiness without the guilt. So just be happy and don't feel guilty. _

_I love you and hope that you will find the happiness in Jasper that I know is meant for you. Don't let what happened to me or Edward drive you away from him. You need her so please don't waste this chance I've given you? _

_Bella, you will always be my best friend and favorite sister. I just want you to be happy, so go be happy. _

_Your sister forever, _

_Alice_

I folded up the note and stuck it in mr bra, which was rather difficult in this particular dress, smiling slightly with tears pooling in my eyes. It was all the reminder I needed that Alice wanted this as much as I did.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle whispered as he took my arm.

The music had started playing and Rosalie and Esme were already halfway up the aisle.

"Let's do this." I replied and we started walking forward.

The minute I saw Jasper standing in front of the alter in his tux, I couldn't help but think of everything that led us to this moment. The good and the bad.

**A/N: Well, whar do you guys think of it? I hope I didn't give away too much about it. Anyway, review and let me know what you think. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it this way. That all depends on how much of a response I get with this. So please review and tell me if you think I should try again or if it's a good beginning. But please review. And I promise to have another chapter for White Horse up tomorrow. **


	2. The Vision and the Return

**FIVE YEARS EARLIER......**

**BELLA **

It was one of the few warm and sunshining days that Forks, Washington had to offer about a month before I was supposed to marry Edward. As much as I hated the idea of getting married just out of high school, I had to admit that I was extremely excited about the whole thing. I loved Edward with my whole heart and soul and couldn't wait to spend eternity with him.

Alice, of course, had gone overboard with the planning of the whole thing. I allowed it because I loved Alice like a sister and didn't want to hurt her feelings. Unfortunately, that meant helping with the plans. Since I was the only human available to help plan the whole thing, I spent a majority of the time picking out what kind of chocolate I liked best for the cake or what kind of chicken I liked best for the entrees. I also had to deal with dress fittings and all that frivolous stuff.

It was rather annoying, especially since I had just spent the last week with some of the last minute details. I loved Alice to death and really didn't want to upset her but she was taking me away from my precious time with Edward. I knew we had all of eternity to be together but with everything that's been going on lately- between Alice needed my help with the preparations and Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper taking Edward away for some other family traditions and the family having to hunt every other weekend- the eternity that Edward and I were about to sharen seemed like a million mikles away.

Which was why Edward told his family that morning that he was taking me somewhere and we were not to be interuptted unless it was a dire emergency. He also insisted that we both leave our cell phones at home. If the family needed us, they had their ways of getting to us.

That's how we found ourselves lying in each other's embraces in the meadow. We laid there basking in our love for each other not saying a word. Edward would occassionally lean over and kiss some part of my body.

"So where are you taking me for our honeymoon?" I asked with a sly smile on my face as I gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Nice try but I'm not going to spoil the surprise, love." he smirked and kissed me back.

"Well, I figured since I didn't like surprises, you would..." I stated.

"Once again, nice try but I promise you that you will like this one." He replied then he leaned over and kissed me full on the mouth.

He had been slowly breaking his carefully coined rules for the past couple months. He thought that it would make things easier when the time came for us to try it for the first time. Taking the chance I had, because I didn't know how much longer it would last, I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. He kissed me with more passion than he ever had before and it felt amazing. That was until I felt him stiffen in my arms. Then he let out a low and threatening growl before pulling away from me.

"I'm sorry." I said worried that I had gone too far and he was angry. "I guess I still have a lot of work..."

He put his finger to my lips before I had a chance to finish my sentence.

"It's not you." He whispered. "Jacob's here and by the sound of his thoughts, it isn't a social visit."

He jumped up and dropped into a crouch position as Jacob stepped out of the trees.

"I should've known better than to think I could sneak up on you, bloodsucker." he said.

My heart filled with happiness as I jumped up behind Edward. If I hadn't been so happy to see Jacob after so many weeks, I probably would've noticed that the tension bewtween the two was much worse than usual. I would've also noticed that he was shaking nearly uncontrollable but all I saw was my best friend coming back.

I made to run towards him to give him a welcome back hug and tell him how wonderful it was to see him. Before I had even gone two steps, Edward flung his arm out in front of me and stopped me from going any further.

"Edward, it's fine. It's just Jake." I said struggling against him.

"No, Bella, it's not fine." Edward answered. "He isn't safe."

"What are you talking about?" I asked him.

"He didn't come here for a reunion." Edward answered. "Why don't you tell her what you did come, Jacob?"

"What's he talking about Jacob?" I asked turning my attention back to Jacob.

"Well, I've had a lot of time to think in the past couple weeks and I've decided that if I can't have you then I'll make it so he won't be able to have you either." Jacob answered with a twisted smile on his face.

I was confused by his words. I didn't understand what he meant by that. I turned back to Edward as panic and fear started to seep into my body.

"He wants to kill me." Edward clarified. My heart dropped into my chest as I turned my attention back to Jacob.

"You can't be serious Jake." I said. "What do you think that will accomplish? It's not like I'm going to want you if Edward's gone! Especially if you're the one who took him away from me."

"I thought about that one too." Jacob replied. "And I know that you won't want me anymore but I really don't care. I figure, if I have to be miserable than you can be too."

"Jake, think about this. You don't wanna let Sam or your pack down, do you?" I pleaded.

"Like I care what they think anymore." He replied with a smirk. "The only person's opinion of me that I ever cared about was yours. And now that doesn't even matter anymore."

"Bella," Edward stated. "Go back to the car, please. If I know Alice, she's already seen this and the family's on the way. Wait for them. The go back to the hosue with Esme. I'll deal with him."

"No." I stated. "I'm not going to leave you alone now. Not when he's crazy like this."

"Bella, I'll be fine. Just go. Please." he repeated.

"You should listen to him Bella. I really doubt that he'll wanna let you see him get his ass kicked." Jacob taunted.

"No, you asshole, I don't want to see her hurt and that's exactly what happens when a young mutt like you, loses control."

"Ha!" Jacob half laughed. "I seem to remember a time when you didn't mind to see her hurt."

Silence fell between the two of them. I wasn't sure what was happening until I noticed the look in Edward's face. I had only seen that tortured look in his eyes twice. The first time when Jane was torturing him in Volterra and when Jacob was thinking...

"Jacob, stop it now!" I growled at him.

"Or what Bella?" He taunted. "Are you going to try to fight me? To hurt me? The last time you tried that, you ended up hurting yourself. You have to remember that I'm a werewolf and you're nothing more than a pathetic human."

"Don't call her that!" Edward said. "She has more guts and courage that a pathetic and cowardly mutt like you!"

The next couple seconds happened very fast. Jacob lunged. One second, I was looking at my best friend flying through the air, the next there was the sound of ripping clothes filled the air and a brown russet wolf was suddenly where Jacob had been. Edward pushed me back and I fell to the ground as he crouched in front of me.

"GO NOW!" he growled out before jumping at Jacob.

I knew there was no arguing with him after that so I ran towards the trees and prayed that I was going in the direction. The sounds of the fight where lost to me as I ran toward where I thought we parked the volvo.

I didn't know how long I ran but I finally some how managed to make it back to the spot where the volvo was. I was so relieved by actually finding the right place that I collasped to my knees as I clutched a stitch in my side.

I felt a cold hand on my shoulder after a minute and looked up to see Alice kneeling beside me with a look of utter concern on her face.

**ALICE **

I was sitting in my room going through some details of the wedding. Details that I didn't need Bella and Edward for because they just had to spend some time together today. Which didn't leave me with much to plan.

Rosalie, Esme, and I did a sizing on our dresses while I made sure the boys' tuxes were ready for us. We had to pick them up the next week and what not. There wasn't much else I could do from there. I went over a few of the reservations and made checked on the seating chart. That was about all I could think to do.

Which is why I decided instead, to order some things for the honeymoon. I knew Bella wouldn't be too happy when she first saw them but she would appreciate it later.

I had already spent around five hundred dollars on some of the best outfits money could by when I got the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. I didn't know what so I took a little peek into the futures of my loved ones.

Everyone came back safe until I looked at Bella and Edward. There future was completely blank. Which could only mean one thing....

"CARLISLE!" I yelled as I ran down the stairs.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked coming in from the kitchen.

"We need to get to Edward and Bella in the meadow." I stated a slight panic coming from my voice.

"Why what's happened?" he asked.

"I got a bad feeling so I looked into there future and saw nothing." I stated.

"What do you mean nothing?"

"Exactly what I said. It came out all black. And you know what that means."

"Werewolves."

"You and I both know that it's just one wolf, Carlisle. And I have a feeling that it isn't going to end well."

"Okay, we need to get to them." Carlisle stated. "Can you call them? You know, to give them a heads up?"

"I can't. Edward said they were leaving their cells at home so we wouldn't be able to bother them." I replied.

"Of course." Carlisle replied. "Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, get out here now!"

The rest of the family surrounded us in no time.

"What's up?" Emmett asked.

"Edward and Bella are in trouble and we need to get to the meadow, now." I stated.

"Jasper, Rosalie, Alice, Emmett, take the jeep and Esme and I will follow in my car." Carlisle explained taking charge.

Everyone nodded in agreement and moved to do what we were told. I jumped into the back of the jeep, praying that we wouldn't be too late.

We pulled into the short dirt driveway to the entrance of trees were Edward parked his volvo about ten minutes later. The first thing I saw was Bella sitting on the ground clutching her side and gasping for air. I was out of the car and on the ground by her side in less than a second.

**BELLA**

"Bella, what happened?" Alice questioned in a state of near panic.

"Jacob came back." I gasped out. "He said that if he couldn't have me then he'd make sure Edward couldn't either. Then he attacked and Edward made me run. I don't know what happened."

Tears started falling as I tried to catch my breath and cry at the same time.

"Where were they?" Carlisle, who had dropped by my side too, asked.

"The meadow." I replied.

"Okay, Esme, would you take Bella back to the house and get her calmed please?" Carlisle asked.

"NO!" I yelled before Esme had a chance to answer. "I want to go with you guys. I have to know that he's okay."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea." Carlisle replied.

"There's seven of you and one of him." I stated looking at him in earnest. "I think I'll be alright."

Carlisle sighed but nodded hi agreement.

"Jasper, would you please, take carry her for us?" he asked.

"Of course." Jasper replied and bent down so I could crawl onto his back.

We took off the second I was situated. I closed my eyes and buried my head into Jasper shoulder blade, just like I did whenever Edward would run with me. I wasn't sure how long we ran before Jasper put me down. However, I didn't need his power to sense the sudden change in mood before I even opened my eyes.

I could feel the atmosphere change from fear and worry to anger and pain. When I finally got the courage to open my eyes, I regretted it. I found myself staring at a human Jacob. He was shirtless but had a fresh pair of shorts on, he was wearing a sadistic but triumphant smile as he stood in front of a fire which digusting smelling smoke was billowing out of. Panic seized my body as I searched the scene fruitlessly for Edward.

My heart plunged into my stomach when I realized that he wasn't there. I shook my head unable to believe what had just happened. My Jacob wouldn't have done something like this? My Jacob wasn't a monster? Did I turn him into this?

I stood there in shock as I listened to the outraged growls of my family members. I knew they were all angry and wanted nothing more than to attack. The refrained, however, out of respect for Carlisle, Sam, and the treaty.

"What did you do, Jacob?" I asked trying to control my quavering voice.

"I told you Bella, that I make it so he couldn't have you either." Jacob smirked.

All of my emotions in that moment compbound together to create a rage unlike anything that I had ever felt in my life. All I saw was red. I found myself running at Jacob, my hands outstretched for his throat.

It didn't matter that I was running at a werewolf who could probably snap me in half before I landed a punch. Nor did it matter that the werewolf was my best friend. All that matter was the werewolf had destroyed the love of my life and he needed to pay. He needed to die. It was the only way to make things right.

"Jasper, stop her!" I heard Alice yell in panic as Jacob's body started shaking.

The next second, I felt cold strong arms around my waist and I was being pulled back against my will.

"No Jasper!" I yelled. "Let me go! He killed Edward! He needs to die!"

I struggled fruitlessly against him as he pulled me further back and held me tighter. I stopped only when Carlisle spoke,

"Jacob Black, you have murdered a member of my family without justification and that is a breach of the treaty. Which would normally mean war." He voice sounded so strong and angry. I was surprised that he wasn't pummelling Jacob. "But out of respect for Sam and the treaty, we're not going to attack. I'm pretty sure that Sam had no idea about this. However, he will find out. As for you, though, I would suggest that you leave and not come back. I'm not sure if will be able to show restraint the next time one of us sees you."

Jacob stated at us for a moment as if he was seriously considering taking all of us on. He, however, decided against it and ran off into the woods.

I collapsed to the ground in front of me sobbing uncontrollably. I wasn't even down there for a minute before I felt Jasper wrap his cold and strong arms around me. I felt him try to us his ability to calm me but there was just too much sadness and grief there for it to work.

In the end, Jasper resorted to doing it the human way, he started to rock me, stroke my hair, and whisper comforting things. None of this did any good. Edward was gone and my life was over. There was no consoling me now.

**ALICE **

I stared at the stop of smoldering ash that was once my brother lost in grief and sorrow. I couldn't believe that he was gone, it didn't make sense. He was finally happy for the first time in over a century. He had found his mate and was going to get married in less than a month. Why did he have to be taken away from that happiness? Why did he have to be taken away from us?

It wasn't fair. He had been one of the best people I knew. He was kind and funny and caring. Why did he deserve to have his life ripped away from him by one jealous wolf. It just wasn't right.

And what about Bella. What did she do to deserve to have the love of her life ripped away from her. Hell, what did we do to deserve our son and brother to get ripped away from us?

It just didn't make any sense. I knew there was a reason for everything. This esistence taught me that but I couldn't find a reason for this. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. Why? I just couldn't wrap my mind around this.

I looked around at the rest of the family as they stood there lost in their own grief, ignoring the vision that had been trying to push it's way through for the last ten minutes. Rosalie and Emmett were standing about five feet away from the pile of ashes. Rosalie had her face buried in Emmett's shoulder, her body was racking with sobs. Emmett was looking solemn and doing his best to comfort her. Esme and Carlisle were in pretty the same position except Carlisle had his face buried in Esme's neck and they were both sobbing.

Jasper and Bella were on the ground a few feet away from the others. Bella was on the ground sobbing uncontrollably as Jasper held her. The selfish part of me was angry that he wasn't comforting me. I was his mate after all. However, the bigger part of me knew that Bella had needed him more than I did. Yes, we had all lost a brother, son, and friend but Bella, she lost a mate. That was something that one almost never got over.

As the truth sank in, grief overcame me and I dropped to my knees. Unable to fight it anymore, I burried my head in my hands and gave into the vision that was nearly attacking me.

_I watched as Bella folded up a piece of paper and linked arms with Carlisle. I heard music playing from outside the room the were in. The two stepped out the door and into the lavishly decorated backyard of what looked to be our home in Alaska. She was wearing the dress that she was supposed to wear for her wedding with Edward. Curious as to who she was about to marry, I looked up to see Jasper at the alter smiling as his bride walked toward him. _

I came back to the present in a bit of shock. I didn't understand what that was about. Were Jasper and Bella meant to be together? Was that the reason that Edward had to die?

But why? Why did Edward have to die? Why couldn't fate just have found a way to put them together without the tragedy? And if Bella and Jasper are meant to be together then where would that leave me? Alone?

**A/N: What do you think? I hope this one was a bit stronger than the prolouge. Well, I hope you enjoy. Please review. **


	3. Aftershock

**A/N: There is one thing about this chapter that I have to say at this point. Some of the parts of this chapter may seem like Jasper is cheating on Alice. Please, don't think like that. He's just trying to help keep Bella's emotions under control and comfort her to the best of his abilities. That's all. With that being said, here's chapter 3. **

**JASPER **

I kneeled on the ground, with a sobbing Bella in my arms, doing my best to push out the grief and anger coming off my family in waves. I needed to pull every ounce of strength I had to try to keep Bella from having an all out mental and emotional break down. Which wasn't easy. She was so far gone that she was barely responding to my power, though I was throwing everything I had at her. In the end, I resorted to trying things the human way.

I rocked her gently while stroking her hair. I knew that I should say something but I didn't know what. I longed to be able to tell her that everything was going to be okay. However, I couldn't bring myself to lie to her. Her fiance/mate had just been killed. That in itself was soomething a person rarely got completely over. So you add the fact that he was killed by her jealous werewolf best friend and there was no way that everything was going to ever be okay again.

At the same time, though, I didn't want to tell her that things weren't going to be okay. That would definitely make the whole thing ten times worse. She didn't need to be reminded of how messed up things were about to become.

I supposed it would just be best to hold her and let her cry it out. That was all she really needed was to know that someone was there to love and support her. Even if they didn't know the right thing to say.

Part of me was feeling extremely guilty though as I kept my eyes transfixed on the scene in front of me. Alice was kneeling in front of the smoldering pile of ash that was once are brother and looking very sad and alone. I knew I should've been there comforting her. She was my mate, after all. However, the bigger part of me knew that Bella's need for comfort was much greater. Yes, we all lost a brother, son, and friend. But Bella, she lost her mate and the was the most difficult bond to lose. I couldn't just walk away from her.

I wasn't sure how long I knelt there before I felt Carlisle's had on my shoulder.

"Jasper, we should go before any humans wander by. I don't want them to get suspicious." he stated. "You should take Bella back to Charlie's, so she can get some sleep and deal with this later. Then meet us back at the house so we can discuss what we'll do next."

"Actually, Carlisle, I don't think it's a good idea to take her somewhere where she'll be alone." I replied holding the sobbing and shaking girl tighter in my arms.

"That might be what's best for her at the moment, Jasper." he stated. I could sense some irritation and confusion under his pain and sadness.

"No, it's not." I argued. "Think about it, Carlisle. You remember what Edward tried to do when he thought that Bella was dead? I don't think Bella's going to be any different. We should take her back to the house, that way we can keep an eye on her so she doesn't do something crazy and stupid like that."

Carlisle stared at me for a minute. I couldn't read his emotions anymore because I was focusing, once again, on calming Bella who seemed to not be hearing our conversation.

"I think you might be right." he answered solemnly. "Okay, we'll take her back to our house and get her to sleep, then we'll figure out the story.

"Thank you." I stated.

Carlisle just nodded.

"Do you think that you can handle carrying her?" he asked after a minute.

"Yes." I stated as I scooped her in my arms and stood.

I thought she was going to protest. Instead, she wrapped her hands around the back of my neck and buried her head in the front of it. I took off into the trees, mere seconds later with the family on my heels.

I thanked God for being so focused on trying to control Bella's emotions and block out the family's. It made it almost impossible for me to pay attention to Bella's wonderful, thought not as strong for me as for Edward, scent. It was much harder to think about eating her when I was trying to stop her for having a complete meltdown.

We weren't running for longer than a minute when we finally came to the place where we parked the cars. Everyone of us froze when we caught sight of the volvo. I couldn't help but feel the slight increase in the grief and anger of the family. Bella kept her face buried in my neck so I wasn't sure if she noticed anything or not.

"What are you we going to do with the volvo?" Alice asked trying to keep the crack out of her voice.

I could, however, hear every ounce of sadness and pain in her voice. Everyone of us looked at Carlisle questioningly. He looked worse than any of us and the emotions pouring off of him were rivaled only by Bella's.

He was pale, even for our kind and I could see his body shaking, although he tried to hide it. You couldn't really blame him, though. I mean, Edward was his first companion and son, not to mention his best friend. They shared the same venom, which for our kind is like sharing the same blood. It was impossible for Carlisle to suffer this kind of loss and not feel worse than the rest of us. I could, however, sense that he was trying to hide it.

Looking at Esme, I could see why. He was trying to be strong for her. She was clinging to his arms and letting out dry sobs as her whole body shook. I couldn't blame her for her emotions, either. Edward, Emmett, Alice, and I, hell, even Bella, were like her children. She wasn't able to have any of her own so she took care of us like her own. After so many years, it was hard not to think of her as our mother, so I could only imagine that she thoiught of us as her children, whithout a doubt. That being said, Esme could be considered a mother mourning her child and no parent should ever have to mourn their child.

After a long silence, Carlisle took a deep unnecessary breath and spoke,

"Just leave it here for now. Once we figure out how to explain what happened to him, we'll come back for it."

I could hear that he too was trying to keep the crack out of his voice. Silence followed his answer as we all stood there staring at the volvo, as if it could some how bring Edward back.

"Okay, I think that I should drive Carlisle's car back to the house." Rosalie, who, though as grief stricken as the rest of us, was most complosed, suggested. "You two are in no state to drive. We don't want to put any inoccent humans in danger." Carlisle and Esme agreed without protest. "And Emmett, you can drive your jeep, while Jasper sits in the back with Bella and Alice you can drive in the front."

Everyone nodded and headed to their respective vehicles. As we drove I focused my power on Bella. Which was somewhat a mistake. I should've been paying attention to Alice's feelings to a greater degree at the time. If I had been, I would've realized that underneath the feelings of sadness, pain, and anger their were several other emotions. Those ranged from worry to curiousity and love, to downright fear. Maybe if I had noticed those feelings then, I could've changed Alice's fate. However, once again, I felt that Bella's needs were greater.

The drive home took a little less than ten minutes.

"Where should I take her?" I asked once I got a still sobbing Bella out of the car and into the house. "Edward's room?"

"NO!" Bella cried out. It was the first words that she spole since the break down. "I can't go in there. Please, don't make me!"

"Shhhh." I whispered soothingly. "I won't make you."

I looked questioningly at Carlisle but it was Alice who answered.

"Take her to our room, Jazz." she stated solemnly. "I knew we'd be needing the new bed for something."

"Right." I replied and carried Bella up the stairs into our room.

As I made to lay her on the bed, she locked her arms around me neck and pulled herself back to me.

"Please, don't leave me?" she cried. "I don't wanna be alone, right now!"

"Shh." I whispered as I gently pulled her wrists off of my neck. "I'll stay here for awhile, okay?"

"Thank you." she replied as she continued to cry a little.

I laid her gently on the bed then curled up next to her.

"You should try to sleep." I stated.

"I don't know if I'll be able to." she answered.

"Would you like me to help?"

She nodded and snuggled close to me. I sent her a couple waves of lethargy and fatigue. She gave in the minute she felt them. She closed her eyes, whispered thank you, and was out within minutes. I stayed with her for a few more minutes, just in case she wasn't completely asleep then I headed downstairs to speak to the family.

Everyone was sitting in silence in the living room when I walked down the stairs. It was the first time since Bella's breakdown that I completely opened myself to their feelings. The anguish, hate, and rage they all felt hit me like a wrecking ball. I found myself wanting to do everything from screaming at the top of my lungs to killing the mutt. It was so overwhelming that I ended up on my knees.

"Jazz!" Alice cried and jumped out of her chair to help me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I answered as I allowed her to help me up. "It's just, your feelings are overwhelming as individuals but when tou throw them together, it's almost unbearable. But I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting to be hit so hard by it all."

"I know." Alice replied as she pulled me over to the chair.

She then curled herself up opn my lap and wrapped her arms around me. I knew something was up with her attitude. Alice wasn't a very physical lover. She was more on the emotional side. She told me how she felt but never really showed it in publice. But now she was sitting on my lap in front of the entire family. I had a feeling that she thought I was going to leave her to if she let me go. I didn't have too much time to ponder the whole thing though becuase Carlisle was asking me a question,

"How is she?"

"She's okay right now. I managed to get her to sleep but I imagine it'll be worse when she wakes and realizes it wasn't just a dream. I'll need to be there to control that breakdown as well." I answered.

"Of course." Carlisle replied. "I think it might be good if we were all there when she woke. She's going to need all the love and support she can get. It isn't easy to lose your mate." Everyone nodded and Carlisle continued pointedly to Rosalie. "Also, I don't want any of you blaming her for any of this. Knowing Bella, she already balmes herself. We need to let her know that it isn't her fault. It isn't anybody's fault but Jacob Black's. She needs to her it as often as possible. That's the only way she'll believe it."

"What are we going to do about Jacob anyway?" Esme asked from her spot on Carlisle's lap.

"I'm going to call a meeting with Sam and tell him what Jacob's done." Carlisle answered. "Then we'll decide on a punishment if he ever comes back."

We fell back into silence as we all let the weight of his words sink in. Jacob had violated the treaty and that should mean war for the wolves and the family, however, we knew Sam had nothing to do with this attack. We didn't want to start an unecessary war. The only fair thing to do, would be for us to be allowed to take our revenge if he ever came back. And as much as we hated Jacob Black at the moment, none of us wanted to kill him. We didn't want Bella to have to lose someone else that she cared about.

"So what are we going to tell people happened to Edward?" Emmett asked after the long stretch of silence.

"We could always go with suicide." Rosalie suggested.

"No!" I growled.

"Why not?" Rosalie questioned a little outraged. "It's a perfect excuse."

"Edward was a recently graduated high school student. He was going to be married in less than a month. And he had a family that loved and cared about him very much. The only legitimate reason for him to commit suicide would've been if Bella called off the wedding."

"I still don't see the problem with that." Rosalie insisted.

"The problem, Rosalie, is that Bella is already going to be blaming herself for this." I reasoned. "It isn't going to help her to have the entirety of Forks, Washington looking at her like it's her fault Edward's dead."

"Fine." Rosalie replied with a shrug. "Anyone else have an idea?"

"What if we reported him missing?" Emmett suggested.

"That won't work, either." Carlisle said.

"Why not?" Emmett questioned.

"Because Charlie, being the chief of police, would launch an all out investigation because he knows how much Bella loves Edward. He wouldn't sleep until he found Edward. And aside from causing unnecessary problems, it could turn back some incriminating evidence. Besides, I don't think that I could handle an officer telling me that we'll find Edward when I know for a fact the we never will." Carlisle explained.

"I see." Emmett replied. "Anyone else?"

"What if we say that Edward called off the wedding and moved to Alaska?" Alice asked from her spot on my chest. "I mean it's full proof. It would explain his sudden disappearance, as well as Bella's devesation but it will still protect the secret and Bella's reputation."

We were once again silent as we let this suggestion sink in. Of course, it was a perfect excuse, however, we all knew Edward well enough to know that he'd never call off the wedding with Bella. He wanted nothing more than to be hers for all enternity. It seemed like an insult to his memory to make that claim. However, there was nothing else we could do.

"Then that's what we'll do." Carlisle stated after a couple minutes silence.

"Well," Alice sighed. "I guess I've got some phone calls to make."

"Rose and I will help." Esme suggested as all three girls rose.

"And I should go get the volvo." Emmett added.

"Guys, wait." I stated. I could feel what they were trying to do. They wanted to surppress everything and deal with it later. I knew how much trouble bottling things up could be and I needed to get them to deal with it all now. "That stuff can wait a few days. I mean it's not like there was a crime involved or anything. We need to take this time to deal with what happened because if we bottle it up, it'll just be worse when it finally comes out."

"You're right, Jazz." Alice replied and curled herself back into me. "In fact, I think we should all...."

She never got to finish the sentence, because Bella's screams echoed through the house.

"No Jake, stop it! Just leave him alone, please! Stop, I'll do anything!"

Alice and I were the first out of our seats and up the stairs. The family was several feet behind us. When we burst through our door, Bella was lying on the bed thrashing and screaming. She had tears falling down her cheeks.

Leaving my horrified and worried family at the door, I walked over to Bella and pinned both of her wrist to the floor. I tried to use my strongest dose of tranquility to calm her but it just wouldn't work.

**A/N: Please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	4. Not A Dream

**A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in this chapter. My mom has been in the hospital for the past week and I had to work through a block on White Horse before I could move on to this one. Anyway, I hope this chapter is worth waiting for. **

**BELLA **

I continued to kneel on the ground in Jasper's embrace with tears running uncontrollably down my face and the sun beating on my pale skin not really paying attention to what was going on around me. I knew that the Cullens were no doubt grieving with each other but I couldn't bring myself to look at them. I mean they had all just lost a brother, son, and friend all because of me. I couldn't believe how much I'd hurt them. If I had just stayed away from Jacob like Edward had asked of me, none of this would've happened.

I didn't feel worthy of their comfort and love anymore. I didn't deserve the comforting arms that were wrapped around me right now. Alice, who was probably dealing with this alone, was the one who did. Jasper was her mater, after all. I wanted to pull away from Jasper and tell him to leave me and go to Alice but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Whether or not, I thought that I deserved it, I needed it. I needed someone to hold me and help me through this. The love of my life had just been ripped away from me by my jealous best friend. Which made the whole thing ten times worse if it had been James, Victoria, the Volturi, or some other random vampire. My whole world had just crashed around me and I needed someone to hold me. It didn't matter whether I deserved it or not, my needs won out this time.

I wasn't sure how long I kneeled there, crying, with Jasper comforting me before I heard Carlisle speak. He was talking to Jasper and they were speaking at vampiric speed so I had no idea what they were saying. I did manage to catch Carlisle saying something about going.

Hearing those words were a mahor relief to me. I didn't want to be here anymore. Jacob had tainted the beauty of mine and Edward's special place. I could never look at or think of this place ever again. It would hurt too much. I just wanted to leave and never come back.

Which is why I didn't fight Jasper when he repositioned his hands to pick me up bridal style. Instead, I wrapped my hands around his neck and buried my face in the crook of it. I didn't think that it was possible for me to cry anymore but as Jasper took off, I felt more tears coming at the thought of what I was leaving behind.

The rest of my traveling experience was a blur. One minute I was running through the woods with Jasper and the next, I was being carried upstairs. I couldn't remember any of it. That was until Jasper tried to lay me down on the bed and I realized I was faced with the possibility of being left alone. God only knew, that it was less than what I deserved but I didn't want to face what happened. Especially not alone. I couldn't I wasn't ready for it.

So as he tried to lay me down on the bed, I locked my arms around him and begged him not to leave me alone. I wasn't even sure what I said. I just wanted him to stay and I had to find a way to get him to.

"Shh." he whispered as he gently pulled my hands off of his neck. "I'll stay here for awhile, okay?"

"Thank you." I stated as a few tears continued to fall down my face.

Jasper laid me gently on the bed then curled up next to me.

"You should try to sleep." he stated.

"I don't know if I'll be able to." I replied.

"Would you like me to help?"

I nodded and snuggled close to him. I felt a couple waves of lethargy and fatigue. They were so strong that I couldn't fight them, even if I wanted to.I found myself closing my eyes. I had enough energy and strength left to whisper a thank you before I fell into what I thought was going to be the beautiful oblivion of sleep.

_Edward and I were lying in out meadow basking in our love for each other not saying a word. Edward would occassionally lean over and kiss some part of my body._

_"So where are you taking me for our honeymoon?" I asked with a sly smile on my face as I gave him a quick peck on the lips._

_"Nice try but I'm not going to spoil the surprise, love." he smirked and kissed me back._

_"Well, I figured since I didn't like surprises, you would..." I stated._

_"Once again, nice try but I promise you that you will like this one." He replied then he leaned over and kissed me full on the mouth._

_He had been slowly breaking his carefully coined rules for the past couple months. He thought that it would make things easier when the time came for us to try it for the first time. Taking the chance I had, because I didn't know how much longer it would last, I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. He kissed me with more passion than he ever had before and it felt amazing. That was until I felt him stiffen in my arms. Then he let out a low and threatening growl before pulling away from me._

_"I'm sorry." I said worried that I had gone too far and he was angry. "I guess I still have a lot of work..."_

_He put his finger to my lips before I had a chance to finish my sentence._

_"It's not you." He whispered. "Jacob's here and by the sound of his thoughts, it isn't a social visit."_

_He jumped up and dropped into a crouch position as Jacob stepped out of the trees._

_"I should've known better than to think I could sneak up on you, bloodsucker." he said._

_My heart filled with happiness as I jumped up behind Edward. If I hadn't been so happy to see Jacob after so many weeks, I probably would've noticed that the tension bewtween the two was much worse than usual. I would've also noticed that he was shaking nearly uncontrollable but all I saw was my best friend coming back._

_I made to run towards him to give him a welcome back hug and tell him how wonderful it was to see him. Before I had even gone two steps, Edward flung his arm out in front of me and stopped me from going any further._

_"Edward, it's fine. It's just Jake." I said struggling against him._

_"No, Bella, it's not fine." Edward answered. "He isn't safe."_

_"What are you talking about?" I asked him._

_"He didn't come here for a reunion." Edward answered. "Why don't you tell her what you did come, Jacob?"_

_"What's he talking about Jacob?" I asked turning my attention back to Jacob._

_"Well, I've had a lot of time to think in the past couple weeks and I've decided that if I can't have you then I'll make it so he won't be able to have you either." Jacob answered with a twisted smile on his face._

_I was confused by his words. I didn't understand what he meant by that. I turned back to Edward as panic and fear started to seep into my body._

_"He wants to kill me." Edward clarified. My heart dropped into my chest as I turned my attention back to Jacob. _

_"You can't be serious Jake." I said. "What do you think that will accomplish? It's not like I'm going to want you if Edward's gone! Especially if you're the one who took him away from me."_

_"I thought about that one too." Jacob replied. "And I know that you won't want me anymore but I really don't care. I figure, if I have to be miserable than you can be too."_

_"Jake, think about this. You don't wanna let Sam or your pack down, do you?" I pleaded._

_"Like I care what they think anymore." He replied with a smirk. "The only person's opinion of me that I ever cared about was yours. And now that doesn't even matter anymore."_

_"Bella," Edward stated. "Go back to the car, please. If I know Alice, she's already seen this and the family's on the way. Wait for them. The go back to the hosue with Esme. I'll deal with him."_

_"No." I stated. "I'm not going to leave you alone now. Not when he's crazy like this."_

_"Bella, I'll be fine. Just go. Please." he repeated._

_"You should listen to him Bella. I really doubt that he'll wanna let you see him get his ass kicked." Jacob taunted._

_"No, you asshole, I don't want to see her hurt and that's exactly what happens when a young mutt like you, loses control."_

_"Ha!" Jacob half laughed. "I seem to remember a time when you didn't mind to see her hurt."_

_Silence fell between the two of them. I wasn't sure what was happening until I noticed the look in Edward's face. I had only seen that tortured look in his eyes twice. The first time when Jane was torturing him in Volterra and when Jacob was thinking..._

_"Jacob, stop it now!" I growled at him._

_"Or what Bella?" He taunted. "Are you going to try to fight me? To hurt me? The last time you tried that, you ended up hurting yourself. You have to remember that I'm a werewolf and you're nothing more than a pathetic human."_

_"Don't call her that!" Edward said. "She has more guts and courage that a pathetic and cowardly mutt like you!"_

_The next couple seconds happened very fast. Jacob lunged. One second, I was looking at my best friend flying through the air, the next there was the sound of ripping clothes filled the air and a brown russet wolf was suddenly where Jacob had been. Edward pushed me back and I fell to the ground as he crouched in front of me._

_"GO NOW!" he growled out before jumping at Jacob._

_I stood up and wanted nothing more than to run like Edward told me to but I found myself unable to move. No, I didn't want to watch this part. I didn't want to see how it happened. I needed to run and get away. I couldn't do this. _

_I tried to force my legs to move but they wouldn't. I was forced to watch my best friend and fiance fight to the death. The only problem was, I already knew which one was going to die and I didn't want to see it. _

_The fight was so fast and intense that I couldn't keep up with it. I couldn't tell who was getting the better of who. I just knew I had to make Jacob stop it. I couldn't move my feet so I tried yelling instead, _

_"No Jake, stop it! Just leave him alone, please! Stop, I'll do anything!" _

_I heard the words come out of my mouth so I was sure that Jacob could too. He ignored them however and continued to fight with Edward. I called and begged some more but he just refused to listen to me. _

_At some point, I started to feel an odd peaceful calm spread through my body and wanted nothing more than to give into. I knew I couldn't though. I had to fight it and keep trying to make Jacob stop. I couldn't let him kill Edward. _

_Less than five minutes after the fight started, a horrible metallic screeching sound rent the air and I knew what had just happened. I was forced to watch in horror as Jacob continued to rip Edward apart limb by limb. _

_Only when Jacob had finished tearing Edward apart and was setting fire to the pile of limbs, was I able to move again. I found myself full of a rage I had never known before. I wanted to do nothing but kill Jacob. So fueled by that rage, I ran at Jacob screaming at the top of my lungs. By the time I reached the burning pile of limbs, however, I found the anger had disappitated into nothing but undefinable sadness. It felt like my heart had been ripped from me. _

_I dropped to my knees and began sobbing. It was then that I finally let the peaceful calm take over me. And I drifted away from the meadow. _

_I didn't open my eyes as I felt the scene change. I found myself lying on a warm and comfortable bed. There were to strong legs, straddling my hips and preventing me from moving. Two cold hands were holding my wrists. Then voices started to fill my head and that's when I realized I was awake. _

"She's finally giving into it." Jasper voice stated with relief.

"Good." Carlisle's voice joined in with the same amount of relief.

It took me a minute to get the courage to open my eyes, when I finally did, my gaze was met with a golden brown one. For one glorious moment, I thought that the whole thing was just a dream and Edward was the one who was trying to keep me from hurting myself.

The moment was broken, however, when I started taking inventory of the person on top of me. Blonde, not bronze, hair fell into the golden brown eyes and the face was completely the wrong shape. More tears fell from my eyes when I realized that it was Jasper and not Edward sitting on top of me.

"Bella, are you alright?" Jasper asked with a concerned look on his face.

"No, it wasn't a dream." I said shaking my head. "He's gone. He's really gone."

I completely broke down at that point. Jasper rolled off of me and wrapped his arms around me. He stroked my hair.

"I know, honey, I know." he whispered as he rocked me back and forth stroking my hair. "I'm so sorry."

We sat like that for a minute before Alice came over and started rubbing my back. I heard Carlisle whisper to the rest of the family with vampiric speed then everyone walked out of the room. Esme was the last to go and I heard the door swing shut behind her.

I cried for a long time after that. Jasper was sending continuous waves of calm and peace at me but they just weren't working. And it was the most frustrating thing in the world. I wanted nothing more than to be able to feel the peaceful calm and forget aboput all of this for awhile. However, the feeling of grief and loss was just too great at the moment.

Jasper gave up after about a half hour. After that, he and Alice resorted to the human method of comforting words and gestures. I had to admit that they were pretty good at it. Especially for two vampires who don't remember much about being human. They actually had me calmed within a half hour.

A few stray tears continued to flow, however, I was coherent and not a blubbering mess. Once my sobs had subsided, the two had a quick vampiric conversation that I didn't catch a word of, then Jasper pulled me away from him so Alice could pull me close to her.

"There's something that we need to talk about." she stated. "And you're not going to like it much but it has to be done."

"Okay?" I said slightly confused by her tone.

"Okay so, normally when one of our kind dies, it's not that big of a deal. Most nomads move around so much that nobody will notice if one disappears." Alice began. "However, in a case like with Edward, we leave in a small town where people talk. Which wouldn't be too bad except for his relationship with you. You see, our family has always been known as the family that keeps to themselves and we don't invite people to be our friends. Edward broke that tradition with you. Which started people talking about the chief's daughter and the doctor's son. And now that everyone knows about you guys, it'll look pretty strange if Edward just disappeared out of the blue."

"So what are you saying?" I asked.

"What she's saying," Jasper stated. "Is that we need a cover story for Edward just suddenly just disappeared."

I nodded. That was understandable. They had a secret to protect. It killed me to know that we would have to lie about Edward but I knew that it was for the best. Edward did everything in his power to protect me when he was alive. The least I could do for him was protect his family after his death.

"Now," Alice continued. "We've gone over our options and there's really only one plausible story."

"And what's that?"

"Edward decided that he didn't want to marry you and moved to Alaska." Alice said and I could tell by the look on her face that she was waiting for an outburst.

"But Alice," I countered. "Everyone in town knows that Edward wanted to marry more than anything else in the world. All of them know how much he loved me. They know he'd never leave me."

"Not true." Alice stated. "He's done it once before. Granted it was for a good reason but it devastated you. I remember Charlie's description. It was like he died for you. Which means that it's perfect for this situation. He left you just like the first time."

She had a good point. I knew it would be the most believable story and that it was all necessary for us to do it for the protection of his family. We needed people to believe that there wasn't anything strange going on and what not but it was going to be so hard to tell my friends and family that Edward didn't love me anymore when he died because he loved me.

I looked at Alice and Jasper with more tears pooling in my eyes. I knew that I had to do it but I didn't want to. I wanted to just tell the people of Forks to go fuck themselves and mind their own business. However, I knew that wasn't possible.

"I know it's going to be hard Bella." Jasper said. "But it needs to be done to protect the secret and the family."

"I know." I said. "And you know I would never do anything to endanger the secret or the family. I love you guys so much. And if this has to be done to protect you guys, then I'll do it, no matter how much it hurts."

I was in tears again as I finished my little speech. Alice held me tighter against her chest as more sobs racked my body.

"Why don't you stay here tonight, Bella?" Alice asked as she pulled me away from her chest. "You're not ready to deal with Charlie just yet. I'll call him and tell him that something happened and you're really upset. And that you'll explain when you're ready."

"Thanks, Alice." I said into her chest. "You're the greatest. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you."

"Oh, sweetie." she replied. "You're my best friend and sister. I do anything for you. Anything."

The tone of her voice, on the second anything, told me she knew something that I didn't. I just wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

**A/N:Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	5. Closure, Understanding, Acceptance

**ALICE**

It took us a little while but Jasper and I were able to get Bella to stop crying and go back to sleep. She ended up curling herself back into Jasper's embrace. I felt a small pang of jealousy at the sight of them together like that but I pushed it away. Bella had just lost essentially everything. Or at least what felt like everything to her. She needed someone to make her feel loved and if she found that in Jasper, I didn't want to do anything to stop it.

When I was sure that she was asleep, I crawled out of the bed, grabbed my phone and went out into the hallway to call Charlie.

"Hello, Swan residence, Chief Swan speaking." Charlie answered on the third ring.

"Hey Charlie, it's Alice." I said trying to mask the weariness in my voice. I don't think it worked very well.

"Hey Alice, what's up?" He asked.

"I just wanted to let you know that Bella's staying over here with me tonight." I stated. "Everything's okay. She's just had a really rough day and doesn't feel like coming home right now."

"Okay." Charlie replied sounding a little confused. "But what happened? Did _he_ hurt her again?"

I felt a small stab of anger that he just automatically assumed it was something that Edward had done to her. Granted, we would be telling him something similar to that later. It just still irked me that Charlie was still holding the months we spent away against Edward. Edward only left for Bella's safety. I wished we could tell Charlie that. Maybe then the bitter feelings would go away and Bella could mourn Edward without the lies and assumptions. Unfortunately, we couldn't take any chances with Charlie finding out. The Volturi let Bella go with the promise of us changing her. Somehow, I didn't think they'd be so lenient again.

"I think it's something you should wait and hear when Bella's ready to talk about it." I answered with a sigh.

"Okay." he replied. I could tell by his tone that he wasn't satisfied with that answer. However, he knew Bella well enough to know that she doesn't talk about something until she is ready. And he knew me well enough to know that I respected Bella's privacy and wouldn't say anything unless I knew Bella was going to be okay with it. "Well, thanks for letting me know where she was."

"Yeah. No problem." I answered. "I drop her off sometime tomorrow."

"Thanks, Alice. Could you do me a favor, though, and tell her I love her and I'll be here when she's ready to talk about whatever it is."

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, Charlie."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Buh-bye."

I flipped the phone shut with a sigh. Now that Bella was all taken care of, I decided it was about time to take care of myself. I needed to be alone for a little while and think about everything that happened today. I needed to deal with what happened to Edward and figure out the crazy vision I had.

I knew I couldn't do all that downstairs. The family was down there and they'd probablty be bombarding me with questions about Bella's well being. So, since my best friend was asleep in my mates embrace in my room, there was only one place for me to go. I turned and headed up the hallway to Edward's room.

It was exactly how he had left it. The huge bed with the decorated gold posts was still in the center of the room. It was still neatly made because Bella had slept at Charlie's the night before and Edward stayed with her. Edward's many stacks of C.D.'s littere the floor, making it a little harder to manuever around the room. His large stereo system was sitting on shelf opposite the door.

I turned it on and played the C.D. that was already in it. The room was filled with the beautiful song that we came to regard as Bella's lullabye. I laughed. Of course, this would've been the last thing he listened to. Sadness filled me as I moved around the room, listening to the song that he worked so hard on.

I ended up in front of his dresser. I notived as I had so often before, that he didn't have many decorations or nic nacs on his dresser and shelves. The were mostly covered in C.D.'s, books and pictures of Bella in fancy frames. The pictures ranged from her baby days and younger years, compliments of Renee, right up to a few weeks ago. Most of them were Bella by herself, usually, extremely embarrassed about having her picture taken, however, a few of the more recent ones were her with Edward or another member of our family.

In the center of his dresser was the most intricately decorated pure silver frame which held the picture of the two of them at Junior Prom.

I picked it up to exmaine it as memories of that day flooded back to me. Edward, with a little help from Charlie and I, had tricked Bella into going because he knew she would've said no if he simply asked. It was an exciting night and not just for Edward and Bella. It was the first time we had ever risked a social activity outside of going to school. Which meant that it was everyone's first prom. And I didn't think I ever had more fun in my entire life.

Looking at the picture in front of me, I only just started to realize how much Bella had changed Edward. I remembered how rarely he smiled beforehe met Bella. And on the rare occassion that he did, it wasn't very convincing. And they never quite made it to his eyes. However, he had the biggest smile most believable smile on his face in this picture. And it was taken only months after he'd found Bella.

I sighed and placed the picture back on the dresser as more memories ever Edward came flooding back. I collapsed onto the couch and just let the memories take me away for awhile. I wasn't sure how long I laid there staring blankly at the white ceiling, thinking about the change Bella brought not only to Edward's life but to the rest of the family's, when everything finally started to make sense.

Edward and Bella, though very much in love, weren't meant to be together. Just like Jasper and I weren't meant to be together. It was Bella and Jasper who were supposed to be mates and spead enternity together. Edward and I were just fate's way of bringing them togeher. There were other reasons behind putting the two of us with two of them, of course.

When Jasper and I first met, we needed each other. He needed me to help him to realize that there was a much better way to live his life then what he had been taught. And I needed him to help me feel loved, whole, and at peace with what I had be become. We journeyed to find a home with the Cullens together. And along the way, we helped each other through the self doubt that our past lives had created. Now, we were both better people for our experience with each other and he no longer needed me. Just like I know longer needed him. That didn't mean that didn't love each other anymore because I still loved him with all of my heart and soul, even if I didn't need him anymore.

As for Edward and Bella, they needed each other at first too. Edward needed her to help him realize that he wasn't a monster and was worthy of the love of a beautiful girl. She reminded him of what it was like to be human and how wonderful it was to be in love. She brought him back to life, in so many ways. Which was something that he really needed. As for Bella, she needed him to make her believe that she was beautiful and worthwhile. Their relationship made her stronger and gave her strength to fight for what she wanted. Even if it meant, fighting Edward.

However, she got everything she needed from him and that's why he had to die. She didn't need him anymore but the grief and sadness of his death had already pushed her into Jasper's arms and things would only escalate from there. Edward needed to die to pave the way for that relationship.

Jasper and Bella didn't know it, yet, of course. Jasper just assumed she was leaning on him, because of his ability to help her with her emotions. He, of course, wanted to do everything he could to help her because they were "family." However, they both made their decisions of their future the minute Jasper stopped Bella from going after Jacob and Bella let him do it. Now, all the pieces were on the table and we just have to wait for them to fall into place.

Now the only question was; How did I feel about the idea of losing my mate to my best friend? Well, to be honest, at first I felt jealous, angry, sad, hurt, and betrayed. However, the more I thought about it the more I realized that I was wrong.

Jasper was my mate and I loved him with my whole heart and soul. And Bella was my best friend and I loved her just as much. I wanted nothing more than to see the two of them happy because I loved them so much. It sucked that I had to lose Jasper to Bella in order for them to be happy, but I had to let go because it was the right thing to do. Their happiness was way more important to me than my own and I would sacrifice everything to make sure the could be happy.

Did this mean that I was going to run right out and ask Jasper for a divorce? Hell, no. I would never hurt Jasper like that. Besides, the seeds of their relationship were just starting to root. Which meant they wouldn't realize their true feelings for awhile then they'd try to fight it because of me. I'd say I still had a good year or so left with him. And I would, of course, cherish every moment of that year.

And when the time finally came to walk I away. I let Jasper go with no feelings of resentment or hate. I would tell him how I felt and that I just wanted him to be happy. Even if it was with Bella. I would tell him that though, I would always love him, I needed to let him go because it was what was right for him. And even though saying the words would hurt, I do it with a heart full of joy because I'd be giving Jasper the last thing he needed from me. And that's all there was to it.

I laid there for a few more minutes just staring unseeingly at the white ceiling, until I heard the door open and someone step in. I sat up and look over to find Jasper standing in the doorway looking as sad and drained as I felt.

"Hey." he said with a small smile.

"Hey." I replied. "How is she?"

"She's actually sleeping peacefully." he replied. "I asked Emmett to sit with her, just in case she has another dream or wakes up. I'm sorry." The end of his sentence shocked me a little. What on earth did he have to be sorry for. "I realize that I've been so worried about taking care of Bella that I complete forgot that you might need your mate."

"Don't apologize for taking care of her, Jasper." I replied. "She just lost her mate and needed someone to make her feel loved and protected. I'd rather you helped her than left her to deal with this on her own." Jasper nodded and came to sit beside me on the couch.

"Well, now that Bella has been taken care of, how do you feel?" he asked sweetly.

"About as well as can be expected." I replied snuggling into his chest.

"Well, is there anything that you want to talk about?" he asked.

"Yes, but it's not something that I can tell you about, right now." I replied.

"Okay." He said simply. That's what I loved about him. He understood the whole future seeing thing and knew there was only certain things I could talk about. I didn't like ruining good things for the family because my visions came premsaturely. "Well, when you're able to talk about it, I'll be here." He wrapped his arms around my small frame and kissed the top of my head.

We laid there in silence for a long time, lost in our own thoughts. For some reason mine traveled back to when he and I first came to stay with the Cullens.

"You remember when we first joined the family?" I asked him quietly.

"How could I forgot?" he replied with a chuckle. "Your fascination with Edward caused our worst fight ever."

"Well, that's just because you were insecure enough to believe that I was going to leave you for him." I replied with a smile.

"Could you really blame me, though?" he argued. "You did nothing but talk to and about him for the entire first week."

"Yes, but that was just because it was nice to finally meet someone I could really share my gift with." I stated with a hint of flirtatiousness.

The was very true. Edward was the first person that I could literally share my visions with. Sure, I could tell other people about them but Edward was the only one who could experience them with me. He could actually be inside my head while I was having one. I didn't realize how desperately I needed someone like that until he was there.

"As you so passionately reminded me in our four hour yelling match." Jasper chuckled back.

"Ah yes, the four hour yelling match that turned into the best six hours of sex imaginable." I responded smiling at the memory.

"Sex, in which Edward, unfortunately walked in on." Jasper replied.

I burst out into laughter. I remembered that too clearly. It was one of the most embarrassing moments for everyone involved.

"I still don't know how we managed that." I said through my laughter. "I mean with my premonitions and Edward's mind reading abilities, it was something that we should've been able to completely avoid."

"I know."

We laughed ourselves into silence after that.

"I'm really gonna miss him." I whispered after a minute.

"We all are but at least we have each other." Jasper replied pulling me closer.

"Yeah, I just feel horrible because Bella doesn't have anyone now."

"She has us and together we'll help her through it."

I felt a small stab of pain at his words. I knew exactly what him helping Bella would lead to and it hurt a little to think about. I pushed the feeling away though. I wasn't going to waste my time with Jasper full of feelings of bitteress and resentment. I was going to enjoy the time and just let the cards fall.

That way, when the time came to give him to Bella, I could do it with my honest heartfelt blessings and prevent any guilt from either party.

**A/N: Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	6. Healing Hearts and Skipping Steps

**JASPER **

Alice and I laid in each other's embrace on the couch for a long time. Neither of us said anything. We were to lost in out own thoughts of Edward and everything that happened. I was still feeling extremely guilty about putting Bella's needs before Alice's.

Yes, Bella had lost a mate and no one left to go to. Or at least nobody else who could know the truth about what happened this afternoon. But Alice she had lost a brother and essentially the only vampire who could truly understand her gift. After Carlisle, she was the one in the family who was closest to him, who wasn't his mate, and they understood each other better than most because of her gift. I assumed this was harder on her than she was letting on.

Yet, I was taking care of Bella and leaving my mate out in the could without any comfort at all. It wasn't even something I intended to do. I just say Bella alone, helpless and in pain and I knew I had to help her. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten about Alice in the process.

I knew that Alice would have killed me if I left Bella alone to deal with it. However, the guilt was hard to deal with. Especially when I was feeling all of her sadness coming in painful waves. The horrible part was that, though my gift told me that she was sad, the years we'd spent in love with each other, told me that it was something more than just grief over Edward. There was something more.

"Babe, are you okay?" I asked unable to take it anymore.

"As good as I can be under the circumstances, why?" she replied pulling away from me.

"Just because, I feel you sadness and sense there might be more to it than just what happened to Edward." I answered.

"I'm just worried about Bella." she replied. "That's all."

I could tell by the sound of her voice that it was only part of the truth. However, I knew Alice well enough to know that if she wasn't telling me everything then she had good reason. Especially with her visions. If she saw things good things that concerned the family, she didn't like to ruin it and tried to keep them to herself. I couldn't figure out what she'd be hiding that would make her so upset. I decided to humor her though and just go with the Bella excuse.

"She'll be alright." I replied. "We're still here. We'll make sure she's taken care of."

"I know." she replied still looking worried. I could tell by the way she was acting that this was a legitimate concern and, though, it wasn't the full reason behind her sadness, it still worried her to a very scary level. "I mean, look what Edward did when Rose told him that Bella was dead. Now that he's gone, what's stopping her from doing the same thing he did. Especially if she blames herself for the whole thing, which you know she will. And what if we can't stop it this time?"

I could see the fear in her eyes. She already lost a brother and know she had to worry about losing a sister and best friend as well. We reallt had no real way of knowing for sure what was going to become of Bella and I didn't want to lie to her. However, I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth. She was in too much pain already. So I grabbed her face in between my hands and made her look at me.

"Listen to me, this is a completely different situation than last time." I said. "Last time, you were the only one who really knew what was going on but the entire family knows everything this time. Last time, we didn't even know where Edward was and had know way of contacting him with the truth. This time, we're all here with Bella and we can protect her from herself. I promise that we will not let her do that. We love her too much to lose her too. She's family and we do what we have to to protect our family. Even if it means someone hating another for a little while. We do what's best for them and that's all there is to it. We won't let her hurt herself. I swear."

She nodded and I kissed her nose. The feelings of fear, worry, and sadness never left her, though. I pulled her back to my chest and ran my fingers through her short spiky hair. We laid there for a little longer before we heard gentle, quiet footsteps approach the door and someone knocked.

"Come in!" I stated and Alice and I both sat up to see the door open and Rosalie enter the room.

"Hey." I said. "What's up?"

"Carlisle just wanted me to tell the two of you that he spoke with Sam. We're going to meet the pack at noon tomorrow to discuss what happened and the mutt's punishment if he should ever come back to Forks." she answered.

"Okay." I replied. I could feel her anger and sadness coming off of her in waves. It was slightly overwhelming. However, underneath the stronger emotions, I felt a longing to be alone with Emmett. Guilt poured through me, once again, as I realized that I had put Bella's comfort before anyone else's. I wanted her taken care of but it was taking away from my other family members being taken care of. "Thanks for letting us know."

"No problem." she replied sadly and headed out of the room.

"I think that we should go relieve Emmett from Bella watch." I said the minute Rosalie left the room. "Rosalie really needs to be alone with him, right now. "You know, to deal with everything."

"Right." she said and I could hear and feel a little sadness and jealousy emenating off of her.

I supposed I couldn't really blame her. I'd be upset too if the roles were reversed. However, I couldn't just not go to Bella. I knew she understood that but I also knew how hard this was on her. Which is why I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to me before she could stand up.

"You know I love you right?" I asked with sincerity.

"Of course, why would you even ask that?" she replied.

"I don't know." I stated. "I'm guess I just feel so horrible about taking car of Bella. I mean, I know it's something that you want me to do but I feel that you're losing out when you need me most. It's just that Bella's emotions aren't really in her control right now, and I'm the only one...."

She place a finger gently over my lips.

"Jazz, stop. I understand. Bella needs your help and I want you to help her. I want her to be okay and if you helping makes her okay than keep doing it. Besides, I'm a big girl and a vampire, I can handle myself. Bella can't. She needs you to help her. I promise, I'm fine. Now let's go." she stated and pulled me off the couch by the wrist before I could reply.

She practically dragged me down the hall and back to our room. I followed her in silence, though, I still had the feeling that I was missing something important.

Bella was still asleep when we entered the room. She looked calm enough, although, I could see tears running down her cheeks and heard her muttering different things. I felt so many emotions radiating off her that I was surprised she was sleeping so calmly. Emmet was next to her on the bed looking scared, sad, and confused. It that moment he really looked like a big brother at a loss for how to help his baby sister.

"Hey." I said when we walked in.

"Hey." he replied with a sad smile.

"How is she?" Alice asked.

"Well, she's still asleep." Emmett replied sadly. "She's dreaming about it again, I think. But it wasn't like before and she isn't in any danger of hurting herself, like before, so I didn't want to wake her."

"Right." I replied. "Well, we came down to relieve you. Rose came to see us and she really needs some alone time with you. I think she's playing the whole I'm Rosalie Hale and I don't show anyone how vulnerable I am game. She really needs you right now."

"Right." Emmett replied again and stood up. "Do you think she's going to be alright?" He cast a worried glance at Bella as he crossed the room.

"I hope so." I sighed.

Emmett placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze then he embraced Alice. The stood in each others embrace for several silent moments.

"Esme wants you to let her know when she wakes up." he said when they pulled apart. "So she can make her something to eat."

"Okay." I replied. "We'll makes sure she knows. You just go take care of your wife. She needs you."

Emmett nodded and left the room. Alice and I went over to Bella and laid down on either side of her. She still had tears sliding down her cheeks from her closed eyes.

"No, Jake. Please, don't." she muttered. "Edward, sorry. My fault. Forgive me."

Guilt was rolling off of her in waves as I watched her crying and dreaming. I couldn't believe that she blamed herself for this. The thought made me angrier than I'd been in a long time. It was nobody's fault but that idiot mutt who couldn't control his emotions. I wanted nothing more than to rip his throat out with my bare hands.

"Bella, baby, it's okay." I whispered. "This isn't your fault. Nobody blames you."

I stroked her hair and continued with a string of comforting words, trying my best to reassure her. In that moment, I promised myself that, regardless of what Carlisle and Sam decided the next afternoon, I would personally kill the mutt in the most painful way possible if he ever dared show his face in Forks again. It was less than he deserved for killing my brother and destroying the beautiful and inoccent girl laying beside me, but it was the best I could do for revenge.

Alice and I sat beside Bella for hours as she slept and cried. We did the best we could to comfort her but it didn't work as well as we wanted it to. It wasn't until around eight o'clock the next morning that she started to wake up. Even as she was waking up, I could feel her unwillingness to do so.

She fought it so hard that it took her a good hour or so to wake all the way up. Still, even when I could sense that she was all the wake, she refused to open her eyes. I could feel the hope that if she didn't come back to reality, it wouldn't be true. I knew that was the wrong thing for her to think and it wouldn't help her to keep pretending. She had to face it. It was the only way she could possibly get through this.

"Hey Alice, can you go let Esme know that Bella's awake. So she can get started on the food." I said.

Alice shot me a confused and slightly hurt look before nodding and heading out the door. I knew I had just hurt her feelings a little by making her leave. However, I had to get Bella to open her eyes and face what happen. That would involve me getting a little close to Bella and that might hurt Alice's feelings a little more than kicking her out.

When Alice shut the door, I slowly and carefully placed one hand on Bella's chest sending waves of peace and calm flowing to the root of the problem, her heart. I then placed the other on her hand sending more waves into her mind as well. Finally, I leaned down by her ear and whispered,

"I know this is going to be hard but you have to open your eyes. The only way you're going to get through this is if you face it. The family and I will be here to help you. You won't have to do it alone. Trying to pretend that it didn't happen isn't going to help."

I kept whispering as I felt her hope that it was all a dream and fear of what she'd find when she woke up turn to anger. Less than a minute later, her eyes fluttered open. There was still the hurt and sadness in them but anger was the fore front emotion. She stared at me for a long time and I thought she was going to start yelling. Instead, she sat up as I pulled back and stared blankly out the window.

Tear fell down her cheeks but she did nothing to wipe them away. The anger and hate was still radiating off of her andI wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and tell her it was all going to be okay. Unfortunately, I knew that was probably the worst idea at the moment. Instead, I sat there and watched her as she stared out the window. Though anger was the forefront emotion, I could feel so many others swirling inside of her, pain, sadness, longing, and anxiety were just a few of the most prodominant ones.

When Alice came back to the room, fifteen minutes later, Bella still hadn't said a word but I could still feel the anger swirling inside of her. It was the darkest, most terrifying look into Bella's emotions that I've ever seen. I didn't like it one bit and I need to do something to make it go away. Alice carried in a tray laden with waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, milk and juice.

"Esme wasn't sure what you would want to eat, so she made you a little bit of everything." Alice said as she laid the try next to Bella.

Bella glanced at it out of the corner of her eye then turned back to the window.

"Tell Esme thank you but I'm not hungry." Bella stated.

"Bella," Alice coaxed. "You have to eat something."

I could hear and feel the worry coming off of Alice.

"I don't HAVE to do anything, Alice!" Bella yelled. I could tell her anger was starting to peak.

"You don't wanna sick, do you?" Alice pleaded.

"Maybe I do!" Bella replied.

"You don't mean that." Alice said with a small sob.

I could feel the hurt and fear radiating off of Alice as she moved toward Bella.

"Don't tell me what I mean!" Bella yelled back. "Edward's gone and there's nothing left but to sick and die! He's the only thing in this world that was worth living for and he's gone!"

"You know that's not true!" Alice said.

I could feel how badly, Bella's anger was hurting her. I knew that she understood why Bella was saying those things. It was all part of the grieving process but it didn't make it hurt any less. I reached out my hand to Bella's shoulder in an attempt to calm her. She pulled away and got off the bed.

"I don't need you to try to calm me down either Jasper!" Bella yelled. "I don't want to be calm! I want to be angry and left alone! So just get out noth of you!"

Tears were falling down her cheeks as anger beyond anything Bella ever felt in her life pulsed through her and to me. She looked ready to attack, to kill even. I knew that she wouldn't have been able to hurt either of us but the emotions scared me so much that I reached out for Alice's wrist.

"Bella, please, just let us help." Alice pleaded.

"I don't want or need your help! Just leave me alone!" Bella replied through gritted teeth.

I held tight to Alice's wrist and pulled her back.

"Come on." I whispered. "She'll come to us when she's ready."

Alice nodded sadly as she followed me. Pain and sadness coursed off of her as she took one last look at Bella. She let out a few dry sobs as we walked out the door. Thirty seconds later, we heard an anguish, yet, muffled scream followed by the distinct sound of breaking china and splattering food. Bella had, no doubt, flipped the tray off the bed. Alice froze beside me and I felt her longing to go back. I locked my arm around her waist and pulled.

"That's not somewhere you want to be right now." I whispered as she followed me still sobbing.

We told the rest of the family about the scene with Bella and that she didn't want company at the moment. We decided it was best to just wait until she came down to us. She still hadn't come down by the time we needed to leave to meet with the pack so Carlisle went to talk to her. However, when he got up there she was gone.

**A/N: This one didn't turn out as good as I hoped it would. I didn't get to do it in one sitting and that really messes me up. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it. Please review. **


	7. Bleeding Hearts and Shitty Punishments

**BELLA **

I felt terrible about yelling at Jasper and Alice. I knew they were only trying to help me through this. To be completely honest, I wanted nothing more than to accept that help. However, I knew that I didn't derserve it. I deserve any kind of love and support from them. Especially since Edward's death was my fault. I know the Cullens wouldn't have agreed but that was the truth of the matter.

If I had just stayed away from Jacob like Edward had told me, none of this would've happened. But, no, I had to fight Edward and insist that Jacob coould be trusted. Edward gave in because he hated to see me unhappy. Now, look were all of this got us. How could I have been so stupid and naive? How could I have actually thought that Jacob loved me enough to let me go? He was way too fucking selfsih for that. Now the Cullens had lost someone they loved dearly and it was all my fault.

Yet, here they were doing their best to take care of me. They brought me back from the meadow so I wouldn't have to be alone. Jasper used his powers to keep my emotions in check. And Alice was being as supportive as ever with everything. Even Rose seemed to be a little more caring and understanding than usual. To bad I didn't deserve any of it.

I deserved nothing more than to have been left alone in that field. Forced to fight my own way out and deal with the loss of Edward myself. I mean, I was the reason he was dead after all.

In fact, my presense in Forks has done nothing but complicate the Cullens' lives. Things would be a whole lot better for them if I stayed. At the very least they wouldn't have to risk their lives to save mine anymore. They could stay together and be happy forever.

Besides, I didn't think that being around them would do me much good anyways. I mean, seeing and spending everyday with them would be too much of a reminder of what I had lost and everything that I had to give up.

Though, I deserved the constant reminder of the pain, the Cullens didn't deserve the constant danger that having me around caused. And I didn't even go looking for it. It usually found me. Well, it could find me this time but I was going to leave the Cullens out of it. They didn't need to be burden by me anymore.

Which is why I decided to go away and stay away forever. I wouldn't forget that they existed but I wouldn't let myself cross their path again. They shouldn't have to have to deal with me anymore. I wouldn't make them.

I climbed out of the bed, about an hour after yelling at Jasper and Alice, cleaned up the mess of food and dishes on the floor to the best of my ability and wrote the Cullens a nice long letter, apologizing and telling them of my epiphany.

The problem came when I realized that I had no way to get home. Edward had picked me up in his volvo and drove us to the meadow the day before. Which meant that my truck was still at my house.

I thought about calling Charlie but soon realized my cell was still at my house. I knew that I couldn't ask the Cullens because then they would ask question. I wanted to be able to leave without any fuss.

My problem was solved when I spotted that Jasper had left his cell on the dresser. I picked it up and hurriedly dialed my house number.

"Hello, Swan residence. Chief Swan speaking." Charlie answered on the second ring.

"Hey dad." I said trying not to sound like I was going to cry.

"Bells, what's going on?" he asked. "Is everything okay?"

"Not really." I replied. "But I'll explain later. Can you pick me up at the end of the Cullens' driveway?"

"Of course." He replied, "But I thought that Alice was going to bring you home?"

"She was but we got into a fight and now I feel awkward asking her." I lied. Something that I had become good at in my time with Edward.

"Alright. I'll be there soon."

"Thank you, dad."

"You welcome Bells."

"See you soon."

I flipped the phone shut with a sigh then laid it on the dresser. I crept down the stairs and out the door as quietly as possible, praying the Cullens were too wrapped up in there grief to see or hear me leave.

I walked down the long driveway, lost in thoughts of everything that had happened in the past twenty four hours. Mostly, I thought about how everything was all my fault. By the time I reached the end of it, I was in tears.

I stood there thinking now about what I was going to tell Charlie. I had to liue to him about what happened to Edward. Which was horrible for me because Charlie already hated Edward for leaving me once and breaking my heart. Now, I had to lie and say that he left me again, a month before our wedding. That was just going to make Charlie hate Edward more. I wasn't going to be able to mention Edward in front of him ever again. Unless, I wanted to hear Charlie's bitterness and resentfulness about Edward. That was no way to remember my dead fiance.

However, even if was going to take myself out of the Cullens' lives, I wasn't about to blow their secret. I loved them too much to see them hunted and hurt, regardless of our relationship. Besides, it was the least I could do considering everything that I had already done to their family.

These thoughts had me crying ten times worse. In fact, when Charlie's cruiser pulled up less than five minutes later, I was nothing but a bawling baby when I slid into the passenger seat.

"Bella, honey, what's the matter?" he asked at the sight of me.

"Edward's gone." I sobbed out.

"What do you mean?" Charlie questioned.

"I mean Alice and I went shopping yesterday and when we came back, he was gone." I explained. "He left a note on his dresser that said he didn't love me anymore and couldn't marry me. He said that he was bored with me and was going somewhere to find something more exciting."

Charlie wrapped his arms around me and started stroking my hair.

"I'm so sorry honey." He stated and Iwas surprised to her only sympathy in his voice. There was no anger or resenment. Only love and support for his daughter. "Is that why you and Alice fought?"

"Yes, she was trying to help me but I just wanted to be left alone." I answered. Which was part of the truth. "So I yelled at her to go away. I feel horrible about it now though."

"It's alright." He whispered. "I'm sure she understands what you're going through. You can call her later, if you feel up to it."

"No." I said, "I can't. I don't want to talk top or think about them ever again. It would be too painful of a reminder of Edward. I don't think I could hang out with the Cullens, even Alice ever again."

"I'm syre you'll feel different in a few days." he whispered. "But I'm not going to make you do something you do want to do. You go back to them, when you're ready and I'll stay out of it."

"Thanks, dad." I replied. I knew I was probably never going near them again but I didn't want to say that Charlie. He was doing such a fantastic job with the father thing at the moment. I didn't want to ruin it for him.

"And if _that boy _ever comes back, I'll make sure he won't be able to hurt you ever again." Charlie whispered.

Knowing that Edward was never coming back, I simply nodded into Charlie's chest. We didn't talk anymore after that. I continued to cry as Charlie held me and stroked my hair. He was being very un-Charlie like and if I wasn't so emotional, I would've been just a little wierded out.

It took Charlie an hour to calm down enough so he could drive. The ride home was silent. Charlie drove, no doubt, worrying that I would be going back to my zombie days. Somehow, I didn't think that I'd get that lucky this time. I simply stared out the window trying to make sense of everything that had happened and wondering if the Cullens saw my note yet.

When we got home, I was so emotioinally exhausted that I went straight to my room and, even though it was only about twelve o'clock and I'd only been up for four hours after getting over twelve hours of sleep the day before, cried myself to sleep.

**ALICE **

We were all worried about Bella after her little outburst with me and Jasper. However, Carlisle warned us that this was a very delicate situation and if we pushed her, she might not ever let us help. Which is why he made us go about our normal daily business and wait for Bella to come to us.

However, at fifteen minutes to the time we had to meet the pack, she still hadn't come down so Carlisle went up to talk to her. He came back down less than a minute later, though. He had a note clutched in his hand and looked sadder and more tired than he had when he went up there.

"She's gone." he whispered and handed me the note.

I knew the entire family was going to read the note, so instead of pacing it around, I just read it outloud.

_Dear Cullens, _

_There are a lot of things I need to say right now and a lot of them are not pleasant. However, I need to say them for the sake of your family. _

_First, I want to apologize to Alice and Jasper for my outburst earlier today. I know you were only trying to help me. The truth is, I don't deserve your help. Especially since it's my fault that Edward's dad. I put to muych faith in Jake. For that, I'm also sorry. _

_I apologize for my abrupt departure without so much as a goodbye. I thought it would be easier to do it like this. You'll understand what I mean when you finish reading. _

_I'm so sorry for all the trouble my coming here has caused the family. I can't count the number of times that I put your family's lives in danger or threatened to tear you guys apart. I know most people would've told me to get out of their family and leave them alone by now. I'm very grateful that you weren't like that and for everything that you've done to help me through my life. However, Edward's death is the last straw. _

_I realize that if I stick around in your family, it's only a matter of time before someone else gets hurt or dies. I couldn't live with myself if something else happened to the family because of me._

That's why I've decided to walk away from you guys. The family's safety would be so much better without me around. You could do everything that you normally would without having to worry about the human getting hurt or kidnapped by sadistic vampires or attacked by raging mates, etc. 

_Besides, I realized that it would be much harder for me to move past this if I stuck around. I mean, being around you guys would remind me too much of what I lost and had to give up. I no that I would deserve no less than that. However, you guys deserve nothing more than to not be burden by me. _

_So my walking away is a win/win thing for everyone. You guys can get rid of me and I don't have to remember all the time. _

_I want you to know, though, that no matter what our relationship is, I will never blow your secret. I love you guys too much to ever see you hurt, hunted, or experimented on. Besides, I don't want the Volturi to have to do a massive wipe out of Forks, Washington. It would just be too messy. _

_Anyway, thank you for everything that you've ever done for me. It won't be forgotten. I love you all very much and will miss you all so much. Especially you, Alice. I don't know how I would've gotten through the past couple years without you. You are truly a wonderful friend and I will never forget you. _

_Maybe we'll be able to be friends again sometime. But, I suppose this is goodbye for now. I love you all and hope you understand. _

_Love,_

_Bella_

I had to reread the note twice before the words finally began to sink in. When the finally did, I found myself feeling confused. I was sad because Bella left and said that she wasn't coming back. At the same time, though, I found myself wanting to rip out Jacob's throat. How could he do this to Bella and still claim to love her?

I let out a choked sob. Jasper wrapped his arms around me and I turned my face into his chest and continued to sob.

"Is there anything we can do?" Emmett asked after a minute. And for the first time ever, I could hear sadness and hopelessness in his voice. That was a scary thought. I had no idea that Bella had that much of an effect on the family.

"No." Carlisle answered sounding just as sad. "She has to work through these emotions on her own. If we try to push her, we could push her over the edge. She has to realize that none of this was her fault on her own. And until she does, she won't feel worthy of out love and support. So, we'll respect her wishes and just leave her alone."

"We're not going to leave her totally alone are we?" Esme asked, "Because, I don't think that I could handle losing another child. I mean, it's one thing that she's walked away for awhile but it's a completely different thing to have her kill herself. I don't think that I could handle it if she did that."

"I know." Carlisle replied pulling the distraught Esme to his chest. "Which is why we aren't going to leave her completely alone. We'll take turns watching her to make sure that she isn't doing anything stupid."

"Good." Esme replied into his chest.

We were silent for a moment. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts about what Bella was feelings.

"Come on." Carlisle stated, "We have to go meet Sam."

And we all followed him out of the house. Each one of us burning with a new reason to see the mutt punished.

**JASPER**

As Alice read Bella's note, I found myself feeling very odd. It felt like someone had ripped out my heart and stomped on it, which was a very strange feeling for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was sad that Bella was gone. However, the ripping out the heart and stomping on it analogy was only something humans used to desribe it when a lover or spouse broke their heart not when a sister or friend went away. It was just weird to feel this terrible over someone who I had just considered a friend. I dismissed it as just being so connected to her emotions for the past day or so.

Alice reread the letter to herself a couple of times before the words sunk in. When the did she let out a choked sob and buried her face in my chest. She continued sobbing while the rest of the family talked.

I didn't catch any of the conversation. I was too lost in my anger at the mutt and was imagining all the ways that I could kill him because that's what I was going to do, no matter what anyone said. If anyone deserved death, it was the mutt. Not only for taking Edward away but for breaking Bella and causing her so much guilt and pain.

"Come on." Carlisle stated pulling me out of my daydreams. "We have to go meet the pack."

We all followed him out of the house. The images of me killing Jacob were playing a wonderful movie in my had. I hoped I'd get the chance to live it.

We ran to our usual meeting place. A clearing just outside the boundary line. Sam was already there and he wasn't alone. He had brought Embry, Quil, Jared, Paul, Seth, and Leah with him. I understood why too. The were the fiercest, strongest, and bravest of the pack. Hell, I'd want them by my side if I was on that side of the line.

I could feel worry, fear, and sadness coming from all of them. My family, however, was nothing but angry. We knew that Jacob wasn't present but seeing som many wolves in front of us, made us want to take it out on them.

After a stare down of several minutes, Sam spoke,

"On behalf of the pack and the Elders, I wish to give you our condolences on your fallen cover memeber. I would also like to tell you how sorry we are to know that Jacob was the one behind him. I'm also, obligated to inform you that we did not know he had any intentions of doing anything like that. He must've been hiding his thoughts from us. However, had we known, I promise we would've done everything in out power to stop it."

"Thank you for your kind words." Carlisle stated calmly but I could feel angry radiating off of him. "But we would like to know what you intend to do about it."

"The Elders and I were up all night discussing it and have come to the conclusion that exile from the pack, as well as La Push and Forks, is a reasonable punishment." Sam answered.

"To hell it is!" Emmett growled and I could feel his anger rising. Rose must've sensed something too because she grabbed his wrist tightly in her hand. I tried to use my gift to calm him but my anger as well as the rest of the family's was getting in the way. Alice was the next to speak her mind.

"He attacked and killed our brother without provaction." she growled, "And you expect us to think that sending him away is an appropriate punishment. I don't think so."

"I understand that Edward was your brother and am sorry that you had to lose him. But you have to understand that Jacob is our brother and we won't sentence him to death, even if it is justified." Sam responded.

"So you're saying that Jacob should get away with that unjustified murder of our brother because he's your brother. That's bullshit!" Emmett growled and Rosalie gripped his wrist tighter.

I feel the anger rising on both sides and see the wolves forms shaking. I tried to send out calming waves but there was too much anger inside me to project anything else.

"Well, seeing as Edward stole the love of Jacob life, I'd say the murder was justufied." Embry stated from behind Sam.

"Edward didn't steal anything from Jacob! Bella chose Edward, plain and simple." Rose yelled and it was Emmett who had to hold her back this time.

"It doesn't matter how it played out. Edward ended up with what Jacob wanted and that's what made it justified." Quil replied and I could see his form start to blur.

The next voice surprised. I had never seen or heard Esme so mad in my entire time with the Cullens.

"Putting Edward and Jacob's hate for each other aside, did you ever stop and think about what this is doing to Bella?!" she yelled. "Because it's detroyed her! She's blaming herself and who knows what she'll do now that Edward's gone! If you don't think that Jacob deserved to be punished for what killing Edward, certainly he deserves something worse for doing this to Bella!"

"I....." Sam started to retort.

"Enough!" Carlisle yelled. I could feel loathing and anger coming off of him in great waves. However, he was choosing to be rarional and that was hopefully going to save the situation. "Sam, we have no problem with you at the moment and we don't want this to turn into a fight. We will continued to respect you and uphold the treaty. However, we do not angry with your decision for punishment. Which means that if Jacob Black ever returns to Forks or La Push, you better be prepared for a war. Because I will not ask my children to hold back. And they'll most likely kill him. Now, let's go." He shouted the last bit to us.

I was shocked, I had never seen Carlisle so angry in my laugh nor had I ever heard him condone the killing of another creature. However, we were talking about the creature who murdered his son and took away his daughter, so I supposed anyone would be angry enough to want him dead.

He turned and made us all leave before any one of us could start the war right then and there.

**A/N: I hope you guys liked. I know that Carlisle is a little unbelieveable at the end. However, like Jasper said, his son was muredered and his daughter walked away from the family because of Jacob. I think that would make any parent angry enough to want to kill. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. Please, review. I live for your compliments, your criticisms, and even flames. They only make me stronger. So please give me the strength to continue this story. LOl. **


	8. Coping

**A/N: Okay, I'm about to do something that I never thought I'd do. And yes, I know it's been done often but it seems to fit with the situation so please just roll with it. **

**BELLA**

I stood in the shower just feeling the wonderful comfort of watching the beautiful crimson rivers flow down my arm and mix with the water that was currently running down the drain.

It had been five months since Jacob murdered Edward and things hadn't gotten any better. To be completely honest they had gotten ten times worse.

Charlie and I barely spoke anymore. No matter what we started out discussing, it somehow made it's way back to Edward. And since Charlie had no idea what really happened, I would have to spend twenty to thirty minutes listening to him talk about how much he hated that boy for breaking his daughter's heart. After three months, I just couldn't take it anymore, so I just stopped talking.

Charlie knew that I was having a hard time dealing with all of this. When he wasn't complaining about what Edward had done, he was trying to nconvince me to go see a doctor. I, however, refused and since I was eighteen, he knew he couldn't force me. He also knew that he couldn't make me move back in with Renee. He eventually stopped talking when he realized that nothing he said was making a difference.

We've spent the last two months just going through the motions, like two people who were just living together. Not like father and daughter. That just added to my depression about everything.

My human friends, Angela, Ben, Mike, and even Jessica stood by me and tried their best to help and keep me sane. Unfortunately, since none of them knew the truth about what happened, there wasn't much they could do for me. Besides, they had all gone on to college and were working towards their futures. I didn't want my petty problems to get in the way.

Sadly, the only six people in the world who knew what really happened to Edward and could actually help me get through this, were the only ones who I couldn't go to for help. Not only because it was my fault Edward was taken away from them but also because their lives and family was alot better off without me.

I knew the Cullens still cared about me and wanted to help. Alice had, after all, spent the better part of two months calling and coming over, begging Charlie to let her talk to me. Charlie, however, stood by his promise and didn't make him talk to me. I knew that I had hurrt her feelings, and probably the rest of the family's as well, but their lives were better if I wasn't there. They'll eventually see that. I could take the constant hurt and agony of dealing with Edwerd's murder alone as long as it meant the family stayed safe.

I was left with nothing to comfort me except my weekly ritual of slicing my arm open and watching the rivers of blood pour out into the tub. It started by complete accident, of course.

It was two months after the incident and I was shaving my legs. I knicked myslef pretty and it hurt like a bitch and bled horribly. However, I fouynd the physical pain of the wound numbed the emotional pain of losing Edward. The blood that ran down my leg didn't bother me at all. In fact, I was transfixed by it. There was something so wonderful and fascinating about watching my own blood pouring out of my body.

I could stand in the shower for hours just watching it flow out until there was none left. I thought seriously about doing it on some nights, like tonight. It was actually the second time this week. I knew I shouldn't have done it tonight but after what happened this afternoon, I couldn't help myself.

**FLASHBACK **

_Mike, Jessica, Ben, and Angela were all back in town for their respective schools' winter breaks. We had all decided to take Mrs. Newton's SUV to Port Angeles and spend the day shopping and hanging out. _

_The day started out great. My friends told me all about their college experiences and I told them about what I had been up to. In light of what happened, I decided to put college off for a year or two. I told them about my job as a secretary down at the police station. An adavantadge of being the daughter of the chief of police. We even talked about things that happened in my two years and Forks High and wondered what happened to our grauduating class. _

_Knowing what happened and how I still felt about it, they were kind enough not to mention Edward or the Cullens at any point. It was nice and I was actually having a good time. It was the first time in months that I wasn't thinking about Edward, the Cullens, or what I had lost. I think I actually may have laughed a couple of times. _

_I knew it couldn't last, though. Around four o'clock, things went downhill._

_Jessica had menitoned that she wanted to go into a dress store. Her school was having a winter ball the Saturday after the beginning of term and she wanted something new to wear. So that's when Ben and Mike went to a game store and promised to meet us in a couple hours. _

_We walked into the shop listening to Jessica chatter about the kind of dress she wanted and how excited she was about the whole thing. As the door swung closed, a familiar voice floated over to me from the otherside of the store and caused me to freeze. _

_"Rose, this is the perfect dress." the voice encouraged. "You should get it for your date with Emmett tonight." _

_"I don't know, Alice." Another familiar voice replied. "It's a little revealing, don't you think?"_

_"That coming from the girl who wears a dress with slits on both sides, clean up to your hip." Alice replied. _

_Suddenly, Angela was waving her hand in my face. _

_"Bella?" she asked. "I've called your name like five times. Are you alr-" She stopped when she saw over my shoulder what I had heard. "Um, Jess, do you you mind if we come back?" She whispered to Jessica. _

_"What, why?" Jessica whined. _

_  
"That's why, Angela replied pointing at what was going on behind me. _

_"Oh." Jessica answered as her eyes got wide. "Yeah, that's fine. Let's go." _

_"Thanks." I whispered as Angela grabbed my shoulders and steered me out the door. _

_As we walked through, I chanced a glance in the direction of the voices. My eyes locked with Alice's for a brief moment and she flashed me a sad smile as the door swung shut behind her. _

**END FLASHBACK**

I went through the rest of the day in a daze. I couldn't remember what was said or what we did. All I wanted to do was get home and get my hands on my razor blade. However, I didn't want my petty issues to ruin my friends' day with me so I stuck it out until Mike dropped me off around nine.

I got home and went immediately to my room, grabbed my blade and got into the shower. I sat there for awhile after I made the cuts, contemplating just letting it all flow out. Then maybe I could be with Edward and my anguish would end.

Two faces popped into my head in that moment that made me realize, I couldn't do it. Charlie and Renee. Regardless of my current relationship with them, I couldn't make them go through the pain of losing their only daughter. Knowing Charlie, he'd probably be riddled with guilt and I couldn't bare to put him through that.

It was with that thought that I ran my arm under the cold water and climbed out of the tub. I grabbed the first aid kit and wrapped up my arm. After putting on several layers of gauze, I put on my PJ's and brushed my hair.

I sighed and headed to my room for what I thought would be another near sleepless night of listening to my lullaby and wishing it was Edward laying by my side humming it.

**JASPER **

I sat in the tree just outside Bella's window, staring into her empty room. I was waiting for her to get out of the shower. It broke my heart to know what was taking her so long.

It had been five months since the mutt murdered Edward and Bella wasn't getting any better. In fact, she was getting worse. She almost never ate and barely slept. She walked around looking deader than we did. She and Charlie hardly ever spoke anymore. She only left the house for work or when her human friends were in town and wanted to spend some time with her. Worst of all, she was cutting.

She needed someone to talk to. Someone who knew what really happened that day who she could tell her true feelings to. Someone like me or Alice or someone else in our family but she refused to talked to us. God knows, we tried. Alice spent two months trying to talk to her but Bella told Charlie that she didn't want to talk. Charlie, who blamed us a little for Edward's "leaving", was more than happy to tell Alice to leave.

I knew how badly Bella wanted to talk to us about this. How badly she needed one of us to be there. However, she refused to do it because she didn't think that she deserved it. She was still balming herself for everything that had happened and thought we'd be better off without her. Which wasn't true at all. We were all much better off once Edward brought her into our lives. Sure, she seemed to be a magnet for sadistic vampires who want to kill her but that didn't matter. She reminded the family of what it was like to be human. She brought us all back to life and taught us so much. None of us wanted to see her spiraling the way she was.

Carlisle had said from the beginning that it would be best for us to just leave her alone. It would only make things worse if we tried to push her into letting us help her. However, his plan to just sit and watch from a far wasn't helping much either. And when she started the cutting, he was at a lose for what to do.

He tried to talk Charlie into getting her a therapist but Charlie refused, saying there was nothing wrong with her daughter. Then he gave Carlisle a twenty minute rant about how it was his son's fault that Bella was like that in the first place.

After that phone conversation, Carlisle knew that Charlie wasn't going to be any help. Instead, he told us that he wanted Bella to be watched as much as possible. We were to call him if she ever went to far with it.

We all wished we could do more but Carlisle said it woldn't work unless Bella wanted it too. She had to be willing to accept our help before we could give it.

I sighed as she finallt walked into her room. She was wearing a camisole and a pair of gray sweat pants. My heart broke when I say the layers of gauze wrapped around her arm and smelled the fresh blood on the towel she buried in her laundry basket. The anguish and anger that was coming off of her waves almost sent me reeling out of the tree. I had to take a couple deep breaths to keep it under control.

She sat on the edge of her bed for a moment before turning on her C.D. player. Her lullaby floated out though the window as she climbed into bed for another night of hardly any sleep.

I wanted nothing more than to be able to help her with that. Unfortunately, the first couple of nights I tried, she ended up waking up from a nightmare in a worse state than she was before she fell asleep. After that, I decided that it may be best if I just let her deal with that on her own too.

I sat there feeling her anguish, anger, and fear rolling off of her as she tossed and turned for about two hourse. After that, I couldn't take it anymore, I focused my powers on trying to put her in a deep enough sleep where not even the dreams could wake her for a good eight hours. She needed to be able to have a good night's sleep for once. About an hour or so after I did this, Alice joined me in the tree.

"How is she?" Alice asked staring into the window.

"Not good." I replied sadly. "She did it again."

Alice eyes got wide with shock, fear, guilt, and sadness.

"That's the second time this week." she stated. "We have to do something."

"I know but how can we help her if she won't let us?" I asked.

"I don't know. Maybe one of us should just go in there and a make her listen."

"Carlisle says that'll only make it worse."

"Well, not talking to her isn't helping! She needs to know this isn't her fault, whether or not she wants to hear it! That's the only way she's going to get over it."

"I know that, Alice. We all do but we can't force her to listen if she doesn't want to."

"Maybe not but there has to be some way we can get to her. We have to try because if we don't do something soon, one of us is going to come here and find her dead one day. I don't wanna see that happen and I know you and the rest of the family don't want to see it happen either. And Edward definitely wouldn't want that to happen. He'd been very unhappy with us if we didn't do everything in our power to keep her safe." Alice ranted.

"I know that. We all know that. But if we can't get her to listen than what's the point?" I asked.

"I don't know. I just know that someone has to do something and make her see the truth of the situation. Get her to understand that this is nobody's fault but Jacob's. Let her know what Edward would want, you know? Maybe if she actually takes the time to hear these things then maybe she'll understand."

"But who's going to make her hear them?"

"Something's telling me that it's going to be you." she stated.

"Why me? She closer to you or Carlisle even. We've barely had a conversation in the time that we've known each other. Why would she want to listen to me."

"You'll see." she said with one of her annoying smiles that said she knew something that I didn't "Anyway," she moved on before I could question her further. "Esme wants me to take over and you to go home, take a shower, and relax. She's worried that you're spending too much time here. She thinks Bella's emotions might take over yours. She doesn't want that to happen."

"I know." I replied as we hopped down from the tree. "I've put her into a deep sleep. Hopefully, she won't wake up for awhile. Give me a call if she does and needs some emotional control."

"I will." she replied. "Do me a favor, though, and think about what I said."

"I will." I gave her a quick kiss and hug before running into the woods.

When I got home, I showered like Esme wanted me to. However, I couldn't relax. I was too busy doing what Alice asked and thinking about our conversation.

The facts were Carlisle's plan to let Bella work through it on her own wasn't working. Bella was hurting herself and in desperate need of an intervention. She needed someone to tell her that this wasn't her fault. Someone to help her get over this and move. Personally, I felt that she just needed someone in general. Someone who knew the truth and understood how she felt. Someone like me. I guess Alice was right. I was the best choice because I was connected to her emotions and could understand better than anyone.

I knew Bella needed help and that I had to be the one to help her. However, the one thing I didn't know, was how the hell I was supposed to help someone who thought the didn't deserve to be helped.

**A/N: Well, what do you guys think. I know the cutting thing might be out of Bella's character but considering everything that had happened, I'd said anyone could fall into the category. Anyway, review and let me know what you think. **


	9. What Do You Say?

**JASPER **

A week later, I was sitting in the tree outside of Bella's house staring into the window at her empty room. I was still totally clueless on what to say or do to help her. She needed someone, that was obvious, but she didn't want any of the family, so how could I possibly help her?

Charlie had gone on a weekend long fishing trip with the mutt's father, leaving Bella home alone. Which was the worst idea possible. I knew that Charlie didn't think Bella's depression was that bad. She had become a good actress in the time she spent with the family. Had he known what she was doing to herself, he would've been glued to her side and not have even gone to work unless she had a babysitter. But, alas, he had no idea that she was cutting and thought it was safe to leave her alone for two days. Thankfully, Carlisle was still having us keep an eye on her.

I had been on duty all day. The others had offered to take over at certain points during the day, but I declined because I was trying to work up the courage to go talk to her. I watched as she cleaned the house. And I'm not talking a quick pick up. I mean she dusted, and scrubbed everything. She did at least six loads of laundry. She swept and mopped all the floors, scrubbed the bathroom, and cleaned her room.

The whole day, I could feel the anguish and pain radiating off of her. One didn't need to be an empath to see the pain in her eyes. I could tell that she wanted nothing more than to break down and sob her heart out. However, she kept it all inside and concentrated on getting the house cleaned for Charlie.

I noticed that she had made herself anything to eat all day. She nibbled at a few crackers and drank some water but that was the extent of her nutrients for the day. I was still in shock that she was doing this to herself. If she wasn't careful, she would die of malnutrition. I didn't want to see that happened.

It wasn't until close to eight o'clock that she finally broke. Only, she didn't cry or scream or anything, she simply went to her room, grabbed her shower stuff and the first aid kit from her sock drawer and went into the bathroom.

It broke my heart to know what she was going to do. Why couldn't I do something to stop her from hurting herself like this?

Even from outside, I could smell the freshly spilled blood with every cut she made. The smell hit me like a ton of bricks every time. Only, it wasn't with a desire to eat her, it broke my heart to know that she was spilling her own blood over something that wasn't even her fault.

I don't know when, but somewhere along the way, I started thinking about Edward. I realized with every cut Bella made, I was letting him down. He left her in our hands to keep her safe, happy, and whole. We hadn't been very successful in doing that. We were letting her slowly destroy herself because she had wanted her space.

It was then that I realized, it didn't matter what I said, just as long as I said something. I had to try to stop her from hurting herself, whether she wanted me to or not. I had to do it for Edward. For Alice. For me, even. Mostly though, I had to do it for her. I owed her at least that much after what happened on her eighteenth birthday.

With those thoughts still swimming in my head, I leapt from the tree and through the open window of her room. I still had no idea what I was going to say but I wasn't going to stand by and let this happen anymore.

Her scent hit me harder when I actually entered the house. It burned through my nose and down the back of my throat. I ignored it by reminding myself that I was hear to stop Bella from hurting and or killing herself, not help her in the process.

I slid myself into the rocking chair in the corner of her room to wait for her to finish what would hopefully be her last bout of self mutilation.

**BELLA **

I stood in the shower, once again, watching the red rivers of blood flow off of my arm and mix with the water. I was lost in the wonderful numb feeling that doing this brought me. It had been a long day, being home alone with no one to distract me. I tried to clean everything, but it didn't help much.

Watching myself bleed seemed to be the only distraction good enough at the moment. I stood there for a few minutes just staring at my arm in morbid fascination, until, like always, thoughts of Renee and Charlie pulled me out of it.

Once that happened, I rinsed my arm off and got out of the shower. I put some neosporne on the short, still bleeding gashes and wrapped bandages and gauze around my arm. I dressed and brushed my hair before heading to my room, not completely prepared for what I was about to find.

I, immediately, realized that there was a pale man sitting in my rocking chair. My first thought was that I was finally going crazy, because there was no way that Edward Cullen could be sitting in my rocking chair, waiting for me to finish my "human minute". Then I did a double take. The man sitting in the chair had blonde hair not bronze and the face was shaped way differently. I blinked a couple times before it finally clicked that it was Jasper sitting there. It had been such a long time since I had seen him, I wasn't sure if it was him at first.

Once it clicked, I panicked and shoved my bandage hand behind my back. I knew it was pointless because he could probably smell the blood that was still trickling out. Still, I was embarrassed about what I had been doing.

"It's okay." Jasper whispered as I hung my head. "I know."

**A/N: So sorry this one is so short. I just needed a small intro to the next chapter. Plus, I didn't get off of work until ten and I have to be there at seven tomorrow morning so I had to cut it short. Also, the next chappie would've been draggy with this part. But don't worry, I'm skipping White Horse tomorrow because of the way schedule worked out so you'll be updated tomorrow. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chappie. Finally, for anyone interested, watch the MTV Movie Awards at 9:00 on Sunday night. The first New Moon Teaser is going to premiere on it. I can't wait. I'm so excited. Anyway, gotta get to bed. You don't have to review this chapter if you don't feel like it. So long as you review the next one. **


	10. Letting It All Go

**A/N: This is going to be a tissue chapter. So if you cry easy, I'd have some on hand. So anyway, here's the promised longer chapter. **

**BELLA **

"It's okay." Jasper stated. "I know." I bit my lip still staring at the floor and let my bandaged arm fall limply to my side. I found that I was extremely embarrassed about what I had down in front of him. "I just don't know why. Why would you do this to yourself?"

I continued staring at the floor and swallowed the lump that was growing in my throat since the minute I saw him. I hadn't spoken to any of the Cullens in five months and this definitely was not a conversation I wanted to have with any of them. Especially not, Jasper. Why couldn't it have been Alice or even Rosalie? I had a feeling they would understand better than Jasper ever could.

I wanted nothing more than to run back to the bathroom and return to the wonderful nothingness that was my sanctuary, however, I knew Jasper wouldn't let me get that far. He would've torn the door off its hinges, if he had to, just to stop me. I also knew that he wasn't going to leave without an answer.

I wasn't sure how, but I had finally gotten the courage to look at him. What I saw in his eyes surprised me. He looked sad and pitying but he also looked concerned and scared. Those were emotions he'd never directed at me in my time of knowing him. And something about that made me think that I could tell him this. I took a deep breath and looked back to the floor.

"It's the only thing that makes me forget everything anymore." I stated and averted my gaze back to the floor.

Jasper was silent for a long moment. I was sure he was trying to think of something to say.

"I know what you must be going through right now." he finally stated. "But hurting yourself is not they way to deal with it. You need to talk to someone about it."

His words enraged me. How dare he tell me that he knows what I'm going through? Just because he was an empath and could feel my pain, didn't mean he knew what I was going through. And it certainly didn't give him the right to tell me how I should handle it. I looked back to him with what I hoped was an angry and terrifying glare.

"You don't know anything!" I nearly yelled through gritted teeth.

"I know what it feels like to feel responsible for someone else's death. I know how hard it is to deal with the guilt. I've been there, Bella. You know that." he replied.

I couldn't believe he was trying to compare his situation to my current one. They were on two totally different levels.

"That's different." I stated.

"How?" he countered. "Other than the fact that I actually caused the deaths that I feel guilty for."

"It's different because killing people is in your nature. It's who you are and you weren't taught any better. You were just doing what you knew to be right." I defended my argument.

"That's true, but it's in a human's nature to feel and act on their feelings. So you were just doing what was in your nature by loving both Edward and Jacob."

"But it's our choices that make it different! When you realized how wrong what you were doing was, you went out and found a way to survive without hurting others. You fought your nature for the greater good of other people. Your choice saved futures lives. Mine on the other hand, caused the death of one man I loved, and completely destroyed the other." I explained.

"How do you figure that?" Jasper asked clearly frustrated.

"Because, I could've chosen to walk away when I found out what they were. I knew it was dangerous for me, them, and their families. I could've fought what was in my nature for the greater good of everyone involved, but I was selfish. I let myself love both boys then I broke one of their hearts. I chose my love for Edward over my love for Jacob and it got Edward killed. My love for Edward is what killed him." I replied just as frustrated and a little angry.

"Do you really think that's what killed him?"

"I know it is."

"You're wrong, then." he told me confidently.

His words made me angry but the also intrigued me. I had spent the past five months thinking that this was my fault. Thinking that it was the fact that I chose Edward over Jacob that got Edward killed. There never seemed to be any other logical possibility.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I walked slowly to my bed and sat on it.

"In the end it was actually his love for you that killed him. He knew that Jacob wouldn't stop until one of them was dead and he didn't want you to be in anymore danger. So he decided to end it then and there, to protect you. He knew it was going to be his life or Jacob's and was willing to make that sacrifice for you." Jasper replied.

I had never really thought about it that way. Looking back on that afternoon, I realized that he had plenty of time to get both of us out of there before Jacob attacked. He would've been able to get to the rest of the family before Jacob caught up easily. Instead, he chose to stay and fight and get killed. He chose to leave me forever to protect me. I knew that thought should've made me feel warm and happy inside but it just made me angry. There was one flaw in his perfect plan. One that cut me deeper than even I could've imagined. I was suddenly so angry that I wanted to destroy everything in my path. I picked up my pillow and launched it across the room and yelled,

"Too bad he didn't give much thought to what would happen to me, if he died!"

How dare he leave me like that? I hated him for it. Did he think that I could move on without him. I picked up my lamp off my bedside table and prepared to throw that too, but then I felt a cold hand around my wrist and calmly emotions flowed through my body. I took a couple breaths and allowed myself to accept Jasper's gift.

"Thank you." I said as I placed the lamp back on the table. He smiled at me sadly but I noticed a hint of something like understanding and realization in his eyes.

"You're welcome." he replied and kept a hold of my wrist until I sat down on the bed. He followed and sighed, "He didn't think about what would happen to you because he knew that you would be in good hands with the family. He knew we would help you through it and do everything in our power to make sure that you stayed safe and healthy. I suppose we haven't been doing a very good job, though, have we?"

He looked down at my exposed and scarred arm with a sad smile.

I knew that was the truth even as he said it. Edward knew that I would be in good hands with the family which is why he wasn't worried about the possibility of dying in the fight with Jacob. I knew, though, that I had screwed up that plan by cutting them out of my life. I felt a little guilty about that. I should've realized that he would want them to take care of me after all of this.

A cold fingertip tracing the scars on my not bandaged arm, brought me out of my thoughts. I gasped at the contact. At first, I thought it was because it had been such a long time since I had been touched by a vampire and just had to get used to the temperature again. It took about thirty seconds of Jasper tracing the cuts to make me realize that it was more than just the temperature. The contact sent a jolt of electricity through my body and shivers of pleasure, much like what I felt when Edward touched me, down my arm. Confused, I quickly pulled my arm away from him.

"Sorry." Jasper stated and I could see hurt in his at my reaction.

"It's okay." I replied. "It's just been awhile since I've been touch by one of you, I have to get used to your body temperature again."

"Right." he nodded.

We lapsed into silence as I stared at the blanket on my bed.

"I still don't understand, why?" he stated. "Of all the ways to deal with your grief and guilt, why hurt yourself? Do you want to die? Do you have any idea what that would do to Charlie and Renee? To Alice? Or the rest of our family?"

I could tell he was trying to understand and not be judgemental. However, I could hear a hint of frustration in his voice as he spoke. I knew, though, that he meant well so I didn't get angry about the questions. It actually felt really good to be talking about all of it, right now. I had no idea how much I really needed to until I was.

I continued to to stare at the blanket, out of embarrassment as I prepared to answer his question.

"I do it because it makes me feel nothing. I don't even feel the pain of the blade anymore. I really can't explain it much better than that. I guess if it's one of those things that you've never done, you'll never understand it. I didn't until I started doing." I answered now picking at a loose thread on the blanket. "And yes, I have seriously thought about just standing there and letting all the blood drain from my body. That way, I'd be able to stay in the wonderful oblivion of nothingness and hopefully be able to spend forever with Edward. Then I remember Charlie and Renee and their faces pull me out of it. I could never take their only daughter away from them. That wouldn't be right."

"Does Charlie know?" he asked.

"Do you really think that if he knew, I'd still be doing it?" I answered. "Hell, no. I'd have been to the best shrink in Washington."

Jasper smiled slightly at that.

"You're right but I had to ask." he stated. "Can I ask you something, else?"

"Well, I've just barred my soul to you, so go for it."

"Do you think that Edward would approve of what you're doing? Especially since you're endangering your own life everytime you do it."

The question angered me. It had nothing to do with the fact that Jasper had asked it. I had no problem answering. However, it made me angry to think about the answer. Edward was willing to hurt himself when I died, so why couldn't I be expected to do the same thing. He was so hypocritical on that aspect and it pissed me off.

"Probably not, but I don't care." I answered him. "He was willing to end his life when I died and, even ran off to the Volturi when he thought I was dead. Why can't he allow me the same courtesy? Why can't I be allowed to end my life because he's gone? He was willing to do it if I died."

Jasper placed his hand on my shoulder and lifted my chin with his finger.

"Because, there's a big difference in your circumstances." he said calmly.

"And what's that?" I asked.

"Edward was over a century old." Jasper stated. "And he's been everywhere, seen, done, and learned everything. There was only one thing left for him to do; Meet his mate and spend the rest of her life protecting and taking care of her. If you died, he would truly have nothing left to live for. You were the only thing in his life that had meaning because you where a whole new experience for him. The only one left, really. If you were gone, he'd have nothing left top experience. You, however, have your whole life in front of you. You could go to college, get a degeree, get marry and start a family. You can be happy and human. And experience all the things that you couldn't with Edward. And that's exactly what he would've wanted you to do. He wouldn't have wanted tou to dwell on his death. Or hurt yourself. He'd want you to live out the remainder of your life to the fullest extent possible."

"I know." I stated. "It's just so hard to go on without him. After I met him, I couldn't imagine life without him and now that he's not here, I don't know what to do." I sighed.

I could feel tears prickling my vision but I couldn't let them out. I knew if I started crying I wouldn't be able to stop. There were still things that needed to be discussed before I could have my break down.

"Well, you're taking the first step now." Jasper stated. "You're talking about it with someone. Now, we just need to find you another outlet that doesn't involve hurting yourself. Do you think you can do that?"

I stared into his eyes for a moment before I answered. Once again, I could see the fear and concern in his eyes and it was directed at me. That still shocked me. I had no idea that he cared about me. I figured he just put up with me because of Alice and Edward. The look not only shocked me but it reached somewhere in my soul. I found, like I had so often with Edward, after seeing that look in his eyes, I couldn't deny him anything.

"I can try." I stated.

"That's all I ask." Jasper replied. "But you won't have to do it alone this time. I'll be here to help you."

"Why do you care so much?" I asked, my curiousity getting the better of me. "I didn't think that you even liked me. You never really put much effort into a relationship with me and only ever spoke to me when you needed to. I figured that you only tolerated me because of Alice and Edward."

Jasper looked down at the bed this time and sighed.

"I suppose I owe you an explanation for that. However, you're assumption is incorrect. I care about you, quite a bit actually. As much as I care about Edward and even Alice. It's because I care about you that I was the way I was." he explained.

"I don't understand." I asked confused.

"Well, I have to be honest, when Edward first brought the idea of bringing you into the family up, I wasn't very happy about it. I was worried about all the things that could go wrong and the possibility that the family could get hurt because of it. The day Edward brought you over to meet us and I got a read on your emotions, I knew there wasn't anything to worry about. You were both too much in love to hurt each other. Still, I kept my distance, at Edward's request. We didn't want to take any chances with your safety. I got more comfortable with you when we spent all that time in the hotel in Pheonix. However, just when I thought I could handle getting closer to you, your eighteenth birthday happened and Edward made us leave. I was glad for it. I didn't want to put you at risk any more. And not just because Edward and Alice would kill me if I killed you, because I care so much about you. I didn't understand why, then and I still don't now. All I know is from the day I saw you, I wanted you to be safe as much as Edward did, and that's why I respected his wishes to keep my distance." he explained. "I still want that for you. I want you to be safe and happy, just like the rest of the family. You've tried it by yourself and it didn't work, so why not try it with our help?"

"You guys still want to help me? Even after what I did and all the trouble and heartache of brought on the family." I questioned a little unsure.

"Bella, you're a Cullen now, you've been one since the day Edward saved you from being crushed by the van, and you'll always be one. It'll take a hell of a lot more than a couple sadistic vampires and a jealous werewolf to change that. Besides, the family isn't whole without you. You remind us what it's like to be human. And you've helped us in your own little way. We are better people because Edward brought you into our lives and we don't ever want to lose you. So will you please let us help you?"

I looked down at the mattress and thought about everything that had happened. I had to swallow the lump in my throat as I felt a few tears running down my cheeks. I realized that talking about the little things that we had, made me feel a lot better than I had in long time.

I thought for a moment about what Edward would want of me. I knew he wouldn't want me to continue hurting myself. He loved me too much to want to see that. Plus, I missed the Cullens almost as much as I missed Edward. I had forgotten how wonderful it felt when I was with them. I'd forgotten how they had a way of making me feel better just by talking to me.

"Yes." I managed to choke out and nod before the lump in my throat finally one the war.

I let out a sob as the tears came in torrents streaming down my cheeks. The sobs ripped through my body as Jasper pulled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head. Every bit of pain that I'd kept inside for the last five months was being poured into his chest as he did his best to comfort me by talking and stroking my hair. He didn't seem to mind that I was ruining a, most likely, highly expensive shirt.

I cried for hours and Jasper never once tried to use his gift to calm me down. I was grateful for that. I needed to let it all go before I could even begin the healing process.

**A/N: The end of this chapter is crap and I'm sorry. I was just getting frustrated because I couldn't remember how I phrased certain things. Plus, I was getting restless sitting here. Anyway, I hope you like it. Please, review. **


	11. Jasper and Alice

**A/N: WARNING!!!! This chapter is filler. I know where I'm going, but I needed this chapter to get there. Nothing really happens, promise. **

**JASPER **

Bella cried in my arms for a long time that night. I did the best I could to comfort her by stroking her hair and whispering comforting things. I didn't want to use my gift on her because I knew that she had been keeping this all inside for the last five months. Which is what led to her current problem. In order to get completely past this, she needed to let it all go. She couldn't even begin to heal if she had all this pent up emotions swimming around inside of her.

I had learned a few things in my conversation with her. Things that made me understand her cutting a little bit better. Some of the things she said, made me realize that she was turning her own anger and guilt inward and using it to cover up for something else completely. I don' t even think that she realized that she was doing it.

She was blaming herself because some subconcious part of her didn't feel she had a right to be angry at a certain someone else. She was, however, very wrong. She had every right to be angry and I would show her that tomorrow. There was a special visit that we needed to make.

A visist that Bella would be extremely unhappy about. She'd have to face a lot of facts that she didn't want to face. However, it was something she'd have to do if she ever wanted to properly get over what happened.

I wanted nothing more than to take her there now and get it over with, but I knew that she couldn't handle it at the moment. She was to emotionally spent from the little we had just talked about. She didn't need anymore stress added to that tonight.

I wanted her to have a goodnight's sleep before we did that part. I knew it would be hard enough on her emotions without putting physical exhaustion on top of that. I'd let her have tonight, then we'd finish these first steps into her real recovery.

I just hoped she didn't hate me after it was all over.

Bella cried into my chest for a couple of hours before she pulled away and looked me in the face. It was then that I realized why Edward had been so attracted. She was one of the prettiest humans I'd ever seen.

She even looked beautiful now. Even though her big brown doe eyes were red and splotchy while tears streaked her cheeks and clung to her eye lashes. More tears glistened in those beautiful eyes and her bottom lip quivered like it took everything she had not to continue crying.

She was still one of the most gourgeous woman I had ever seen. Somewhere along the way, I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss those big beautiful....

WOAH! Wait a minute! What the hell was I thinking? This was Bella, my friend, my sister, my dead brother's fiance! Not my mate! Alice was my mate and I loved Alice with all of my heart. I didn't want to kiss anyone's beautiful lips except hers. Sure, Bella was beautiful but Alice was so much more than that, right?

Thankfully, Bella spoke before I could contemplate my feelings anymore.

"I haven't been sleeping well lately." she stated. "Do you think that you could stay until I fall asleep?"

"Of course." I answered, "And I'll do you one better. I'll stay all night. That way, if you wake up, you won't be alone."

"Thanks, Jasper." she stated and buried her head back in my chest. "You're the greatest."

I couldn't think of anything to say to that so I simply wrapped my arms tighter around her. We sat like that for about five minutes before Bella shivered. I immediately pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around her. After making sure that my body wasn't in any danger of touching hers, I held her close to me and rocked her. She continued to sob quietly for the next couple hours until she finally fell asleep. When she did, I gently laid her down on the bed and covered her with the rest of the blankets.

I knew it'd be a good idea to call Alice and tell her what had happened. Of course, knowing her she already knew. I'd still have to tell her that I as staying the night, though, and mention our little trip for tomorrow. I'd also have to let her know that I wasn't going to take Bella back to the house until she was ready to see them again. I didn't want to risk losing any progress before it reallky began.

Not wanting to wake Bella, I slipped out into the hallway before pulling out my phone and dialing Alice's phone.

**ALICE **

I was sitting on the couch in mine and Jasper's room reading my favorite novel, _A Tale of Two Cities_, when I was pulled into the vision.

_The entire family was sitting in the living room. Everyone looked relieved, happy, and slightly uncomfortable. All of our attention was focused on a familiar voice coming from the couch. _

_I looked around it to see Bella sitting there. She was wearing a long sleeved black shirt with a pair of blue jeans. He hair was wet and pulled back into a messy bun. She was staring at her hands as she spoke. I couldn't make out the words but the tone was unsure and apologetic. The part of her face that I could see was streaked with tears. _

_She was sitting in between Jasper and I. I had my arm around shoulder while Jasper had placed his gently on top of hers. It was a comforting and encouraging gesture. _

As the vision faded out, I felt a small pang of sadness and jealousy at the idea of having less time with Jasper than I thought I would. However, the excitment over what the vision had meant overcame the jealousy. Bella was coming back to the family. Which meant that Jasper had to have gotten to her.

I was so excited that I didn't even bother to pick up the book I dropped during the vision before I ran full speed down the stairs. Unfortunately, when I got to the living room, half a second later, only Esme and Carlisle were there. Carlisle was flipping through channels on the T.V. while Esme, curled up next to him, was reading _A Midsummer Night's Dream. _

I didn't want to say anything until everyone was there so I skipped in front of Carlisle.

"Where's everyone?" I asked bouncing up and down on the heels of my feet.

"Well, Rose is working on her baby and Emmett was bored so he went out for a hunt." Carlisle answered. "And you know Jasper's watching over Bella tonight."

Jasper was doing a little more than watching over her tonight. He was convincing her to stop trying to do this by herself. Carlisle, however, didn't know this yet.

"Oh well, I have something to tell all of you, but I want to wait until everyone is together." I stated.

"Well, Jasper is planning on staying outside Bella's all night, so we might have to wait until tomorrow." Esme answered.

"Actually, I pretty sure that Jasper already knows what this is about." I replied. "So if you could just get Emmett back here while I go get Rose, then I can tell you."

With that I bounced out of the room and headed to the garage, leaving a confused and shocked Carlisle and Esme in my wake.

When I got to the garage, Brittney Spear's Piece of Me (A/N: Should be Rosalie's theme.) was blaring out of the radio. I made a face that Rosalie couldn't see then turned the radio off.

"What was that for?" Rosalie asked outraged, appearing out from under her BMW.

"I have some news for you guys, so we're gathering in the living room and waiting for Emmett to come home." I stated wanting nothing more than to blurt out what I had seen. However, my hatred of having to repeat myself won out and I kept it in.

"Fine." Rosalie answered wiping grease off of her hands. "But it better be quick, I want to finish this before morning."

"If your husband hurries, we won't be long." I responded.

We only had to wait about ten minutes for Emmett. He was on his way back when Esme called him.

"So, Alice, what's this about?" Emmett asked as he sat beside Rose on the couch.

"I had a vision." I stated.

"We figured as much." Rosalie stated in a teasing voice. "What was it about?"

"Bella's coming back!" I yelled.

My announcement was met by a shocked, yet semi-happy, silence.

"What do you mean?" Esme questioned.

"I mean my vision was the seven of us sitting in the living room talking." I replied. "I think that Bella was trying to apologize for what happened five months ago. You know, walking away from us and all."

Every nodded and we fell silent. I knew that they were all happy to have Bella coming back into our lives. Even Rosalie who doesn't like to show how she feels. However, I also knew no one could understand what caused the change in her.

They had no idea that Jasper was working his magic on her right now. Jasper and I decided not to tell them about our talks about helping her because we knew that Carlisle would give us the whole, she-needs-to-figure-it-out-on-her-own speech.

It wasn't that he didn't care. He hated knowing that she was hurting herself as much as the rest of us. However, his experiences with these situations told him that if we tried to force something she didn't want on her then she would only get worse.

We had just discovered that Bella was a exception to that. If we had told Carlisle, he might not have given us the chance to try.

"I don't understand." Esme said after a minute. "As glad as I am to know that she's on the road to coming back to us, why now? It's been five months and I didn't think she was ever going to come back. What changed her mind?"

I but my lip and looked to the floor.

"Alice, what did you do?" Carlisle asked with a sigh.

"Jasper and I were having a very hard time just watching her hurt herself. We didn't think the whole leaving her alone thing was working very well. In fact, we thought it was making her worse. We couldn't take it anymore, so Jasper agreed to try to get her to open up to him. And by the looks of the future it worked." I explained.

Carlisle nodded and smiled.

"I agree with you. My way wasn't working." he stated. "I just wasn't sure of the best way to approach her with this. I didn't want to push her further away, you know? But I'm glad the two of you did that."

"So, do you have idea when she's coming?" Esme asked. "I want to have things ready for her when she gets here."

Now that the tension and confusion had subsided, Esme allowed her excitment to come out. So much so that she didn't Carlisle and I a chance to finish our conversation. I knew she'd want deatails, too.

The mother inside her would want to have everything cleaned for Bella, as well as, a big dinner for her. Even if Bella was the only one going to eat it.

"I'm actually not sure." I stated. "Not enough has been decided yet. However, Jasper is going to be calling in about five minutes to fill me in on the details. I'll ask him then."

"Okay." Esme replied.

We lapsed into silence as we waited for Jasper to call. When he finally did, I flipped the phone open without even looking at the ID.

"Hey, Jazz!" I said unable to contain my excitement. "See, I told you, you'd be able to get to her."

He chuckled.

"I figured you'd have seen something pertaining to what just happened." he stated. "But yes, I don't know how, but I got to her. I think that her subconcious reacted to finally having someone she could talk to, and took advantadge of that. We talked about everything from Edward to her cutting and the family. She's promised to stop and she wants to be a part of the family again."

"Good." I stated. "Opening up must've been hard for her. How is she?"

"She's sleeping, right now, but yeah, it was pretty rough. She cried for like two hours." He answered. "I told her I'd stay all night, just in case she wakes up and needs someone."

"Of course. Um, Esme wants to know when she'll be coming to see us."

"I don't know about that. What happened tonight was hard enough. I don't want to push her so we'll just have to wait until she's ready."

"Of course."

"I do have to take her somewhere tomorrow, though."

"Where?"

"I really don't want to say. However, it's a major part of helping her, but she's not going to like it at all. Who knows, she may want to be around people who love her when it's over. But for right now, it's touch and go. I want her to be ready before we try to bring her back to the family."

"Right."

I heard him start to say something but my vampire hearing picked up Bella.

"No, Edward, don't fight! I need you here for me! Don't do it, please!" she yelled.

"I gotta go." he said quickly.

"Right." I replied. "Take care of her. I love you."

"I will. I love you too." he answered then the line went dead.

I sighed and flipped my phone shut.

"So that's what's going on." I state knowing they all heard the conversation.

"So what do we do until then?" Rosalie asked.

"Well, I think that a celbration is in order." I stated.

"Alice, I really don't think that she'll want a party or anything right now." Esme responded. "It might be a little too overwhelming for her."

"Why not?" I asked. "It's just going to be us and her. Maybe some flowers, food, and cake for her. Nothing big. I promise."

Esme looked unsure but it was Carlisle who answered.

"I think that a party would be good for Bella. It would help her to remember that we care about and support her as well as take her mind off of other things." he stated.

"Thank you, Carlisle." I stated jumping up and down.

"Just make sure it's nothing too overwhelming, okay?" he added.

"Of cours not." I stated.

I bounded up stairs. I tried to read so more but I was too excited to sit still. Instead, I began planning the small celebration for Bella's return. This was shaping up to be the best night of my life.

**A/N: Like I said, filler. Anyway, I hope you like. Please, review. **


	12. Emotions Taking Me Over

**A/N: I'm sorry for the delay. My muses went on a short vacation. I knew what I wanted to do but wasn't completely sure how I wanted to do it. Well, last night, I watched one of my favorite episodes of Charmed, Hell Hath No Fury, S. 3 Ep. 3, and I was all like, "Hell, yes, this is perfect!". Charmed fans will understand when we get there. I hope it doesn't turn into a carbon copy of the original conversation though. Also, this is definitely going to be a tissue chapter so have a pack ready. Let's get started then. **

**BELLA **

I had a better night's sleep than I had in a long time. Granted, I was still plagued by horrible dreams, but with Jasper there to calm me when they got out of hand, I didn't wake. I don't think he completely grasped how his just being there was helping me.

I was now in the shower, without any sharp objects, with Jasper sitting on the toilet. I may have promised not to hurt myself anymore, but it was easier said than done. Jasper knew that, of course. Which was why he went through all of my shower stuff and removed and destroyed all of my blades. He also insisted upon sitting in the bathroom with me, just in case he missed any. I seriously felt like a five year old. However, I knew that I deserved it.

Jasper had told me when I woke up that he wanted to take me somewhere and asked if there was anything I wanted to do before I left. I told him I needed to take a shower. When he questioned me, I explained that I would pretend to shower when cutting myself, for Charlie's sake. It was just habit to be in the tub when cutting now. And on the nights I cut, I don't usually really shower. He accepted that answer and told me to hurry.

"So where are you taking me?" I questioned through the curtain as I rubbed shampoo into my hair.

"It's a surprise." he replied.

"You know I hate surprises." I stated. He mumbled something that I didn't catch. "What did you say?"

"Nothing." he replied.

"Okay." I said a little confused. "Is it a good surprise or a bad surprise?"

I was trying to weedle as much information as possible out of him. I was at a complete lose for where he could want to take me. I thought for a minute that he was going to take me to his place. I nixed the idea, because I knew if he decided to take me there, Alice would've been here by now to excited to wait.

"I'm not sure." he answered as I rinsed my hair and moved on to conditioner. "Let's just put it this way, you aren't going to like it when we get there but you'll feel better when we leave."

Okay, that just confused me more. What did his riddle mean? I stopped questioning him and tried to puzzle it out as I washed my face and body. I wouldn't like it when we got there but I'd feel better when we left.

There was only one place that I could think of where I didn't want to go. However, I didn't think that Jasper was stupid enough to take me there. Unless, of course, he had a death wish. Somehow, I doubted it. I nixed that idea as I rinsed myself completely off. Jasper wouldn't do that to me. Not after last night. He'd understand my need to stay away.

"I'm finished." I stated as I shut off the water.

"Alright. I'm going back to your room." He answered. "If you take longer than five minutes, I'm coming back. And even if it doesn't take you that long, I'll be able to smell the blood."

I knew by his tone what his intentions were. He wasn't being accusatory or anything just careful and protected.

"I know." I responded not in the least bit irritated.

I waited until I heard the door close before I opened the curtain and stepped out of the shower. My clothes were laying in a pile on the sink. I dried myself off and put the clothes on.

The outfit consisted of a pair of gray sweatpants and a pink camisole. Jasper said that I should dress in something comfortable and that I shouldn't worry about hiding my scars. Nobody cared about my scars where we were going. I then brushed my hair and pulled it into a low ponytail.

I studied myself in the mirror for a moment. I had to admit, I looked much better than I had the night before. Hell, I felt a lot better than I had the night before. I supposed Jasper was right, having someone to talk to who understood was good. Maybe, if I hadn't walked away from the Cullens and let them help me, I wouldn't have sunk so low as to hurt myself. I shrugged the thought off.

I couldn't really do much about what happened five months ago. I couldn't change it, as much as I wanted too. I'd just have to spend the future making up for it. I'd have to apologize and thank them for not giving up on me, if when I gave up on myself. I hope they'd all be as understanding as Jasper had been.

I picked up my dirty towels and headed back to my bedroom. Jasper was sitting at my computer. It looked like he was playing one of the card games. I didn't know which because he was doing it entirely too fast for my poor human eyes to keep up. He looked up when I shut the door.

"Are you okay? I was about to come in after you." He stated.

"I'm fine. I just took a little time to reflect with my reflection." I answered.

"Really. And did you like what you saw?" he asked.

"Not really. I've made some terrible mistakes in the last five months. Mistakes that I, unfortunately, can't change." I answered displaying the thin pink scars that covered both my arms. "And ones that I have to make up for. Especially the ones, I made with you guys. I walked out on you when all you've ever done was try to help me. And I'm so sorry for that."

"Bella, don't." Jasper stated coming over and pulling me into his embrace. "We understand what you've been going through. You lost your lover. People do crazy things when it comes down to something like that. You, who, always blame yourself for everything, blamed yourself for this and ran from those you didn't fee worthy of. We get how you felt at that point. And we knew you needed the space to try and figure this out. So don't apologize, please, it's not your fault. None of it is."

His understanding words made a lot of sense to me. They also made me feel a little bit better about what I did. I had always known in my heart that the Cullens would never hold what happened to Edward nor my self removal from the family against me. However, it felt good to be able to hear someone say actually say it. It reminded me that I was part of their family and would be regardless of what I said or did to hurt them.

"Thank you, Jasper." I whispered pulling him back to me. "I really needed to hear you say that." He simply nodded as he released me. "So are we ready to go?"

As worried as I was about where he was taking me, I was extremely curious about it. His little riddle was taunting me and I wanted to know the answer. I was anxious at the same time, though. I felt like I just wanted to get it over with. Whatever it was.

He sighed and nodded.

"How are we getting there?" I asked.

"We're going to run because I left my car at home." he answered.

I gulped. Fantastic. Not only did I hate the whole running thing, but I hadn't run with any of them since the day Edward died. I know it shouldn't have been that big of deal, but it was just something that I didn't want to experience yet.

"We could always take my truck?" I suggested.

"Running'll be faster. Besides, if we have to park, I know I won't be able to get you out of the car." he answered.

Now that really confused me. Where could he possibly want to take me that would cause me to not even want to get out of a car? I simply nodded and followed him out of the room and out the back door. We walked until we got to the cover of the trees.

"How do you want to do this?" he asked. "Piggy back or bridal style?"

"Whichever is more convient for you." I stated not wanting to complicate his life anymore than I already had.

"Piggy back." he answered and I nodded as he stooped down.

I climbed onto his back and buried my face into his shoulder as I had always done with Edward. He took off the second that I was situated. I didn't look up as we ran. All I knew is that we were going extremely fast. It was actually a few minutes, rather than seconds, before we stopped.

Jasper set me gently on the ground, I kept my eyes closed as I waited for the shaking in my legs to cease. When I was finally able to open my eyes, my plummetted into my stomach as I realized where we were. The meadow; where it all took place.

I stood there and looked around in utter shock. I couldn't believe that Jasper had brought me here. I didn't think he was that stupid. My heart filled with pain and rage as my eyes fell on the spot where Jacob had burned Edward.

My arm twitched as I found myself wanting nothing more than to hurt myself. I had to make the emotional pain go away by inflicting physical pain on myself. Remembering my promise, I turned my anger towards Jasper instead.

"You better have a good reason for bringing me here." I said through gritted teeth as I turned to glare at him.

"I do." he responded calmly. "In the time that I've spent watching you, I've realized that you're very angry and that's why you've been hurting yourself."

"Gee, you think." I replied sarcastically. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going home." I tried to push past him, but he wouldn't budged. I, then, attempted to go around him, but he was in front of me before I got two steps away.

"I can't let you do that. Not until you've dealt with what you're really angry at. It's the only way to completely get over it and better."

"Well, that's going to be a problem, seeing as what I'm really angry at hasn't shown his stupid face in over five months." I said.

I tried to go in a different direction. I just needed to get out of there. Why did Jasper have to do this? I was finally willing to try and get better, but being here, it was too much. I couldn't take it. This was way too soon. Jasper, of course, was faster than me and ended up in front of me again.

"That's not true." he stated. "And you know it, somewhere deep inside. Jacob's not the one you're angry at and it's certainly isn't yourself. Somewhere inside of you, you know that Edward's death isn't anyone's fault but his own. You need to recognize that and recognize that it is okay to hate him for it."

"No!" I screamed and tried changing directions again. "This isn't Edward's fault! He was just trying to protect me from Jacob!"

"Exactly!" Jasper replied. He was, once again, blocking my path. "Edward fought Jacob to protect you from him. And that got him killed. He tried to protect you, yes, but he left you with nothing and no one to talk at last, that's what losing him felt like to you. You spent the last five months alone and in pain. All because he chose to fight Jacob and then lost that fight. He's gone and your broken and alone and it's okay to hate him for that. God knows, I do!"

Something in me cracked as he said those words. Anger beyond anything I had ever felt in my life, was seeping through the sadness and pain, I'd felt from being back there. I wasn't sure where it had come from or who it was directed at. It was just there. I found myself pounding on Jasper's chest trying to force him to let me leave. I couldn't take this anymore.

"Let me go!" I growled.

"Not until you feel this. You need this! It's the only thing that's going to get you over it!" he growled back.

I continued to pound on his chest as the anger coursed through my body. I needed to let it out but I still wasn't sure who I was angry with. Jasper's words made a lot of sense as I thought back to that day and any other day Edward had risked his life for me. It made me even angrier to realize that he never once thought of me being without him. Still, it didn't seem right to be angry with him for this. He was only trying to protect me, after all.

"Look at what you've done to yourself because he left you." Jasper continued. "You risk your life everytime you hurt yourself because of of what he did. That doesn't seem fair to me. He's gone and you're the one who suffering."

I looked at my arms and thought about every night I bleed for Edward and that's when the crack ripped itself completely open. Anger was now pulsing through every part of my body.

"Why?!" My scream echoed through the meadow. "Why did you leave me?!" I realized Jasper and ran to the spot where Edward had been burned. "Why did you have to fight?! You knew there was no way you could defeat him by yourself! You could've just taken me to meet the family! But, no, you had to protect me, and now here I am left with nothing but the scars of your memory! Did you even think about what would happen to me if you were gone?! Of course not, you were too selfish to think about that! As long as I was still alive for you, then everything was fine! But what about you being alive for me?! I need you! I can't do this alone! Why were you so stupid?! Huh? I really want to know! I mean, look what you did to me!" I held my arms out in front of me face up to the sky for him to get a good look. "I hurt myself because you left me! How does that make you feel?!"

The anger was gone as suddenly as it had come. It was, once again, replaced with a sadness and pain much worse than what I felt when I realized where Jasper had brought me. My knees gave under me as I collapsed onto what was essentially Edward's final resting place. I pounded my fist into the spot on the ground a couple times before I let the anguish take over.

I let the tears flow, knowing I'd feel better once it was all out. I was down there for a good two minutes before Jasper joined. I think he was waiting to see if I flared up again.

I sensed him as he knelt beside me and wrapped his cold arms around me. I turned into him and clutched his shirt, sobbing relentlessly into his chest. He held me tight and comforted me, once again, without his gift.

I appreciated it as much as I had the night before. I held way too much back in the last five months and now that I was finally able to let it all out, I wasn't ready to stop.

**A/N: Well, what do you think? I hope it wasn't too like the scene from Hell Hath No Fury. Anyway, please review. I can't wait to hear from you. **


	13. Mother and Daughter

**A/N: So this chapter is an exchange between Alice and Esme. It's just a mother/daughter thing that I thought would add a little to the story. Plus, I like to try to give Esme a shining moment in all of my stories. I feel like she tends to be left out a lot. Hell, there were a few times in the book that I forgot she was there. Personally, I think that she is one of the best mothers, real or fictional, ever. I mean, she takes care of five, sometimes, six teenagers, that aren't even hers. Come on, how much more motherly can you get. Anyway, I like Esme a lot and wish she could've had a little more time in the books. So here's my way of praising her. Also, this chapter takes place at almost the exact same time as Bella and Jasper's chapter. Maybe just a few minutes ahead. **

**ALICE **

The next morning, I was sitting on the couch in mine and Jasper's room attempting to read again. I, once again, found this impossible. My mind was going to crazy to focus on Charles Dickens. I was too worried, excited, and anxious about Bella coming back.

I wasn't completely positive what I should say or do when she came back. I mean what do you say to your best friend who lost her fiance and has spent the last five months hurting themself because of it? It just wasn't a coversation I could imagine having. Don't get me wrong, I wanted her to come back, but I wasn't sure how I could break the ice. I hoped Carlisle would be there to help.

I really wanted to see her again. I hoped Jasper could convince her to come back sooner rather than later. It was really hard to not be waiting by the door for her to come.

Top all that off with the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about what was going to be starting between Jasper and Bella soon and you had one nearly insane pixie.

I couldn't concentrate on the book to save my life. Even with my really cool ability to keep track of like a million things at once. There was just too much going on to add something else to it. I threw the book down on the couch with a sigh.

I, then, grabbed my phone off the end table and stared at it for the longest minute. I wanted nothing more than to call Jasper and tell him to drag her here, whether she's ready or not. I had a right to see my best friend after five months whether she wanted to see me or not.

I knew, though, that wouldn't be a good idea. She had been through so much already and was just starting to heal. I didn't want to push things too far and mess up the little progress Jasper had already made. Which is why I tossed the phone onto the bed with a sigh and headed down the stairs to see if Esme needed help with anything.

When I got downstairs, Esme was dusting every nook and cranny of the living room, at a human pace. I would've laughed at the adsurdity of it, had I not known cooking and cleaning was her way of dealing with things that she found overwhelmiming. Bella's return, after five months, was definitely something that could be considered overwhelming. Even if we were all happy about it.

"Hey Esme." I said and she turned around.

"Hey Alice, what's up?" she asked.

"Well, I was wondering if you needed help with anything?" I asked.

"Oh no sweetheart." she replied. "I'm doing just fine on my own. Why don't you go back upstairs and do your own thing?"

"That's the problem." I stated. "I'm so overwhelmed at the idea of Bella coming back, after everything that's happened, I can't concentrate on my own thing." I tried not to sound to much like a whiny brat but I wasn't sure if it worked or not.

"Well, in that case, why don't you start with the T.V." She tossed me a rag. "And we can talk while we work."

"Sounds good." I replied catching the towel.

I started wiping of the nic nacs on top of the T.V. Had the situation been different, I would've laughed at the fact that they were already perfectly clean. We were silent at first. I don't think either of us really knew what we should talk about.

"So did Jasper ever tell you where he was taking Bella today?" Esme asked after a moment.

"No." I replied trying to sound nonchalant. "He just said that it was something she needed to do. Something that would help her with the grieving process. He also said it was possible that she'd want to be around people who love and support her when they finished. But I have no idea where that place would be. I just hope it doesn't upset her too much."

"Don't worry." Esme answered. "If Jasper's the one taking her, then it probably really is for her own good. Jasper does know quite a bit about the whole grieving process. He'll have her back to the Bella we all know and love in no time."

"I know."

Which was I true. I knew from personal experience exactly how good he was at helping someone grieve. I don't know how I would've gotten passed Edward's death without him. There were many, many emotional breakdowns where he had to spend hours holding me. He helped me through all of the steps and I'll be forever grateful for everything that he'd done.

We fell into a comfotable, yet, sad silence as we continued the unecessary dusting of the living room.

"Alice, are you okay?" Esme asked after a minute.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I replied.

"It's just that you haven't been acting like yourself in the last few months." she responded. "You seem really sad. I know the loss of Edward and Bella's grief and depression have been hard on you. But it seems like so much more than that. I feel like there is something that you're dying to talk to someone about, but for some strange reason you can't or won't. And it's slowly tearing you up inside. I can see it, even if the others can't."

I bit my lip and looked down at the floor. I couldn't believe her mother's intuition. It often felt like she knew me, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward (before his death), and even Bella better than we knew ourselves half the time. It was on a completely different level than any mother with her biological children. I guess it came from the fact that she had spent more years with us than any other mother with her biological children.

To be completely honest, I had wanted nothing more than to talk about the whole Bella and Jasper thing. However, there were many things stopping me. Mostl, the family's reaction to it. I dind't know what they would think of Bella if I told them. I didn't want to hinder her chances of being accepted back into the family. She needed them now and didn't need anything to get in the way of that.

Then there was Bella and Jasper, themselves. If I were to mention anything about it to either of them. They would do everything in their power to fight their feelings because of me. I didn't want that to happen because both of them would end up worse of than they were now. I didn't want either of them to give up the chance of a better future for me.

I continued to stare at the floor, wondering if I could get away with telling Esme. She was, after all, my mother in so many ways. If you couldn't trust your mother with your secrets then there was definitely a problem.

I suddenly felt Esme presence directly in front of me and looked into her eyes. She looked so sad and worried about me. She just wanted to help like she always did. The sign of a true mother through and through. She placed her hand on my shoulder and said,

"You can trust me with whatever you have to say. You know that right. Whatever it is, will stay between the two of us, no matter what."

I knew she was telling the truth. She had never given me a reason not to trust her. And she always listened no matter how trival the problem was and she didn't judge me, ever. That's what I loved most about talking to her.

I wanted to talk about it so badly. I needed to talk about it so badly. Which is why I decided, in that moment, there was no one better than Esme to have this conversation with. I knew it would all stay between us. Which was the one thing I needed to be sure of.

"Can we go for a drive?" I asked. "I don't want to be overheard."

"Sure." Esme replied patting me on the shoulder. "I have to go to the grocerery store, anyway. If Bella's going to be spending more time here, I need to get the fridge restocked."

"That'd be great."

"OKay, let me go tell your father."

She ran up to Carlisle's study as I quickly finished dusting the television. Esme came back down, a few seconds later, dangling the keys to Carlisle's mercedes in her hand.

"Let's go." she stated.

We got into the car and pulled out of the driveway in silence. My thoughts were swimming. How on earth could I start this conversation? There were a million possibilities, but none seemed to be a good ice breaker for this. I still hadn't spoke after fifteen minutes of driving.

"So what's going on?" Esme asked breaking the silence.

I guess I should say something. I mean I did ask her to leave the house and everything for this.

"Okay, before I can explain, I have to ask you something." I stated. She nodded. "What would you do if you found out that you weren't Carlisle's true mate after all your years together?"

"Well, I guess it would really depend." she answered sounding very confused.

"On what?"

"On who his true mate was. Whether or not she was available? And if she made him happier than I did."

"Well, let's just say that she was your best friend, very available, and had the potential to make him happier than he's been in his entire existence."

"In that case, seeing as it was my best friend and my husband, I'd have to let him go. I'd love both of them enough to give him up, so they could be happy together. But what's this have to do with you?"

"I had a vision the day Edward died." I answered her question.

"About what?" she asked.

"Jasper and Bella were getting married." I stated. I was surprised at how much saying it really hurt."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I had it just after Jasper stopped Bella from going after Jacob. It was the clearest vision that I've ever had. And it hasn't changed in five months, not even after Bella walked away."

"I see. And what are you going to do about it?"

"The same thing that you would do." I replied. "When the time comes, I'm going to let Jasper go. They deserve the chance to try and be happy with each other. I can't and won't deny them that."

"Honey, I'm really sorry." she stated as we pulled into the grocerery store parking lot.

"Don't be." I answered. "I thought about it for a long time after the vision. And I've discovered that as much as I still love Jasper, I don't need him anymore, just like he doesn't need me anymore. But Bella needs him and he needs her. And they will at some point discover how much they want each other. She's my best friend and he's my husband and I love them both very much. It would be wrong of me to sit here and say that, but turn around and deny them something they both want and need. It would be selfish of me. I won't selfishly take this opportunity away from them."

I let out a choked sob at the end of my speech. I had long since made this decision, but this was the first time that I had ever said the words out loud. It was much easier to make the decision than to say it outloud. Saying it meant that it was official and I couldn't change my mind. Not that I wanted to, of course, it just hurt a lot.

"Oh sweetheart." Esme, who had long since parked and turned off the car, cooed and pulled me into her arms. "I'm really sorry." She held me to her chest for a moment as I let out a couple more sobs. She pulled me away, rather abruptly. "Alice, you are the strongest most amazing woman I know. You're human life, though you can't remember much of it, sucked. I can on;y imagine what it would've been like to discover that your parents didn't want you because you were different. They even went as far as putting you in an asylum and pretending you were dead. Then you were thrown into this crappy excuse for a new life. You didn't even know what happened. Yet, you never let any of that bother you. You live every moment to its fullest potential and always have a smile on your face. You don't let what you are get you down, ever. And now, you are willing to give up your husband to your best friend for their happiness. I can't even imagine what you must be going through because of that. I'm so lucky to have someone like you for a daughter. You have no idea how proud I am of everything you've done and what you are about to do. You're an amazing daughter and the greatest friend Bella could ask for. I love you so much."

She pulled me back into her embrace when she finished her speech. Her words made me feel batter about what I had to do. Of course, it still hurt but knowing that someone else thought I was doing the right thing, made me feel so much better about the whole thing.

"Thanks, mom." I said into her chest.

We stayed like that for several minutes before we finally got out of the car. We continued to talk about the whole thing as we walked through the store grabbing all of Bella's favorite foods. I realized as the conversation went on, though, that just talking about it was helping to ease the pain. I was so glad I had Esme for a mother.

Fifteen minutes after entering the store, I felt okay enough to change the subject. We ended up talking about Emmett and Rosalie's wedding coming up in two months. They were going to tie the knot again a couple months after Edward and Bella. However, after everything that happened with Edward, they decided that it might be best for them to wait. We all decided that seven months was an appropriate amount of time and were now preparing for it again.

We were in the store for about forty five minutes when it happened. I grabbed a jar of spaghetti sauce and attempted to put it in the cart when I was sucked into a vision.

_Bella and Jasper were kneeling of the spot where Jacob had burned Edward in the meadow. I could see Bella's body shaking with sobs. Jasper had his arms wrapped around her and was whispering comforting things as he stroked her hair. She continued to cling to his shirt and sob into his chest. _

_It made sense then. Jasper had taken her to the meadow. She needed to face Edward's death, head on. And that's exactly what he was making her do. However, I knew that wasn't the point of this vision. _

_Bella cried into his chest for several long moments before she pulled away and looked at Jasper with tear filled eyes. _

_"I want to see my family, now." she whispered. _

When the vision faded out, I noticed that Esme had just caught the jar of sauce before it smashed on the floor. She was staring at me with a worried and expectant look in her eyes.

I felt a wide grin spread over my face as I said,

"Bella's coming home, today."

**A/N: What do you guys think? A good and well deserved mother/daughter moment? Please review and let me know what you think. **


	14. Going Home

**A/N: Sorry this took me so long to get out. I have been like crazy busy lately. I've hardly had time to breathe. Also, I know I'm like behind on the times and all of you probably know this, but I just found out today that one of my favorite book series is going to be a T.V. series on The CW in the fall. Anyone who reads the Vampire Diaries by L.J. Smith might be interested in watching. I've done my research and though they've changed a lot, it still looks and sounds like it is going to be an amazing T.V. show. I can't wait to see how it turns out. It's going to be on Thursdays at eight in the fall on The CW. I can't find the exact air date for it but I'll post it once I find out. Anyway, on to the story. It is what you're all reading for anyway. LOL**

**BELLA **

As I kneeled there, crying into Jasper's chest with his arms around my waist, I started to realize that he was right. I hated that he brought me here. It was the last place I ever wanted to be again. The scene from the horrible day just kept replying in my mind, I couldn't get rid of it. However, even as I knelt there sobbing, I felt ten times better. It was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Jasper had been right.

I was very angry with Edward for leaving me. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to believe. Why? Because he had died in order to save me. How could I ever be angry with him for that? Which is why I subconciously turned my anger inward and in way began taking it out on myself.

The truth was, though, I had every right to be angry with Edward. He had promised me that he'd never leave me alone, ever again. He broke that promise by allowing Jacob to kill him. Now, he was gone and he wasn't ever coming back. Which is what hurt the most. It's not like I could convince myself he had just gone on a long hunting trip and would be back in a week or so. He was gone forever and it was entirely his fault.

Jasper made me acjnowledge that and I would forever be grateful to him. My outburst had done so much for me in that short minute. I no longer felt like this was my fault. Hell, I knew that it was Edward's and Jacob's. It made the truth a little easier for me to swallow.

I continued to cry into Jasper's chest, thinking about how wonderful it was to be able to cry and have someone who truly understood what I was crying about. I found myself thinking about the Cullens and realized that I had made a big mistake in walking away from them. I briefly wondered what would've happened had I stayed with them and let them help. I probably never would've fallen into the trap of constantly hurting myself. The were the only people in the world who could truly understand my pain, because they were the only ones who knew the truth about what happened.

The pack knew, of course. However, I made it quite clear to Sam that I didn't want anything more to do with the pack, when he came to offer his condolences on behalf of the pack. I asked him what he planned to do about Jacob and he told me that Jacob had been exiled. I told him to leave and not come back, then I slammed the door in his face. I haven't heard from anyone in La Push, not even Billy, since.

I realized that I had screwed myself in cutting off the other people who could truly help me get over this. I could've been better by now, if I hadn't been so stubborn about trying to protect them. Unfortunately, I didn't think about it too hard before I acted. All I saw was myself messing up the Cullens' lives. I didn't think about the things I brought to the family, nor how much they helped me as a person. I had grown up so much in the time I had known them and they got me through so much. I couldn't believe that I had ever let them go. It wasn't until then that I realized how much I truly missed them, all of them, even Rosalie.

I knew going back would mean that I'd have to apologize. It was something that I could most definitely do. I just wasn't sure, despite what Jasper had told me the night before, if they would accept it and take me back. I knew there was only one way to find out, though.

I pulled away from Jasper and looked into his face. He looked back at me with a sad smile on his face. I was aware that I still had tears rolling down my cheeks. Jasper reached up and wiped them away with his thumbs.

"I wanna see the family, now." I stated. My voice was shaking from the want to continue crying. "I miss them."

"Are sure you're ready for that?" he asked. "I don't want to do this too fast. If we go to early, it could hinder your progress."

"I'm ready Jasper." I answered. "I need to see them. There's so much that I have to say to them. So much I should've told them everyday for the last five months. Maybe, if I had, I wouldn't have done this." I held the arm I cut last night up to his eye level. They gauze was gone, and the cuts had begun healing over.

Jasper sighed as he took my arm in his hand. He used the other to trace the cuts like he did the night before. I got the same electric shock feeling that I had the night before. Only this time I didn't pull away. It was what I felt whenever Edward touched me, only better. I found myself wishing that he would touch me in other places.

Woah! Where did that come from? Jasper was my best friend's husband and my dead fiance's brother. There was no way I could like him like that. It would definitely ruin any chances that I had of being welcomed back into the family.

I quickly jerked my arm away. I saw hurt flash briefly in his eyes as he pulled his hand away.

"I'm sorry. It's still tender from last night." I lied.

"Right." he replied, then changed the subject. "So you really want to do this now?" I nodded. "Okay, then, do you want to go back to Charlie's and change before we go?"

I knew what he was asking. My scars were exposed in the cami and he didn't think that I would be comfortable showing them off. However, they already knew about it and seeing as I was going to be honest about everything, I didn't see the point.

"What's the point?" I asked Jasper. "Everyone already knows anyway. Besides, they're all going to see them sooner or later. May as well get it over with."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "This is going to be difficult enough for you. Do you really want to add more uncomfortability to it?"

"Jasper, they're my family." I told him. "If I can't be comfortable showing them my scars, then there's no point in me even trying to make things right."

He sighed.

"Okay, but I'm going to take you back to Charlie's." he stated. "Will you, at least, grab and sweatshirt, just in case you decide that you want to cover up? I don't want you to be anymore uncomfortable than you are already going to be."

"Alright." I said deciding it was the least I could do for everything that he had done for me already. "I'll go back to Charlie's and get a hoodie."

"Thank you." he stated and leaned over to kiss the top of my head.

The kiss sent shivers of pleasure down my spine. Once again, it was like when Edward used to randomly kiss me, only better. I, once again, found myself wanting him to kiss me somewhere else. Stop it!

Where was this all coming from? I couldn't have feelings for Jasper. There was no way. He was Alice's husband and mate. I couldn't do that to her. She was like my sister in so many ways. Besides, Jasper wanted her not me, so there was no hope for us to have anything together anyway.

I decided to chalk it up to my heightened state of emotions as he pulled away. He stared at me for a long minute, as if he was considering kissing me somewhere else. I wondered for a brief second if that had been what he had wanted to do. However, he pulled away before I could put too much thought into it.

"Well, if we're going, I should probably call and give the family a heads up." he stated. "Knowing Alice, they probably already know. But I'll call just in case."

He pulled out his cell, stood, and walked across the meadow dialing Alice's number. I turned back to the spot where Edward had been burned.

It had been five months and the grass had, yet to grow back. I assumed that it had something to do with what was burned there. Then there was what looked like two permanent scorch marks on the ground. I ran my hand over the spot and instantly felt guilty about my earlier thoughts of Jasper.

I knew very well that Edward was going to want me to move on without him. I also knew that five months was a decent amount of time. However, I highly doubted he would be very happy if I got with his brother and hurt Alice, thus destrouying the family even more. It would in the very least be an insult to Edward's memory. I couldn't do that to him.

I closed my eyes and locked everything I had just felt with Jasper away in a tiny box and buried it deep in my heart. I didn't need to ruin the family or insult Edward's memory before I had even gotten the chance to apologize for my first transgression.

Jasper's cold hand on my shoulder startled me out of my thoughts. I turned to look at him. He was smiling the same sad smile from earlier.

"Alice had a vision earlier today." he said. "She knew you were coming and the family's been getting things ready since. Esme's spent all day cooking your favorite, cheeseburgers and french fries, while Alice has been busy with a cake."

I rolled my eyes and said,

"I wish they wouldn't do that."

"I know but they want to." he replied. "Besides, they're as happy to have you coming home as you are to be going home."

"I know, and that's why I'm just going to grit my teeth and let them do what they want. It's the least I could do after everything." I answered.

"That's my Bella." he whispered and kissed my forehead again. The box that I had just buried, rattled a little at the action. I, however, ignored it. "We should get going?" Jasper stated and knelt down in front of me.

I climbed onto his back and assumed my usual position. He took off the minute that I was comfortable. We were back at Charlie's within mintues. I ran up the stairs, grabbed a seatshirt, and wrapped it around my waist. Then I quickly scribbled a note to Charlie about where I had gone.

I knew he wouldn't be too happy about it. However, that didn't matter to me at the moment. I had to take care of my own thoughts and emotions at the moment. It was the only that I would be able to truly move on. Charlie couldn't understand, so I had to go to someone who did. If he truly loved me, he would understand my need to do this.

I met Jasper back outside and a clambered onto his back. We were off within seconds, my head tucked into his shoulder blade. I could tell we were getting close to the house because Jasper started to slow. My heart, however, picked up speed. I could feel it thudding against my chest and I had a feeling that Jasper could hear it.

I was proved right when Jasper stopped and put me on the ground. He turned me around so that I was facing him.

"You don't have to do this." he stated. "If you're not ready, they'll understand. We can come back another time."

"No, Jasper." I replied. "I want to do this, now. I need to do this, now. I'll be fine. I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

"If you're sure." he stated and pulled me gently toward the door.

As we walked in, I found myself wondering what horrors Alice had planned for me. I hoped it didn't involve any kind of presents. Not only was I not in the mood, but I didn't want a repeat of my eighteenth birthday. It would be too much for the day. I gulped as we entered the dining room.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. There was a big banner hanging behind the table. It read, Welcome Home Bella!!!!!!!, in big letters and was sighed by everyone, including Rosalie. I also noticed that Alice had written Jasper's name in for him. The table held a plate full of cheeseburgers and a bowl of at least three pounds of fries. There was a cake in the center of the table. It wasn't as big as the one for my eighteenth birthday, but it wasn't small either.

The family was ensembled around the room. Everyone looked, more or less, happy to see me back. This was a relief considering how I left.

Esme, who was standing in the doorway next to Carlisle, was the first to speak,

"I know you haven't been eating well, so I made plenty and you can eat as much as you like."

"Thank you, Esme." I smiled. "But you didn't have to do it."

"I know. I wanted to." she replied. "It's my way of showing you how happy I am that you're back." Tears prickled my vision as she pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm glad to be back." I whispered.

I had a similiar exchange with every member of the family. Even Rosalie, to my shock and appreciation. I got several hugs from Alice and Emmett. A couple of times, Emmett nearly crushed my ribs in his excitement. It was nearly a half hour before I had a chance to sit down and eat.

I didn't realize how hungry I truly was until I started eating. By the time I was finished, I had eaten four cheeseburgers, a pound of fries, and two slices of the cake. Everyone was silent while I ate. And thankfully, no one asked about the scars on my arms. It was definitely not how I would've wanted to begin the conversation. Once I finished, Esme put the leftovers in plastic containers and stuck them in the fridge.

"Why don't we go into the living room?" Carlisle suggested. "It'll be a little more comfortable for a talk."

I froze. This was the part I had been dreading. I wanted to talk to them but I still wasn't completely positive about what I wanted to say. I didn't know how to express the things I was feeling at the moment. Not to mention the fact that I was worried they wouldn't forgive me for what I had done. I felt a cold hand grasp my wrist gently and looked up to see Jasper standing there with an encouraging smile on his face. I felt a little better as I stood and followed him into the living room.

The second we sat down, Alice was right next to me. She put her arm aroun my shoulder and shot a mock death glare at Jasper.

"No fair!" she said teasingly. "You had her to yourself all night. It's time to share. You're not the only one who missed her, you know?"

I laughed along with Jasper. I knew that it was Alice who had probably missed me the most. I had been the closest to her and she latched on to me within a few weeks of knowing me. I felt terrible for taking myself away from her like that. I laid my head on her shoulder as Jasper put his hand on top of mine. I felt better than I had in a long time, finally having my support system back.

We sat in silence for a long time. My thoughts were swimming around in my head. I knew I needed to say something soon. However, I couldn't quite get my thoughts in order enough to even begin a speech.

"You don't have to talk now, if you don't want to." Carlisle stated after a few minutes. "You're back here with us and that's all that matters. We can talk about it and deal with everything as you feel comfortable talking about it."

"I appreciate that, Carlisle." I answered. "However, I do want to talk about it. I just need a minute to get my thoughts in order."

"Of course. Take all the time you need." he replied. "We aren't going anywhere."

I smiled and went back to my thoughts. They were swimming around and making it impossible to put things together. I wanted and needed to start talking but I didn't know where to begin. Finally, I decided that if I didn't start talking soon, I never would.

In the end, I just opened my mouth and said the first thing that came to mind. After that, the rest just flowed out. I told them how I felt that day in the field when Edward died and how wished with all my heart that I could tell Charlie the truth about what had happened, that would he would stop hating Edward for something that he didn't do. I told them what I was thinking about the day I walked away and I apologized to them for it. I explained how I found some comfort in my human friends because they helped me forget a little. I also explained how it wasn't enough. I told them about what Jasper and I did this afternoon.

The more I talked, the better I felt. It was as if all of my sadness and pain had been contained in the words that I had spent months unable to say. And now that I was saying them I didn't want to stop. The Cullens remained quiet and didn't interupt the entire time I spoke. I talked for hours and hours.

I would stop every once in a awhile when I got a little over emotional. Alice and Jasper helped me a lot in those moments. I would pick up where I left off, once it passed. When I finally finished, I recieved loving hugs and encouraging words from everyone.

"There's one thing I don't understand, though, Bella," Emmett stated, "I know you were angry and everything but why would you hurt yourself like that. I mean surly you knew that none of us wanted to see you like that. I mean there were so many other things you could've done. Why that?"

I knew someone was going to ask that question eventually. I just wasn't quite ready for it when it happened. Emmett didn't look angry just concerned and curious. I knew that he was having trouble fathoming why I did it. He'd probably never had something like this happen to him and didn't understand what it truly meant to be depressed enough to want to hurt himself.

"Well, Emmett, it was the only thing that reallt made everything else go away." I answered. "It was like I was numb inside when I ever I hurt myself. I didn't even feel the blade scrape across my skin. Feeling nothing was bliss for me." I answered.

He noodded sadly but I could look into his eyes and tell that he still didn't understand. I was about to explain, but Carlisle beat me to it.

"Emmett, you'll probably never understand the reasons behind it." he explained. "She could try to explain until she's blue in the face but you'll never get it. It's just one of those things that you won't be able to understand until you've been there and done it. That's just how it is."

"Thank you, Carlisle." I sad and he smiled sympathetically. "However, I want to assure everyone that Jasper and I have discussed the mattered and I realized that it's not something Edward would want me to continue doing. He wouln't want me to endanger my life every time I pick up the blade. And that's why, I've decided to stop. Jasper's going to help me and I'm sure the rest of you will as well."

"Of course, we will." Rosalie stated and everyone nodded their agreement.

I smiled just happy to be back with my family, again. We changed the subject after that and began talking about different things. Mostly old Cullen stories, and I mean old. I found myself laughing for the first time since Edward was killed. It was well after midnihgt when I drifted of to sleep still lying on Alice's shoulder.

**A/N:What do you guys think? This one gave me a hard time because it's so much longer than others I had written. I hope it turned out okay though. Don't worry, things get a little happier after this. Anyway, let me know what you think. Please review. **


	15. Charlie and Alice

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. My muses seem to work best while I'm at work with nothing to do but plan out my next chapters. So, I don't unpdate unless I work. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. And yes, Charlie is going to be slightly out of character, but he's just trying to protect his daughter's heart. Anyway, I hope you like. **

**ALICE **

I was beyond excited that Bella had decided to come back to us after all these months. I was also estatic to see how quickly she was opening up to us after so long. In fact, she had come in wearing a a camisole not even attempting to hide her scars from us. That was a major step in and of itself.

I was also grateful to Jasper for how much he had done for her in the last twenty four hours. She had a genuine smile on her face as she hugged and greeted us. Not to mention, she looked ten times better than she had when I seen her two nights ago. Whatever he did or said, had worked magnificently. She even ate nearly half of the food that Esme had made for her. Which was a major accomplishment compared to what she had been eating lately.

She did get a little nervous when Carlisle suggested that we go in the living room to talk. However, with a little encouragement from Jasper and I, she soon began talking. And once she started, she didn't stop.

She told us everything. She talked for a bit about her feelings on the day Edward died as well as how she felt when she decided to leave us. Those feelings were followed by a heartfelt apology that we refused to accept, because in our opinion there was no reason for her to ask our forgiveness.

We knew she was in a bad place when she wrote that note. She needed time and space to sort through things on her own. Besides, her intentions were good. She thought that she was hurting the family and did the only thing she could think of to stop it. We really couldn't blame her for that.

She finally gave up and moved on to how much it hurt to not be able to tell Charlie the truth about what happened to Edward. I knew we all felt a little guilty about that. Charlie would forever be resenful of Edward leaving Bella at the alter, when technically, that it wasn't happened at all. I could only imagine how hard that must've been on Bella. And we all wished that she could tell him the truth. However, we all knew the dangers of that. We were already expecting the Volturi to knock down the door and kill Bella because she's still human. We couldn't put Charlie in that kind of danger.

Bella knew all of this, of course. Which is why there was no feelings of resentment there, just sadness and a wish that things were different. We all felt for her on that. A daughter shouldn't have to keep something like this from her father, but alas, she didn't have a choice.

Bella continued onto other topics. She talked a lot about the things that she did and the feelings she never got to share. We sat patiently and listened providing support when she needed it. We didn't unterupt or try to rush her as she talked. We knew how much she just needed someone to sit there and listen to what she had to say and not judge her. And that's exactly what we did. I could see a significant change in her when she finished a couple hours later.

Once she was done, Emmett asked her why she hurt herself. I knew we had all wanted to ask that very same question but none of us were brave enough. I was worried that he had crossed a line and she was going to shut down on us. However, she answered with good grace and a slight bit of shame. Carlisle had to take over when Bella couldn't completely explain it to Emmett.

After that things became easier. We talked about other things. Mostly, old family stories and what not. Bella spent most of that time laughing at the different stories we told. I swear I saw some of her old self peeking through in those moments. We talked until she fell asleep well after midnight.

"Carlisle," I whispered ten minutes later. I wanted to make sure that she was completely asleep before we tried to move her. "She's asleep. What should we do with her?"

"That's a good question." Carlisle stated, thinking.

"What about Edward's room." Rose suggested in a whispered.

"No, I don't want her to wake up in there." Jasper stated. "It could hinder the progress she's already made and set her back further than she was."

"That's true, but the rest of you need your own spaces." Carlisle replied.

"She can take our room." I stated. "Like she did before. Jasper and I can find somewhere else to stay the night."

"Are you sure?" Carlisle questioned.

"Yes, she needs that bed more than we do." I replied.

"Alright, then take her up to your room."

I ignored the pang of jealousy that shot through me as Jasper picked Bella up and carried her to the stairs. We were quiet, lost in our own thoughts, until Jasper came back down the stairs.

"Do you think that she'll be able to get over this?" Jasper asked Carlisle as he took his place next to me on the couch.

"Yes, she's made some of the biggest steps in the last twenty four hours with finally facing Edward's death, her anger and pain, as well as laying it all out on the table for us." Carlisle answered. "And we did the best thing we could for her, we listened and supported her without being judgemental. As long as we continue to do that and let her know that she can come to us when she needs to, she'll be just fine. However, we all need to be into this one hundred percent. She needs to know that we all support her because one person is all it's going to take to send her back to where she was. Can I count on all of you for that?" He turned his gaze specifivally on Rosalie.

All of us, including Rosalie, told him that we'd do the best we could to help her through this. We were silent for a long time, all thinking, no doubt, about ways to help Bella feel loved and supported. My mind, however, landed on something that had been worrying me since I found out that Bella was coming back to us.

"What about Charlie?" I asked Carlisle. "He thinks that Edward abandoned and hurt Bella. I don't think that he's going to be too keen on the idea of us coming back into her life. I mean, even in that first month, when he was turning me away because Bella asked him to, he was everything but hostile. I don't think that he's gonna like this at all."

"That's very true." Carlisled answered. "Which is why I think it would be a good idea for me to take Bella home tomorrow so Bella, Charlie, and I can have a little chat. It's about time Bella tells him what's been going on."

"Like that'll make everything better." I nearly yelled. "Tell him his daughter cuts herself because your son and our brother left her. He'll definitely be open to welcoming us back again after that!"

"Alice, I understand that you're upset, but you have to understand that this is what's best for Bella. Telling her father is going to be another big step in her recovery process. Besides, as her father it's his right to know." Carlisle stated.

"Don't give me that bullshit!" I really did yell this time. "As her father, he should have figured it out by now. He should've seen that she's been wearing sweatshirts all the time, even around the house. Or how long her showers take. Or even the bloody towels in the laundry. Or the fact that she has razor blades hidden all over the bathroom and a first aid kit in her sock drawer. As her father, he should've seen the warning signs and been able to stop it before it got this far!"

"Alice, calm down, please. I don't want to wake her up." Carlisle replied calmly. "I understand your anger at him, I'm angry too because I told him she needed help. The problem is, it's just as hard for parents of self mutilators to admit there's a problem as it is for the mutilators themselves. He probably noticed these things but found it too hard to see that she had a problem. Besides, every father wants to believe that their daughter is perfectly happy and healthy even when there not. It easier to pretend there isn't a problem."

"Fine, if that's true." I said not completely sold on the idea. "Let's say you talk to him, and he doesn't want us to help to her. What are we supposed to do?"

"Well, Charlie has to understand that Bella's nineteen, a year older than what is considered an adult, if she wants our help, there's nothing stopping her from getting it. So if Charlie doesn't want us to help, we'll do it anyway, because Bella wants us too. Even if that means she has to move in with us. I will not let her fall, simply because Charlie doesn't want us that around her anymore."

"Thank you, Carlisle." I stated and hugged him.

We fell into another silence as we contemplated what would happen if Charlie didn't want us around Bella anymore. As much as we woul've liked her to come live with us, I prayed it wasn't the case. She didn't need to add losing her father to her long list of stresses. And she definitely didn't need something to push her further into depression.

_She gave me butterfly kisses _

_After bedtime prays_

_Sticking little white flowers _

_All up in her hair_

Bella's phone blared from where she left it on the dining room table. I recognized the ringtone as the one Bella used for Charlie and was into the dining room answering it before anyone else could move.

"Hello." I answered.

"Bella?" Charlie asked.

"No, Charlie, it's Alice." I stated.

"Oh." I could hear the coolness his tone took on. "I was just calling to make sure that everything's okay with Bella and find out when she's coming home."

"Well, she's just spent the whole talking with us, and she fell asleep." I answered. "So were just going to let her stay the night here."

"I would rather you brought her home tonight." he replied and I could hear a slight tone of anger in his voice.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Charlie." I answered. "She's had a very long day and hasn't been sleeping well lately."

"I am aware of that." he practically growled. "Which is why I want her somewhere familiar, in case she wakes up."

"I assure you, she'll be fine here if she wakes in the middle of the night." I answered.

"Well, that's not going to work for me. I want to know that she's okay."

"Well, she's fine and we'll bring her home tomorrow."

"Alice, as the chief of police, I have the authority to arrest you and your family for holding my daughter against her will. Which is exactly what I'll do if she's not home in an hour."

"Well, then do what you have to do, Chief Swan, I'm not going to wake her up just to drag her home."

By now, Carlisle was beside me, holding his hand out for the phone. I handed it to him, wordlessly.

"Charlie, this is Carlisle." he said. "I know you're worried about your daughter and with everything's that's happened, you have every right to be. However, I assure you that Bella is safe here."

"That's not the issue." Charlie replied.

"Of course, it's not." Carlisle stated. "However, Bella has had a very long day and has shared things with us that she hasn't been able to share with anyone, not even you. She is exhausted and sleeping. I'm not going to wake her for something as stupid as taking her home when she's perfectly fine staying here."

"And what exactly did she talk to you about?" Charlie asked.

"That's not something that I can discuss over the phone." Carlisle replied. "However, I will bring Bella home when she gets up, then the three of us can discuss all of it. Now, it's been a long day, and my family and I would like to get to bed." I snorted when he said that. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Fine. But if she comes back to me in worse condition than she was when I left her, I will hurt you, Dr. Cullen."

"Fine." Carlisle stated and snapped Bella's phone shut.

He stood there for a moment taking a few breaths. I hadn't seen him this angry since Sam told him the pack wasn't planning on doing anything at all about Jacob. I thought for a moment that he was going to snap like he did that night. However, he took a couple more breaths and said,

"I'm going up to my study to check on some methods of helping with Bella's problem and look up some ways to have the talk with Charlie. Will someone let me know when she wakes up? I'm going to need to talk to her about Charlie."

With that he walked up the stairs to his study. The rest of the family slowly dispersed to begin their own nightly activities.

**JASPER **

Once Carlisle went up to his study and the others went their seperate ways for the evening, I wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and check on Bella. However, I could sense Alice's want and need to be alone with me. Along with a whole nother torrent of confusing emotions.

"You wanna go for a walk?" I asked holding my hand out to her.

"That would be great." she replied taking my hand.

I lead her out the back down and through the trees to the little creek that seperated our hunting grounds from our backyard. I sat down against a tree trunk with my legs spread open and tapped the ground between them, encouragin her to sit. She sat and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me and resting my chin on her shoulder. We were silent for a moment as her crazy emotions swirled inside me.

"Are you alright?" I asked her after a minute.

"I'm fine." she answered. "Why?"

"It's just because I sense a crazy swirl of emotion coming from you." I replied. "There's worry, sadness, pain, jealousy, and a small hint of happiness. I'm not sure what it all means but it's a little scary. You've also been extremely clingy the past couple of months. I get the feeling that you think you're going to lose me. I thought at first it was just because you lost Edward but now I'm not sure. I just need to know what's going so I know whether or not it's something that I can fix."

"It's nothing." she answered but I could feel that she was lying.

"Don't tell me it's nothing." I replied. "I can feel that it's something. Talk to me Al. Tell what's going on. I just want to fix it."

She sighed and looked down at her hands.

"It's just that the whole thing with Edward taught me that forever, doesn't really exist for anyone, not even us. I mean, if you we pissed off the right creature, we could be wear Edward is now. Just because we think that we have forever, doesn't mean that we really do. Every moment is still precious. Even for us. I don't wanna lose you and I've just got this horrible feeling that I'm going to." she explained and I could hear the sadness in her voice.

"Listen to me." I said gently pulling her chin to look at me. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, but it's just that you're spending so much time with Bella, and it's worrying me. I mean, I know she's my best friend and she needs you, but I can't help but worry about that."

"Alice, I love you. Not Bella. She's just like my sister and yes, she needs help. However, once she's better, I'm going to be coming right back to you. I love you and I promise I'm not going anywhere." I told her.

I knew somewhere in my self concious that I was lying and that I may not be able to keep that promise. However, Alice was my wife, ragardless of these strange feelings I was having for Bella, and she needed to hear the words and be reassured. I would say anything that she needed to hear just to get her smiling again.

Also, I hoped that telling her this, I'd be able to convince myself that my feelings for Bella were just a fluke of my gift. Maybe that way, I could squash the feelings before they got to far gone.

I could tell by her feelings that she didn't entirely believe my promise. However, she didn't call me on it, instead, she brought her lips down on mine and kissed me passionately. I kissed her right back with just as much passion.

The kiss deepened and I felt all of the negative emotions just fall away from both of us. It was one of those times where nothing else mattered but the person in your arms. I know longer felt anything for Bella while Alice no longer worried about losing me to Bella. All that mattered was throwing all of our feelings into the kiss and giving in to the passion of the moment.

**A/N: Yes, for anyone who wants to know, they are about to have sex. Just thought I'd let all of you know that. Also, I know that Alice's feelings at this point are confusing. It's simple, Jasper asked her what was wrong and she pretty much told him the truth about her feelings on losing him to Bella. She, of course, left out the vision of Bella and Jasper getting married, as well as her acceptance of it. I hope that clears things up a bit. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. Please review. **


	16. Once a Cullen, Always a Cullen

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry this one took so long. I had a hard time figuring out the last chapter of my other story and felt the intense need to finish it before I moved on to the next chapter of this one. However, I have now finished that one and can devote the rest of my time to this one. I would like to take a minute for a shameless plug, though. If anyone is interested in reading a Bella/Jacob story, where Edward is the bad guy, then you should give White Horse a read. It is an all human story with a very evil and twisted Edward. Please check it out if you get the chance. Now on with Second Chance. **

**BELLA **

I guess talking everything helped a lot more than I thought it would. I managed to sleep through the whole night without so much as a whisper of Edward or Jacob for the first time in months. It was nice to be able to sleep through the night for once.

I woke up the next morning to the feel of cold fingers brushing hair off of my forehead. Curious, I let my eyes open to find Jasper laying next to me with his head propped on his elbow staring down at my. His beautiful golden orbs were full of love, concern, and several other emotions that made the Jasper box that had locked up nice and tight rattled. I found myself wanting to allow it to spring open and close the distance between our lips. He leaned forward slight, as if he wanted to do the same thing. I quickly pulled myself away from him before either of us had a chance to do something that we'd regret. However, I couldn't bring myself to look away from his beautiful eyes.

I saw hurt flash across them as I settled myself on the other side of the bed. He bit his lip in slight embarassment without breaking the eye contact.

"I'm sorry." I said hurriedly trying to cover the awkwardness. "I'm still not use to the cold fingers touching me in the morning."

"Right, of course. I understand." he replied trying to sound like it didn't bother him. I wasn't fooled. His eyes still held a small level of hurt and a slight bit of embarassment. I held the eye contact trying to figure where the hell his emotions were coming from.

I didn't break the contact until someone behind me cleared their throat. I jumped about a foot in surprise and whipped around to see who else was there. Alice was sitting on the couch directly behind me. My heart rate picked up slightly. What if she noticed the awkward moment between Jasper and I? I didn't want to cause a strain on anything especially after just getting back into the family.

Alice, however, simply giggled at my reaction and gave me a kind smile.

"Esme has breakfast ready for you downstairs." she said in her usual perky and happy voice.

I surpressed a groan. I wanted to say that Esme didn't have to do that for me. However, I knew that cooking was something that Esme had enjoyed immensely as a human. She hated the fact that she had to give it up and loved it when Edward brought me around. I gave her an excuse to do what made her happy and allow someone to enjoy it. It would be stupid and nesty of me to give her a hard time about doing something that made her happy, especially after everything that I had done to them in the last five months. I settled for a grimace to show that I was still uncomfortable with the idea. Alice, however, ignored me.

"Then after you eat, Carlisle would like you to speak to you in his study." she continued just as happily as ever.

My heart rate picked up a little as I though about what he wanted to talk to me about. What if he changed his mind about letting me back into the family? I knew I would deserve nothing less than that, but I didn't think I could survive losing them again.

"Relax." Jasper stated placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. He had, no doubt, felt my fear and panic. "It's nothing bad, just important."

I nodded and slid out of bed. It was a good enough excuse to get away from the physical contact without hurting his feelings again. I looked down at myself and realized that I was still wearing the same sweatpants and cami that I was wearing the night before. I didn't have to see my hair to know that it looked like a rat's nest.

"Hey, Alice, do you have any clothes that I can borrow for the day?" I asked wanting to get out of the dirty outfit.

Alice simply smiled her evil smile and jumped off of the couch. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me over to one of the wardrobes and threw it open. It was full of outfits, shoes, and accessories. I looked at the whole thing with my eyes bulging in surprise.

"Alice, what did you do?" I asked.

"Well, I every time Rose and I went shopping we picked up anything that we thought you might like or that would look good on you. We wanted to be able to give you some kind of welcome back present for when you finally came home." she explained.

"You guys didn't have to do this, you know?" I couldn't help biut said it this time. It was just way too much.

"I know but we wanted too." Alice stated. "Besides, I've seen some of the stuff you've been wearing in the last five months, and you really needed a new wardrobe."

I suppose I really couldn't argue with her there. I had been wearing mostly p.j.'s when I wasn't oat work. I had gotten rid of everything that reminded me of Edward, including my clothes. Which didn't leave me with much.

"Thank you." I said with a small smile.

"That's what sisters are for." Alice replied slinging one arm across my shoulders. "Now, why don't you go take a shower, get dressed and go have some breakfast. I've already put your favorite shower things in there for you."

"Thanks." I said again hugging her.

She just giggled a little before pulling away.

"We'll see you in a couple hours." she said as she and Jasper walked out the door hand in hand.

I sighed and headed to their bathroom. Sure enough, Alice had a bottle of strawberry shampoo and conditioner, as well as a bottle of moutain breeze body wash sitting on the ledge for me. She had also placed a stack of towels and a wash cloth on the sink for me.

I got in the shower and quickly washed rinse and dried off. It took me several minutes to find a suitable outfit because anything the girls thought I would like was in the very back of everything they thought I would look good in. It took me twenty minutes to find a simple pair of tight jeans and a dark blue tank top that didn't reveal most of my boobage. I then slid on a pair of dark blue flip flops to complete the casual outfit. I brushed through my hair quickly and threw it into a messy bun.

I looked myself over in the mirror and had to admit that I looked much better than I had in months. Finally being able to talk about everything helped a lot more than I thought it would. I sighed at my reflection and headed downstairs for some breakfast.

When I got into the dining room, I found Esme sitting at the table with several plates of food in front of her. There were pancakes, waffles, eggs, toast, bacon, sausage and a glass of milk and orange juice.

"I wasn't sure what you'd want, so I made a little bit of everything." she said upon seeing my shock. "You don't have to eat all of it, if you don't want to. Just take what you want and I'll get rid of the rest."

I wanted to tell her that this was too much and she didn't have to do it. However, I reminded myself of the promise I made to let them do for me whatever made them happy. So, I smiled and slid into the chair, instead of, complaining.

"Thanks Esme, it looks great." I said.

She smiled her warm motherly smile as I began to pile the food onto my plate.

"You have no idea how happy I am to have you back Bella." she kissed the top of my head before heading back into the kitchen.

Once again, I had no idea how hungry I was until I had started eating. By the time I was finished, I had eaten half, if not more, of everything that Esme had made me.

When I finished, Esme told me to go see Carlisle and she'd take care of the mess. I offered to help, but she said it was more important for me to go see Carlisle. I sighed and headed up to his study.

When I got to his door, I knocked tentatively.

"Come in, Bella." he replied in his usual calm and serene manner.

I opened the door, slowly and a little shakily, and stepped inside. Carlisle was sitting behind his desk reading something on his laptop. He looked up when a walked in.

"Hello, Bella." he said with a kind smile. "I must say, you're looking much better than you were last night. How are you feeling?"

"Much better that I did last night." I replied. "I guess talking really does help."

"So it does." he replied. "Why don't you have a seat?"

I took a seat in the armchair that was across from his desk. He closed his computer and placed it off to the side. He stared at me for a long moment and I got the impression that he was trying to gather his thoughts. I kind of felt like this was a conversation that he didn't want to have with me. Finally, he sighed and said,

"Charlie called after you fell asleep last night."

My heart picked up in my chest. I knew that Charlie wouldn't be happy about my decision to come back to the Cullens. He was angry with them simply because it was their son/brother who left me a month before we were supposed to be married.

I knew I couldn't blame him for those bitter feelings. I mean, had it been Angela with Ben or even Jessica with Mike, their father's would've felt the same about the boys' families. Charlie was only feeling what was right for any father. Still, I couldn't help but hope that he hadn't embarrassed me.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"He was pretty upset that you were here." Carlisle replied with a sigh.

"I knew that he wouldn't be happy about it." I replied nodding.

"To be completely honest, he was downright furious." Carlisle amended. "He wanted us to wake you up and bring you home that minute. Alice told him that we weren't going to do that. We all know how bad you've been sleeping lately, we didn't want to distrubed what could've been and turned out to be a peaceful night."

"He didn't like that very much, either, did he?" I asked.

"Not at all." Carlisled shook his head. "He told Alice that if we didn't bring you home, he was going to come over and arrest us for holding you against your will."

"He didn't?" I questioned outraged. "I'm so sorry, Carlisle."

"Don't worry about, honey. We all know what Charlie thinks happened and he has every right to be angry and want to keep you away from us. Besides, it was just an empty threat. There was no way the charge would stick."

"So how did you keep him from doing it, then?"

"I absolutely refused to wake you up for something so trival as taking you home when there was no reason you couldn't stay here. I also told him that I bring you home when you were ready because there's a lot the three of us needed to discuss." he explained.

"And what exactly do the three of us need to talk about?" I asked catiously.

"You're cutting and what we need to do to stop it from happening again." he replied calmly.

"NO!" I practically yelled. "I can't tell Charlie about this! It was hard enough to talk to you guys about it. And you know the truth of what really happened. Charlie will think that I'm just some dumb lovesick girl who can't let it go. Besides, just hearing that I do it is going to kill him. I can't Carlisle, please don't make me?!"

"Bella, breathe." he said suddenly looking a little panicked about my mental health. "I know it's going to be a difficult thing for you to do. And yes, it's going to be extremely hard for Charlie to except. But this is a situation where you have your number priority. Yes, Charlie isn't going to like it anymore than we did, but telling him is a major step in the recovery process. As your father, though, he has a right to know. Besides, he's going to find out sooner or later. Wouldn't you rather tell him the truth now then have him find out by accident later?"

His words made a lot of sense to me. I knew how much it helped me to just talk to them about my feelings. It may help to talk to Charlie about them. Evcn if I couldn't be completely honest about it. And the truth was that I had wanted nothing than to tell Charlie for as long as it had been going on. I worried that one day he would walk in on me doing it and that'd make him feel like a failure. Which wasn't the case.

I was about to tell Carlisle that he'd won until another thought hit me. If I tell Charlie that I did this because Edward left me, what would he do about the Cullens? Surely, he'd stop my from seeing them. Hell, he may even go as far as moving me away and sending me to a shrink. I couldn't have handled that. I needed the Cullens. They were the only ones who could truly understand what I was going through.

"All that maybe true Carlisle. But if we tell Charlie that I did this because Edward left me, he'll be even angrier at the family. He'll forbid me to see and I realize now that I can't get through this without you guys. And if I tell him it's because of Edward, he'll make me stop seeing yopu guys. Which means I'll never get any better. Hell, he may even send me to some shrink that'd I'd have to tell more lies to. And they'll probably put me on anti-depressants - that I don't need - and not be able to help me at all. I'll be right back where I was yesterday. Hell, I could end up worse. I don't want that anymore."

"Bella, calm down." He said walking over and kneeling in front of me. His topaz eyes were full of a calmness that I couldn't help but feel as I made eyes contact with him. "You're nineteen now, Charlie can't stop you from seeing us and most certainly can not make you see a therapist if you don't want to. You are an adult now, able to make you're own judgement calls. Charlie needs to understand that. There's nothing he can do to stop you from handling this problem the way you want to. He needs to know that."

"You're right, Carlisle, I am nineteen now and there's nothing he can't make me do things I don't wanna do." I said slight sarcastic. "However, he can forbid you guys to come near the house or me while I'm at his house. And he can arrest you for trespassing on his property. Oh, and let's not forget that he can kick me out. And if he does that then I'll have nowhere to go, which will definitely make things ten time worse!"

"Stop, Bella." I could see that Carlisle was clearly getting frustrated with me. He even had to walk away to keep his frustration under control. "First of all, if he forbids us to come to the house, you know that you're more than welcome to come here anytime. Our door is always open for you. You should now that by now. And we'll just do what we have to do to help her from here. As for Charlie kicking you out, which I doubt he will, you know very well that you won't have nowhere to go. Because if that becomes an issue, than you'll just move in with us."

"I couldn't do that, Carlisle." I protested, "I've already been enough of a burden on this family."

"Bella, don't even go there." he replied, "You have never ever been a burden on this family. You've never been nothing more or less than one of us. Hell, you were a Cullen long before the day Edward brought you home to us. If I not mistake, you reached Cullen status the day Edward saved you from being crushed by Tyler's van. The point, though, is that once you're a Cullen, you're a Cullen forevcr. It takes way more the a couple of sadistic vampires or a jealous, volitale, adloscent werewolf to get you kicked out of this family. Hell, it takes more than the loss of one of our own or walking away from us to protect us to get you kicked out of this family. You're one of us, forever, Bella, just get used to it." I nodded. "Now, I have some research to finish. Once I'm done, you and I will go over to Charlie's and talk about this. Then, we'll plan thingas according to Charlie's reaction, even if that means having to move you in with us."

I nodded trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over. It was amazing that I could still have my family even after all the shit that I put them through. Carlisle was here and willing to help me talk to my father about what had happened. He was going to make this ten times easier on me juust by being there. I felt like I could almost do it, I would just need two more things.

"Um, Carlisle?" I asked tentatively.

"Yes, Bella?" he replied.

"Could we bring Alice and Jasper as well?" I asked.

"I don't think that's a good idea." he answered. "We don't want to overwhelm, Charlie."

"Please!" I implored. "I need them both there. They're my moral and emotional support. I don't know how I would've gotten through that last two days without Jasper or last night without Alice. And besides, it would be helpful to have Jasper there, just in case Charlie's temper gets out of hand and he adores Alice, she could be able to sweet talk him, if she had to. Please, I need them there."

Carlisle stared at me for a long moment. He was obviously weighing the pros and cons of bringing the two of them. After what seemed like forever, he sighed and said,

"Fine, we'll bring those two, but that's it."

"Thank you, Carlisle." I all but yelled and ran to him. "For everything."

I threw my arms around him. He seemed shocked at first, but relaxed and put his arms around me after a minute. He patted my back a couple times and said,

"You don't have to thank me, it's what father's do."

I couldn't help but shed a few tears knowing he still considered me his daughter, even after everything I put his family through.

**A/N: So what do you guys think. I know it kind of seems like filler, but I needed to show that the Cullens accepted her back with open arms. And yes, I know I left Emmett and Rosalie out, but that's just because I've got something else planned for them. You'll find out what, in a few more chapters. Please, review!**


	17. Mistakes and Confusion

**A/N: So I know that you're all anxiously awaiting the talk with Charlie. Unfortunately, this is not it. However, it is another almost fluff for Bella and Jasper. I thought it was a little necessary because things are going to start booming soon with them. Anyway, I promise the next chapter will be the one you've been waiting for. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one. **

**BELLA **

I left Carlisle's office feeling a little better about telling Charlie. It was nice to know that Carlisle and the Cullens still considered me family, even after everything that I brought upon their family. It was also nice to know that I would have somewhere to go if Charlie decided that he couldn't live with a daughter who hurts herself. The fact that Carlisle was willing to do everything in his power to help me through this meant more to me than he could ever imagine. However, the solutions he came up with to solve my problems only gave me time to worry about the other problems this would bring.

I hadn't mentioned anything to Carlisle about the affect this would have on our relationship. I could only imagine what Charlie would say or think once I told him. I worried that he was going to think of me differently after this. What if he decided that he couldn't love me anymore, after this. I wouldn't blame, but it was worse than imagining life if the Cullens didn't love me anymore. I had just started to get to know Charlie again and see what a wonderful father he could be when given the chance. I didn't want to lose that now that I had finally gotten it back.

"Bella, would you relax?" Jasper asked pulling at his hair inb frustration. "Your anxiety is driving me crazy."

I had gone straight back to Alice's and Jasper's room the minute I left Carlisle's study. Jasper had been witing in there to see how I was doing. Even after I reassured him that I was fine, he insisted upon staying with me until Carlisle told us it was time to go.

I didn't have to tell him that Carlisle gave him and Alice permission to go. Alice saw his decision a second or so after I asked him. She told Jasper right away.

"I can't relax." I replied. "I have to tell my father that I've spent the last five months cutting myself. I have no idea how he's going to react to that. Hell, I don't even know how it's going to affect our relationship. What if he feels like he failed me or something. Or worse, what if he hates me and doesn't want anything more to do with me?"

Jasper sighed and patted the spot next to him on the couch.

"Sit down and listen for a minute." He said.

I walked over and sat on the couch. I fiugred it was better than pacing a hole in the floor.

"You know what we are." he stated once I was sitting next to him. "And you know what we try to be. You've also heard from Edward and seen first hand, that it's some times harder than others for us to be what we strive so hard to be. And we sometimes make mistakes and do things that are less than what we expected of ourselves. Rosalie took her revenge on Royce. Edward spent a few years feeding on "evil" humans. Emmett has snapped twice. I've gone after you at the sight of your fresh blood. And Alice, well, she's made her share of mistakes as well. However, we are never afraid to come home and admit our mistakes to Carlisle. Do you understand why?" I shook my head. I was extremely confused by what all of this had to do with Charlie and I. "It's because Carlisle is our father and he understands that everyone makes mistakes. Granted, people die when we make mistakes, but that's just because of what we are. Carlisle understands this and is always willing to forgive our mistakes, no matter how big. He could never hate us because we strive to do the best we can with what we are given. Charlie's the same with you. He'll forgive you for this mistake. Because that's all it is, is a mistake. He'll understand that."

"How do you know that's how he'll really feel?" I asked, "You've never even met him."

"You're right, I haven't." he answered, "But I have seen what happened as a result of your other mistakes. Like the time you ran off to Pheonix because of Edward. Or the time you disappeared to Italy for three days, because of Edward. Or the way you have to lie to him in order to protect him. Granted, those were all things you had to do to save your own life, as well as Edward's. However, to Charlie, who doesn't know the truth, they were simply the mistakes of a lovesick teenager. Mistakes that he forgave you for. Yes, he punished you first, but that just proves he loves you enough to keep you from doing it again. However, he forgave you and slowly started to trust you again. He'll think the same thing about this." He gestured to my scarred and maimed arms. "That it was just the act of a lovesick and very hurt woman. He'll feel horrible about it, but he'll do everything he can to help you because he loves you and will forgive. The point I'm trying to make is that, you're his daughter and no matter what you do, he is always going to love and forgive you. Nothing is ever going to change that for him. Do you understand?"

I nodded this time. I really did understand what he was saying. Granted, I was still worried that he could be wrong. However, the reminder that Charlie would most likely love me no matter what I did or didn't do, made me feel ten times better about the whole thing.

"Thanks Jasper." I sighed laying my head on his shoulder. "For everything. I don't know how I would've gotten through the last thirty two hours without you."

His only reply was wrapping his arm around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head. We sat like that in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. At some point he started rubbing comforting circles into my shoulder and I, once again, felt the electric shock that only Edward's touch illicited.

I, once again, found myself wanting him to touch me in other places. My Jasper's box shook like crazy, threatening to burst open any second. I quickly pulled away from him, and slid to the other side of the couch. Hurt crossed over all of his features. Embarassed, I looked down at the couch and bit my lip.

I looked at the couch until I felt his presence right in front of me. He grasped my chin between his forefinger and thumb and lifted my chin until we made eye contact. There was hurt, pain, fear, and confusion all showing through those beautiful golden orbs. The box rattled even more as I tried to fight his grasp on my chin. He, however, as a vampire, was stronger than me, so I gave up the fight quickly.

"Why do you keep doing that?" he asked in his beautiful voice. "Pulling away from me for no reason. And don't give me that crap about not being used to my body temperature, because I'm an empath. I know for a fact that it has nothing to do with that."

I didn't know how to answer that question. I was a little embarrassed because I had forgotten that he could read my emotions. He, no doubt, felt everything I did in those uncomfortable moments where the feelings I had for Edward come back ten times as strong. How was I suppose to convince him that he was wrong about my feelings? He'd know that I was lying.

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything at all. Instead, I continued to stare into his eyes. He stared right back and there were so many emotions swimming in his eyes, it was hard to see how he felt. Confusion, love, lust, guilt, and fear. I didn't know which ones where more dominant nor which ones he'd give into. All I knew is that I was getting lost in his eyes and wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

Once again, he seemed to want it to, because he started to lean forward. I leaned away from him, loudly reminding myself that he was my best friend's husband. I was as close to the arm of the couch that I could get, but Jasper was still trying to catch my lips. God, I wanted to give him what he wanted, I really did, but I couldn't do that to Alice.

Thankfully, at that very moment, the door banged opened and Jasper jumped, quickly, to the other side of the couch. I looked to see who it was and I'd never been happier to see Alice, in my time of knowing her.

She didn't seem to notice that anything was off as she stepped inside. There was a half smile on her face and she was a little less exuberant than usual. I assumed that was because of what we had to do.

"Carlisle says that it's time for us to take Bella home." she stated looking at Jasper and I.

"Okay." Jasper nodded. "Are you ready Bella?"

"Not really." I sighed getting up and heading to my wardrobe. "But I have to do it, don't I?"

I opened the doors and dug out a very light black jacket. I wasn't going to let Charlie see my scars the minute we walked in. I didn't want to give him a heart attack. It was going to be hard enough for him to handle without me shoving it his face right away.

"Let's go." I sighed pulling the jacket on.

With that Alice, Jasper and I walked down the stairs to meet Carlisle. He was standing at the door, waiting for us and looking a little aprehensive. Nobody said a word as we walked to his Mercedes and climbed in.

The ride was silently as I stared out the window thinking about all the possible thing that could go wrong in the conversation this afternoon. Occassionally, I would look in the rearview mirror and Alice and Jasper who were sitting together in the back.

Alice had her head on Jasper shoulder and her arms wrapped around his waist. She looked so sad as she sat there. Jasper had his arms wrapped around her too and had placed his chin on top of her head. His eyes and features held the same tortured emotions of love, worry, confusion, guilt, and pain that they had in the room. I sighed and wondered what was going on with our emotions.

All too soon, we pulled up into the driveway behind Charlie's cruiser. I froze when Carlisle shut off the engine. I felt my heart speed up and my breath hitched. Carlisle placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"It's going to be alright." he said, "Just remember, no matter what happens in there, you'll always have a place to go and a family to take care of you, here."

I nodded and took a deep breath. I hesitated for only a second longer before opening the door and stepping out. I was joined a few seconds later by my other father, brother, and sister, and together we made our way up the short path to Charlie's front door.

**A/N: I hope you all liked this chapter. I know Jasper's acting all confusing. However, he's caught up in these new emotions for Bella and is confused about his feelings for Alice. It's easy for him to get caught up in the moment with Bella. Also, I'm not sure if I'm being a bit overdramatic with Bella's feelings on telling Charlie. I'm just basing it off of how I felt when I told my parents that I cut myself once. It was a very difficult day for me. Finally, I had someone ask me something in a review yesterday and I'm going to answer here rather than message her, just in case anyone else is confused about that. I was asked why they didn't just tell Charlie that Edward had died from a car accident or some kind of disease. I thought about both but decided against it for two reasons. The first being that in such a small town, if Edward had some kind of a disease, everyone would probably know about it. Besides, it be a lot of paperwork for them to fake. And I didn't go with the car accident thing, because Charlie, being the Cheif of Police would've been called to the scene, immediately, and even if the could fabricate the evidence well, there wouldn't have been as body, which would've looked very suspicious. I don't know, though, you guys might not agree, however, that's my logic on it. I hope you all like it anyway. Please review. BTW: Sorry it's so short, I didn't get off work until nine o'clock tonight and have to be back at seven in the morning. Doesn't leave much time to do anything. Sorry. **


	18. Truth

**BELLA **

I slowly and shakily opened the door to Charlie's house. I could feel my heart beating painfully against my chest as we entered the house. I could feel Jasper sending me wave upon wave of reassurance, but it just wasn't to keep me calm. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and run the other way. However, I forced myself to keep walking into the house with everyone else behind me.

"Dad, I'm home." I called and heard the T.V. in the living room click off.

I continued to lead the others in that direction until thirty seconds later when Charlie was directly in front of me.

"Bella, I'm glad you're home." he said swooping down to give me a hug. "I was worried."

"It's okay, dad." I stated. "The Cullens took care of me, like they always do."

"I'm sure they did." Charlie replied releasing me and glaring at the Cullens.

"Charlie." Carlisle stated with a slight nod.

"Dr. Cullen." Charlie answered coldly.

"Hey Charlie." Alice said in her usual bubbly manner.

"Hi Alice." he answered her in a slightly warmer tone than he had with Carlisle. However, it wasn't nearly as warm as his usual greeting.

He turned from Alice to look Jasper up and down. It took me a minute to remember that Charlie had never met Jasper. Jasper had never wanted to run the risk of hurting me by hurting Charlie. Which was why he always stayed as far away as possible.

"Dad," I said after a minute, "This is Jasper, Edward's brother. Jasper this is my father, Charlie."

"It's nice to meet you, sir." Jasper said in a pinched tone. I could tell that he was trying to talk without breathing.

He held his hand out for Charlie to shake. Charlie continued to glare at him and didn't take his hand. Jasper dropped it after a several long seconds. I knew this wasn't starting out very well and looked to Carlisle for help.

"Maybe we should all go and have a seat in the living room." Carlisle suggested. "There are some things that Bella wishes to discuss with us."

"My daughter and I do not need to discuss anything with or in front of you." Charlie replied in the same cold tone.

"Dad," I said through gritted teeth. "I have asked them to come because I would like to discuss this with and in front of them. So can you please just humor me and talk to them?"

Charlie stared at the three of them with a look of deepest loathing. I knew he didn't want me to have anything to do with them anymore because of what he thought Edward did. I knew that he was just trying to protect me, in case the Cullens ever decided to leave again. That was one thing that we definitely had to talk about. He needed to know how much I needed them right now. I would do anything I had to just to get him to see that.

"Fine." he growled after a minute. "Let's go into the kitchen, though."

Great. He wanted to go to the room with the most weapons. My heart speed up in my chest again. What if he tried to attack one of them and accidentally found out what they were? They would've made the last five months for nothing. I gulped as we all headed to the kitchen. I could feel Jasper trying to help me out with his powers, but it just wasn't working on me at the moment.

We we got to the kitchen, Charlie sat in the chair by the door and I sat next to him. Carlisle took the extra chair while Alice hopped on the counter, her favorite spot to hang out while I cooked. Jasper simply leaned against the fridge, which was closest to me and Charlie, in case he needed to intervene with either of our emotions.

I was silently for a long moment. I had no idea where to begin and, to be completely honest, I was a little embarassed about my actions now. It seemed so right at the time but so stupid now. How could I even begin to explain things to Charlie. He'd probably think of me as some crazy lovesick teenager or something.

I bit my lip and picked at my nails unsure of exactly what to say. I kept my eyes on the floor, not feeling that I could do this if I looked into Charlie's loving and concerned eyes.

"Bells, what's going on?" Charlie asked, no doubt, noting the flared tension and my embarrassment.

I sighed and looked over at Carlisle. He smiled encouragingly and nodded.

"You know how you're always trying to get me to tell you how I'm feeling and doing and I simply tell you that I'm dealing and walk away?" I asked and Charlie nodded. "Well, that's not entirely true."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked when he realized I wasn't going to continue on my own.

I sighed and slowly began to unzip the jacket. I shrugged it off my shoulders as I felt Jasper sending me waves of encouragement. After a quick glance at Alice, who nodded, I pulled my arms out of the sleeves.

I chickened out at the point. I froze and couldn't bring myself to show my arms to Charlie. Too many things could go wrong if I did this. The feelings of reassurance and emcouragment that Jasper was sending me just wasn't doing it anymore. I sat the frozen for a second before I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder, he squeezed it gently and whispered,

"You can do this Bella."

Somehow, hearing him say those words was all the encouragment that I needed. I pulled my arms out and held them aloft, palms to the ceiling, so Charlie could see all of the scars, old and new. His eyes widen in shock, pain, fear, and anger as he stared at them.

"Oh my God, Bells, what did you do?" he asked.

I didn't know what to say in answer to his question. I couldn't tell him that I did it because Edward was dead and never coming back. However, I couldn't make it sound like I had done it simply because Edward essentially left me at the alter. That would just make him angerier at the Cullens. I couldn't have that, especially since it was my fault that I was in this position in the first place.

I simply stared at the floor, just waiting for Charlie to start yelling and telling me what I horrible daughter I was. I waited for the words that I dreaded to hear. However, they never came. His anger, however, did. Only it wasn't directed at me.

Charlie was out of the chair meer seconds after I had showed him my wrists. He marched over to Carlisle's chair and got right down in his face. I panicked and made to get in between them but Jasper pulled me back.

"This is all your good for nothing son's fault." Charlie growled at Carlisle.

Carlisle just sat there and stared calmly at Charlie.

"Charlie, I would appreciate it if you didn't speak about my son that way." he replied in his calmest and most serene voice. "I understand your anger at him. If it was one of my girls in that position, I would be angry as well. However, he is my son and I will defend him. This isn't about him, though. This is about Bella and how to help her."

"Yeah, how to help her recover from what _he _did to her!" Charlie growled.

"Dad, back off!" I growled. Jasper still wouldn't let me get any closer to them. I just prayed that Charlie'd listen to me.

"Stay out of this, Bells." he replied in a calmer tone.

"Why should I?" I replied. "It's about what's best for me isn't it?!"

Charlie turned back to me with a calmer expression on his face.

"Of course it is, sweetheart, but I'm not sure you're in the right mental state to decide what's best for yourself." he answered.

I snorted.

"My mental state's fine, dad." I answered in a waspish tone.

"She's right." Carlisle put in. "I did a small mental evaluation after she talked to us last night. She's perfectly stable."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen." Charlie replied sarcastically. "I think I can handle my daughter from here, so why don't you and your family get out and leave us alone. We don't need anymore of your _help_."

"No, dad." I stated finally ripping myself from Jasper's arms and walking up to him. "I don't want them to go anywhere."

"Well, that's too bad." Charlie replied. "I won't give them a chance to hurt you like _he _did?"

"His name was Edward, Charlie." I growled. "Why can't you just say it? But you're right, _Edward _did leave me and he did hurt me. But it was Edward who did that, not his family. And I will not walk away from them because of that. They want to help me through this just as much as you do. And I think they could do a better job at it than anyone else."

"And what makes you say that?" Charlie asked me folding his arms over his chest.

"Because, they, like me, know the circumstances of Edward's leaving, and as much as I wish to share them with others, I was asked to keep it private, and that's exactly what I'm going to do." I answered.

"If that's true, then where were they for the last five months while you were hurting yourself?" he asked in an accusatory tone.

"You know very well that that seperation was of my own choosing. Not theirs. You saw how hard Alice tried to get back into contacted with me. _I _was the one who refused to see her or answer her calls. They wanted to help then, but I didn't want their help." I explained. "But now, I want and need it and I will do whatever I have to to get it."

"No." Charlie refused. "I can not and will not support that. I won't give any member of their family the chance to hurt you again. I mean what if they decided to just up and leave you high and dry like before? Where would you be then?" he asked.

"Like I've told you a million times, the last time was a misunderstanding and a mistake. It's not going to happen again." I stated and Alice, Carlisle, and Jasper made noises of affirmation.

"I can't take that risk this time, Bells." Charlie replied. "I'll talk to Renee and we'll get you the best therapist money can buy. That way you can just forgot about the Cullens and live your life happily."

"If you try to send me away, I won't go." I replied.

"Yes, you will." he replied. "This has gotten too far out of hand already. I won't give you the chance to try to kill yourself."

I threw my arms in his face.

"Been there, done that!" I yelled. "And if you send me to some shrink that I don't even know, then I'll just end up worse. So I'm not going to go and you can't make me."

"You're my daughter, I can make you do whatever I have to, to make sure you get better." he answered getting angrier by the minute.

"Actually, Charlie, I'm nineteen, one year over the legal adult age." I said. "You need my consent to send me to someone like a shrink and I won't give it. And you can't make me."

"As long as you live under my roof, you'll do what I say. And if that includes consenting to see a therapist and never seeing the Cullens, again, then so be it!" he yelled.

"Fine, then I won't live here anymore!" I yelled.

"What?" Charlie asked, anger replaced by shock.

"I said, I won't live here anymore. That way, you can't make me do what you want me to do."

"But Bella, I don't want you to move out."

"I won't so long as you let the Cullens help me and not make me go see a shrink."

Charlie was silent for a long time. I knew that he was having World War Three in his head. He didn't want to lose me as much as I didn't want to lose him. However, he hated the Cullens after what Edward did and sincerely wanted to keep me away from them. I knew he thought it was for my own mental health. I wish I could tell him exactly why this would help me. But alas, I had to protect him, even if it meant messing up our relationship.

"I'm sorry Bells, I just can't support it. I don't want you to be hurt again." he said after the longest silence ever.

"Fine, then I'll just have to go stay with them, until you get over it. Alice can you help me pack some clothes. Carlisle, Jasper, you guys can wait in the car if you like."

With that Alice followed me up the stairs so we could pack up my stuff.

**A/N: I hope that turned out okay. I was stressing over it something terrible today. I just couldn't get it worked out in my head. However, the minute, I sat down at my computer and started typing, it just sort of flowed. I hope you all liked it. Please review. Also, I know Charlie seems a bit out of character, but he's only trying to do what he thinks is best for Bella. Like any father in this situation would. **


	19. Sisters

**A/N: Hey, sorry for the wait. I was really tired when I got home from work last night. I just watched some T.V. and went straight to bed. Warning: This is another tearjerking chapter. This is also where Rosalie and Emmett, mostly Rosalie, get to show Bella how much they want her around. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**BELLA **

The hour Alice and I spent packing my things was one of the longest and most agonizing of my life. It was almost as bad as those first few hours without Edward. Almost.

Alice helped me pack everything in silence. She would occassionally ask me if there was something that I wanted packed or left at Charlie's. I tried to only take the essentials. I needed a way to tell Charlie that none of this was permenant and that I'd be back when I felt I was ready.

There were points during the hour when I got the impression that she wanted to say something to me. I think that she wanted to find a way to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. However, she couldn't quite find the words. I understood her completely, though.

She didn't remember enough of her life as a human to recall ever being in this situation. It was truly a case of not knowing what to say. However, I wished she was able to say something.

In the silence, I was able to think about everything that had happened in the last five months and the person who had caused it all. My former best friend, Jacob Black. I couldn't believe how much I loved and trusted him with my life. It was a mistake and I knew it. I also knew that, as badly as I wanted him to before, I wished that he had never come back to Forks.

If hadn't have come back then Edward would still be alive and I'd be the immortal, Isabella Marie Cullen, who wouldn't be able to or even dream of hurting herself. Granted, I'd be unable to contact Charlie, but at least our goodbye would've been on better terms. It was all Jacob's fault. Every last God damned bit of it.

I hated him for it. Loathed every last bone in his stupid werewolf body. I wished nothing but a slow and painful death on the man who had once been my best friend. He was nothing to me anymore. Nothing more than the object of my deepest loathing. And I no longer cared what happened to him.

He ripped two giant holes in my heart. Holes that I knew would never be filled because of it. I once couldn't imagine how I would've gotten through life without him. Now, I just wanted him to stay away from me forever.

I tried to keep myself from crying over the huge mess Jacob had thrown my life into by packing everything that I could. However, an hour later, there was nothing left to pack. I stood in the center of the room looking for something, anything to keep me distracted from the boiling rage.

It, however, came anyway. I wanted to throw things and scream until I couldn't scream anymore. I wanted to shout to the world the pain Jacob had caused me. However, I knew I couldn't. I didn't want Charlie to think that I was completely unhinged.

I gave into to the tears, instead. I sank to the floor and sobbed like I had never sobbed before. I let out every once of hate I felt for Jacob in those tears. I wasn't down there for too long before I felt a pair of strong cold arms wrap around me. Alice had knelt beside me and was gently rocking me while stroking my hair.

"Oh, Bella what's wrong, honey?" she cooed.

"I hate him, Alice. I just hate him so much." I cried into her shoulder.

"No you don't." she replied. "He's your father. He just wants what's best for you."

"No, not Charlie." I answered. "Jacob. I hate him so much. I wish he never would've come back. He destroyed everything. He took Edward away from me. He made me hurt myself. And he made Charlie hate you guys. And now I can't even live with my father anymore. He messed up everything and destroyed my life. And now I can't be sure if I'll make it through this." I sobbed even harder into her shoulder.

"Oh, Bella, honey." she whispered still rocking me and stroking my hair. "You will make it through this, I promise. Carlisle will help. We all will. And as for Charlie, it may take awhile, but I promise that he'll eventually understand that you know what's best for you a lot better than he does. This isn't the end of your relationship. I promise. You will get through this and be okay."

"But, Alice, even if I do, what's the point?" I cried back. "Edward's gone and nothing that Carlisle or Charlie or any of you can say or do will bring him back. He was my only reason for being anymore, and he's gone, with no hope of ever coming back. How can I possibly be okay knowing that I'm never going to see him again?"

She sighed and pulled me away from her until I could meet her eyes. There was a sadness there along with a fierce determination.

"Listen to me, Bella." she said. "You're right, it's never going to be okay, that he's gone. He was a vary special person in your heart and you loved him with everything you had. There's always going to be a hole where he was. And that's never going to be okay, but I promise that it will get better. You see that Edward wasn't the only person out there for you. The hole will eventually be filled by someone else and you will be happy again. I promise."

"But how can you know for sure?" I questioned.

"Hello, psychic here." she replied pointing to herself with a smile.

I couldn't help but laugh at that. I knew that if I could trust anyone with my future, it was Alice. It didn't seem like it know but I trusted that she was right that'd I be happy some day. It soothed me a little to know that bit of information.

"I promise, Bella, that you have a happy a bright future in front of you, once this is all over. You will find happiness again, Bella. And I'll do everything in my power to make sure that it stays the way." Alice finished.

She pulled me back to her and I wrapped my arms around her. It was so nice to have a friend and sister like her. I wasn't sure how I had gotten through the last five months without her. I felt a small wave of guilt over the feelings I was beginning to have for Jasper.

I pulled away at that thought. I didn't want to give anything away, and make her hate me, so I made it look like I was looking to see what time it was. My alarm clock told me that another fifteen minutes had pace since I finished packing.

"Come on." I stated. "We should get going. We don't want to make the boys wait to long." I started to get up, but Alice clamped her hand around my wrist and pulled me back down.

"Wait, I need to talk to you about something before we leave." she said. She sounded so serious that I didn't want to object. Instead, I made myself comfortable on the floor and nodded for her to speak. "I don't know what Edward told you about the night after the almost accident with the van, but it was almost the end of the family. We were extremely divided at that point and Edward was so head over heels for you, that he was prepared to destroy any of us who tried to hurt you. Well, Jasper and Rosalie were adamant about getting rid of you and the exposure risk. They wanted to be sure that their mates and families were safe." she added hurriedly looking a little worried about my reaction. I simply nodded in understanding as I tried to figure out why the hell she was telling me all of this. "We fought until I asked Jasper not to kill my friend. At the time, he was like Edward, and couldn't deny me anything that I asked for. The family was confused by my request and I explained that I had a vision of the two of us becoming like sisters. After that, Carlisle decided we would wait and see what happened. We wouldn't do anything until you gave us a reason to believe that you wouldn't keep your mouth shut." I nodded again, still confused by her speech. "What I'm trying to say is, that was the night you became my sister and I decided that, like Edward, I would do everything in my power to protect you. I hadn't even met you, yet, and I already knew I loved you like family. And I just want you to know that those feelings are still there and will never go away. You are my sister and I love you, now and always, not matter what you say or do. I need to know that you understand that."

I had no idea why she felt the need to tell me this now. However, she sounded so sad and desperate that I couldn't make myself question her motives.

"I do, Alice. And I feel the same way about you, too." I replied with a smile and she pulled me into another hug. "Now," I stated once we pulled away and I saw another fifteen minutes had passed. "We really should go. The boys have already been waiting an hour and a half."

We both stood and grabbed a few bags before heading downstairs. When we got down there, I noticed that Charlie hadn't left the kitchen. I think he was still in shock over what had happened. I motioned for Alice to wait for me by the door and walked down the hallway.

Charlie was sitting in one of the chairs, just staring at nothing. I leaned against the kitchen doorframe and folded my arms over my chest.

"Dad, I'm leaving, now." I whispered trying hard not to cry okay. He simply nodded, I didn't think that he could find the words to say. "I want you to know that this isn't permenant. I'm going to come back as soon as I'm better. I just need you to trust that the Cullens are the best form of help for me right now. I love you and I will be back. You can call anytime, you wanna. Bye."

He didn't say anything as I started to walk away. However, I heard him whisper something that sounded strangely like "Olive Juice" (A/N: Ten points to anyone who gets that.) just before I got out of hearing range.

Once Alice and I got outside, we found Jasper and Carlisle leaning against the Mercedes waiting patiently for us. Jasper immediately came to me, and took the bags I was carrying. He helped Alice place those and the others in the trunk.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Carlisle asked coming over to my side.

"No." I replied. "But I will be someday."

I smiled as I remembered Alice words from upstairs. Carlisle smiled back at my optimism.

"Do you wanna take your truck?" he then asked.

"Now, I want to leavc as much as I can." I answered. "I wanna make sure Charlie knows that I plan on coming back."

"Of course." he replied and we all piled into the Mercedes. "There's one problem, though, Bella." he continued as we headed toward their house. Edward's old room is the only one that we have available at the moment. Is being in there going to bother you at all?

"Because if it is, Jasper and I could always switch with you." Alice suggested from beside me in the backseat.

"It's alright. I can handle Edward's room." I stated.

That was partially true. I knew I had to get over this and the only way to do was to face Edward's memories head on. Even if that meant living in a room and sleeping in a bed that I had once shared with Edward. Besides, I had already inconvienced the Cullens too much. I wasn't about to let Alice and Jasper give up there room for me. That wouldn't have been right.

"Are you sure?" Jasper asked from the front seat. "Because Alice and I really wouldn't mind switching."

"It's okay." I replied. "I'm going to have to face it sometime. And the sooner I do, the sooner I'll get better, right?"

Carlisle smiled and said,

"I've already called Esme, she and Rosalie and Emmett are going to help us get you settled. And go through everything in Edward's room. You'll have to let us know what you wanna keep and get rid of."

"Right." I replied noding my head.

The rest of the drive was quiet. I spent it cotempleting the conversation that Alice and I had in my room. All that stuff about her knowing that I was going to find my happiness againe without Edward. Then the whole speech about me being her sister no matter what I said or did. It all started to make me wonder about whether or not she had seen the strange feelings that I'd been having for Jasper. Maybe, she had seen us together in the future, or something. Perhaps she was trying to tell me that she'd be okay with it if Jasper and I did end up getting together.

I didn't know if that was truly the case or not. Which was something that really bothered me. I didn't want to think about would could possibly happen with Jasper if I gave into the strange feelings and if Jasper felt that way about me. Because what if Alice wasn't okay with it? I'd lose my best friend and that was definitely something that I wouldn't be able to handle.

I couldn't ask her about it, though. What if I had completely misread everything she said? What if her words were just a way to stop me from crying and get me to feel better? If I brought it up without being sure, she'd get mad because I had feelings for her mate and husband. And I'd still lose my best friend.

It was a lose/lose situation for me. In the end, I just decided to forget about the Jasper box and work on getting over everything that happened. That had to be my first priority if I was ever going to be happy again. I'd just have to put Alice and Jasper on hold for awhile.

Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett were waiting for us when we got back to the house. We spent the rest of the afternoon going through Edward's room and remembering the good times, the bad times, and the times in between. I found that it was much easier for me to remember Edward with the Cullens around.

They understood my pain and suffering better than anyone else. They were able to see the tears of pain and joy for what they were. And they knew exactly what to say and do to make me feel better. I only wished that I hadn't walked away for five months.

The Cullens allowed me to pick what stayed and what had to go. I, of course, kept all of his funiture, including the bed and couch. There were too many special memories there to get rid of them. His stereo and entire music collection stayed. I also kept most of the pictures he had. Except, of course, for the embarrassing ones of me.

Once we had finally finished moving stuff out and I was preparing to unpack, Carlisle suggested that the others go on a hunt. Everyone agreed that it was an excellent idea, considering that I was going to be around twenty four seven now. They needed to be as full as possible, so there weren't any accidents.

Rosalie offered to stay and help me unpack, because she had been hunting early that morning. She said that she was good for another couple of days. However, when the others left, she sat on the bed and watched me put some of my stuff away.

"Bella, I was wondering if I could talk with you for a few minutes?" she asked after about five minutes of watching me.

"Okay." I said a little worried. The last time she had said something like that, it wasn't a very pretty conversation.

"Don't worry." she said, patting the bed next to her. "It's not bad."

I chuckled at how predictable I had become to all of them and went to sit beside her on the bed.

"So, I have a confession to make." she said sounding slightly embarrassed. "I've always acted like you didn't mean much to me and I only put up with you for Edward's sake. Especially after you made your decision to make the change. And that was because I hated the fact that you would willingly let go of everything that I was given no choice but to give up. And the irked me a lot. However, my dislike of you and your decision disappeared as time went on and I began to think of you as the annoying little sister that I've always wanted."

"Well, you've always been the bitchy older sister that I've always wanted." I stated with a smile. She giggled.

"I suppose, I deserved that." she replied looking at the bed. We were silent for a minute. "There's actually something that I wanna ask you, though. And I'm not exactly sure what you'll say."

"Okay." I answered confused by the sudden change in the conversation.

"As you know, Emmett and I were planning to get married again shortly after you and Edward did, but we decided that it wouldn't be appropriate after everything that happened with Edward. So we put it on hold for awhile. We decided a couple months ago, though, that seven months was a respecatable amount of time. We're getting married on February twentieth." she explained.

"Rosalie, that's wonderful." I replied still trying to fiugre out where this was going.

"Thank you." she smiled and bit her lip. She looked so nervous when she looked me in the eye again. "Emmett and I were wondering if you would do us the honor of joining Alice and Jasper as my second maid of honor?"

I was shocked by the request. Rosalie Hale had not only admitted that she thought of me as a sister, but had asked me to be in her wedding. I couldn't find the words to desrcibe what that meant to me.

"Wow, Rosalie, I..I..I..I" I started unsure of what to say.

"If you don't want to. I'll understand. I mean after how nasty I've always been to you, it would be the least I deserved. I mean..."

"I'll do it, Rosalie." I cut her off with a smile.

"Really?" Her face lit up like a kid's at Christmas.

"Really." I nodded.

"Oh Bella, you have no idea how much that means to me." She exclaimed throwing her arms around me.

"About as much as it means to me." I replied returning the hug.

We stayed like that for a long moment, and in that moment, I felt better than I had about everything that happened that day.

**A/N: I hope this one didn't turn out too crazy. I planned it last night but wasn't able to write it till now. And I'm really tired and don't feel good. So it was a little difficult to get out. Anyway, please review and let me know if it bombed or not. I appreciate your feedback. **


	20. Opening the Door

**A/N: And now the moment you've all been waiting for...... **

**BELLA **

Rosalie and I stayed like that for a long time. Both of us thinking about what had just happened.

I was shocked that Rosalie had asked me to be a maid of honor. I knew she never really hated me as much as she made people believe, however, I never imagined that she actually liked me that much. I especially thought that she'd hate me more after I did exactly what she told the family that I was going to do all along. I lost them one of their own. I thought for sure that she'd hate me after that. I never in a million years thought she'd ask me to fill a position that was usually reserved for sisters and best friends. However, she did and I couldn't believe it.

I think she was a bit shocked that I said yes. Especially after the way she treated. I, however, understood exactly how she felt about me. In her opinion, I was a danger to the rest of her family. One that wasn't even necessary. Yeah, I'd hate me too. I thought for half a second about saying no, but I knew that if she was a big enough person to put aside whatever negative feelings towards me, long enough to ask me to do this, then I could forgive her for those negative feelings and say yes. It was definitely an agreement that made the both of us happy.

We spent the next couple of hours unpacking and talking about the wedding. She, Alice, and Esme were planning a big beautiful ceremony in Alaska, in the Denali's backyard. Everyone of their vampire friends and aquiantances were invited. The thought of that many vampires in one place was a little scary for me, but nothing I couldn't handle. I had already survived three sadistic ones who wanted to kill me. What was fifty or so more?

Rosalie, also, told me all about her dress. It was a beautiful white ball gown that poofed out in several layers. It had a strapless corset bodice with shiny beads all down the front. It definite;y sounded like something Rosalie would wear. It would catch everyone's eyes. She, also informed me that she and Alice had yet to decide on a dress for the maids of honor. So I'd have the honor of helping them with that.

She then told me all about how Carlisle had agreed to give her away, just like he had at everyone of their weddings. It made a lot of sense, for Rosalie and Alice to ask him. He was, after all, the only father like figure either of them could remember. I knew that I would've asked him if Charlie wasn't around when I got married. He was already like a second father to me in so many ways.

We talked so much that I was surprised we finished my unpacking by the time the others came home. I was, however, so emotionally drained from the day that I ended up going to bed meer minutes after they arrived home.

The next few weeks passed by in a much more enjoyable fashion than the past few months. Carlisle and I had a few one on one counsoling sessions. Sessions in which I could talk about anything and everything that was on my mind at the time. I talked mostly about my anger at Jacob. I explained that Jasper helped me to realize that I was angry at Edward for fighting Jacob that day and taking himself away from me. We addressed the cutting and got deeper than just the Edward thing. I found that I blamed myself for all the bad things that happened in my loved ones lives. Which contributed too much of the guilt I felt after Edward's death. We also discussed Charlie and how I felt about having to lie to him about basically everything involving Edward and the family. There was a great amount of anger there as well. However, even if we couldn't find a solution to any of the problems, just acknowledging them and talking to someone about it, helped a lot.

Alice, Esme, Rosalie, and I spent a lot of our extra time planning Rosalie and Emmett's wedding. Alice and I finally found our dresses about two weeks after I moved in. They were a pretty light purple with spaghetti straps and went all the way to the floor. They showed off a respectable amount of cleavage and while pretty in the own way, they didn't outshine Rosalie's at all.

We had to practically force the men to go to their fittings and what not. By forced, I mean at least two of us had to accompany them to make sure they showed up.

Whatever time I didn't spend planning the wedding, I was hanging out in my room trying to avoid Jasper. Keeping that box locked inside was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. He always seemed to be around wanting to help me in anyway he could. It would've been sweet if I wasn't trying really hard to pretend that my feelings for him were sisterly. Thankfully, I managed to keep myself out of a position where I'd be vulnerable around him. I couldn't give into my feelings for him, no matter what. I refused to hurt Alice like that. She didn't deserve it.

I thought serious a few times about telling Carlisle during one of our session, however, I decided against it. I didn't want him mad at me because I could potentially break up his family. Esme, however, seemed to know more about things than she wanted to say. She just had this knowing smile on her face everytime I would refuse Jasper's help or walk away from him whenever we were alone.

If Jasper was upset by my constant rejections of his friendship, he didn't show it. He also seemed so calm and in control of his feelings. However, I would ocassionally catch a flicker of hurt in his eyes whenever I would move away from him or tell him I was fine.

I didn't know what was going on with us at that point though. All I knew was that it was getting harder and harder to walk away from him.

**THREE WEEKS LATER....**

I woke that morning to the smell of bacon and eggs. Interestingly enough, I opened my eyes to find a tray of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and a glass of orange juice sitting in front of me. I sat up with a sigh and rolled my eyes. I still hadn't gotten used to the Cullens enjoyment of pampering the human. It still felt extremely awkward for me. However, I learned to keep my annoyance to myself because anything I said other than thank you, was just ignored. Still, I felt I was entitled to be silently irritated.

A chuckle came from somewhere in the room, out of my sight range. It was so unexpected, I jumped and sent the tray flying through the air. Before I could even get over the surprise, I heard another chuckle and felt a couple of breezes accompanied by a colorful blur pass by me. Less than a second later, while I was still clutching at my chest and trying to catch my breath, the tray was back in front of me, with the food looking like it hadn't been upset at all, and Jasper was staring at me from across it.

"You scared me." I stated still slightly breathless.

"Sorry, I came in last night because I heard you mumbling a little in your sleep and wanted to make sure that you were alright and then, I just couldn't leave. I guess, I know understand why Edward liked to watch you sleep. I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that, but you're just so cute when you're trying not to be stubborn." he replied with a chuckle.

I could feel the blush creeping into my cheeks at his words. I never really got used to the idea of Edward watching me sleep, and I wasn't exactly sure what to make of Jasper doing it. I didn't want him to see my embarassment so I quickly looked down at my plate and started eating for something to do. I allowed my left arm to rest across the tray. I wanted it to look like I wasn't completely uncomfortable with the idea of being alone in my bedroom with him.

He was silent for a long time while I ate. However, I could feel his eyes on me. I didn't dare look up for fear of doing something that I might regret later on.

"Can I ask you something?" he finally asked.

"That depends on what it is." I answered after slowly swallowing.

I had a feeling I knew what he was going to ask and I didn't want to answer the question.

"You've been avoiding me these past few weeks and I was just wondering what I did wrong?" he asked.

"I haven't been avoiding you." I stated a little too quickly. "I've just been busy helping the girls with the wedding preparations."

"Nice try." he replied with a small smile. "But it's a lie and you know it."

"No, it's not." I defended.

"Bella, I'm an empath. I can tell there's something else. Only, I can't quite figure out what. You emotions go haywire when you're around me. Like know for example, you're fluctuating between fear, pain, sadness, and guilt. I really don't understand."

"It's nothing, Jasper. I promise. I'm still recovering remember, my emotions are bound to be all over the place."

"But not like this. When were with the family, your feelings are for the most part calm and serene, they don't start jumping around until your alone with me. And when I catch you reading or wondering the house alone, you feelings are more or less pleasant. There's something going on with you and it's about me. I need you to tell me what's going on so that I can help. I won't judge you or anything, I just want to make you feel comfortable around me again."

He slid over and up on the bed, until he was sitting right next to me staring me directly in the eye.

"Jasper, I promise that it's nothing that I can't handle on my own, okay." I responded and looked at the bed in embarassment.

I hated that he could see right through me. I knew that he knew, I was lying about being able to handle it on my own. I also knew that there was no way I was going to get out of this without telling him the truth about my feelings. I continued to stare at the bed for a long moment trying to figure out a way to make him let it go.

After a minute, I felt his thumbe and index finger grip my chin and lift my head until our eyes met. His eyes were a beautiful topaz that you could simply get lost in. I somehow found them more beautiful than I had Edward's. Of course, I was beginning to find everything about Jasper, better than Edward. I struggled slightly against his hold, however, he was way too strong for me and held me firmly with just those two fingers.

"Bella, please talk to me and tell me what's going on?" he pleaded. "I hate to see you're emotions like this. It's the way you felt whenever you hurt yourself. It scares me know that you're feeling those things again, especially around me. I don't want to be the reason you start hurting yourself again. So please, will you tell me, what's going on with you."

I suddenly found it, like I so often did whenever I stared into Edward's eyes, difficult to look away or deny him what he wanted me to say and do. However, I fought hard this time, because I knew no one could ever find this out. It would hurt Alice way too much. I couldn't cause my best friend that kind of pain.

"I can't, Jasper. Please." I pleaded. "I just can't."

I tried to pull my chin out of his grasp again, but he refused to let me go or break eye contact. I was starting to break as I not only looked into his beautiful eyes, but began taking in his other features and realizing that Edward had nothing on Jasper. Tears weld in my eyes as my brained reminded of Alice. I fought with everything I had not to tell him what I so desperately wanted too.

He started to lean forward and knew I was doomed. My head was screaming at me to pull away for Alice's sake, but my heart was saying stay out and let him do what he was going to do. I couldn't make my heart listen to my head and the Jasper box rattled violently.

It burst completely open the minute his lips met mine. I immediately opened my mouth to allow his tongue access. It was like kissing Edward, only ten times better. He was a gentle as Edward ever was, however, there was way more passion behind it than Edward would've ever allowed between us.

It was the most amazing kiss I had ever experienced in my life. It was like fireworks and a Hallelujiah chorus in my head. I couldn't imagine anything better than this. As I kissed him back, I completely forgot about everything in the world.

It didn't matter that he was my dead fiance's brother or that his family could walk in and catch us at any given moment. It didn't even matter that he could lose control and rip my throat out at any given second. All that mattered was that I pour every bit of feeling I had for Jasper over the last three weeks into that one kiss. It was special and amazing. And he was so good at it. I finally understood why Alice liked.....

With that thought, reality came crashing back to me. This was my best friend's husband and mate. By kissing him, I was hurting Alice and I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her. I couldn't do this, not with Jasper. He belonged to Alice, not me. It just wasn't right.

It was with those guilty thoughts that I ripped myself away from Jasper and put as much space between us as possible.

**JASPER **

Somewhere in my mind, I knew what I was doing was wrong. However, everything that I had been feeling for Bella and vice-versa was the only thing that mattered in my head. We both needed this outlet and neither of us could deny it. God knows, we tried. I could feel and see how hard she had been fighting it over the past weeks and it was even harder for me to ignore both of our emotions together. It just couldn't be done.

I needed to know what it felt like to kiss Bella. If only for this one time. I needed to be able to show her how I felt, even if I wasn't supposed to feel this way about her. I was gentle as I could possibly be, I didn't want to risk hurting her. However, I couldn't control the amount of passion I put into it. I had been holding it back for way to long.

It surprised me to find that she had just as much passion and love for me as I did for her that moment. It was like all her fear and sadness was taken away in that one little kiss. If I had known that was all it would take, I would've done it a whole lot sooner.

Kissing her was the most amazing thing in the world. I mean, yes, Alice brought fireworks and choirs to my life simply by kissing me, but Bella, it felt like her kiss was bringing me knew life. It felt like I was being reborn again, and not as a vampire either. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was human again and it was the most amazing thing anyone could've done for me. I didn't ever want the feeling to go away.

The kiss, however, lasted less than a minute before Bella's passion and love changed abruptly back to fear, sadness, and guilt and she literally ripped herself away from me. When my senses, caught back up with me, she was on the couch staring at me with tears brimming her eyes. Her emotions were jumping everywhere and I had no idea what to do.

Slowly, I walked over to the couch and sat beside her. I reached out to brush some hair out of her face, but she flinched away from me, shaking a little.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I asked. "Did I hurt you?"

"No." she replied as some tears spilled. I reached up to brush them away. She flinched slightly but didn't pull away.

"Then what's wrong?" I pressed.

"We can't do this, Jasper." she cried. "I can't do this."

"Why, is it because of Edward?" I asked. "Because you know as well as I do, that the only thing he ever wanted was for you to be happy."

"No, Jasper, it isn't Edward, it's...."

"Alice." I cut her off.

I felt like a complete and utter asshole at that point. How could I forget Alice, my wife and mate. The woman I loved. She was everything to me, and I had forgotten about her because of one little kiss from someone else. It wasn't right. I shook my head at my own stupidity.

"Exactly." Bella stated. "I can't hurt her like this. And you shouldn't want to, either."

"I know." I replied shamefully looking at the couch. "But I can't help what I'm feeling for you know. Or ignore what you're feeling for me. I need you Bella as much as you need me. I can feel it."

I didn't know what to do. I wanted Bella but I couldn't hurt Alice. I knew I still loved Alice as well. It was just too much to have to decided which one I wanted and needed more at the moment. With Bella's negative feelings coursing through me at the moment, I was going crazy trying not to kiss her and make her forget everything again. I didn't want to see her in pain, which was exactly what would happen if I stayed with Alice. However, I couldn't hurt Alice by leaving her for Bella. It wouldn't be right or fair.

"I know." Bella replied still figthing the tears with everything that she had. "But you have to, we have to. Alice is my best friend, and I couldn't hurt her like that. Her friendship and trust means way too much to me for that. I can't lose her. I don't think I'd survive. So, please, Jasper, this can't go any further. As much as I want you and this, I don't want to lose Alice. I can't lose, Alice."

Tears were streaming freely down her face as she finished her speech. I grabbed her wrists and pulled her close to me. I kissed her forehead and gently stroked her hair.

"Shhhh, honey. It's okay." I whispered trying to calm her. "I understand how you feel and I know that you're."

And I did. Alice was my wife and mate and I loved her very much. Probably more than I loved, myself. My feelings for her, paled in comparison to my feelings for Bella. However, Alice saved my life in more ways than one. She came to me, not knowing what she was getting herself into, and helped to pull me through the darkest time in my life. I couldn't just abandon her now, not even with what I was feeling for Bella right now. It wouldn't be right or fair to Alice. Especially after I promised her that she didn't have to worry about losing me to Bella. I couldn't break that promise because it would break her. And niether Bella nor I wanted to see Alice broken.

Bella stopped sobbing after a minute and pulled away from me.

"So what do we do?" she asked.

"We do what we've been doing. We ignore these new feelings and move on with life as brother and sister. What happened just now, will stay in this room between the two of us. Nobody can find out. It's going to be a long and difficult fight for both of us, but we have to do it, for Alice's sake." I answered.

"For Alice's sake." Bella said before breaking down again.

I pulled her back to me feeling her sorrow, pain, and guilt over what just happened wash over mine. I simply held her and allowed her to let all the pain and guilt out as she cried. I comforted her the best I could, but knew in the end, it wouldn't do any good.

**A/N: Wow, longest chappie so far. I'm excited. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I know you're all probably upset by the end of it though, but please put the torches and pitchforks away. They love Alice and don't want to hurt her, regardless of their feelings for each other. But don't worry, it's going to be okay soon. I promise, please review. **


	21. Emotional Confusion

**A/N: I would like to apologise for this chapter. Most of it is just Alice thinking and reflecting. It is, however, important for the development of the story. So please just be patient with it. I hope you all enjoy it. **

**ALICE**

I walked away from Bella's room in an odd state of shock. There were so many emotions running through my mind- pain, anger, guilt, sadness- I wasn't sure which I should be feeling at the moment. Pain and sadness were definitely the ones closest to the top.

I hadn't meant to hear their conversation. I had gone upstairs to ask Bella if she wanted to come to Seattle with Rosalie and I. We were going to have a nonwedding shopping say. And, although, Bella dislikes shopping, I figured she might enjoy some time away from the house. When I got to the door, though, I heard way more than I bargained for.

Jasper had questioned Bella about her feelings for him. Bella tried to act innocent, but acting was never her strongest talent. They ended up kissing, then agreeing that their relationship couldn't go past that point, because they didn't want to hurt me.

Hurt was definitely something that I was feeling a whole lot of at the moment. I was confused about why though? I had known this was coming for about six months now. One would think I was well prepared for it by now. However, it still came as a heavy blow. I think part of me hoped it wouldn't get to this point because that meant that I could deny the truth of everything. Now, though, I have no choice but to believe it was true.

I was also quite confused about which part of the conversation hurt the most. The part where the kissed or the part when they decided to deny themselves and each other their own happiness for my sake. It just didn't seem far to anyone. We were all damned if we did and damned if we didn't. It was all so wrong and I felt horrible.

I walked to my room in a slightly shocked and emotional stupor and flopped on my bed, completely unsure of what my next move was going to be.

On the one hand, I could've just told Jasper that I wanted a divorce and walked away. I knew it would make him and Bella very happy. They could be together without the worry of hurting me. I loved them both very much and hated to see them sad or in pain. Especially Bella, she'd already been through so much with losing Edward and all. And she was finally starting to get over it. I didn't want to be responsible for sending her back to that sad and lonely girl who nearly killed herself with guilt. It wasn't right.

The same went for Jasper. I loved him with every fiber of my being. All I wanted was for him to be happy. He told me all about his life before he met me, and it wasn't a very pleasant one. He was only just beginning to get over the things he'd done, then. He didn't need anymore of that kind of pain. He was too wonderful and good for that.

On the other hand, there was myself to consider. I wasn't ready to give Jasper up, yet. There was still so much I wanted to say and do for a with him. He was my husband, after all, and I loved him so much. He had no idea how much half the time. I don't think that I told him that enough. I wanted to hang on for as long as possible. I knew that was very selfish of me, but I was going to lose him no matter what.

I looked into their futures many times of the last six months. It was akways the same no matter what was happening to the relationship at the time. Bella was walking down the aisle toward Jasper who was waiting for her at the altar.

I took another quick look, just to see if their agreement changed anything. Nope, it was still the same. The two were going to get married and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I think that in itslef was enough to give me the right to be selfish about this. I mean, wouldn't you? Still though, thinking about how selfless Jasper and Bella were being about the whole thing, made me wonder if I my selfishness would be unfair to them.

They were both willing to give up their own happiness to make sure that I didn't get hurt. Which was why I loved them so much. I mean, after everything they had both been through in this life and existence, they both deserved a little bit of happiness. However, when something with the pontential to make them happier than they've ever been came along, they're willing to walk away from it for me. It just wouldn't be right for me to keep Jasper to myself when they were both willing to give up everything for me.

I hated this so much. I had no clue what to do and it was making me crazy. Thinking about the situation didn't help much either. It just made me even more confused by my feelings and this situation. I found myself wanting throw things and scream my frustrations to the world. However, I knew that wouldn't be a very clever idea. It would do nothing but get the family swarming me and wondering what was wrong. Nobody would leave me alone until I spilled the secret. Which was definitely not something that I was prepared to do. I didn't want to get any angry at Bella and Jasper out this. At least, not until it couldn't be kept a secret anymore. We'd all have to deal with it then.

I looked around for an alternative way to express my frustrations, however, there was a knock on my door before I could find the solution. I sat up in time to see Rosalie open the door and walk in.

"So did you ask Bella about coming with us today?" she asked leaning against the doorframe.

"Actually, when I went up there about twenty minutes ago, she was pretty upset about something." I stated. At least, it wasn't going to be a complete lie. "Jasper was taking care of her, so I thought that I should give them some space."

"Right." Rosalie said. "Well, if you want, I can go back up and check on her. Then I'll ask her. Maybe, she'd like the distraction."

I knew she mostly likely would. However, for the first time in my life, I didn't think shopping was going to make me feel any better. I know, shocking, right?

"Um, actually, I really don't fell like going anymore." I stated.

Rosalie's eyes widen in shock and a bit of disappointment.

"Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?" she asked in utter disbelief as she came to sit next to me on the bed.

"What? Can't I just change my mind?" I questioned trying to sound inoccent.

"The Alice Cullen I know, doens't change her mind about shopping." Rosalie answered. "Especially when she was the one who suggested the trip in the first place."

"Well, I guess there's a first for everything."

She raised an eyebrow at me.

"I still don't know, though. It seems to me like there's something wrong."

"There's nothing, I promise, Rose. I'm just not in the mood anymore. That's all. I think I just wanna chill here at home for the day."

"Okay, I suppose that I could just go hang out with Emmett." she stated sounding a little upset. "Of course, he'll probably be wrestling with Jasper all day."

I was sure that wouldn't be the case. Jasper would probably be spending most of the day either wallowing in the guilt and sadness. Or else, helping Bella cope with it all. However, having fun would most definitely not be on Jasper's to-do list today.

"I'm sorry." I replied feeling a little guilty about.

"No, it's fine." she stated. "I just wish you would tell me what's wrong."

"It's nothing. I promise. I'm fine." I answered.

"Okay." she sighed. "But if you change your mind, I'm only down the hall."

"I know." I replied. "And thanks."

"No problem sis."

She embraced me for a few short moments then walked out the door. I felt horrible for lying to her as I laid back down. I wished I could've told her what it was. I told Rose just about everything that I couldn't tell Jasper. However, I knew that it was impossible to tell Rose this. Not after she had finally started acknowledging and treating Bella like the sister that she was. I didn't want to damage that relationship before it got off the ground.

I laid there lost in my own thoughts for another five or ten minutes before there was a knock on the door.

"Alice, darling, it's Esme." Esme's voice floated in. "Can I come in?"

I shook my head at my sister. She knew that there was something wrong and when didn't open up and talked to her, she sent in someone who I would. Thankfully, it was the only person in the house who knew anything about what I was dealing with and could help me better than anyone else.

"Sure." I stated sitting up and pulling my knees into my chest.

She walked in and I could tell from what she was wearing and the state of her hair, that she had been cleaning things. She walked over and sat beside me on the bed.

"Rose said that you cancelled your guys trip to Seattle today." she said. "She seems to think that it's because something's wrong."

I nodded.

"So what is it?" she asked.

"It's started." I whispered.

"What's started, sweetie?"

"Bella and Jasper."

"Oh honey!" she wrapped her arms around me. "What makes you say that?"

I told her all about the conversation I heard. I told her about everything including the kiss and the decision they made to stay away from each other for me.

"And I'm so confused. And it just hurts so bad." I explained trying to control my emotions. "And I don't know why. I mean I've known it was all coming, but now that it's happening, I can't. And I don't even know what to do. I mean, with what I've seen and heard, I know that the ball's in my court and I have to decide what to do. I mean I want them to be happy and together. I love them both and don't want them to suffer on my account but I'm not ready to let go, yet. There's just so much."

"Honey, calm down." Esme cooed and tightened her grip on me. "You don't have to decide anything just yet."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you said the future going to be the same no matter what, right?" she asked and I nodded. "Well, don't do anything. Just let them do what they want and let the pieces fall."

"But that's going to hurt them to be apart like that." I stated. "I can't stand to think of them in pain."

"I know, honey." she replied rubbing my shoulder. "But their doing this because they love you and don't want to see you in pain. It's there gift to you. They'll eventually get their happily ever after, so take the gift of more time and cherish it. Don't worry about them, they'll be happy later. You just worry about getting as much happiness out of this as possible."

I smiled slightly at her as I thought about her words. She was right, as always. Bella and Jasper we going to get married, regardless of what happened between Jasper and I. They would have their happiness soon enough. I was going to give him up in the end, so why shouldn't I be able to enjoy the time I had left with him.

"So I should just let go and let things happen they way the were meant to." I questioned.

"Exactly." Esme replied. "You're relationship will end when it's meant to. There's no reason to rush it, especially if you don't want to lose him so soon."

"But Esme, I don't think that I could continue to be with a man who doesn't love me anymore." I stated. That would definitely hurt me way worse than giving him up completely.

"Sweetheart, just because he loves Bella now, doesn't mean he loves you any less than he did before. You and he were together through some of the darkest times of your existences. You can't go through stuff like that and not end up loving each other. He may love Bella now, but you'll always have a special place in his heart. Nothing that anyone will say or do can change that." she answered.

I knew she was right about that one too. Jasper loved me and I loved him. That was something that would never change. I knew from the first time I saw his face in that vision, that I would love him forever and he'd feel the same about me. Yes, he would eventually love Bella more than he loved me, but it didn't change the fact that he loved me.

"Thanks, Esme." I whispered. "You always know the right thing to say."

"It's all part of being a mother." she replied and kissed my forehead. "Now, why don't you go see Rose and tell her that you changed your mind. And I'll get cleaned up and find out if Bella wants to join us in Seattle. I think that we could all go for a distraction in the form of a girls day. What about you?"

"That does sound wonderful." I replied.

"Good. Go get Rose and Bella and I will meet you in the porsche." she stated. My face probably lit up brighter than a Christmas tree. "I thought you might like that." Esme smiled as she kissed the top of my head and walked out the door.

I ran a quick brush through my hair and headed out the door to make Rose's day.

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter. I also hope that Alice's thoughts weren't too annoying. Finally, I hope you all see the importance of them right now. Anyway, I can't wait to hear what you guys think. **_**REVIEW OR FLYING MONKEYS WILL EAT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.**_


	22. Feelings

**A/N: Sorry for the wait guys. I had a hard time deciding the best way to tackle this chapter. I've giured it out, though. The first part is going to be from an outsider P.O.V. because it's going to be easier and take up less time to do it like that. I hope it turns out okay. Warning though, it has a bit of a sad ending. **

**NARRATOR **

The three months that followed Bella and Jasper's decision to iugnore their feelings were long and hard on everyone.

Alice tried her hardest to just let it go and see what happened like Esme said. That was, however, proving more and more difficult as time wore on.

It was hard for her to be around Jasper, who tried to remain loving and doting, and know that his heart was somewhere else entirely. She could see it in his eyes and feel it in his kiss. He wanted Bella and not being with her was killing him. She could see that. However, she wasn't ready to let him go yet. She loved him way too much.

The guilt over that was getting to be way too overwhelming for her. She could see the two hurting a little more everyday over. They wanted and needed to be with each other and it made her crazy to think that he feelings were the only thing standing in their way.

Jasper, who was havuing problems with his own anger, pain, and guilt, was drowning in Bella's and Alice's as well. He could also tell, despite his attempts to keep it away from her, that Alice new she there was someone else. He could tell in the way she kissed him and held him. It was like she didn't want to lose him, yet, was preparing to let him go. It was making him crazy.

He knew the only fair thing to do would've been to let her go. At least, that way, she could have the chance to find someone else who would love her. And she wouldn't have to spend every minute wondering when it would be their last. However, he knew that divorcing her for her best friend would hurt way more than what he was doing now. He didn't want Alice to go through that kind of pain. Besides, he had his promise to Bella to think about. She begged him, on several ocassions, not tell Alice, no matter how much the situation was hurting Bella, herself.

Poor Bella had it worse than any of them. She had to spend every waking moment watching the man she loved with her best friend. She resented Alice for it and felt extremely guitly for it. Alice was her best friend and Jasper's wife. She hated that she wanted her best friend's husband. That was the thing that was killing her the most.

What was worse? She didn't have anyone she could talk to about it. She had long since gotten over her problems with Edward's death. Now everything she was feeling involved around her feelings for Jasper. And the guilt over Alice. Things she couldn't talk to anyone about. Not even Carlisle.

She had stopped talking to him during the session. She didn't know what to say anymore. The one thing she needed to talk through was the one thing she couldn't. She eventually just shutdown all together. She refused to talk to anyone, except Jasper and was slowly slipping back to the person she was after Edward's death.

She even seriously considered going back to old habits. The only thing stopping her from doing just that was her feelings for Jasper. She had promised him, after all. She just had to remind herself of the promise everytime they thought about it. However, it was getting harder and harder as the days wore on.

Esme was extemely worried about and sad for all three of her children. She just wanted all of them to be happy. She knew, though, that in this situation, there was no happy ending. In the end one of them was going to be hurting. She wished that it didn't have to be that way, but such is life. She tried to help Alice as much as she could and prayed it would all work out in the end. Maybe Alice would meet someone and everything wouold be okay. One could only hope.

Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett, the only ones who had no idea what was going on, noticed the changes in not only Bella but Alice and Jasper as well. While they simply passed Jasper's and Alice's off as a problem they would eventually work out on their own, they worried for Bella. She was slowly closing up again. She was spending more and more time alone in her room. And she had stopped talking to Carlisle during their sessions.

This worried Carlisle a great deal more than everyone else. He knew that the session were the only thing that kept Bella from hurting herself. If she wasn't talking that meant she was keeping everything inside and could only lead to one thing in the end. He didn't want her to relapse, yet, he couldn't even begin to comprehend what brought the changes on.

Rosalie and Emmett were just as confused and worried about Bella's regression. They didn't want her to relapse either. They wanted their little sister to find happiness again. However, that didn't seem to be working.

The family was so stressed out and hurt by the situation with Bella, it was decided that they didn't need anymore and Rosalie and Emmett ended up pushing their wedding back to July. They wanted Bella to be healed and happy for that day. It was supposed to be a happy day, not one to dwell on bad memories. Everyone just hoped something was solved before July.

However, the only three people who had any control over the solution, knew that it would cause ten times as much pain and suffering as the problem itself.

Things didn't seem to be going anywhere until about three months after Bella and Jasper revealed their feelings to each other.

**THREE MONTHS AFTER JASPER'S AND BELLA'S DECISION TO IGNORE THEIR FEELINGS.....**

**ALICE**

We were all sitting in the living room, trying, unsuccessfully, to ignore our own little worries over Bella. A week ago, she locked herself in her room, refusing to eat or talk to anybody but Jasper. Four days after that, she stopped talking to Jasper as well. Jasper, Esme and I, of course, all knew what happened. Jasper didn't that Esme and I knew, of course. However, none of us had the heart to do what needed to be done to fix it.

I was sitting in the armchair, curled into Jasper's lap, reading the last book of A Series of Unfortunate Events. However, my mind kept flickering to Bella and I couldn't read more than a paragraph without getting distracted.

Jasper rested his head on my shoulder and appeared to be reading as well. I knew him well enough, though, to know that his thoughts were upstairs on Bella as well. And what my knowledge of his personality didn't tell me, the fact that his face was stone set and his body was tensed so much, I half expected him to go up there and ripped the door down, was enough to tell me exactly how worried he was.

Carlisle was sitting on the couchy, aimlessly flipping through channels. I knew he really wasn't interested in what was one, because he was flipping through to quickly to catch anything, even with our enhanced senses. Besides, he rarely took any interest in anything that was on T.V. It was simply an action to distract himself. For some odd reason, he blamed himself for Bella's regression and felt like a failure because of it. I wished there was some way I could convince him otherwise, however, that would mean admitting to things that I wasn't ready to yet.

Emmett and Rosalie were on the floor, playing a game of chess. Or at least trying to. Neither of them could concentrate long enough to get anywhere. They had to start over three times because they forgot whose turn it was. And Emmett had been sitting there staring at the board for ten minutes when Esme came down the stairs with a tray in her hand.

She looked like she was gonna cry, if she was able to. She looked over to Carlisle and bit her lip shaking her head. She had just spent the last half hour trying to get Bella to eat something. Judging by the look on Esme's face and the fact that the food didn't look disturbed in the least, Bella hadn't given in. Carlisle sighed as Esme carried the tray to the kitchen.

We all stared after her in varying degrees of shock, worry, and anger. Emmett's anger was most prominent. In fact, not even a second after Esme entered the kitchen, Emmett upended the chess board and sent the pieces flying everywhere.

"I don't understand!" he yelled. "Three months ago, she was getting better. She was talking, eating, shopping, and spending time with all of us! She was slowly turning beack into the Bella we all know and love. Now for some reason, she's turning back into the dead Bella who didn't do anything. What happened Carlisle?"

"I don't know, Emmett." Carlisle answered helplessly. "I just don't know. Three months ago, she was telling me everything that could've had anything to do with her behavior and all the guilt she was holding inside. She told me things that went far beyond the realm of Edward and Jacob. Things from her child that she'd never told anybody else. And I could tell that she was doing so much better. But for some reason, she just started to talk less and less throughout our sessions, until she refused to talk to me at all. I have no idea what happened or how to help her."

I did. I knew exactly what caused the change in Bella's progress. I also knew exactly what had to be done to help her get over it. However, I couldn't bring myself to say the words and do the deed. I wasn't ready to let go of the love I had. I felt so guilty knowing that it was in my hands to make Bella happy and I couldn't find it in my heart to do it. I hated myself for it.

"I keep seeing images of that sad and scared guilt ridden little girl who came to me for help three months ago." Carlisle continued. "The one who was half dead and hurting herself. She asked for my help and I failed her. I don't know how to help her anymore and it's killing me. I worry that she's going to relapse if I don't figure out what's happened soon."

"No." Emmett growled. "Don't say that! I refuse to believe that she's going to do that to herself again!"

"Emmett, in order to be prepared for what's going to happen next, we have to consider all the possibilities. Whether we want to or not." Carlisle tried to reason.

"NO!" Emmett yelled. "Bella promised that she wasn't going to do that anymore. And my baby sister keeps her promises! Especially ones this important."

"It's not that easy, Emmett." Carlisle replied trying to control his frustration. "She can tell you over and over that she'll never do it again. She can say it until even she believes it, but the truth is, it's always going to be a possibility." At this point, Esme, who had heard the whole conversation, came in and sat next to Carlisle, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. I had long since discarded my book. "Cutters use their cutting like a crutch. And when they run across a problem that they don't think anyone else could possibly help them through, they use it to bumb themselves from their problems for awhile. It doesn't fix anything but for a few glorious minutes, it makes it go away for awhile. If Bella doesn't think that any of us can help her solve whatever problems she has, she's going to go back to the only garuntee of relief."

"Then you have to help her solve whatever problem this is before it goes that far!" Emmett replied. "You have to fix her Carlisle."

"Emmett, it's not that easy! I can't....."

"THEN MAKE IT THAT EASY!" Emmett roared over him. "That's my little sister up there and I can't stand to see her like this anymore! She broken, Carlisle, and she needs to be fixed. I don't want her to hurt herself anymore. She can to you for help, so why can't you help her?!"

I was utterly shocked. I had never seen Emmett this upset or passionate about anything. He was also the one who made everything out to be a joke. And yet, I was starting to think that Bella's current state upset him more than the rest of us. I could see his want for her to be happy and better. It was killing him to see her like this.

I studied the rest of the family and saw the same feelings mixed on their faces. They all wanted to find a way to Bella better. They were all crazy worried about her and felt helpless because they couldn't do anything. I, however, could and I knew it. I had everything I needed to do it. And I had suddenly realized, that Bella and Jasper together wasn't just aobout them. It was about the family too.

Regardless of anything else, Bella was the glue that held this family together since the day Edward brought her home. As crazy as it sounded, her happiness was connected to ours. Letting go of Jasper wasn't just about making Bella happy, it was about helping the rest of the family. Sure it would hurt me, but I'd eventually get over it. I didn't think that I could ever get over the family falling apart. Especially, if it was up to me to hold it together.

"Emmett, I understand that your upset about this." Carlisle answered. "And I know you want her to get better. We all do, but I can't fix her if I don't know what's broken. I wish I could, but I can't."

"But I can." I whispered, making up my mind.

I had to do this for Bella, Jasper, and the family. As unprepared as I was and as hard as it would be. It needed to be done to make everything better. I didn't want the family to fall apart. And I certainly didn't want Bella to go back to hurting herself. It was hard enough to deal with the first time.

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked confused.

"I know what's going on with her and I know exactly what has to be done to make it better." I said staring at the floor unable to meet anyone's eyes.

"Alice, you don't have to do it, now." Esme whispered. "We can find another way. There's gotta be something else we can do to help her."

"Esme, you know as well as I do that there's nothing else in this world that's going to help her." I replied. "Besides, I did what you said, and let the pieces fall. And I can't stand seeing things fall apart like this. Which is why it needs to be done. And it'll help everyone, not just Bella."

"But honey, what about you?" she asked sadly.

"It's not about me, Esme." I replied. "I'll live, but Bella might not be able too. I can't take the chance."

"Okay, honey." she whispered with a crack in her vouce. "Then you do what you feel you have to."

"Thank you." I said then turned to face Jasper. "Jasper, will you walk with me? There's something that I have to discuss with you."

**BELLA **

I was laying on my bed, crying my eyes out. Esme had just spent the last half hour trying to get me to eat the dinner that she had made me. However, I wasn't hungry. In fact, I hadn't been hungry in several weeks. The guilt and pain over my feelings for Jasper had settled too deeply in my stomach.

I hated that I wanted my best friend's husband. At the same time, though, I hated that I couldn't just take him for her. These confusing feelings were driving me insane. I didn't what I should and shouldn't feel anymore. I hated everything about the whole situation. It wasn't right or fair to any of us.

Jasper had suggested on several occassion that we should just come clean. I, however, made him promise not to say anything. I'd rather die than hurt my best friend like that, regardless of how much I was hurting. I didn't even want to imgine her face if I ever took Jasper from her. IT would hurt ten times worse than not having Jasper at all.

I found myself longing for the sweet oblivion that was cutting myself and watching the blood flow. Jasper was the only thing stopping me from doing that. I didn't want to break my promise to him. Not after everything that I had done for him.

Less than five minutes after Esme gave up, I heard yelling coming from downstairs. It was Carlisle and Emmett and they were arguing about me. Fantastic!

Emmett didn't understand what caused the change in me. While Carlisle worried about me relapses into my old habits. Could I not do anything right by this family?

First I took away one of their own. Now, if I do what makes me happy, I'll hurt Alice. However, I allow Alice to be happy, I'm hurting the family because of my unhappiness. It was frustrating beyond anything I had felt in my life.

I found myself thinking that things would be better if I took myself away from them permanantly. It was with that thought that I got out of bed, as if in a trance, and went into the bathroom to find the only blade that I was able to sneak in and hide without the Cullens noticing.

**JASPER**

I knew from Alice's speech to Esme that she knew more than I thought. I felt stupid for not thinking that she would possibly have seen this. Her actions and words over the last few months suddenly started to make more sense. She had known but was trying to hang on until the very end.

I didn't say anything as I rose from the chair to follow her out the backdoor. This was going to be a very difficult and painful conversation for the both of us. I could feel it in my heart. She was about to sacrifice her happiness for the sake of Bella and I. I could only imagine how hard that was going to be on her. I would, of course, be caring and understanding and try to comfort her the best I could. I did still love her, after all/ I'd have to make sure she knew that too.

We walked toward the backdoor leaving the confused stares of our family behind us. As I reached out to push the backdoor open, however, a scent hit my nose.

It was scent that sent such a terrible burning and nearly irrestible thirst down my throat, it could only be one thing; human blood. I recognized it instantly as Bella's.

Before any of the family could register it, I was up the stairs and outside her bedroom door. I said a silent pray, hoping that the blood was just because she had one of her clumsy moments. However, I was sure I couldn't be that lucky.

I forced the door open, so violently that it slammed back into the wall, smashing a whole in it. I took a wuick look around the room and relaized she wasn't in it. I, then followed the scent of the blood to the bathroom. I panicked at the point and literally kicked the door down. It fell from the frame onto the tile floor with an echoing thud.

There she was, my sweet beautiful angel, lying in the tub, staring intently at a long gash on her forearms and watching the crimson rivers flow into the water.

**A/N: I hope this chapter came out okay. It was a hard one to do because it was a transition and I'm not good at transition. And no, Bella wasn't really in a trance, it was just supposed to be my way of showing that she was a slave to her own problem. I hope that didn't confuse anyone. Anyway, let me know what you think. Please review. **


	23. Truth and Pain

**A/N: Hey guys. I'm sorry that my updates haven't been everyday like they usually are. I've just been extremely busy lately and end up coming home exhausted most nights from work. I'm trying very hard to finish this story so I can work on my novel. However, with my busy schedule, it's much harder to do. Thank you for bearing with me on all of it. Anyway, here's the update. Unfortunsately, it's another tear jerker. Don't worry, the mood will start to pick up again soon, though. And a quick aside, Alice and Jasper's part are slightly out of order. I did that because I thought that it would be the easiest way for you guys to understand. I hope it doen'st confuse anyone. Anywho, I hope you all enjoy this one. **

**ALICE **

The scent hit me less than a second after Jasper took off up the stairs. It sent such a fiery and nearly undeniable thrist down my throat that it could only be one thing; freshly spilled human blood. It didn't take long to identify it as Bella's freshly spilled blood. She was, after all, the only human within smelling distance of the house.

Once it registered as Bella's, I followed Jasper up the stairs. The family was at my heels a few short seconds after. They were all delayed by the confusion of what Jasper and I needed to talk about.

By the time we reached Bella's room, Jasper had busted in the bedroom door and knocked the bathroom one right out of the frame. He was kneeling beside the tub with his arms around a sobbing Bella. He had her pressed tightly to his chest. I could tell he was trying hard not to breathe. He had a, once white, now blood soaked towel, pressed to Bella's left forearm. Her right one, however, was still bleeding freely but not nearly as bad as her left one.

I had to put my hand over my mouth and nose just to keep the burning thirst away. Even that didn't help much though. Emmett already had to race out of the room. It was just a little too much for him. I was sure it was getting to Esme and Rosalie as well, however, I think they were frozen in place from the shock of what they were seeing.

Jasper was kneeling there , beside a bleeding Bella, and staying completely in control. I was sure they were all recalling the simple papercut on her eighteenth birthday. He hadn't be able to handle himself with the tiny bit of blood that escape her fingers. Neither Carlisle or Rosalie could even begin to understand what they were seeing.

Esme and I, however, knew exactly what was going on. Jasper was in love with Bella, and couldn't imagine his life without her. Especially if he was the one responsible for her death. Those were the only thoughts that kept him from ripping her throat out on the spot.

**JASPER**

"Oh god, Bella, what did you do?" I breathed as I grabbed a white towel off of the sink and ran to her side.

Her left arm had a deep cut from her wrist to her elbow. It was bleeding heavily. Her right one, was cut as well, however, it wasn't as deep or long as the one on her left. I asessed that her right wasn't anything to worry much about.

She hadn't reacted to the sound of the door falling over and didn't seem at all aware of me presence. She just stared intently at her forearm. This worried me. By the look of things, she had intended to kill herself this time and now she was just waiting for death to engulf to take her. I could tell by the look of her pale skin and the redness of the water, that she had already lost a substantial amount. I was surprised that she was still concious at this point.

The smell of the blood burned the back of my throat as I knelt down beside her. However, I found the thirst easier to ignore, considering what was at stack at the moment. I immediately pressed the towel to her left forearm, hard. I hoped that it would not only stem the flow, but it would sting enough to pull her out of whatever mental block or trance she was in.

A small weak hiss of pain from her lips told me that it had the desired affect. I saw her blink a couple of times, then her eyes widen in shock and fear as she realized what was going on. She looked instantly to me and I could see tears pooling in her eyes.

"Jasper," she said weakly. "I'm so sorry. I just couldn't do it, anymore. And I was hurting everyone. And..and...and.."

She broke then and buried her face in my chest as if embarassed by the whole thing. I wrapped the arm that wasn't putting pressure on the wound around her back and held her close to me.

"Shh..." I whispered. "I understand."

We stayed like that for the few seconds it took for Carlisle to get in there with his black bag and the family trailing behind him.

Emmett, I noticed, had to dart from the room right away. The blood was too much for him and I understood that completely. I could tell the uncomfortable looks on everyone else's face that they wanted nothing more than to scatter as well. The only thing stoppin them was the shock that was rolling off of everyone in waves.

None of them could believe that I was able to handle being this close to this much fresh human blood and be as in control as I was. I mean considering what happened last time. I had to admit that I was completely shocked myself. I had no idea how I was able to do it, really. I just knew that I didn't want her to die.

I suppose that I now knew how Edward felt everytime he would come into contact with her.

Carlisle was the first to recover from the shock. He walked quickly to me and knelt beside me.

"Jasper," he whispered as he placed his hand on my shoulder. I noticed that Bella's breathing was getting weaker as he did this. "I think it might be best if you leave right now."

"No," I replied. "I need to stay with her and make sure that she's okay."

"I'll take care of her." he replied speaking quickly. "But I know it's been a couple weeks since your last hunt and I don't want to take the risk. She's already lost too much blood."

"I'm fine." I stated, even though the burning in my throat was close to unbearable.

"Jasper, please, we don't have time to fight about this." he coaxed. "Just leave for her sake."

"Jasper, it's okay." Bella said weakly in my chest. "Go, there's no reason for you to be uncomfortable."

It seemed as though she held on just long enough to tell me that. The minute the words were out of her mouth, she fell limply into my arms. Those words and the fact that she was unconcious was what I needed to push me out the door. Carlisle needed to take care of her and he couldn't do that if he was worrying about me.

"Alright." I replied and kissed her forehead. "Just please, save her, Carlisle."

"I'll do my best, son." he answered sadly.

Alice and Rosalie had now joined us by the tub. Rosalie had a white robe in her hand. I stepped away to allow them to pick Bella up and wrap her in the robe. Then I ran out of the house to the one spot I always found comfort.

**ALICE **

I watched and listened carefully as Carlisle tried to convince Jasper to leave.

I was reminded of Edward the night of Bella's eighteenth birthday. Jasper refused to leave, exactly like Edward did, no matter how uncomfortable things were for him. He knew it was dangerous, but he cared too much to leave without knowing it was okay. He didn't even agree to leave until Bella told him too. Exactly the same way Edward had that fateful night.

It wasn't until that moment did I realize exactly how much Jasper loved and cared for her. He was willing to put himself through the worst kind of discomfort for her protection. However, he wasn't unable to deny her anything that she asked him for. Which was exactly how Edward had always been with her.

Jasper and Bella were meant for each other and that's all there was to it. It was just something that I was going to have to accept and deal with.

I followed Rosalie, who was carrying a white robe, over to the tub to help pull a now unconcious Bella out of the tub. Jasper ran out the minute we took over. I lifted Bella out of the tub and held her up while Rose wrapped her in the robe. Then I carried her out of the room and laid her on the bed.

"Okay," Carlisle said preparing his instruments. "I want the rest of you to leave as well." He said very quickly, even for us.

"Someone should stay in case you need help." I replied just as quickly.

"No, Alice." he countered. "Like I said to Jasper, she's already lost way too much blood as it is. She wouldn't survive it if any of you attacked her. Which is why I can't take any chances."

"But....But...But..." I stuttered.

"Just go, Alice." he ordered. "I need to uncover the wound and find out if she needs a transfusion. And I can't expose anymore blood until you're a safe distance away. I promise I'll do what I can and call you when I finish. But you have to leave, I don't want you doing anything that you're going to regret."

"Okay." I whispered defeated.

"I would go find Jasper, if I were you." He said and I could here the slight accusation in his voice. Great, he knew exactly how to interpret Jasper's reaction to what just happened. Which meant he blamed me for this. "I seem to recall you saying that you needed to talk to him."

"Right." I replied unable to keep the hurt out of my voice.

As I ran down the stairs, I noticed that Rosalie and Esme exited the room the second Carlisle asked. Rosalie was probably off trying to find Emmett to calm him down and bring him back. I ran past Esme, who was in the kitchen, no doubt, fixing something for Bella to eat. She'd definitely need some kind of nutrients if she woke up.

I ran out the backdoor and to mine and Jasper's place, the brook just before our hunting grounds. I prayed with all of my might that he'd be there, because if he wasn't, I'd have no idea where else to look for him.

As I approached the spot, I, thankfully, saw Jasper sitting against a tree. He had his head in his hands and looked utterly broken. I don't think that I had ever seen his so upset in the decades that I had known him.

I slowed my walk, playing for more time. I still had no idea how I was going to tell him the things I needed to say. And now, with what happened to Bella, I was starting to lose my nerve. What if he blamed me for what Bella did to herself? What if he's angry that I didn't stop this, even though I had the power to? There were too many worries and what ifs for this to end well.

He didn't look up until I was directly in front of him. His were black and they looked tortured beyond anything that I could've possibly imagined.

"Hi." he whispered dryly.

"Hi." I whispered back. "Can I sit?"

He shrugged his shoulders and I plopped down beside him. I placed a gentle comforting hand on his shoulder but he didn't even look at me. We were silent for a long time as I simply stared at the space in front of him.

"Are you alright?" I asked quietly. It was a stupid question and I knew it. However, I couldn't really think of anything else to say at the moment.

"What do you think Alice?" he replied angrily. "I mean, Bella just hurt herself again after promising not to. I'm pretty sure that she was actually trying to kill herself this time. Hell, we can't even be sure if she going to survive. And it's all my fault. So, no, I'm not okay."

I sighed. I knew that he was going to blame himself. Which was hardly fair. He was only trying to do what he thought would make me happy. Bella's was doing the same thing. I was the selfish one here. This was my fault. I should've let him go that morning three months ago. All of this could've been avoided if I had just let him go then.

"It's not your fault, Jazz." I whispered looking at the floor. "It's mine."

"How do you fiugre that?" he asked with a humorless laugh.

"I knew what she wanted and needed to survive. And it was in my power to give it to her. However, I was too selfish to walk away for her sake. And now she could be dying because of that." I said. I knew I was being vague, but I couldn't bring myself to say the whole truth just yet.

"And what exactly did you have that she needed?" he asked. I had a feeling he knew what I was getting at, however, he wasn't ready to admit to it either. I guess we were both gigantic cowards.

"You." I whispered sadly staring at the ground.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He replied trying to play stupid. I guess he really wasn't ready to admit it to me.

"Jazz, enough lying." God, how I wished I could cry. "It was the lies that got us here. Lies that could very well be taking Bella's life at the moment. So let's not make it any worse. I want her to be happy, again, if she pulls out of this. The only that's going to happen is by telling the truth from now on."

He was silent for a long time, just staring in front of him. I could see several emotions pass across his face. Relief, guilt, anger, sadness, pain. It hurt me to see him struggling with this. I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my embrace and tell him everything was going to be fine. However, I couldn't do that just yet. We needed to finish this conversation, first. It was the only way for any of us to have a hope for a happy ending.

"How long have you known?" he finally sighed.

"Since the day Edward died." I admitted still staring at the ground.

He finally looked at me. I could see confusion mixed with the beginnings of anger.

"I don't understand?" he asked. I sighed and looked back at the ground.

"I had a vision of the two of you together." I purposely didn't tell him what they were doing. I didn't want to ruin all of the surprises for them. "Just after you stopped her from attacking Jacob." I chanced a glance at him and I could see the anger beginning to bubble out. I needed to finish before he got to angry to listen anymore. "I decided that night, while you were taking care of her, that I'd let you go to her when the time came. However, she ran away before I could do or say anything to help. I did, however, keep an eye on the future the entire five months that she was gone, and the vision didn't change. That's why I pushed you so hard to go talk to her. I knew that you helping her could only lead to one thing. I thought I would have more time, though, so it didn't bother me much that you were getting close to her. Then three months ago, I heard the two of you confessing your feelings to each other. I also heard your resolve to pretend that those feelings didn't exist for my sake. I..."

"So you mean to tell me that you knew exactly what was causing her rehression and you did nothing?" he asked, his anger suddenly getting the best of him. "She was willing to go through hell to make sure you were happy and you just sat back and watched her suffer. You're so fucking selfish."

His words and the disgust with which he said them stung me. Did he have any idea how hard this was on me? He was my husband and the love of my life. I wanted him as much as Bella needed him. Did he not understand that?

"You have no fucking idea what I've been going through since the day I had that vision." I responded trying to control my anger. "I wanted to give you up for the sake of my best friend. You have no idea how much guilt I've been carrying around. I love Bella and I love you. And I want both of you to be happy. But Jazz, I _love _you. And I always have. You were there for me through the worst possible time in my life. You have no idea how hard it is for me to even imagine letting you go. I've be trying so hard, but it hurt too much. And I'm sorry for what Bella went through. You have no idea how guilty I feel about what she just did, but she's not the only person who's been hurting over this. I know how deeply you feel about her and don't want to see her in pain, I don't either, but doesn't the pain I've had to go through during this whole affair mean anything to you?"

My words seemed to snap him out of his anger. He stared at me with an awkward expression on his. It was a cross between sympathy and sadness. I wasn't sure what he was thinking at all. It surprised me when he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him.

"I'm sorry." he whispered. "I know this has been just as hard for you as it was for Bella. I mean I am an empath and all. I'm just so worried about Bella and I can't imagine what would happen if I lost her. And I...I...I.."

"Jazz, it's okay." I whispered. "I understand. I'm worried too. And I'm so sorry that it had to come to this."

"It's not your fault." he answered. "This is a shitty situation. Someone was bound to get hurt. I just wish it didn't have to be Bella. She doesn't need anymore heartache."

We silent for another few minutes. I just sat there in his arms taking in everything I could and getting my last fill of him.

"So what are we going to do?" Jasper asked.

I pushed myslef away from him and laced our fingers together.

"We're going to go to Carlisle tomorrow and tell him that we want a divorce." I said. "Then you're going to give Bella exactly what she needs, wants, and deserves." I answered sadly.

"No, I can't do that to you, Al." he replied. "I could never hurt you like that."

"This isn't about me Jazz. It's about Bella and her feelings. As much as I love you, I know I don't need you anymore and as much as it's going to hurt, I can exist without you. But Bella, she loves and needs you way more than I do right now. She can't even live without you."

"But Al," he whispered cupping my face in his free hand. "I don't want you to have to hurt."

"Someone's got to. And I rather it be me, than Bella. I'm mean she's just a fragile human, after all. I'm a big bad vampire. I can handle this, she can't."

He smiled at me and freed his hand from mine. He held my face tightly in both hands. I could see a great amount of pain and guilt in his black eyes, however, the was certain amount of relief and happiness in them as well.

"Al, I want you to know that you are the most amazing and selfless creature that I have ever met." he said. "You are special and beautiful and intelligent. And that fact that you are willing to give up the thing you love most for your best friend's hapiness, just makes you that much more amazing. I love you and some part of my heart will always belong to you. You deserve you chance at happiness and I promise to do everything in my power to make sure that you get exactly that."

With those words, he brought his lips crashing down on mine. It was the purest most passionate and wonderful kiss we'd ever shared. My heart broke just a little to know that it was going to be our last. However, my resolve never wavered. Bella needed this way more than I did right now.

We broke apart after several long moments and just stared into each others eyes. I noticed his were still pitch black.

"Maybe, we should hunt?" I suggested.

"Well, that just killed the moment." he stated with a small chuckle.

"Well, if you wanna see Bella when Carlisle gets finished, you need to get some blood in you. We don't need another scare tonight." I replied.

"I suppose you're right." He sighed helping me stand.

I smiled wickedly as I got to me feet and leapt across the water without warning.

"Catch me, if you can!" I yelled.

Jasper smiled playfully and leapt across the water as well. And with that we embarked on what was surely going to be our last hunt together.

**A/N: I hope you guys like this one. It took me forever because I wanted to be exactly right. Also, I know a lot of you are thinking that there's no way Jasper would say those things. However, the woman he loved could by dying. Of course, he going to mad at anyone who had anything to do with that. However, indirectly. Anyway, please review. **


	24. Conflicting Emotions

**A/N: Sorry this took so long guys. I've been really busy with work and family things. I also had a small bout of writer's block when it came to Bella's part of this chapter. However, I think that I've taken care of it and hope that it turns out okay in the end. **

**JASPER **

"Do you feel any better?" Alice asked.

It was about an hour after our conversation and impromptu hunt and we were sitting against the tree just across the river. Alice had a comforting arm slung around my shoulder. It was the first time she spoken in nearly fifteen minutes.

My anger toward her all but disappeared. Sure, I was still a little upset, because it was her decision not to leave me that lead Bella to make the decision to hurt herself again. However, it was also mine and Bella's fault. We should've been honest with Alice from the beginning, whether or not it hurt her. Maybe then, things wouldn't have turned out so bad.

It also helped that I took the time to consider her feelings throughout this whole thing. I had no idea how hard it must've been for her to spend months knowing that she was going to lose her husband and lover to her best friend. That had to be beyond devasting for her. Maybe if I had paid a little more attention to her feelings over the past months, I would've been able to figure it out.

The point, though, is she suffered through as much pain and guilt as Bella and I have over the past few months. I couldn't have expected her to just walk away from me witout warning. It was hard enough for her with the nine months warning that she had. I could understand that. It was just as hard for me at the moment as it was for her.

I was enternally grateful for her willingness to finally do it. Now that she knew justhow deeply our feelings ran. I was perfectly estatic about the idea of going to be and being able to hold her in my arms and kiss her before telling her how much I loved her. However, it was hard to think that I wasn't going to be Alice's husband anymore. She had been mine for decades and the thought of losing her was way more painful than I though it would be. Even with the promise of something that I wanted and needed more than her.

"Not really." I sighed. "And I won't be until I find out whether or not Bella's okay."

Carlisle had yet to call about Bella's condition. I kept telling myself that no news is good news. However, it was getting harder and harder as the minutes ticked by. Surely if she was going to make it, he'd be finished by now.

Alice stiffened at my words. I could feel the pain and guilt coming off of her in waves. Though, I had forgiven her for lying to us, she had yet to forgive herself. She still thought everything was completely her fault. When in reality, we all had a part to play in this. We were trying to protect ourselves and each other by making others happy. It didn't work because we'd all forgotten that a human heart could only take so much before it died.

"Jazz, I'm so sorry. I just..." she tried apologizing for like the millionth time that night.

"Al, stop it." I said a little forcefully. "I told you that I understand. This was as hard for you as it was for us. I get it. Besides, it's not entirely your fault. We all had our parts to play. We made our decisions and the pieces fell. Now, we just have to hope the outcome is good."

"She'll be okay." Alice whispered. "One way or another."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Do you really think that Carlisle is going to let her die?" she questioned rhetorically. "He'll turn her, if that's what it comes down to. We all know that, already."

"I just hope he doens't have to."

"I don't think he will. Bella's strong and resilient, even for a human. Look at what she's already survived. Sadistic vampires bent on destroying her and Edward. Jealous, pushy, adolescent werewolves. Losing Edward once. Losing Edward forever. Leaving the family. And while she hasn't always dealt with these things in the best way, she's still here. Somewhere inside her, she's found the will to survive it all. She will now too."

"How can you be so sure about that?" I asked not entirely believing her.

"Because, she'd be stupid to go and die when someone like you was waiting for her here." Alice replied with a smile.

"Thanks." I returned the smile slightly comforted.

We lapsed back into silence, just staring at the spot in front of off. My phone went off unexpectedly, about ten minutes later, causing us both to jump. I quickly pulled out the phone and flipped it opened without looking at the I.D.

"Hello?" I asked tentatively.

"Jasper, it's Carlisle." Carlisle's vouce replied quickly.

"Please, tell me that she's alright?" I practically begged.

"She's going to be just fine." he responded.

"Oh, thank God." I sighed relief washing over every part of me.

"I had to give her a couple transfusions. Which wasn't a problem seeing as we had the blood and all the necessary equipment. You know, just in case something went wrong with her transformation." he began to explain.

"Right." I replied.

"He left arm was pretty messed up. I had tob give her somewhere around twenty stitches after I stopped the bleeding. Her right one wasn't nearly as bad. It would've been worse had you not gotten in there when you did. If she had been able to finish, I wouldn't have even been able to change her." I shuddered at the thought as Carlisle continued. "She's resting right now. I imagine it will be a couple hours before she wakes up, but I'll call you when she does. In the meantime, I would like you to go hunting. I don't want to risk anything else happening tonight."

"Alice and I have already been." I stated.

"Good and did the two of you talk about whatever it was you needed to?"

His tone implied that he knew more than he thought he should.

"Yes, and we're pretty sure that once we've spoken to Bella, everything will be better."

"I'm glad to hear it, son." he replied. "I'll call you when she wakes."

"Thanks Carlisle, for everything."

"Just doing my job." he replied and flipped the phone shut.

I flipped the phone shut with a sigh and looked to Alice. She was kneeling beside me with an interesting look on her face. She was torn between fear and relief. I knew that she had heard the entire conversation, however, she wasn't prepared to believe it until I said the words.

"She's going to be fine." I told her and the relief completely comsumed her face. "Like Carlisle said, she resting and he'll call when she wakes."

"That's wonderful Jazz." she said and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so glad. I don't know what I would've done if she didn't make it."

I just sighed and hugged her close. I was just as happy and relieved but couldn't quite find my voice. I just sat there staring at nothing in a state of relieved shock. I didn't come out of it until Alice waved her hand in my face.

"Sorry," I said shaking my head. "I just can't believe she made it."

"I told you she would."

"I know." I replied with a smile.

We fell into silence again as I thought about what this meant. Was I ready to finally do this?

"So what do you wanna do until Carlisle calls?" Alice asked excitedly.

I knew she was trying to hold on to the last little bit of time she had me all to herself. She wanted these last few hours to be ones to remember. However, I just wanted some time to reflect on everything. I needed to be sure that I was doing the right thing.

"Actually, Al, I was hoping I could just be alone for a little while, if you don't mind?" I answered. "I just lhave a few things that I wanna think about it."

"Of course." she replied sounding slightly hurt. "I'll just go find Em and Rose and tell them the good news."

She stood and started to walk away. I grabbed her wrist to stop her and she turned back to me.

"Thank you, Alice." I whispered. "For everything."

"No, Jazz, thank you." she replied and took off into the forest.

I continued to sit there as memories of Alice and I together danced through me head. I thought about the day I meant her in that bar. She was so sweet and vulnerable and I could feel how desperately she needed someone, anyone to hold on to. I was more than happy to be that someone because I needed the same thing. We helped each other through so much over the years and she lead us to our family.

She helped me get passed the guilt that I was feeling and gave me a better life. She reminded me that my past transgressions were acts of my nature. I didn't know any better at the time and while it didn't make it okay, it helped me see that I wasn't a horrible monster.

I didn't think I would've survived in this life post Maria if it hadn't been for Alice. She literally saved my life inb every possible way. How was I suppose to walk away from that?

Those thoughts made me reconsider leaving Alice. I loved her very much and I knew she loved me. Why mess with something as good as that? Especially after everything that we've gone through over the decades.

I, then thought about how I felt when Bella kissed me. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. Alice's kisses had nothing on that.

I rememebered how I felt the minute I stepped into that bathroom and realized that I could lose Bella forever. My whole world was rocked by that thought. And it felt like someone ripped out my could dead heart and threw it across the room. My life felt like it would end the minute hers did. It was a huge relief to find out that she would live.

I thought about that wonderful relief that was pulsing through me now. My mind started to fill with images of Bella and I together. I imagined putting my arms around her and kissing her beautiful lips.

It was those thoughts that made me realize that, though, I'd mourn my relationship with Alice and the memories of us, I loved Bella with every bit of my heart and would do everything in my power to ensure that we have a bright and happy future together.

**BELLA **

I woke up in my bed wearing, what felt like, a pair of sweatpants and a camisole, with a throbbing headache and no memory of the last couple hours. My left arm was throbbing and felt warm and heavy, like it was covered in several layers of something. My right wrist hurt, but not as bad as my left arm, it too felt like there was something wrapped around it. And there was a feeling like the constant pricking of a pin in the back of my right hand. Curious, about what was going on, I opened my eyes through the pain.

I looked over to the left first. Sure enough, my arm was covered in several layers of gauze. I looked to the right next and saw the my right wrist was bandaged as well. There was also an IV needle sticking out of the back of my right hand. I followed the tube of it with my eyes. There was a red liquid shooting through it and a bag full of the same liquid at the top of the stand.

It didn't take me long to realize the liquid was blood. The second that realization hit, memories started flooding back to me. I remembered laying on the bed and thinking that I couldn't do anything right for the Cullens and how there lives might be better if I took myself completely out of them. I remembered slicing my left wrists and thinking how badly it hurt after so many months. I remember starting the right but then Jasper was suddenly there. I strained, but couldn't remember anything after that.

Curious to find out more, I made to sit up through the pain in my head. Before I could even get halfway up, to pairs of strong cold hands were pushing me back down.

"Oh no you don't." a familiar female voice said.

I looked up to see Esme staring down at me. She had a strange mix of fear, relief, sadness, and anger in her eyes. A mix that I had only seen once before, it was the look that Charlie had the day Edward brought me back from Italy. A looke that only a parent could give a child when they've done something so completely stupid and dangerous that it was a wonder they were still alive.

The fact that Esme, who was not my mother by blood or venom, looking at me like that, mademe feel extremely ashamed and embarassed by my actions of the night before. I found that I couldn't even look into her eyes at that moment. I, instead, turned my gaze to the bed and through my sadness and shame blurted out,

"Esme, I'm so sorry. It just got too much and I..I..I.."

Bella, stop." she cut me off and held up her hand. I shut up immediately. "I understand, honey. I know this whole ordeal hasn't been easy on any of you. I mean with all of you worried about hurting someone else, one of you was bound to do something stupid and crazy like this."

"Esme, what are you talking about?" I asked highly confused.

She couldn't have been talking about the whole thing with Jasper, Alice, and I. Jasper and I were the only ones who knew anything about that and we both agreed not to tell anyone. Jasper wouldn't have said anything without talking to me first.

"You and Jasper." she replied sadly sitting beside me on the bed.

I began to panic a little inside. She knew! How did she know? Did she tell the others? Were the angry at me? I prayed they weren't. I couldn't lose them again. I did the best thing I could think of.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I stated trying to sound convincing.

"Bella, sweetie." she sad pushing some hair out of my face. "You're lying skills haven't improved much over the past few months."

I looked back at the bed and bit my lip. I guess there was only one thing to do now.

"How did you know?" I asked her.

"Alice told me." she shrugged.

My heart rate picked up and my breath caught in my throat. Alice knew. How did she find out? She was going to hate me. I didn't think that I could live through that. I couldn't lose my best friend.

"Bella, honey calm down." Esme pleaded. "Carlisle'll kill me if I get you too worked up. You're still not fully recovered."

"How did Alice find out?" I managed to ask.

"She's psychic." Esme replied sweetly. "However, if it makes you feel any better, she saw it coming before you and Jasper ever did." I shot her a look that clearly said I had no idea what she was talking about. "She had a vision of the two of you togehter the day Edward died."

"How is that possible?" I asked, "I mean, how could she have seen it before Jasper and I were even able to decide how we felt about each other."

"Alice's powers aren't limited to concious decisions Bella." Esme answered. "Jasper conciously decided to stop you from going after a volatile werewolf, for whatever reason he wanted to tell himself. However, subconciously, he knew that he'd rather die than have you taken out of this life. That decision, unbeknownst to either of you, lead you to your discovering your feelings. Which are very strong. Alice's vision never changed throughout the entirety of your five month seperation. She was the one who pushed Jasper to be the one to go talk to you and convince you to come back to us. She knew all that would lead to the two of you falling in love."

This news was a little shocking for me. I hadn't expected to find out that Alice knew all along. I wasn't exactly sure how that made me feel.

"She heard your guys conversation three months ago as well." Esme finished quietly.

"What?" I gasped. "She heard that?"

"Yes, everything. From Jasper asking you how you felt to the kiss and your guys decision to walk away from each other for her sake."

"So you mean to tell me that we were all miserable for nothing."

"No, not for nothing, Bella." Esme stated. "You see, Alice decided a long time ago that she was going to give him up for you. She knew that a time would come when you needed him more than she did. However, she wasn't as prepared for it as she thought she would be. She wasn't ready three months ago. You're decision gave her the time she needed to say goodbye. She was able to get the last little bit of what she needed of him. She was ready now. In fact, before Jasper caught the scent of your blood, she was taking him out to do what she needed to do. And she finished the job while you were out of it."

"She what?" I asked starting to panic again.

"She asked him for a divorce while you were sleeping. Carlisle's going to get the paper work started tomorrow."

"No, she can't Esme." I pleaded. "I can't let her hurt like that. She needs him. I could never take him away from her."

"Bella, it's not taking him away from her. She's giving him to you. She knows how desperately you need him. And he needs you now just as bad."

"But what about Alice. She's my best friend and I can't hurt her. Do you know how much seeing us together is going to kill her? And what about the rest of you? How can I expect you to be okay with the fact that I'm hurting Alice like this?"

"Bella, listen to me, I know how much you love Alice and I know how much you love this family. And you don't want to see any of us hurt. We all feel the same way about you. But at some point, you have to do what's right for you. Even if it's not necessarily right for everyone else. Besides, if we'll be happy if you are. Yeah, it's going to hurt Alice, it's going to hurt her a lot. But you're her best friend and sister and she'd rather die a million times over than see you like this. We all would. Your happiness is essential to ours. You have to understand that. We hate seeing you like this. We do. You are a wonderful and beautiful person and we couldn't live without you around. And if being with Jasper is what's going to keep you here, alive, and happy, then that's all we want and need." Esme explained.

"But I can't take him away from her." I protested even thoguh her words made sense. "They've been together for decades and they've helped eachother through the worst possible things. His heart truly belongs to her. I couldn't take that away."

"Honey, Jasper's heart belongs to whoever he chooses to give it to." she stated kindly. "And yes, part of it will always be with Alice, but it's big enough for both of you. And if he wants to give most of it to you, let him. Especially if it'll make both of you happy."

I opened my mouth to protest again but found that I had nothing left to say. She was right about all of it and I knew it.

"Alice is giving you a special gift Bella. The best thing you can do is take it and cherish it. She wants you to be happy, no matter what it costs her. So, be happy, and she will be too."

I simply nodded knowing that I wasn't going to win. Granted, there was a major part of me that was glad for that.

"Now, Carlisle and the others are outside waiting for to see you." Esme continued. "Only Carlisle doesn't want more than two people in at a time. He doesn't want to overwhelm you. So I'm going to send in Rosalie and Emmett first. That way, you can relax a bit more before you talk to Alice and Jasper."

I nodded and she leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"And Esme," I whispered as she walked to the door.

"Yes, dear." she paused at the handle.

"Thanks for everything."

"Just doing my job." she replied. "I'll bring you up some dinner in little bit."

With that she opened the door and stepped out.

I was left alone for several minutes to ponder and fear what would happen once the rest of the family came to see me.

**A/N: I think I made up for the gap between updates on this one. I honestly think it might be my longest chappie ever. I don't know though. Anyway, let me know what you think. Also, I'm not sure how transfusions work so just use your imagination please. Anyway, that's it for the night. Now it's time for Army Wives! Which is like the best show ever. Drew Fuller is so damn sexy! And on that note, I just like to implore that you review. **


	25. Just Be Happy

**BELLA **

I only had to wait a few minutes after Esme left before the door opened again and Emmett came bursting in. He had a huge smile on his face. It, however, didn't quite reach his eyes. Those looked terribly sad and extremely hurt. I cringed to think that it was my actions that made him look and feel like that. Especially after he was the one who defended me when Carlisle was worried about a relapse.

Rosalie walked in behind him. She looked calm and indifferent all the way around. That was, of course, typical Rosalie. I, however, knew her well enough to see the relief and hurt underneath the fascade. I found myself a little more embarassed at the thought of hurting Rosalie's feelings.

Emmett came right up to me and pulled me into a gentle hug. I wrapped my arms around his large muscular body and squeezed hard. I doubt he felt it, however, I couldn't think of any other way to express how sorry I was for all of this. He pulled away after a few short seconds and smacked me not so gently on the shoulder. It wasn't enough to do any damage, but it did hurt like a bitch. I let out a small squeak.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again!" Emmett exclaimed.

"I'm sorry." I said blushing a deep shade of red. "I really am. I just didn't know what else to do. Or where else to go."

Emmett flashed me a sad smile and sat on the foot of my bed.

"Why didn't you come to one of us?" Emmett asked. I didn't think I had ever seen Emmett so serious in the time that I had known him. "You know very well, that we'll help you through anything, no matter what it is."

"Not this." I sighed looking down.

Rosalie, who had been standing closer to the door and looking slightly uncomfortable, came over and sat beside me on the bed. She was careful not to hit any of the equipment, or my bandaged arms. The look on her face told me that she was struggling with her next set of words. I didn't know if I wanted to hear what was on her mind or not.

"Bella, what exactly is, this?" she questioned after a minute.

I knew it was going to be something along those lines. Esme hadn't said if everyone in the family knew what was going on, yet or not. I was hoping that Jasper and Alcice would've taken care of this by now. I didn't want to have to be the one to tell it. Especially not to Rosalie.

We had just started becoming close. I didn't want to ruin it now by telling her that I was the reason her sister was going to be miserable for God only knew how many centuries.

I knew I'd have to face it sooner or later. The sooner, the better right. I looked carefully at both of them, willing them to understand.

"Have you spoken to Jasper and Alice tonight?" I finally asked.

"Not since before we found you. She did mention that she needed to talk to him, though." Emmett answered. "And they went into Carlisle's study the minute we got home and stayed for a good half hour or so."

"They didn't say anything about the conversation, though." Rosalie interjected.

Damn it! This would've been a whole lot easier if they had some idea of what was going on. Playing for more time, I shifted myself into a sitting position. I struggled with the tube that was still pumping blood into my system (A/N: I'm not sure if she'd still be having recieving blood, but just go with it). Rosalie reached over to help me.

"It's complicated." I stated knowing they were both expecting an answer.

"No, it's not." Rosalie whispered.

"How would you know?" I asked slightly incredulous. Where did she get off telling me what was and wasn't complicated in my life? I mean she didn't even have any idea what I was going through in the last three months.

"You love Jasper and he loves you." she replied with a shrug. "There's nothing complicated about that."

I was shocked by her words. Not only because she knew the truth, but also, because she said them in such a casual manner. Like it really wasn't all that complicated. Had she forgotten about Alice? Did she not realize the kind of pain her sister was going to be in after all of this was sad and done.

A million questions came to mind as I stared at Rosalie in utter disbelief. I knew I needed to ask her something, but I was too shocked to say a word. How could she be taking this realization so calmly.

She seemed to have noticed my inability to speak, as well as the shock on my face, because she simply smiled and said,

"It wasn't that hard to fiugre out, Bella. I mean, I've known something wasn't right between them for months now and the fact that she had to talk to him tonight just confirmed it. I wasn't positive, though, until I saw the way Jasper reacted to your blood. I mean, a year ago and a half ago, a tiny little paper cut set him off, but tonight, he was completely in control. And if you had seen yourself and the bath tub, you would've known what a feat that was. I think even, Carlisle's control wavered a little. But not Jasper's, he stayed by your side until you asked him to leave. He wouldn't even listen to Carlisle about it. I knew then, exactly what was going on. You two are in love but were trying to ignore it for Alice's sake. That's why you did this, isn't it?"

I nodded unable to make me voice work. I wasn't sure how I felt about Rosalie knowing all of this. Most importantly, though, I wasn't sure how Rosalie and Emmett felt about knowing all of this.

"So why didn't you just tell one of us?" Rosalie questioned. "I mean you used to talk to Carlisle for hours about almost everything in your life. Why not this?"

"I was afraid of how you guys would feel about it." I stated in a small shaking voice. "I didn't want you to hate Jasper or me because of it. I was so afraid of losing you guys again. I couldn't even begin to know what to say or how to explain it." Rosalie just sighed and nodded. "And how do you guys feel about it?" I bit my lip praying that she wouldn't hate me.

"Well, to be honest, the whole situation sucks." Rosalie answered. "No matter what someone's going to end up miserable. There's no escaping that. But, Bella, regardless of what happens next, you, Alice, and Jasper are part of this family and we love you all. That's something that's never going to change. No matter what happens. We will love and support you three through anything. We'll help all of you through it. And I know you and I haven't had the best of relationships over the last couple of years, but you are very much like family to me and I love you. I just want you to be happy and if Jasper's going to make you happy then, you've got to do what you've got to do. I'll be here for you, regardless. Just like I'll be there for Alice and Jasper, no matter what happens."

"Thanks, Rosalie." I managed to choke out through my tears. "That means a lot." She just smiled and leaned down to hug me tightly. "What about you Emmett?" I asked when she pulled away.

"I'm with Rose." He replied. "I just want you to be happy and to stop hurting yourself. I hate seeing you like this Bella, I really do. And then tonight, when I thought that we could lose you forever. It scared the hell out of me and I don't ever wanna have to feel like that again. You mean way too much to me and to this family. And, while I feel horrible about the prospect of Alice being in pain, I'm telling you that you have to do what you need to do to be happy and to get over this. Because it's the only way, you're ever going to be able to move on from all of this. So please, just stop torturing yourself. We won't think anything different of you."

I smiled and nodded my thanks. I had no idea why I ever doubted my family's love and support of my happiness. Even if it was taking away from another family member's happiness. I was beginning to see everyone's point, though.

While I hated the fact that I was going to have to hurt Alice in the near furture. I knew there was nothing left to do. I had to take care of myself at the moment. I really didn't want to die or spend the rest of my life depressed as hell. It was no way to live. I had to do what I needed to make myself happy. Jasper did too. We owed it to ourselves and each other. It would be a difficult thing for all of us to do, but what other choice did we have. We were all drowning in our misery. And my fragile human heart couldn't take it anymore.

"Well," Rosalie stated after several minutes of silence. "We should leave and let the others come up. Esme has dinner and Carlisle wants to talk to you as well. Then Jasper and Alice, of course, will need to talk to you."

"Right." I replied.

Rosalie swooped down for another hug and I held her as tightly as my pitiful human strength would allow. She held me like that for several long moments before she finally pulled away and went to stand by the door.

Emmett came to sit next to me on the bed. He had a very serious look on his face. I was sure, even with his super vampire strength, this was the first I was actually scared of what he would do.

"And if you do ever pull another stunt like this, I'll kill you myself." he threatened.

I chuckled a little nervously, well aware of the fact that he was, at least somewhat, serious. I nodded, though. He then, in a very uncharactiristic brotherly show of affection, leaned down and kissed the top of my head. I found myself blushing again as he pulled away from me.

"We'll see you later Bella." he said as he followed Rosalie out the door.

Less than five minutes later, Esme walked back in with a tray of food and Carlisle in tow.

Esme had outdone herself, like usual, on the food. She had made me a beautiful roast beef dinner completely with a dinner roll and chocolate cake for dessert. She had a glass of milk on the tray as well (A/N: Once again, I'm unsure of what kinds of food would be needed after a transfusion, so just go with it, please).

I smiled to her as she placed the tray in front of me. Carlisle checked my vitals and a few other quick things before he sat as well. I ate while he explained what he had done while I was asleep. It was pretty straight forward, a couple transfusions and a few stitches. That was pretty much the extent of it. He also told me that he wanted me to get plenty of rest over the next few days. I agreed, of course. It wasn't until I finished dinner that we came to the part of the conversation that I didn't want to get into.

"I also wanted you to know that I spoke with Jasper and Alice a little while ago and I'm going to make the necessary calls to get started on the divorce." Carlisle stated, once he was sure that I was finished.

"Okay." I answered my voice shaking slightly.

I wasn't sure how Carlisle felt about everything that was happening between myself and his son and daughter. And for some reason, his opinion was the one that mattered most to me. I kept my eyes on the bed and fidgetted with my sheets. I didn't want to look into his eyes, afraid of what I might find.

It was silent for a long minute before I felt his cold hand on top of mine. I looked up to see him kneeling on the floor next to the bed. He looked extremely torn. And I gulped afraid of what I might say.

"I want you to know, Bella, that you are one of my daughters, regardless of what happens with you and Jasper. I know this was a difficult thing for all of you to deal with. One of you was bound to be hurt and I regret that it had to be Alice. She is such a special person and deserves to be happy. But you are too, Bella. And you deserve as much happiness as she does. It's regretful that your happiness has to interfere with hers or hers with yours. It sucks and I wish it where different. I do. However, Bella, you need to go after your happiness because you can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not going to solve anything. In fact, it only makes things worse. You should know that by now." I nodded. "I want you to be happy Bella, we all do, even Alice. That's why she asked for the divorce today, so you could be happy. And not for anyone else. You mean so much to me, Bella, and I just want you to go back to the way you were. The smiling and happy human we all loved. If Jasper's the one that can bring that back, then so be it. Alice understands." he stated.

I could see how hard this was for him. He wanted to make sure that I knew he was okay with me and Jasper being together, but not write off the fact that Alice was going to be hurting. She was as much his daughter as I was, maybe more. He couldn't just say screw her, even if it would help me. And he wanted to acknowledge that. I understood.

"I really needed to hear you say that Carlisle, thank you." I replied trying hard not to cry. I squeezed his hand with all my might, hoping he felt the thanks and reassurance.

"I know." he replied then stood and kissed my forehead. "Well, I'm sure you and Alice and Jasper have much to talk, so we'll let you get that over with. I don't want you stressing about it for too long. The sooner you talk, the easier things well be."

"Right." I replied as Esme grabbed the tray off the bed.

"We'll see you later, dear." she said before following Carlisle out the door.

Carlisle was right, the sooner we talked about this, the easier it would be to actually do it. However, I couldn't help but get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was like somewhere inside my heart I knew that I was going to lose my best friend, whether or not this went well.


	26. Letting Go

**A/N: Guess what guys?! I'm so excited. For the past like six or seven chapters, I've been playing off of the relationship between Jasper, Bella, and Alice, unsure of how to make the story a little more exciting and give it a good ending. And guess what?! I've figured it out on tonight. I'm so thrillwd. I can't wait until you guys read the rest. **

**ALICE **

Jasper and I spoke to Carlisle the minute we got home, after he called to tell us that Bella was awake. We told him we wanted a divorce and why. We laid everything out on the table for him. Telling him everything from my vision right down to the reasons behind what happened with Bella tonight.

While he was upset by our sudden decision, he understood Bella and Jasper's feelings for each other. He too could see that it was the only way for Bella to ever be truly happy. It was really the only way for her to truly get over Edward. He regretted that it had to be this way, but said he'd do what needed to be done to get started on a divorce. The whole conversation lasted only about a half hour or so, then Carlisle had to go up and check on Bella.

Jasper and I barely spoke a word after the meeting, save for deciding that it would be best for us to see Bella seperately. We agreed that it would be less stressful for her. Secretly though, I knew that it would be hard for them to refrain from doing the couply stuff that came with the relief of situation like this. I knew they would try for my sake, but I didn't want them to feel like they couldn't be a normal couple. I figured I'd make myself scarce during their together moments, until we all got used to the new idea.

I knew the silence on my end was due to nervousness. I wasn't sure about Jasper's though. I couldn't exactly pinpoint what was making so nervous, though.

I mean the whole family had either been told or figured it out on their own at this point. Bella was the last hurdle to jump before we could all completely move on from this whole thing. The last piece before the Jasper/Bella puzzle could be complete. Nothing to be nervous about, right?

On the other hand, Bella was extremely stubborn. Once she decided that she wanted or didn't want something, she wouldn't budge until she got her way. What if she officially decided that she didn't want to hurt me for her own happiness? She would balantly refuse to take him and we probably end up fighting about it. And who knew what would happen if we got into a fight. What if we said the wrong things and ended up hating each other.

I could lose my best friend forever. I didn't want that. I loved Bella and didn't want to hurt her. That was why I was doing this after all. I hoped that she could just except it without any complaints.

Carlisle and Esme were with her for about forty five minutes before they finally came down and told me that it was my turn. I took a deep, unecessary, yet calming breath and headed upstairs to finally face my best friend.

**BELLA **

I only had to wait about five minutes for Alice to appear after Carlisle and Esme left. I could tell the minute that she step through the door that she wasn't her usual happy and bouncy stufff. In fact, she looked scared and timid, like she was visiting me on my deathbed as opposed to coming to see me after finding out that I was going to live.

I felt extremely ashamed to know that I was the one who caused this change in her. She was, no doubt, scared to death about having this conversation with me. I doubted that she actually wanted to have it with me. I was pretty sure that she was only do it to be kind to me. Those thoughts made me feel even more ashamed and I found that I couldn't even look at her as she approached my bed. Instead, I looked at my hands that were knotting themselves into the sheets.

I didn't look up again until I felt her sit beside me. When I did, I regretted it instantly. My eyes met a set of golden ones that held an infinite amount of sadness and worry. I was surprised to see that there was no anger. She should be furious with me and yelling about what a terrible friend I was. Instead, she just sat that looking sad and scared.

This fact made me feel even worse about the situation. She was about to try to be completely understanding and caring just like a best friend should. And how was I going to repay her? By taking her husband away. Definitely not something a best friend would or should do. Yet, I couldn't help how I felt. Which just made me feel ten times worse then I already had.

We stared at each other in silence for a very long time. I knew I should be the one one to break it. To offer some sort of apology, but words failed me at the moment. I mean, what do you say to your best friend after you essentially stole her husband for her.

I held her for a long time as guilt, fear, and pain washed over every part of me. After several long moments, I found myself unable to hold her gaze anymore and looked down at the bed again. The silence stretched on and finally became too much for me. I began to blurt out the first things that came to my mind.

"Alice, I'm so so sorry for all this. I didn't mean to feel this way about him. And I tried not to. We both did. Really hard. For you. But it just didn't work. And I..I..I..."

"Bella, stop." she stated kindly, yet firmly. "I know what the two of you did and went through for my sake. I saw how hard the two of you tried for my sake. I understand. And while it kills me to know how much both of you suffered, I'm grateful fo what you did. It gave me what I needed to give the two of you what you need. I love you both and just wanna see you happy and I know now that you'll only ever be able to be happy together. So go and be together."

"But Alice, I can't take Jasper away from you like that." I protested.

"First of all, you aren't taking Jasper away from. I'm giving him to you. Besides, you're what he wants right now. I love him and could never stand in the way of what he wants. I feel the same way about you. I want you take him, cherish him, and love him with all your heart. Just be happy with him, that's all I want, really."

"But I can't Alice." I tried again. "It'll hurt you and I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you."

"Bella, listen to me, your happiness means so much to me. So does Jasper's. The only way you could hurt me right now, is if you didn't take this opportunity that I'm giving you and use it to get better and be happy. It hurts me more to see you lying here and knowing you almost died than it would to be without Jasper. That's why I need to do this now. I need to know that you're going to be taken care. And Jasper's the best one to take care of you now. Let him take care of you and that's all I'd need to be happy. I promise. Just don't worry about me and let yourself be happy and I'll be fine." she stated.

I wanted to protest again. However, the sincerity and sadness in her tone and eyes, stopped me. This was the first time I had seen Alice this vulnerable and it was a bit of a scary thing for me.

Her words repeated themselves in my eyes. She was willing to give up her husband for my happiness. Like a true best friend would. It would be pretty shitty of me to continue to fight her on it like an ungrateful bitch. The best thank you I could give to her was to accept what she was giving me and do my best to be happy like she wanted.

"Okay." I replied a little choked up.

"Really?" she smiled. "You're not going to fight me on this?"

"No, if you're willing to give up everything for me, the least I can do is accept it with good graces." I replied with a smile. "I'm just sorry that my happiness has to interfere with yours."

"I'm not." she whispered. "I want you to know, though, that everything I said at Charlie's four months ago, is still true. You are my best friend and sister and I love you. That's never going to change, no matter what happens between you, Jasper, and I. I will always love you and be here for you. I will support both of you in everything that you do. If he does something that makes you happy, I wanna know. If he does something that pisses you off , I wanna know. If he does something that confuses you, I want you to tell me so I can help you figure it out. I don't want you to be afraid to come to me, just because he's my ex. You are my friend and sister and that will always come first. And I'm going to let Jasper know that the same rules apply. We're all friends first, I don't want either of you to forget that."

"Thank you." I choked out.

I was too emotional to say more than that. I didn't trust my voice to get say anything else. Alice simply smiled like a child on her birthday. It appeared that I had said the right thing. I still felt terribly guilty about the whole thing. However, I knew that with Alice, it was mind over matter. When she made up her mind, nothing else mattered. Even if I had wanted to, after her speeches, I couldn't have said no. She would've never let me get away with it.

"No, Bella, thank you for letting me do this." she replied leaning down and pulling me into a gentle hug.

I wrapped my arms carefully around her and squeezed as tightly as I could. I knew she probably couldn't feel it, but that didn't change the emotions behind it.

"I love you, Alice." I stated trying to hold back the tears.

"I love you too, Bella." she whispered back.

And that's when the dam of tension, worry, and sadness was broken down by the flood of relief. The tears that I was holding back seemed to be coming out, nonstop now. I sobbed uncontrollably. For everything lost and everything gained. And for knowing that my best friend would always be my best friend, reagardless of what life threw at us.

Alice just held me close to her and let me cry into her chest. She stroked my hair and whispered comforting things in my ear. I held her tightly, not wanting to let go of the moment just yet.

We stayed like that for several long minutes before Alice gasped and her whole body went rigid above me. I had been around her longe enough to know that these were the tell tale signs of a vision. I was, as of yet, unsure of exactly what to do in this situation. I simply lay there silently and immobilely as I waited for it to pass. Several long minutes later, she let out a choked sob and pulled away from me.

Her eyes were wide with shock and she was ten times paler than normal. Whatever she had seen, had definitely scared the shit out of her. I found myself terrified at what it might have been.

"Alice, what was it?" I asked.

"Nothing, Bella. I just need to talk to Carlisle." she answered pulling her face into a calm and steady mask. I wasn't buying it.

"It wasn't nothing." I answered.

"It's nothing for you to worry about Bella." I promise. "I just need to go talk to Carlisle and everything will be fine. I'll send Jasper up so the two of you can talke, though." she replied rushing out the door.

I was left to ponder exactly what she had seen that had her so scared and shaken. It was weird but the look on her face scared me more than anything I had faced in my time knowing the Cullens.

**JASPER **

I paced the living room nervously as I waited for Alice to finish talking to Bella. We had agreed that it would be less overwhelming for Bella to talk to us seperately. However, I secretly thought that it was better for Alice this way. I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold back my feelings for Bella, at least not now, after I almost lost her.

If Alice was in the room, I would, of course, do the best I could to hold back. However, I wasn't completely positive that I could. Not with the emotions that would probably be flowing between both Bella and I. They would be way too hard to ignore after what had just happened.

With us seeing her seperate, Bella and I could do what we wanted without worrying about hurting Alice's feelings. I know that sounded horrible, especially after that Alice had just done, but I was a man after all and I had needs. Needs that could only be supplied by the woman I loved.

I wasn't exactly sure why I was nervous. I mean, everything had already been played out. Everyone knew what was going on. Alice had basically given us permission. The only thing left to do was reap the rewards of the pain we'd gone through over the last four months.

If I was being honest, I'd have to say that I was most worried about what was going on between Bella and Alice at this very moment. I mean, I knew that Alice had decided to give me to Bella. However, both girls were stubborn and neither would take no for an answer. If Bella decided that she couldn't hurt Alice like that, even after what Alice had done. Then it could possibly turn into a fight, that could possibly be the end of the friendship. I didn't want to be responsible for that. All I could do, though, was hope that it went well.

Alice finally came down, an hour or so after she had gone up, she was extremely pale, even by our standards, and she had this wild terrified look in her eyes. I had known her long enough to see the apparent signs of a vision still in her eyes as well as on her face.

When I asked her what was wrong, she simply told me that I should go see Bella while she spoke with Carlisle. While I was extremely worried about Alice and her vision, the thought of finally being able to see Bella and confirm that she was alive. I knew she was, of course, however, it was simply on of those things you had to see for yourself.

So pushing Alice and her vision to the back of my mind for later, I headed up to Bella's room.

**BELLA **

It wasn't even two minutes after Alice left before Jasper walked in the door. Just seeing him standing in the doorway sent waves of relief rolling through my body. I even momentarily forgot about Alice's vision.

Jasper had a smile on his face. One that I was surprised to see reached all the way to his eyes. He was the first person to come in and look simply relieved and happy that I was alive. His feelings weren't marred by any kind of sadness and pain. While I knew he was just putting on a mask for my sake, I couldn't help but feel better about everything seeing the look on his face.

He was the first member of the family that I didn't feel the need to look away from. I wasn't sure if it was the simple fact that it was Jasper and he just had the effect on me. Or if it was the fact that he was the only one who could truly understand how hard this whole ordeal had been on me. Whatever the reason, I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he walked slowly to sit beside me on the bed.

We were silent for a long time. I didn't think either of us really knew what to say at this point. Not after everything that had happened. It was a like we were starting over after a long break. The silence, though not as bad as it was with Alice, got on my nerves after a bit.

"So, she knew all along." I said the first thing that came to mine.

"Pretty much." Jasper stated. He sounded a little unsure of how he felt about that one.

Now that everything had begun to work itself out, I found that I could actually laugh at the irony of it all. And laughing was exactly what I did. I laughed so hard it hurt.

"What?" Jasper asked eyeing me like I was insane.

"I guess that's what we get for trying to pull a fast one on a psychic." I replied through me laughter.

"You've got a point." He answered as he burst into laughter as well.

We laughed about the whole thing for a long time.

"So how are you feeling?" I asked once I managed to stop laughing.

"Better now that I know you're okay." He replied. "How about you?"

"Better, but still a little guilty." I replied biting my lip.

"Honey, you have nothing to feel guilty about." He replied crawling over top of me to lay beside me and stroke my hair. "Alice understands how we feel. That's why she asked for a divorce. She wants us to be happy."

"I know." I sighed. "But she's my best friend. I can't help but feel like I'm taking you away from her or something. I can't stand to see her in pain. Like she's going to be."

"I know. It's going to be hard for all of us. But we have to remember that this is something that she wants for us. Something that she's given us. We have to take it and be happy for her sake. Besides, you've bee through so much over the past year, Bella, you deserve some guilt free happiness. Alice knows this. Which is another reason for her decision. You don't have to feel guilty. Alice let me go so you wouldn't have to."

"I know." I replied. "But how I am supposed to be guilt free about this when I know Alice is probably somewhere moping when I'm with you."

"By letting go of everything you knew before and forgetting that I'm your best friend's almost ex-husband. You have to let go of your worry over hurting Alice's feelings, because it's the only way you're ever going to get over this. Stop worrying about everything and just feel. That's the best you can do, just feel for me how you want to feel and don't worry about the rest. Alice is a big girl, she can handle herself and her own pain. You, however, are only a human and your heart can only take so much before it's broken beyond repair. So let me be the one to heal your heart and love you. Let yourself love me and everything else will fall into place. Can you do that?"

"I can try." I replied.

His words made sense but I knew it was going to be much harder than it seemed.

"That's all I can ask of you." Jasper answered before bringing his lips crashing down on mine.

It was a good as the first time, if not better. I found it fairly simple to let go and forget about everything that happened in the last twenty four hourse, including Alice's apparently terrifying vision, while surrending to the wonderful bliss that was Jasper's kiss.

**A/N: Well, what did you guys think? I hope you liked it. I also hoped you liked the set up for things to come. And no, I'm not going to actually show you Alice's vision, but don't worry, in the next chapter, she and Carlisle are going to discuss and analyze it for you. By the time it's over you should all know exactly what she saw. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this one. Please review. **


	27. Another Vision

**A/N: I'm so excited about this chapter. Like you have no idea. I hope you all enjoy it!!!!! It's a little different, though. I hope it comes over okay. Also, I'm going to put the parts where Alice is reliving her vision in italics. Just pretend that she's talking Carlisle through it as she's seeing it. **

**ALICE **

My talk with Bella went much better than I thought it would. I figured she would've fought me tooth and nail on the whole thing. I was shocked when she accepted after only two attempts at protesting.

Although, I was glad that she accepted the gift without complaint, a small part of me was saddened and angered by it. There was a tiny bit of me that had been hoping that she'd refuse me. At least then, I'd just have to spend the rest of my existence without Jasper. I wouldn't have had to endure the two of them being together in front of me.

I knew, though, that they both needed this. I loved them both, and knew this was the best way to show it. However, given what I have to give up for their happiness, I think that I do deserve to be a little jealous and angered that my best friend is destined to be with the man I love. I think I've earned that right.

I would, of course, never show Bella and Jasper that small part of me. I wanted them both to go into this without any fear of what would happen to me. Or how I feel about it. It was the only way they could truly be happy. I'd give them that because they both wanted, needed, and deserved it. I just hoped I'd eventually get over losing him.

The vision I had, the minute I hugged Bella, overshaodowed any feelings of pain, anger, jealousy or elation. It was the most horrible and terrifying vision that I ever had. It even trumped the one I had where Bella died at James's hand. This rocked the very core of my world and tore deeply at my heart. At the same time, it cofused the hell out of me. I wasn't entirely sure how I'd been able to see it in the first place.

I needed to see Carlisle. He could help me figure it out. Which is why I left a very scared and confused Bella laying in the bed with the promise of sending Jasper as a distraction and went downstairs to find Carlisle.

Jasper was in the living room the minute that I got there. He took one look at my face and knew there was something wrong. He wasn't my lover for a near five decades (A/N: I think) for nothing. I, however, told him not to worry about and to just go see Bella. Bella, of course, trumped everything else.

When he was safely upstairs, I darted into the kithchen to find Esme washing the dishes from Bella's dinner.

"Hey, Esme, do you know where Carlisle is?" I asked. "I need to talk to him and it's kind of important."

"I think he's in his study. Is there anything wrong?" she replied.

"I'm not sure, yet." I answered. "I'll let you know once I've spoken with him."

"Alright, dear." she stated and went back to work.

I darted up the stairs and into Carlisle's study without even knocking. I was too scared, nervous, and confused for pleasantries. I needed to know what was going on and I needed to know now.

Carlisle was staring at something intently on his laptop.

"Alice, what can I do for you?" he asked as he closed the laptop and slid it away from him. When he looked at me for an answer, though, his eyes got wide in shock and concern. "What's wrong, honey?"

"I had a vision." I managed to choke out.

"I see." he answered and gestured to the chair across his desk. "And what exactly did you see?" he finished as I slid into the chair.

"I saw the wolves attacking us and killing Jasper." I said unable to hold it in any longer. Carlisle stared at me in shock, disbelief, and confusion.

"What do you mean you saw?" he asked once he regained himself. "I thought you couldn't see the wolves?"

"So did I." I stated. "But I saw this."

"Okay, slow down and go back. I need you tell me exactly what you say."

"I don't know if I can. It all came in small flashes and blurs. I don't think I saw enough to get a good enough picture."

"Then I'll help you." he answered calmly. "Close your eyes." I did. "Now, pull the vision forward and focus on the important part of what you saw." I focused as hard as I could trying to see it clearly.

_I was standing in a yard of some kind. There were running in every direction and screaming. I couldn't tell who they were or even if they were human or vampires. The were just part of the blurs. _

_There were wolves everywhere. They were attacking anyone and everyone. Not really caring who they were killing. It was turning into a blood bath, sans the blood. _

_I looked over to the otherside of the yard to see Jasper and Bella. The were about a yard or so apart and facing off with there own wolves. Jasper was trying to use his powers to lull his into a calm and peaceful sleep._

_Bella appeared to be trying to talk to one. I was sure, though I didn't know how, that it was Sam. She was trying to reason with him. He didn't want to be reasoned with, though, he just wanted to take out as many vampires as possible. _

_He got sick of listening after a few seconds and lunged at her. He was attacking to kill. The next second, though, Bella was on the ground and Jasper was standing right where she had been. _

_There was the sounds of a struggle followed by the loud and heartwrenching sound of a vampire being ripped apart. Then there were flames were his limbs had laid. _

I opened my eyes when I got to the last part. Carlisle was still staring at me in complete and utter shock. I wanted nothing more than to throw up and then cry. I didn't have any idea what was happening or why I was able to see it. I wanted answers and to know that Jasper was going to live.

"Carlisle, what's going on? I mean, not that I'm not grateful for this, but how is it possible that I can see this happening? I mean I can't see the wolves." I asked unable to stop myself.

"Well, it's complicated." he answered. "But I'll try to explain. "All powers have limitations, right?" I nodded. "Well, most powers like yours are triggered by the users emotions and there are some emotions that are strong enough to over come those limitations. In this case, it would be love. You love Jasper and that's enough for your mind to be able to see around the wolves."

"But I don't understand?" I was even more confused. "I mean, I love Bella and I couldn't see the mutt pull her out of the water when she almost drowned. And I loved Edward but I couldn't see Jacob killing him. What's the difference?"

"Because Alice, it's a different kind of love. You love Bella and Edward like a brother and sister. Howevcr, Jasper has been your husband and love for decades. You've loved him more passionately than you have ever loved anyone, ever. Feelings like that are strong and will never fully go away. For either of you. Those feelings were enough, though, to see what you needed to see and be prepared to stop it." Carlisle clarified.

"Yeah and a fat lot of good it was!" I practically yelled. "I mean, yeah, I know it's going to happen, but I was unable to pin down a when or way. So while the attack itself won't be a surprise, we'll have no idea when to expect it."

"Well, that's whh you have to look deeper into it." Carlisle responded calmly. "Focus and try to pull forward any little details that you can. Anything that can give us any kind of clue as to the where, when, and why. Just close you eyes and concentrate. You can do it."

I closed my eyes and brought the vision forward again. It took a second of focusing, but things started to get into a better view.

_I was standing in a lavishly decorated backyard. The sky looked dark, like it might rain or snow and there was a rather strong breezse blowing across the grass. There were many white folding chairs lined up and facing a large arch just outside a bit of forest. _

_There were at least fifty people who were running and screaming. I concentrated and eventually recognized them as our vampire friends and family. There were at least twenty wolves chasing them. Some stood and fought, others just ran. _

_I noticed everyone was dressed very nicely. The men in suits while the woman wore dresses and high heels. I looked to the spot where Jasper and Bella stood facing off with their wolves. Jasper was wearing a tuxedo. The jacket and pants were ripped in several places, while the shirt had quite and few buttons missing. His tie hung in taters around his neck. _

_Bella was wearing her bridesmaids dress. It too had several large holes in it. The top had been ripped so much you could see the her whole chest. Her hair was disheveled. _

I opened my eyes before the vision got to Sam's attack. I didn't want to have to watch that again.

"Rosalie's and Emmett's wedding." I stated. "But why would they attack there? How would they even know where or when?"

"I think you might be asking the wrong questions, Alice." Carlisle replied. "I think that we should be focusing on why they're going to attack us in the first place?"

I pondered that thought. Why would they attack us? I mean, it wasn't like we had broken the treaty or anything. We have been the model vampires for years. Even after the shitty punishment they gave Jacob for what he did to Edward. We didn't go on their land and we didn't hurt anybody. So why would they want to attack us?

"Unless..." Carlisle pondered, then looked up at me. "You said that Bella was facing off with Sam, didn't you?"

"Yes," I answered. "But what's that got to do with anything?"

"The only way Bella any of us would let Bella near a wolf in a situation like that would be if we were sure she could handle herself. And the only way we'd be sure that she could handle was if she were..."

"A vampire." I finished suddenly getting it. "But why would we break the treaty? Especially we agreed not to turn Bella unless it was absolutely necessary, because it was the last thing Edward wanted for her."

"I know." Carlisle responded. "I need you to go back again. This time, focus on Bella. See if there is any clues at all that would lead to us changing her and breaking the treaty."

"Okay." I sighed and closed my eyes again pulling the vision forward.

_I focused totally on Bella this time. I could see now that she was, in fact, a newborn. She was even more beautiful than she always had been. She had long and pale limbs completely with the dark shadows under her crimson eyes. She was a sight to be seen. _

_However, underneath her beauty, I could see a large amount of flaws. Every part of her body that was exposed had scars from what looked like claw marks. Her face had three sets of them coming down her left cheek and what looked like teeth marks over her right. _

_If a human were to look at her, she would've looked perfect. The venom did an excellent job of healing her. However, I could see them and I wanted to throw up. I could only imagine the kind of pain that she went through after she had recieved those. It made me sick to my stomach. _

Once again, I pulled out before Sam could attack.

"Something attacked her." I whispered.

"And I know exactly what." Carlisle stated. "The one person in this world who wants to see her suffer more than anyone else. Jacob Black." He practically growled the name.

"But why would he want to hurt her like that?" I asked. "I mean wasn't his goal in killing Edward to make her suffer that pain. She's suffered, why does he still want to hurt her?"

"That's true." Carlisle allowed. "He did kill Edward because he wanted her to know what it felt like to have the thing she loved most ripped from her, the way he feels she was ripped from him. He wanted her to suffer through that. However, he expected it to be a forever thing for her. Once he finds out she's got Jasper now, he'll stop at nothing to make her suffer again. He may even go as far as to decided that if he can't have her no one can. Then we'd be in trouble."

"But he loves her. Do you really think he's capable of killing her?" I questioned.

"I think Jacob Black's capable of anything anymore." Carlisle sighed.

"So you think he'll come back?" I questioned.

"I think that he might already be back." he answered.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's strange how you have a vision of something that isn't going to happen for another three months before the pack even decided to come after us. Someone had to have already decided on something that would make that outcome inevitable. I can only assume it was Jacob. Seeing as he's the only one with that much power at the moment." he explained.

"So what do we do?" I asked.

"We keep our eyes, ears, and noses open. If you get any hint of Jacob, do everything in your power to keep him away from Bella. Just don't fight him, unless you have to. I don't want to give the pack another reason to come after us."

"What if we can't stop Jacob from attacking her?" I asked.

"Then we'll just have to figure something else out." he suggested.

"We could change the date of the wedding. Then they wouldn't know when to find us."

"No, Rosalie and Emmett have already had to push it back twice. I don't want to ask them to do it again. However, we could change the location."

"No, we can't." I protested. "I'm not sure where we were at the time."

"I know, but it's a risk we'll have to take." he replied. "Besides, the change in the future happened before we changed the location. I'm sure we'll be safe."

"But what if you're wrong?"

"Then we'll have to warn everyone from the beginning. Tell them to be on there guard."

"Rosalie isn't going to like that very much."

"I know, but what other choice do we have?"

"I know." I responded. "So we are going to tell the family, then?"

"Of course, we don't keep secrets in this family. Besides, we'll need all hands on deck to take protect Bella."

"Right. Does that mean we're going to tell her too?"

"No. She's been under way too much stress with the whole you, Jasper, her thing. She needs time to recover, then we'll tell her. We don't need another scare like the one tonight."

"Right." I replied. "And what about Sam and the others, should we talk to them?"

"No. Nothing we can say is going to make them take our side. Jacob is their brother after all. Loyalty runs very deep in the pack, they'll stand by him no matter what. And we couldn't ask for anything less than that. Just like I won't aske any less of any of you, if this comes down to a fight. Family's important and the should stick together. And that's all there is to it."

I nodded but didn't answer. We were silent for a long time, both lost in thought. I thought about Bella and how much she had already been through. How much she had lost? First Edward, which caused her depression and cutting. I hated to see her hurt herself. The she finds Jasper but pretends he means nothing because of me. Now that she finally had Jasper, which was something for her to be very happy about, it wouldn't be right or fair if she lost him.

"Carlisle, we have to save him." I whispered. "Bella can't lose another one. She won't be able to survive it."

"Don't worry." he answered. "The pack has already taken one of my children from me, I won't let them take another. Now, I know this is going to be hard, but I think that you should go relax for a few hours. You've had a long day. I know this whole thing hasn't been easy on you, and then that vision doesn't help any. I'll tell Jasper to let me know when Bella's asleep, so that we could have a family meeting. I'll come get you then."

Knowing I wasn't going to win, I simply nodded and walked out the door and headed toward my room, praying that Carlisle's plans worked.

**A/N: Please review. I hope you liked it. I also hope everything with the vision was clear. If you're confused about it, just let me know and I'll try to explain better. Anyway, I love your feedback. Can't wait for it. **


	28. Vows and Discussions

**A/N: Before I begin this chapter, someone questioned my about the last chapter and I wanted to address the question. The pack did not disown Jacob, the exiled him, yes, but did not disown him. They still consider him their brother and make regular contact with him. The exile was just a way to punish Jacob for breaking the treaty without actually punishing him. They had to put on a show for the Cullens and the treaty. There wasn't any real feelings behind it. I hope that clarifies things. Now on to the chapter. **

**JASPER **

I was laying next to a now sleeping Bella with my arms wrapped tightly around her. She had her head buried deep into my chest.

It had taken me nearly an hour to convince her that she needed to sleep. She kept refusing because she was worried that I was going to leave if she did. I promised her a million times over that I wasn't going anywhere. She didn't believe me and I could understand why. She loved Edward almost as much as she now loved me and he left her alone. Whether or not it was intentional.

In the end, I had to use my gift on her. I had to do it in small doses, of course, or else she would've caught on. She had now been sleeping peacefully for about a half hour.

I was surprised at how well I had adapted to her scent after everything what had happened the night before. I mean, a couple years ago, it was utterly painful for me to be in the same room with her, let alone snuggling with her while she slept. I should've ripped out her throat by now. However, the insane burning that was once in my throat, when I was close to her, was nothing more than the slight discomfort that was always there.

I laid there watching her sleeping form. She just looked so vulnerable and innocent. I now knew why Edward found watching her sleep so fascinating. Not only did she look beautiful in that adorable human way, but she made so many adorable little faces as she slept on. I found myself wishing that I could see what she was dreaming about.

She had even mumbled a few times. Mostly she said my name followed by a declaration of love. The feelings of love and elation that rolled off of her in those moments, filled my heart with an immense joy that I had never felt in my life. I loved that feeling and never wanted it to go away.

However, she was also muttering Edward and Alice's names just as often as mine. At those moments, I felt nothing but guilt coming off of her in those moments. It broke my heart to feel that she felt that horrible about it. I wished she would stop feeling that way about it.

It's not like we were doing anything wrong. Alice was breaking up with me so that we wouldn't have to go behind her back. She knew how much we loved and needed each other and was willing to give us what we needed. There was nothing to feel guilty about because Alice wanted it for us as much as we wanted it for him.

And as for Edward. Well, everyone knew that all he ever wanted was for her to be happy. I'm sure that wherever he was now, he was happy that she was finally allowing herself to move on. Her happiness meant everything to him and if he no longer could make her happy, he'd just want someone to come along who did and would take care of her.

I promised myself in that moment that I would be the one. I would be the person who would make her happy and give her everything that she needed. And I would do everything in my power to make her see that we weren't doing anything wrong and would help her get rid of this pointless guilt she was harboring. She didn't need to deal with it.

A soft knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Come in." I whispered knowing that whoever it was could hear me.

I slowly and carefully disentangled myself from Bella- I didn't want to wake her- as the door opened. When I got fully turned around, Carlisle was standing in the doorway. I could feel tension and anxiety coming off of him in waves. He was slightly paler than normal.

"Is she asleep?" he whispered softly.

"Yes, why?" I replied just as softly.

"Alice had a vision a little while ago. She and I have discussed it and we think that the rest of you should hear it as well. We're having a family meeting in about ten minutes." he explained.

"Shouldn't we what until Bella wakes up?" I questioned.

I always hated that Edward had kept some of the more important things for her. He was always worried about how he'd react to whatever the problem was. I think sometimes he underestimated her strength. She was a lot braver than he gave her credit for half the time.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." he replied calmly.

"And why not?!" I yelled a little angry about this decision. "She's part of this family and has as much right as any of us to hear this!"

"I know, son. I completely agree with you, but look at her." He gestured to the bed and I looked back.

She was lying there as beautiful and peaceful as ever. However, the were still remnants of the nights events, apparent in her features. She had yet to completely regain her color from the blood loss and her gauzed up arm was still sticking out. The bag of blood that was pumping more blood into her system was hanging on the IV stand and flowing down the tube into the vein in her hand.

I had only just realized how bad this whole thing truly was. Yes, I had known that we almost lost her. However, it was the first time that I truly looked at her tonight and realized just how close we had come to it being over.

"Think about everything she's been through in the past few months." Carlisle continued. "Everything with you, her, and Alice. It's stress her out beyond anything else that has happened in this last year. And it nearly killed her. She hasn't even had a chance to get over any of this yet. She doesn't need anything else to stress her out, right now. If we do, she'll end up right back here. I don't wanna see that happen and I know you don't either."

"Of course, I don't." I replied still staring at my beautiful, sleeping angel. "I just don't wanna lie to her. She deserves better than that."

"I know, but it's what's best for her right now."

I sighed and nodded, knowing that he was right.

"We were tell her, though, eventually, right?" I asked.

"As soon as she's in a better condition to handle something like this." he answered. I nodded again. "I'm going to get the rest of the family and we'll meet you downstairs, alright?"

"Okay." I replied.

Carlisle turned on his heel and walked out the door. I slowly walked back to the bed and watched Bella's peaceful, yet vulnerable face turn up into a grin as she once again mumbled my name. I smiled as I leaned down and tucked the sheets tighter around her. Then I leaned over her ear and whispered,

"I'm sorry, I have to break my promise love. But Carlisle says it's important. I'll be back soon."

I, then, kissed her forehead and walked down the stairs and into the dining room, where my family was waiting for me.

They were all in their usual seats at the dining room table when I got there. I could feel and see the tension coming off of all of them in nearly crushing waves.

"Sorry." I muttered as I went to sit in my usual seat, beside Alice. "I had to make sure that Bella was comfortable."

"Of course, dear." Esme replied. "How is she?"

"Better." he replied. "She's sleeping, right now, but I had to practically force her to."

"That would be our Bella." Rosalie muttered.

Everyone let out short humorless chuckles. The tension did not lift from the room in the slgihtest.

"So, Carlisle, what's going on?" I questioned after a minute.

"Alice had a vision a little while ago." he sighed. "And it wasn't pretty. Alice?"

Carlisle nodded in her direction.

"I know this is going to sound almost impossible, but you have to believe that I did see it. Because, it's the only way we can fix it."

"Alice," I whispered placing my hand over hers. "In all these years, you've never given us a reason not to trust you. You've always told us the truth of what you've seen. If you saw you've seen it, then will believe it."

I could feel the gratitude that replaced the fear and worry over us not believing what she said.

"Thanks, Jasper, that means a lot, coming from you, right now." she replied.

"So, what do you see?" I questioned.

"I saw the wolves attacking at Rosalie's and Emmett's wedding." she answered. "They were killing all of our friends and family, not caring who they took out. Just that they got rid of as many of us as possible. Sam went after Bella, I have no idea why, but you stopped him from getting her, and he killed you instead."

I closed my eyes and let out a breath. I was relieved to hear that someone had saved Bella in the vision. I didn't even care that it was me and I had to die in order to save her. As long as she got to live a long and happy life. That's all that mattered to me.

"Wait." Rosalie stated. "They attack at the wedding? Why? I don't understand. We haven't broken the treaty or anything."

"We haven't yet. However, according to the signs in Alice's vision, Bella's a vampire by the time they attack."

"But why would we do that?" I asked. "I mean, we agreed that we wouldn't change her unless it was absolutely necessary, because Edward wouldn't have wanted that."

"That's true. However, there is evidence in Alice's vision that Bella will be attacked by something. And we believe that something is Jaocb Black."

"But he's already gotten his revenge." I stated confused. "I mean, wasn't that the whole point of killing Edward?"

"Jasper, I'm sure everyone in this room knows that Jacob wasn't trying to get revenge on Edward." Carlisle replied. "It wasn't Edward who decided that Bella should stay with him."

"I know, but I hoped it was over." I answered.

"We all did. I don't think that he expected Bella to get over it and move on. And now that she has, he has to find another way to hurt her. He may just decide to kill her and be done with it."

"I will not let that happen." I growled.

"And neither will the rest of us, man." Emmett replied.

"But how are we gonna stop him?" Esme questioned. "Jacob always gets what he wants in the end."

"We'll just have to keep our eyes, ears, and noses wide open." Carlisle answered. "If we catch any sign of him, we'll do anything in out power to keep him away from Bella. I don't want Bella left alone, not even in the house. She is not to go anywhere alone, either."

Everyone nodded their agreement.

"What about Charlie?" Alice asked. "Do you think that he'd hurt Charlie?"

"I don't know, Alice." Carlisle replied shaking his head. "I didn't think that he was capable of hurting Bella the way he did. However, now anything's possible. Which is why I want at least one of you tailing Charlie at all times. While he's at work and home."

"What about when he goes fishing in La Push?" I asked knowing that he'd be exposed to the wolves and possibly Jacob.

"There's nothing we can do when he's there. We just have to hope that nothing happens then." he answered sadly.

"That's all very good and well," Emmett stated. "But what if we can't stop him from hurting her? And we end up breaking the treaty anyway? Should we change the wedding, again? To keep our friends out of danger?"

"No, I can't ask you two to do that again." Carlisle replied. "You've already had to push it back nearly a year. Any longer wouldn't be fair. I do, however, have to ask you to change the location. It might be better if we had it here as opposed to the Denali's."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Rosalie asked. "What if that's something that they'd be expecting?"

"How could they?" Carlisle questioned. "I mean, they wouldn't have any idea that we'd know they were coming."

He sounded so sure. I, however, didn't miss the significant look he exchanged with Alice. Not to mention the concern that was radiating off of both of them. There was definitely something they were keeping from us.

"We will, of course," Carlisle continued, "Warn all of out friends and family of the possibility of an attack. We don't want any of them caught of guard."

"Of course not." Rosalie replied.

I was surprised at how well she was taking the interference on her big day. She had always hated when Bella interupted our lives. However, this she was taking this in an amazing stride. I guess a lot had changed since the day Bella left this family.

"I guess the only questioned now is, what do we do about protecting Jasper?" Alice asked once everyone had agreed about the wedding.

"Nothing." I stated. "Im going to be there if and when they attack. I'm not going to let them kill her. I'd rather die than see her in any kind of pain, or worse dead."

"We feel the same way, Jazz." Alice asked pleadingly. "But why does it have to be you or her? Why can't we try to protect you both?"

"Because, Alice, while we know the when and where of the attack, we have no idea of the how. We have no idea what their tactics are going to be. There is no way to ensure anyone's safety. And if it going to come down to me or Bella, it's gonna be me. And that's all there is to it. I refuse to allow anyone to hurt or kill that inoccent girl up there." I fought.

"I understand how you feel Jazz, I do." she replied. "But think of everything Bella's gone through in the last year. Edward, someone she loved very dearly, was ripped from her. Look how she handled that. Then she discovered how she felt about you, but didn't want to act on it for my sake. She nearly killed herself from all of that. If she loses you now, after finally being able to be happy, she may not survive it."

I though about the words and Bella laying up there in that bed. I thought about how we had almost lost her and how terrible that made me feel. I thought about how I made her and how she made me feel completely hole again. I thought about how I couldn't bare to see her hurting herself.

I knew Alice was right. If Bella lost someone else she cared about, she wouldn't be able to make it through this life. And even if I was dead, I couldn't bare the thought of Bella dying too. It would be too horrible.

"So what do you suggest we do?" I asked her slowly.

"I don't know, Jazz." she whispered. "I don't know."

She looked to Carlisle for the answer.

"Unfortunately, Jasper was right. Even knowing when and where they will attack, we don't know there tactics. Which means that we can't plan an accurate counter attack. And we'll just end up having to let the pieces fall and hope everything works out on it's own. We know a little of what to expect, so it'll be a little easier to defend ourselves. However, we won't be able to garuntee anybody's safety. We'll just have to hope for the best." Carlisle replied.

I nodded knowing that he was right. As badly as we all wanted to do something, there was nothing we could do until the time came.

"Is there anything else?" I asked once everyone had been silent for a few moments.

"No." Carlisle said. "We just have need to keep our senses open and keep an eye on Charlie."

Everyone nodded their agreement and Esme offered to take the first Charlie shift. Everyone went there seperate ways after that. I, of course, went straight back to Bella.

She was sitting up, wide awake, in the bed when I got back up there. Her eyes were filled with tears of panic and sadness.

"You left." she accused in a panicked tone.

"I know. I'm sorry." I replied. "Carlisle needed to speak to me. He said it was important."

"Oh," she answered as I crawled back into the bed next to her. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes." I answered. I hated lying to her, however, I knew it was for the best. She didn't need the stress and guilt of another life threatening experience weighing her down. She needed a chance to truly recover from everything.

"Are you sure?" she pressed snuggling into my chest as I wrapped my arms back around her.

"Yes." I answered. "You should go back to sleep. You need as much rest as you can get."

"I don't think I could sleep anymore." she answered.

"I would feel better if you tried." I replied sending her a small about of exhaustion.

She yawned suddenly responding to it. She snuggled herself closer to my chest.

"I guess I am a little more tired than I thought." She responded. I smiled and sent her another small burst. She yawned again. "Promise you won't leave this time?"

"I'll be stay here all night, if that's what you want." I answered sending a bigger burst.

She yawned again and I chuckled softly.

"I love you." she replied and finally let me win.

"I love you too." I stated kissing the top of her head.

I laid beside her all night thinking about everything that had happened. I knew I had to do everything in my power to protect her. And by the end of the night, I had vowed to muself and Bella that I wouldn't allow Sam Uley, Jacob Black, or any of the other dogs, for that matter,lay so much as a claw on her.

**A?N: I hope this one turned okay. I was really struggling with it tonight. I don't know what was so hard about it. I think because it was another transition. I don't know, though. Please review and tell me what you think. **


	29. Dark Times

**A/N: Hey guys. Sorry about this, but I'm going to do another crazy time jump here. Nothing really happens in the time that I'm skipping, though. And I promise, everything that happened between then and now will be explain as the chapter unfolds.**

**BELLA **

"I don't understand how you can read that over and over again?" Jasper whisepered in my ear.

It had been three months since my incident and I was so much better than I was before then. I was ten times happier and hadn't once thought of hurting myself again. I had even gotten over the guilt I felt for taking Jasper away from Alice.

I think that had a lot to do with how supportive Alice was about the whole thing. She rarely ever showed signs of any hurt when she was around Jasper and I. And when she did, it was very fleeting and she never mentioned it to either of us. Jasper and I, in turn, were very careful with our PDA's around her. We rarely ever touched each other when we were in the same room with her.

Alice had also been true to her word. I was able to go to her with anything involving my relationship with Jasper. She helped me deal with the hard parts of the relationship. She told me what to say and do whenever Jasper started feeling sorry for himself and guilty over the things that happened in his past. She also listened to my continous gushing about him without complaint.

Jasper and I were currently sitting on the bed in our room. He moved in shortly after I recovered from the incident. I was sitting in his arms with the Complete Works of William Shakespeare sitting on my lap. I was currently in the middle of Romeo and Juliet for like the nth time. Jasper was sitting with his arms around my waist and chin resting on my shoulder. Occassionally, he would turn his head and kiss the side of my neck, through my hair.

I giggled slightly at his question.

"Well, it is one of the greatest literary works of all times." I said with a small smile.

"All the same, I was only able to get through it twice before it was no longer interesting. You have it memorized and it still captivates you every time. Why?" He questioned.

I shrugged.

"I guess you just don't know what good literature is." I stated.

"I guess not." he replied with a small laugh. "It's a good thing, then, that you don't like me for my literary tastes, isn't it?"

"A very good thing." I answered, blushing slightly.

He laughed again and kissed the top of my head.

"Have a told lately that I love you?" he asked.

"Only like a million times a day."

"I guess I'll just have to say it again then. I love you."

"I love you too."

I turned my head and craned my neck so that I could capture his lips in a kiss. With Jasper, every kiss was better than the last. And every one very different from the one's I shared with Edward. Almost all were better, in fact.

I was pretty sure that it had something to do with the fact that Jasper wasn't as careful as Edward had always been. Granted, he did keep himself in control at all times. However, he didn't draw the lines as thick as Edward had. He allowed me to twist my fingers into his hair and let my hormones run the show, most of the time. Like I said, we were very careful, just not to the point where I felt that I wasn't getting what I wanted or needed.

That's what I loved most about Jasper. While he was always so protective of me, just like Edward had been, he never kept anything from me. Even if he thought I'd be better off not knowing. Edward always kept the dangerous things from me, in order to protect me. He didn't want me to worry over things, even if it meant keeping me in the dark.

Jasper on the other hand, thought that I not only had a right to know these things and felt that I could handle things, no matter how dangerous they were for me. Which was exactly he felt the need to tell me about the possibility of Jacob coming back to try to hurt me and the wolves attacking at Rosalie's and Emmett's wedding. Edward would've never ever let anyone tell me any of that. Jasper, however, felt that I was strong enough to handle it. Which was one of the many reasons why I loved him.

I twined my fingers tighter into Jasper's hair - I knew I wouldn't hurt him - and pushed myself closer to his chest. He pushed himself closer to me, as gently as possible. We both gave in to the wonderfulness of our emotions, like we always did in moments like this. It probably would've gone on for longer had it not been for my ringing phone.

I could tell by the ringtone- Bob Carlisle's Butterfly Kisses- that it was Charlie. As I disentangled myself from Jasper, I wondered why Charlie was calling at this time in the afternoon.

Charlie and I had patched our relationship up about a month after my incident. He called and tole me how sorry he was for the way he acted at the house that day. He told me that while he still didn't like the idea of me bringing the Cullens back into my life, he supported it and me. He said that if I thought they could help me, then he was all for it. He even begged me to come home.

I told him that while I accepted his apology and was glad to hear that he had come around, I thought it would be best if I stayed with the Cullens for a little while longer. I wanted to be sure that I was definutely okay again. However, Ive been visiting him about once a week since he called. I even went as far as to make him several dinners for each week, with the help of Esme, of course. I would go over and spend four or five hours a week with him.

Of course, with Jacob still on the loose, none of the Cullens would let me go there alone. Alice, being the one that Charlie liked the best, usually accompanied me. Ocassionally, Jasper would go, but that wasn't very often. He didn't want to tempt his control too much and do something that would hurt me.

Charlie had also taken to calling me several times a week. You know, just to see how I was doing and how life was going. I told him just about everything that was going on. I, of course, left out the things that I knew would really upset him. Like my incident or my realtionship with Jasper.

I knew he wouldn't be too happy with either of those. He would think that he had been right all along. Hell, he'd probably hate the Cullens worse than he did now. Jasper understood me concerns and didn't push me to tell Charlie anything. I was grateful beyond words for that.

I quickly ran to the dresser where my phone was charging and flipped it open.

"Hey dad, what's up?" I asked.

"Hey Bells, how are you?" he replied. He voice didn't sound quite right though. He sounded nervous and extremely jumpy. I could imagine someone holding a gun to his head. I shuddered at the thought.

"I'm fine, dad." I answered. "Why what's going on?"

"Nothing. I just called to check on you." he continued in the same tone.

"Well, I'm fine. Is there any thing wrong? You sound a little on edge."

'Oh, I'm fine sweetie. It's just been a long day, that's all, honey."

"Oh." I replied not entirely believeing.

Jasper, who had no doubt heard the entire conversation and sensed my worry, was now standing beside me with his hands around my waist.

"I was actually wondering, though, if you might wanna come and see me today?"

"I just saw you two nights ago, dad."

"I know, but I really miss you. You're my little girl after all. I worry that I won't see you anymore." he replied. His tone was just as jumpy and panicky as it was when he first answered. However, I could hear an underlying plea. It felt like he wanted me to say no.

"Um, dad, can you hold on for a minute?" I asked.

"Sure thing, sweetheart."

I pulled the phone away from my ear and placed my hand over the talking piece. I then turned to Jasper.

"Who's with him, right now?" I asked.

"Alice is waiting at the boundary lines for him. He went down to La Push early this morning." Jasper answered.

The panic and fear in his eyes mirrored mine. We both knew that Jacob could very well be down there trying to trap Charlie into getting me alone. We both also knew, that if he was there, the pack would do nothing about it. Everyone knew the exile was just their way of pretending like they were upholding the treaty. They had no intention of enforcing it, unless, of course, it was for show.

None of us were even sure were the pack's loyalty laid anymore. Would they help Jacob hurt me for revenge? Even if he hurt Charlie along the way. We had no idea. And that was very frightening.

"What do I do?" I asked.

"Just keep talking to him." Jasper said. "I'll try to see if I can hear anything else."

I nodded and put the phone back up to my ear.

"Sure, dad, I'd love to come see you today." I told him.

"Great sweetie." he answered his voice still panicky. "I'm actually in La Push, right now, though. Billy invited me to spend the day here. Sam and his friends are here too. They would really like to see you again. So do you think that you could come down here for awhile?"

I looked at Jasper seeking an answer to that question. Jasper shook his head frantically.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, dad." I answered. "I mean, I am the reason Billy lost his son and the boys lost there friend. I wouldn't feel right going down there after that. I'm sorry."

"No, sweetie. It's okay." he answered. I swear I could hear relief under his panic. Then he made a kind of squeaking noise. "But I would really like to see you today. Do you think that you could come by the house for a few hours today?"

"Of couse, I can." I replied after waiting for Jasper to nod. "I'll meet you there in a couple hours. Would you mind if I brought Jasper with me?"

"Actually, I was kind of hoping you'd come alone. I mean we haven't had any father/daughter time since this whole thing started. I just want it to the two of us."

"Okay, dad." I said slowly unsure of how I felt about him wanting me to come alone.

"Okay, sweetie." he replied. "I'll see you in a couple hours, then. I love you."

The words sounded like a goodbye.

"I love you too, dad." I replied then flipped the phone shut.

I felt my knees shake beneath me. What the hell was going on? Was Charlie in danger? I would've collapsed if it hadn't been for Jasper's strong arms wrapped around my waist. He set me gently on the bed as I tried hard not to hyperventilate.

"Jasper, we can't let anything happen to Charlie. I don't think that I could live with myself, if I let him be hurt." I said.

"Breathe love, just breathe." he responded. "We don't know that there's anything wrong yet. Just relax and hang tight for a minute. And let me go and get everyone. Well, figure this out, Bella, okay?"

I nodded and focused really hard and keeping myself calm. He was right. We had no idea if there was anything wrong. For all we knew, Charlie could be fine and he just had a long day, like he said.

Jasper left the room and was back with the rest of the family before the door could even hit the frame. Esme, who saw my expression, was by my side in an instant. She had her arms around me and was rubbing my shoulder gently.

"What's going on?" Carlise asked taking in mine and Jasper's expressions.

Jasper began explaining things so quickly that I couldn't follow his words. The family, however, caught every word of it.

"And we don't know if it's something that we should worry about or not." Jasper stated when he finished explaining.

"It does seem a little odd, especially with him wanting her to go to La Push." Carlisle stated. "And from what you told me, he was doing it under the eyes of someone else. I'm just not sure who. I don't wanna take any chances, though, so Esme can you call Alice." Esme nodded. "Tell her to watch for Charlie to leave and tail him as closely as she can without giving herself away. And have her call us if he doesn't come out of La Push alone." Esme squeezed my shoulder then headed out to do what Carlisle asked. "Rosalie, I want you to go to the house and scout out the house. Make sure nothing happens if Charlie's not alone. Also, make sure they'll be no surprises if he's alone." Rosalie nodded and headed out the door. "Now, as for you Bella, I don't want to overreact if this is nothing, so I'm going to have Emmett and Jasper accompany you to Charlie's. You will, however, go in alone. I want the to of you to stay close enough to get inside, if something goes wrong."

"Of course." Jasper stated.

"Now, Bella when did you say that you were going to meet him?" Carlisle asked me.

"A couple of hours, why?" I questioned.

"Because, I want you to take a nice hot shower and relax a little." he answered. "We don't know if there's anything wrong yet. So until we hear back from everyone else, we're going to assume there isn't. Just get ready like you normally would and we'll play it by ear."

"Right." I nodded.

"Emmett, come with me." Carlisle stated.

He and Emmett left the room. I stumbled around grabbing my shower stuff and trying to do what Carlisle said. Relaxing would be a lot easier if I knew for sure what was happening. Jasper helped me the best he could sending me all sorts of calming waves as well as helping my gather my things.

The shower took longer than normal, with my shaking hands and wobbling knees. When I finally finished, I pulled on a pair of tight fit jeans and a white cami with a black jacket and a pair of black flip flops. I pulled my wet hair into a low ponytail because that was the best my shaking fingers would allow.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, Jasper was still sitting on the bed, where he was when I first got in. His facial expression, however, had changed. Before I went in, he just looked mildly afraid but now, he looked truly terrified and panicked.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Esme couldn't get a hold of Alice." Jasper replied. "She tried for a half hour but got nothing, so Carlisle sent her out to see what was wrong. Alice, wasn't at the border line, we have no idea where she is."

"What?" I gasped as my knees gave way. Jasper was, of course, there before I hit the ground. He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me over to the bed, sitting me in his lap.

"We're not sure where Alice is." he repeated. "But I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. She probably saw something and realized that she was needed elsewhere. And just didn't have a chance to call."

"Well, what about Rosalie?" I asked trying not think about Alice.

"She called and said there was nothing out of the ordinary at the house yet."  
Jasper answered. "She said it reeked of wolf, however, it was an older scent. Nothing to worry about. She said Charlie wasn't there, yet." I nodded. At least Rosalie was still in contact. "But then Carlisle told her that he wanted an update every fifteen minutes and when a half hour passed without an update, he sent Emmett out to look for her. He can't find her either."

My breath hitched and my heart began beating rapidly in my chest. What happened to my sisters? What was going to happen to my father? What was going to happen to me? The questions spun around in my head as I fought not to hyperventilate.

"Bella, relax, please." Jasper whispered. "I promise everything will be fine. The girls can handle themselves, whereever they are. And you and I will take care of Charlie. We're going to head over there early, due to the recent developments."

"How early?" I asked.

"Now." he replied. "And Carlisle no longer wants you to go in alone. I'll be with you, the whole time. We want to make sure that Jacob wouldn't dream of attacking either of you."

I nodded and went to stand, but my legs didn't want to support me. I collapsed back into Jasper arms. I felt waves of calm and reassurance trying to break into and I allowed them full access as I tried to stand again. I was successful this time. Jasper kept his arm around my waist, just in case. He helped me walk down the stairs. It was a slow process because I had to keep reminding myself to relax even as I felt Jasper's power working their way over my body.

Carlisle was just hanging up his phone when we made it down the stairs. He looked up at our entrance.

"That was Esme, she found Alice." he told us. I let out a sigh of relief. "She was about a few miles from the border line, fighting one of the wolves. Embry, they think it was. He retreated once Esme came on the scene. They're on their way back to see if the can catch Charlie's scent."

I nodded grateful that at least one of my sisters was alright.

"Thank god." Jasper stated. "We're heading to Charlie's now. Call and let us know about Rose."

"Of course. And you call once you figured out what's going on."

"I will."

Jasper then towed me over to the door and out to the garage. He placed me gently into the passenger seat of Carlisle's Mercedes and jumped into the driver seat. He drove more the twice the legal speed limit all the way to Charlie's. We arrived in less then ten minutes. He spent much of the ride sending me waves of calm. I accepted them but couldn't help but feel we were too late.

When we arrived, Jasper jumped out of the car and I made to follow. Before I could get two steps away from the car, Jasper was in front of me.

"Wait." Was all he said before he pulled out his phone. He dialed rapidly and spoke to Carlisle, I assumed, just as rapidly. I started toward the door while he was having his conversation, however, he grabbed my wirst, stopping me. He finished the conversation and stuck his phone back in his pocket. "I have to warn you before you go in there. It doesn't smell so good."

"What do you mean?" I asked suddenly shaking all over.

"Jacob's scent is everywhere, along with blood and lots of it. I can't be sure if it's Charlie's or not, but it's strong."

I gasped and pulled my wrist from his grasp. I ran to the door with him on my heels. I reached the door and found out that it was unlocked. The smell of rust and salt hit me the minute I stepped inside. It was strong and horrible.

From the dim afternoon light, I could see that the walls were covered in blood and there was a blood paw trail as well. Jasper placed his arm around my waist to keep me standing. I wrestled the urge to vomit, pass out, and scream as we followed the bloody trail to the kitchen.

I gulped as I spotted a large pool of blood in the corner with Charlie's pale, mangled and lifeless body beside it.

I only got a small glimpse of the gruesome scene before my world faded to black.

**A/N: What do you guys think? I know I killed Charlie and I'm sorry. There wasn't anything else for me to do with him. Please no pitchforks and torches. I promise it does have a purpose. Anyway, please review, I hope you all liked it. **


	30. Aftermath

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I was worried that you guys where going to hate me for killing Charlie like that. Like I said, though, I had my reasons. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy what's to come. It's just getting good. **

**JASPER**

I knew something was wrong the minute I stepped out of the car. The area around the house reeked of Jacob Black. I could tell he had been there within the last couple of hours. However, I couldn't be sure if he was still there. His scent was overpowered by the scent of fresh human blood, lots' of it.

I was pretty sure that it was Charlie's. I just couldn't tell if he was dead or not. All I knew was that he and the dog had been there in the last couple of hours, and Charlie had gotten the worse end of the deal. I couldn't tell how bad it was though.

Bella got out of the car and headed straight for the door. I reached out and grabbed her by the wrist, stopping her in her tracks. She turned to look at me with a curious and worried expression. I simply told her to wait and pulled out my phone. I dialed Carlisle's number and told him that he needed to Charlie's as soon as he could. I explained as quickly as I could and he said that he was on his way.

Bella was still looking at me with that odd mix of confusion and worry. I explained what I smelled and what I thought. I told her that about the blood. However, I left out the fact that it was mostly likely Charlie's. I didn't want to destroy her hope, while there was still a chance. My words just made her more eager to get into the house.

She, somehow, managed to rip her wrsit from my grasp and run to the door with me close behind her. It was unlocked, definitely not a good sign. She wrenched it open and I was immediately hit with a scent worse than outside.

It was so strong that, even though I wasn't breathing, it burned my throat worse than anything I ever felt in my existence. Bella was shocked and scared by what she had seen. I could feel her need to pass out or vomit throwing through to me. This was too much blood for her little human aversion to it.

I wrapped my arm around her waist to keep her upright. I pulled her along following the bloody trail to the kitchen. I had to hold my breath and focus on Bella's emotions to keep myself from licking up the bloody puddles.

We were both sure of what we would find it the kitchen. I could, however, feel the slightest glimmer of hope coming through the shock and pain. Bella was, no doubt, holding on to the slim chance that Charlie was able to fight Jacob off and get away.

The hope was crushed the minute we stepped into the kitchen. Charlie pale and mangled body lie in front of the fridge next to a gigantic puddle of his own blood. I swallowed the venom that was filling my mouth as I looked.

There was a breif flash of overwhelming shock, pain, and anger from Bella before she collasped. Thankfully, my arm had already been around her, because it happened so quickly, I wouldn't have been able to catch her, otherwise, in with my vampiric talents. I lowered her gently to the floor as I felt the odd sense of peace being unconcious gave her.

"Bella!" I whispered trying to shake her awake. "Bella, honey, wake up, please?" I gently slapped her a couple of times but nothing happened. "Bella, it's Jasper, you've gotta wake up, please!" I pleaded a little longer but she still didn't respond.

She had been down for less than a minute before I heard the door open and close. I tensed, prepared to fight whoever it was, until I recognized Carlisle's scent and let out a sigh of relief. I knew there was no way I could fight a wolf and protect Bella in her current state.

"Jasper, where are you?" Carlisle called, panic in his voice. "What happened?"

"In the kitchen." I managed to quickly chock out. The burning was worse when I spoke. "Charlie's dead."

Carlisle was in the kitchen a milisecond later. He spotted Charlie's body in the corner.

"Oh my." he stated shocked. "Jacob did this?"

"I can only assume." I sighed. "However, his scent was mixed with a few of the other wolves. It appeared as though some had already been here in the past few hours."

He nodded. He hadn't really looked at the scene around him until that point and was startled when he took me kneeling next to Bella's unconcious form.

"He didn't get to her, did he?" He asked panicked and came to kneel beside her as well.

'No, I think it's just shock." I replied, however, I could hear the worry in my own voice.

Carlisle immediately set to work, checking her vitals. I kneeled there quietly trying not to breathe.

"Jasper, I need you to call Esme. Tell her what's going on and that I'm going to need he and Alice to come and help me. We need to burn the house and get rid of the evidence before any of the humans get involved." Carlisle told me quickly as he continued looking Bella over.

"What about Emmett and Rosalie?" I asked.

"I'm afraid they won't be able to help." he answered.

"Why? What happened?" I asked feeling the sadness and pain that was radiating off of him.

"Emmett found her. A couple miles from the house, actually." Carlisle replied continuing to examine Bella. "She had been attacked by one of them and it left her nearly dead. Thankfully, Emmett's scent scared him away before he had a chance to finish the job. Rosalie will recover, however, it's going to be a long and painful process, because the venom has to heal her injuries. It'll be like the first all over again for her."

Anger, I couldn't be positive if it was my own or Carlisle's, flashed through me. I turned and put a hole in the nearest wall of the house. How dare they hurt my sister like that? Did they want to die? Because that's exactly what was going to happen now. They were all going to die. They'd taken too much from the ones I loved to be allowed to live.

"Jasper, I know you're angry son. I am too. Angry than I've ever been about anything in my existence. But we have to focus right now. We have to get this covered up and get rid of the evidence. If the humans get involved then it'll be exposure of mass proportions. The Volturi might not even be able to contain it." Carlisle stated.

I knew he was right, however, I couldn't get over the thoughts of Rose in pain and helpless against that kind of pain or even the pain that Bella will no doubt be going through when she woke up.

It made me twice as angry to realize that Bella wasn't even going to be able to have a proper funeral for her father. His body was going to have to be burned, along with the rest of the place. There couldn't be anything left that might expose us. I couldn't imagine having to tell Bella that she was going to be unable to bury her own father. It hurt to think of the kind of pain that she was going to go through, because of this.

"But what about Bella?" I asked unable to stop myself.

"She's going to be fine." Carlisle replied standing up. "She's simply in a form of shock just like you said. She'll be alright when she's wakes up."

For some reason, his words made me angry than I was a second before. Did he really believe that she would be alright? After all of this? There was no way she was going to be alright. Especailly once when she found out we had to do while she was out of it.

"No, Carlisle, she isn't going to be alright when she wakes up! How can you possibly think that? Her best friend murdered her father! And to add insult to injury, she won't even be able to give him a proper funeral or burial! There's no way that she's ever going to be okay with that! It's going to destroy everything that she has left! And you know it!"

"I do, Jasper. And I'm sorry, but Bella's feelings can't be the main priority right now. I wishe they could but they can't. Our secret has to come first and Bella later. She may not like it but she'll understand. Now, I need you to go and call your mother and sister and get them here as soon as they can." Carlisle ordered.

He was right and that killed me. We had to make sure that the humans didn't find out that. It would put us, the wolves - not that we cared anymore- and the humans at a great risk. Hell, it may even land Bella in a mental institution.

It was the thought of Bella in that kinf of place that made me do what Carlisle said. This was, of course, for her safety as much as the rest of ours. There would definitely be consquences for a human who hung out with the monsters of fairy tales. Sadly, the mental institution was the kindest of these consquences.

I had to protect Bella from that as well as the other horrible things the other humans could do to her. She didn't deserve that at all. I was going to do everything that I could to stop it from happening.

The blood was really starting to get to me, so I walked out to the front yard as I dialed Esme number. She answered on the second ring.

"Jasper, oh my god, what's going on?" she asked sounding very pianicked. "Carlisle said that something happened to Charlie and he had to get there quickly."

"Jacob killed Charlie." I replied somberly.

"What?" she gasped in horror.

"The damned mutt killed Charlie." I replied.

"Oh no! Is Bella alright?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. She passed out when she saw the body, Carlisle thinks it's shock. He says that she'll be fine. I just hope she doesn't wake up until we're done at the house."

"What do you mean?"

"We need to burn the house and all the evidence, including the body. You know, to keep the humans from finding out about us. That's why I called, actually. Carlisle needs you and Alice to come here. He says he needs the help, but it's not really that big of a job."

"We'll come anyway. I'll get Alice and we'll be there as soon as we can."

"Okay." I replied.

"See you soon. And son, I love you."

"I love you too, mom." I answered before hanging up the phone.

I went back into the house, to see if Carlisle had needed help. He had finished examining Bella and moved her to lay on the couch. I noticed the overpowering smell of gasoline was covering up the blood- something that made the thirst a little more bearable. I found Carlisle in the kitchen, dosing Charlie's body as well as everything else in gasoline.

"Is there anything that I can do, Carlisle?" I asked.

"No, I think I've got it under control, son. Why don't you just go keep on eye on Bella until I'm done here." He replied.

"Okay." I stated confused. "But, I don't understand, if you can handle this on your own, then why did you need Alice and Esme to come here and help?"

"I didn't ask them to help with this. There's something else, something more important that we have to do tonight. Something that I need as many of you as possible for." he explained.

"And that would be?"

"A meeting with the pack. They have been over stepping their boundaries for a year now. First, Jacob kills one of my sons and almost completely destroys one of my daughters. And his only punishment is exile. An exile that was only put in place so they could put on a face for us. I'm pretty sure they haven't even been sticking by it. Now they not only allowed him to return but aided him in killing an inoccent human, by attacking two of my daughters, nearly killing one. There behavior in this past year is sufficient cause for a war. They have broken the treaty, on several counts tonight. We could attack them at any time if we wanted to. However, I really don't want a war on our hands, so I'm going to give Sam one chance to properly punish Jacob as well as the two who attacked Alice and Rosalie. If he doesn't, then I'm declaring war. And that's all there is to it. I'm hoping it won't be the case, but if it is, I need as many of you there as possible."

"Of course." I agreed.

I couldn't agree more with his feelings at the moment. The pack was seriously out of line for this and we had to do something about it. Or die trying. I wasn't going to let Bella or my family continue suffering and I knew Carlisle wasn't either.

"Okay." Carlisle continued standing up. "I'm just about finished. You should probably take Bella outside, now. I'm going to call and speak with Sam about our meeting, then I'll finish up and join you."

I nodded and went back into the living room. I picked Bella up, gently, from the sofa and headed into the woods in the back of her house. I wasn't standing there for long before the scent of a house burning hit my nose. It wasn't much longer after that did I see flames begin to issue from the house. I prayed that Bella would stay unconcious. She didn't need to see this.

I was standing there for less than a minute before Alice and Esme showed up. Esme stared at the house in complete and utter horror. She let out a tiny gasp and placed her hand in front of her mouth.

Alice looked on in shock as well. She even fell to her knees at one point. I could feel her anguish- much worse than Esme's - rolling off of her in waves. Of all of us, Alice had always been the one closest to Charlie. He was the only one of us Charlie had truly forgiven for what he thought happened to Edward. I sometimes got the impression that Charlie considered her a second daughter. And Alice considered him almost like another father, a human father.

That was completely understandable. I don't think that I had ever seen a better human father than Charlie Swan. He was an amazing man and father who didn't deserve this fate. Those thoughts made me angrier than I had been with Jacob.

I shifted Bella carefully in my arms so I could kneel down and place a comforting hand on Bella's shoulder.

"I don't understand." Alice shook her head. "Jacob loves her. Why is he hurting her like this? I mean Edward was one thing, but her father. I just don't get it. I was always under the impression that the Black's and Swan's were like family. How could Jacob do this to his family? How could he do this to Bella?"

"I don't know, Al." I whispered. "I really don't know."

We were silent for a minute or so before we noticed Carlisle walking toward us from the otherside of the backyard. The was as much anguish coming off of him as there was from everyone else in the woods. The look on his face told me that this was hurting him as much as me. I only prayed that Bella could forgive us for not being able to save Charlie's body.

"I just spoke with Sam." He stated and I could feel the hate and anger radiating off of him as he said it. I was sure I had never felt those emotions to this intensity coming off of him before. I didn't think him capable of these kind of emotions. I supposed you could always push the kind and calmest person too far, though. "He wants to meet with us in an hour. So, Jasper, I want you to take Bella back to the house. Alice, you can cover them, just in case the pack tries to surprise you. Now, Jasper, I'm sorry I have to ask this of you, but I need you to drop Bella off and Leave. I know how badly you're going to want to be there when she wakes up. However, with Rosalie disabled and Emmett's unwillingness to leave her in that condition, I need you, because we're already dowm by by half. If this turns nasty, I'm going to need as many of you as I can get."

"It's alright, Carlisle. I understand." I said and I really did. Bella was going to need me when she woke up. However, I knew my family would need me more when the met with the wolf pack. If things got bad, I had to be there to stop them from getting hurt too much. Bella would be able to survive a few hours without me there. My family needed my immediate attention, though. Besides, I'd jump at any chance to avenge Bella. And it wasn't like she was going to be left alone anyway. "Besides, I know that Emmett will do his best to comfort and care for her in our absence. He won't let anything happen to his baby sister."

"Thank you." Carlisle stated sincerely. "Now, once you guys get Bella home, I want you to go for a hunt, we need all the strength we can get, then meet us at the baseball clearing in forty five minutes."

Alice and I both nodded then took off into the woods. Niether of us said anything as we ran. Our extra sharp senses where in full mode and we didn't want to risk missing anything. I held Bella as tightly to my chest as I could manage without hurting her.

We made it home within five minutes, without an incident. Alice waited in the living room as I, blocking out Rosalie's moans of pain and Emmett soothing words - listening only made me angrier, took Bella to our room.

I land her gently on the bed and covered her up with as many blankets as possible. Guilt trilled through me as I watched her laying there in a peaceful slumber. God, how I wished I could be there when she work. I brushed some hair out of her face and leaned down to her ear. I wasn't positive if she could hear me or not, but I felt I had to say something.

"I'm so sorry for what happened, sweetheart, I really am. I'm sorry that we couldn't give Charlie's body the respect it deserved. And I'm sorry that I won't be here when you wake. Just know that I'm out trying to help keep the family alive and avenge your father's murder in any way I can. I love you and always will. I will do everything in my power to make sure the dog suffers for everything and I swear that he'll never have the chance to hurt you physically or emotionally ever again." I then kissed her forehead and made to leave the room.

Her phone suddenly started blaring out a familiar ring tone, though I couldn't be sure why it was so familiar. I only recognized the song because it was someone who used to call her a lot, but it had been so long, I forgot who it was. I thought breifly about answering it, but since, it wasn't significant enough for me to remember who it was, I figured it was nothing, and simply walked out the door.

**ALICE **

I was so angered and shocked by what the wolves had done that I could barely think straight. I honestly didn't think that Jacob would go as far as hurt Charlie to get back at Bella. And I definitely didn't think the pack would help Jacob murder a human.

I thought about my fight with Embry. He crossed the line out of nowhere and just came at me. It caught me off guard and I was getting my ass kicked. If Esme hadn't have shown, he probably would've gotten the best of me and probably killed me.

Then there was Rosalie, laying at home going through pain a lot worse than what she did in the transformation. I realized that if Emmett hadn't shown up, Rosalie would've definitely been killed. Just like Charlie had been.

Thinking about it all just made me angrier and angrier. I couldn't believe one person would put someone through so much pain, all in the name of unrequited love. It was ridiculous and made me angrier than I had ever been in my life.

I tried my best to calm myself. I knew being angry and attacking a member of the pack prematurely would be wrong. As much as we wanted our revenge, we didn't want to start a war unless we had to. And attacking them solely for the need of revenge would definitely start a war. I had to find a way to keep myself calm until Carlisle ordered us to attack.

I was thankful that Carlisle had wanted us to hunt before we met them. It helped to cool the anger. Granted, it would've helped more if I didn't have to go after the local deer and other easy pray. However, I put all of my pain and anger into the hunt and just imagined every deer and elk I took down had the head of one of Quiletes or their elders.

It worked so well that by the time Jasper and I went to meet Esme and Carlisle, I was almost completely calm. Almost.

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I had a long day at work on Monday and just went to bed when I came home. Then Tuesday night was Harry Potter night and I didn't have any time. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Please review. **


	31. Pain, Anger, and Excuses

**A/N: Once again, sorry for the bad updating skills. My life had been a little crazy and I'm just getting over a small bout of the flu. One that I had to go to work through. So I've been exhausted and just wanted to sleep when I was home. However, I hope that this one is worth waiting for. **

**BELLA **

I woke up in my soft warm bed at the Cullens' house, unsure of how I got there. There was a dull throbbing pain in my head and strong waves of nausea were rolling through my stomach. I closed my eyes and tried to remember exactly what happened.

I remembered following a bloody trail of puddles and paw prints, knowing what I'd find at the end. I was clinging to Jasper for dear life as we walked toward the kitchen, toward the part that I didn't want to remember. I forced my mind to contiue walking down the hallway with Jasper by my side. Sure enough, we entered the kitchen to find Charlie's lifeless and mangled body laying next to a pool of his own blood.

I pulled myself out of the memory and choked back a sob. Charlie was dead. Murdered, I was positive, my my once best friend. It was too much to take, too hard to believe. It couldn't really be true. But if it wasn't, then I'd be enjoying dinner with my father at the moment. Not laying in bed trying to keep my rage at bay. It was way easier for me to be angry than to be sad.

The rage, however, was getting to a point where it was nearly out of control. I found that I wanted to hurt Jacob Black the same way he had hurt me. I wanted to rip apart and kill everyone and everything he ever held dear. I wanted him to know what it felt like to lose his father, his sisters, and maybe even the pack. I wanted to do it with my bare hands, so I could show him just how much he had hurt me.

I knew, though, that it wasn't a logical outlet for my anger. If I killed inoccent people just to get back at him, then I was no better than he was. That was something that I didn't want to be. Besides, I knew I could never bring myself to kill another living being, no matter how angry I was.

The anger didn't go away, though. I needed some way to get rid of it. I looked around the room, praying Jasper was there to calm. He, however, was nowhere to be found. That knowledge just added to my anger.

Why wasn't he here with me? This was one time I needed him more than anything else in the world. I needed him to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. Yet, he was no where to be found. I knew on some level, though, that only something really important could keep him away from me on a day like this. I, however, couldn't fathom what would be more important than him being with me after something like this.

The rage bubbled over then. I was suddenly on my feet and throwing anything that I could get my hands on. Pictures, C.D.'s, clothes, nic nacs. Anything that wasn't bolted to the wall ended up on the otherside of the room. I even managed to throw a book out of the window. It took me a minute to realize that I was screaming and crying through my fury. I didn't care, though, I just needed to get all of this anger out. I knew I'd feel a whole lot better when I was done.

I wasn't even going at it for more than five minutes when I felt a pair of strong cold arms wrap around me, from behind, pinning my arms to my sides. I wriggled and struggled against the restraining arms, even though I knew it was pointless.

"Let me go!" I cried. "I need to do something. To hurt somebody."

"Bella," Emmett's voice was in my ear. "Calm down, please. Breathe and relax. Everything is fine."

"No, Emmett, everything is not fine." I yelled ceasing my struggles. "My best friend murdered my father just to hurt me! I need to hurt...I need to kill...I need Jasper." My yells broke into sobs. "Where's Jasper? Why isn't here? I need him. And he's gone. He left me just like Edward."

During my speech, Emmett managed to pull me down onto the bed. He placed me in his lap and was cradling me in his arms.

"He didn't leave you, Bella." he whispered stroking my hair. "He wanted more than anything to be here when you woke up, but Carlisle needed him for something more important.

"What could possibly more important than being here for me at a time like this?" I sniffled.

"A meeting with the pack." Emmett replied. "Jacob is getting out of hand and needs to be dealt with. Carlisle wants to make sure that he actually gets a proper punishment this time. He's also going to be sure that the two who attacked Alice and Rosalie get what's coming to them as well."

I nodded relieved that I finally understood what was going on. Emmett was right, meeting the pack was way more important than being with me. Especially with all the hostility between the two groups. If it turned into a fight Carlisle would need every man he could get. So why was Emmett still here? Why wasn't he at the meeting as well?

"If it's so important, Emmett," I whispered. "Then why are you still here?" I hoped I sounded meerly curious and not accusing.

"Well, see one of them attacked Rose a couple miles from Charlie's place." Emmett answered sadly. "He got the better of her. In fact, had I not found them when I did, she would've been killed." I gasped at that thought. "Don't worry, she made it. However, she suffered some extremely serious injuries at his hands. The venom, of course, will be able to put her back in one piece. However, it's going to be just as painful as the first time. And there's nothing we can do to make it any easier on her. I couldn't bear to leave her alone, which is why Carlisle asked Jasper to go, instead."

"Oh god, Emmett, I'm so sorry." I whispered unable to believe how much pain they were once again suffering because of me. "It's all my fault."

"Don't even go there Bella. This isn't anybody's fault but the stupid mutts'. You had no way of knowing they were capable of any of this."

"But if I had only given Jacob what he wanted in the beginning, none of this would've happened. If I had just stayed with him, instead of going back to Alice that day, everything would be fine. Edward would be alive, Charlie would be alive, Rosalie wouldn't be in any pain, and your family would still be whole and the treaty still intact. You'd all be happy." I argued.

"That may be true, Bella, but if you had given into him, you would be unhappy. And who knows what would've happened if Jacob caught on to that unhappiness. He could've still snapped and started hurting you. None of us would've wanted that. We all want you to be happy. No matter what it means for us. You should no that by now." Emmett stated. "And I can bet you anything that Edward, Charlie, and Rose would rather be where they are now, than have you spend the rest of you life in the hands of a psychotic werewolf. I know the family would rather be on the brink of war than see you sad or in pain."

I was shocked and comforted by Emmett's words, whether or not I believed them to be true. I wasn't completely sure why, though. I knew that if it had been Jasper or Alice saying them, I wouldn't have been comforted at all. I would've felt even more guilty, actually.

I think it had something to do with the fact that this wasn't normal Emmett behavior. Normally, he'd be the one to simply make a joke about whatever was upsetting you and let you laugh it off. It wasn't very often at all that he had a serious conversation about your problem. It was oddly comforting to know that he cared enough to walk away from his fascade and say the things I needed to hear. Even if the weren't necessarily words that I wanted to hear or believe.

A loud but muffled scream from a few rooms away broke into my reverie. It was only then that I realized Emmett must've left Rosalie to check on me when he heard my tantrum. Now she was all alone and in pain. I felt guilty for taking him away from her in her time of need.

"Umm..Bella," Emmett stated uncomfortably. "I know you really need someone right now, but I can't just let Rose lay in there by herself. Do you mind..."

"Go, Emmett." I whispered. "You've done enough for me. I'll be fine. I promise."

"Thanks Bella." he replied and kissed the top of my head. "I'll be back to check on you in a little bit."

I nodded and he ran swiftly and gracefully out the door.

I sat on the bed for a long moment just staring at the mess in front of me. I was starting to feel a little guilty and ashamed of my outburst. It was something a five year old would do. I was a grown woman who shouldn't need her emotion controlling boyfriend to keep her anger underwraps. I shook my head.

I needed to get the mess cleaned up before Jasper got back. I didn't want him to think that I was completely psyhco. I didn't want him to have any excuse to leave me.

I stepped slowly off of the bed and heard a soft crunch under my foot. I looked down to see a picture frame under my foot and knew I had broken the glass. I lifted the frame and tossed it across the room. Instinctively, I reached out to grab one of the largest and sharpest pieces.

I realized then just how wonderful the numbing feeling would be on my emotions. I found myself wondeing how bad it would hurt after a few months of not doing it or even thinking about it. I needed the relief, I really did, and there was no one else there to help me. It was just me and those beautiful pieces of glass. It would've been so much easier to just tear my skin open and watch it bleed, then to wait for Jasper....

I yanked my hand back at that thought. I made a promise to Jasper, to my family, and to myself. I was finished with that part of my life. I would just have to deal with my pain just like every other God damned human on the planet. Just let it run it's course.

It was, of course, a lot easier to have those thoughts than it was to follow through with them. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I was also sure that it would be pure heaven the minute one of those pieces broke my skin.

I stared at the jagged pieces of glass for a few long moments as I tried to justify doing it to myself. I, however, couldn't find a good enough reason to do it. Still, the glass pieces just looked so inviting.

A loud beep coming from the direction of my dresser, pulled me out of my trance. I recognized the beep as my cell phone telling me that I had a missed call. I slowly got up and walked to the phone, suddenly worried about who it was.

I flipped it opened and scrawled through my missed call list. When I found the one I was looking for, my heart skipped a beat. I warily opened the phone and dialed my voiceamail, almost panicking as I wondered what else Jacob Black could possibly want from me.

**JASPER**

We met the wolves in our usual spot. A clearing that was split directly in half by the treaty line.

Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and I stood in a line a foot or so away from the treaty line. I could feel sadness, pain, and anger coming off all of them. I tried my hardest to continue rolling out waves of calm, but it was getting harder and harder by the minute to control my own anger. I wanted nothing more than to cross that line and rip everyone of their heads off.

It didn't help that the five oldest - Sam, Jared, Paul, Embry, and Quil - were standing at the front in human form with there arms crossed over their chest, while the rest of the pack was lined up in wolf form, just waiting for Sam to order an attack. The five in the front looked very calm and in control, considering we were here to potentially start a war. I could feel a smug confidence radiating off of the pack. It reminded me of children who had just got caught doing something wrong, but was sure they could talk their way out of it (A/N: Something my sister had always been amazing at).

It made me even more angry to think of the possibnility of them denying it all. However, once I felt the determination coming off of Carlisle, I felt better. He wasn't going to let them get off easy like that. Something the entire family was grateful for. They had caused this family too much pain over the last year. Pain that was completely unecessary. Carlisle was determined to make sure that didn't get away with it anymore.

"Dr. Cullen." Sam stated with an incline of his head. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he'd rather be anywhere but here. I could also sense that whatever truce we had for Bella's sake was dead and gone. Which was fine with us. It wasn't like Bella wanted anything more to do with the wolves anyway.

"Good evening, Sam." Carlisle replied trying to be as polite as possible through his anger.

Carlisle knew that it wouldn't be wise to start something now. As badly as we all wanted revenge, we knew that we were sadly outnumbered and there was no way we could win, even if we tried. Carlisle knew this. Which is why he was trying so hard to keep this comfortable and calm.

"You said that you had something that you wished to discuss with us." Sam stated.

"Sadly, we do." Carlisle answered. "And I doubt you're going to like it."

"We're listening." Sam responded. The arrogance that was coming off of him in waves was making me even angry. It's like he knew exactly what we were going to say and had a counter arguement for it.

"We're here to talk about the treaty that was broken on your end at least three times in the last eight or so hours." Carlisle stated still trying to sound polite.

"I beg your pardon." Sam asked looking shocked.

"At least three members of your pack have broken the treaty in the last eight hours." Carlisle stated. "I'm not sure if it was to your knowledge or not. Somehow, though, I'm sure you knew about it. However, that gives us sufficient cause to start an all out war. However, we don't wish to fight you. We simply want justice for what's happened today. If you are willing to give us that, then they'll be no need for us to go after your pack."

"That's a very serious accusation. And yes, I am aware of the things that happened this afternoon. However, I fail to see where we broke our end of the treaty. Would you care to explain?"

Carlisle took a deep brath and pinched the bridge of his nose. Sam feigning ignorance was making him angrier and angrier by the minute. I didn't know how much more he could take really. I mean, he was already angrier than I'd ever seen him in my time of knowing him. I could feel his want to rip Sam to bits for allowing this to happen.

That's how I knew it was bad. Carlisle had never relished the idea of hurting or killing another living creature. Hell, he only killed the animals because he didn't have any other choice. To stand here and feel that he was ready to murder someone came as a huge shock. I supposed, though, that even the most peaceful man in the world would be ready to kill if someone hurt his family the way Carlisle's had been hurt over the last year.

I poured as much calming emotions into Carlisle that I could muster. We could afford to have any of us snap right now. We wouldn't survive a fight with them. Not with our tiny numbers.

"About five or six hours ago, you allowed Jacob Black to kill Charlie Swan, an inoccent human." Carlisle answered. "And you helped him do it, by having two of your brothers attack both my daughters, and nearly killed one, unprovoked."

Sam chuckled a little to himself, as did the other four in the front. Their reaction to our pain made me even angrier. I found myself slipping into a crouch and letting out a warning growl. Esme placed a comforting, yet reprimanding hand on my shoulder and I pulled out of the crouch.

"I'm sorry." Sam replied getting his composure back. "But it seems there has been a misunderstanding on the issue of Jacob Black."

"And what might that be?" Esme questioned.

"Well, you see, Jacob is no longer a member of our pack. He was exiled a year ago. While we still consider him like a brother and would avenge him should anyone try to hurt him, he's no longer part of this pack. Which means that he no longer has to live by the rules of the treaty and is no longer obligated to follow my orders or the orders of the Elders. He can do whatever he wants, even if that means killing a human. There's nothing we could've done about it." Sam explained.

I found myself growling again as Carlisle struggled to control his instinct. I don't think that any of us expected him to use Jacob's "exile" against us. It was after all a punishment that they had not enforced. The entire family had known it was only done for show. Now, they were using it as a scapegoat. It made me sick to thick about. I could feel Carlisle's pulsing anger and wondered how he was still in control of himself. I would've launched myself across the clearing by now, if it wasn't for Esme.

I couldn't believe someone could be so cold hearted as that? Whether or not, Jacob had to listen, they should've tried to stop him, even it meant attacking him. Charlie was an inoccent man who had done Jacob no harm. In fact, Charlie treated Jacob like a son, as far as I heard. He didn't deserve to be murdered in cold blood.

"Be that as it may." Carlilse growled out. "Isn't it the tribe's job to protect the inoccent humans of La Push as well as Forks. Charlie Swan was the chief of police, a good man, and the best father Bella could've ever asked for. There was nothing more inoccent and good than Charlie Swan and you let him die. You allowed one of you own to kill him. That should be sufficient enough evidence for me to believe that the treaty was broken. The fact that you didn't do your job and protect an inoccent human. You let him be killed."

"On the contrary Dr. Cullen," Sam stated. "It is our job to protect the humans of La Push and Forks from creatures like you. It is what we are trained for and what were made for. It's what we are bound to do. However, nowhere in the job description does it say that we have to fight one of our own kind to keep humans alive. Especially one of our brothers. It's against our nature to do something like that. Charlie Swan's death is regrettable yes, but you couldn't have expected us to hurt or kill one of our own to stop him from killing someone else. It just wouldn't be right."

"That's bullshit!" I growled. "Sure, family and loyalty is important. I wouldn't dream of hurting any member of my family, however, if I knew they were doing wrong, I'd do what I could to stop them. There's no way I would sit back and let it happen. Or help them do it for that matter. That would be wrong and monstrous on so many levels."

"Enough, Jasper." Carlisle stated calmly raising his hand to silence me. Esme hand tightened on my shoulder and Alice linked her fingers in mine. I held back taking my strength from them as I fought to keep in control.

"Let's put the Jacob issue aside for a moment then. It is after all a very gray area. I would like to know how you're going to explain the unprovoked attacks on Alice and Rosalie because those are definitely treaty breakers." Carlisle continued.

"Well, Dr. Cullen, you can't consider it an unprovoked attack if Embry and Quil thought our land or a human was being threatened." Sam stated as if that explained everything. I surpressed the urge to growl again.

"And how on earth could they have possibily felt threatened. Alice and Rosalie were just watching and listening. Nothing more." Carlisle argued.

"Well, according to what I saw in Embry's head, when he caught the small one's scent," Sam rebutted. Alice growled at his description of her. "He followed it and found her standing only a few inches away from the boundary line and chased her away. She turned around and attacked him afterward."

"That's a lie!" Alice yelled and it was my turn to hold her back. "I was a good twenty feet away from that line when he came out of nowhere and attacked me. I lead him away from the line and out of sight of the humans."

"Are you calling me a liar?!" Embry yelled back at Alice.

"Yup!" Alice answered with a smile.

I saw Embry quiver just slightly and set out a wave of calm that hopefully reached everyone in the clearing. Judging by the look on Embry's face, it did.

"This is getting us nowhere." Carlisle sighed. "And let me guess, you have some kind of excuse for nearly killing my Rosalie as well, right?"

"Well, that one was an accident." Sam replied. "You see, we've been running circles around Charlie's house for a couple months now trying to make sure nobody gets to him. Since even his own daughter didn't seem interested anymore."

"Don't even go there!" I growled out figthing the urge to attack. How dare he insult Bella in that manner?! "Bella loved Charlie more than anything or anyone else in there world. He was the first person she thought about whenever there was trouble. And his safety was always top on her priority list. It isn't her fault that Jacob completely messed her up by killing Edward. She needed time away from Charlie, so she could thoroughly recover from what all the mental shit she went through! This isn't her fault!"

"Jasper, you need to relax." Carlisle stated firmly. I took a few breaths and tried to relax my body and my mind.

"As I was saying, Quil was running around the house keeping an eye on things when he caught the blonde one's scent. He didn't stop to think about who's it belonged to, he just smelled a leech and viewed it as a threat. He did the only rational thing he could. He attacked." Sam shrugged.

"Attacking was the only rational thing he could think of?!" Carlisle asked in outrage. "What about figuring out who he was attacking first, then finding out why she was there. You know, talking, it could've saved us from having an accident all together."

"That is true, however, it is not in our nature to ask question first. When we see a vampire threat, we attack. We do what needs to be done to eliminate the threat. Sometimes, accidents happen and that's regrettable, but we have to do our duty to protect the humans. I'm sorry that your daughter ended up hurt." Sam stated not sounding at all sorry.

"But we not only have a treaty, we have a truce." Carlisle argued. "We owe it to each other to ask questions and make sure mistakes like these do not happen. That way we can keep the peace better and avoid situations like these."

"Yes, Dr. Cullen, we have a treaty. One that we feel has not yet been broken by either side. However, out truce was only in place while Bella's life was in danger and she was still in the middle. Seeing as she's no longer in danger and she's obviously chosen sides, then the truce is no longer in existence. The being said, if any one of you so much as think about breaking the treaty, we will attack and we won't show any mercy. We will destroy every last one of you. And if Bella ends up getting bitten and changed, regardless of the circumstances, we will attack and destroy all of you, including her. So I would tread carefully if I were you."

"See, Sam, the problem with that is, whether or not you feel you broke the treaty and no matter how you justify it, we feel that you have and that gives us sufficient cause to attack right now." Carlisle stated.

"If you wanna start something right now, Dr. Cullen, you're more than welcome to." Sam invited. "We're more than prepared to take you out at any given moment."

Carlisle didn't answer Sam right away. I could feel indecision radiating off of him. I knew he wanted to attack and take down as many wolves as possible, just as much as the rest of us. However, he knew, as well as the rest of us, that we were outnumbered. The could team up and have all of us destroyed before we could even cut one of them down. While Carlisle wanted justice for Bella, Rosalie, Charlie, and Edward, he didn't want to lose any more of us, either. And I couldn't bear the thought of Bella having to live on without me.

"No," Carlisle finally answered. "I don't want to start something right now. In fact, I don't want to start anything at all. However, you're pack has hurt my family so much tonight that I do want justice for what you've done. So I'm going to give you twenty four hours to consult with your Elders. I want them to come up with, dole out, and enforce an appropriate punishment for what Jacob, Embry, and Quil did today. If I find the punishment fits the crime, then we'll be a good terms again. However, if I even think that it's another slap on the wrist type thing, then there will be a war."

"We'll take your twenty four hours. However, you should use it to prepare yourselves, because I doubt the Elders will give you what you want. Like I said earlier, even if they punished Jacob, they wouldn't be able to enforce it, because of the exile. And I highly doubt they'll punish Embry and Quil for doing their duty to the tribe and pack."

"If that's the way they want it, then we'll be prepared, but you should know, we won't be alone." Carlisle explained. "We have friends and family all over that will come to our aid. In fact, we have some extended family in Alaska who have a personal grudge against you for killing Luarent. He was one of there sister's mate. And that's something we never ever forgive."

"In that case, I hope you know this, the more leeches that you bring in town, the bigger our pack gets." Sam challenged.

"It won't be anything we can't handle." Carlisle replied.

"Well, if that's all, we have a job to do." Sam spat.

Carlisle simply waved his hand to show that we were done here. The wolves slowly scattered in different directions. The family was silent as they disappeared. We were all lost in the thoughts and ramifications of a war. Most specifically about what a war between the two species would do to Bella. She'd most definitely blame herself for it all and who knows what she'd do to get rid of that guilt. I didn't even want to begin to think about it. I didn't what I would do if she slipped back into old habits.

My cell went off in my pocket before anyone could speak. I pulled it out a flipped it opened, in less than a milisecond, without even looking at the ID.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey Jasper, it's Emmett." Emmett's voice sounded upset and panicky.

"Hey man, what's up?" I asked unable to hold my panic down.

"I just went to check on Bella, but she's not in her room." he stated. "She's not anywhere in the house, and I have no idea where she went."

**A/N: Well, what do you guys think? Worth waiting for? Please review. **


	32. Rip, Tear, Kill

**JASPER **

"What do you mean, you don't know where she is?" I asked starting to panic a little. How could Emmett not know where my Bella was? How could he not know that she had left? He was a vampire, for crying out loud! She woudln't have been able to get by him unless he wasn't apying attention.

"I'm so sorry, man." he whispered sounding completely guilty. "Rose needed me and I didn't think that I had to watch Bella that closely. I mean, I would've smelled if the mutt had gotten in. Besides, she seemed to subdued and full of grief to do anything stupid."

"No, man, it's not your fault." I replied. "There's no way you could've known that she was going to run off and do something stupid. I should've known there was no way you'd be able to look after her and Rose. We'll be there soon, okay. Then we'll figure out where she is and what's going on."

I sounded a hell of a lot calmer than I thought. I knew, though, that Emmett's guilt was nearly as bad as Bella's and he was already blaming himself. I couldn't make it worse by accusing him or getting upset. Besides, keeping an eye on someone else while his mate was in the worst pain imaginable, was, in fact, too much to ask of one person. I couldn't blame him for losing her. Not when I should've stayed, regardless of what Carlisle said.

She needed someone to hold her and tell her it would be alright and I wasn't there. Now, I had no idea where she had gone or what she was doing. Did Jacob somehow get to her? Did he plan on killing her or just taking her away? Both possibilities scared the shit out of me. I couldn't stand to be away from her whether she was alive or not. Nor could I deal with the thoughts of what he could possibly do to her in both scenerios. I shook my head in defeat and looked at the ground.

Emmett had long since disconnected, but I couldn't find the will to snap the phone shut. Alice can up to me after a minute and put her hand on my shoulder.

"We'll find her." she whispered. "And everything will be fine. I promise."

"But how do you know for sure?" I asked.

"I just do." Alice said. "If she can survive James's attack, then she can survive Jacob. And we don't even know that he had anything to do with it." I nodded not entirely sure if I believed her. "But we aren't ever going to find out unless we get back to the house and check things out. Come on."

She let her hand slide down to my wrist and started pulling me. Carlisle and Esme, dripping with worry, were already to head back to the house. I sighed and followed Alice at a run.

We made it to the house in a matter of minutes when we must have been an hour or two away. I didn't stop running until I got to mine and Bella's room. It was an utter disaster. Things were strewn all over the floor. Pictures, books, clothes, everything Bella had owned was laying in a broken mess around the room. Hell, there was even a hole in one of the windows. It looked like there had definitely been a struggle.

My mind went wild at that thought. What if he hurt her trying to take her away? And why hadn't Emmett heard anything? I mean, even with Rosalie in her condition, he should've still been able to hear what was going on a few rooms away. I didn't understand.

Emmett was sitting on the bed looking just as sad and guilt ridden as ever. I could feel every once of the guilt leaking off of him and it was making it extremely hard for me to be mad at him. I took and deep unecessary, yet, calming breath and sat down beside him. Alice, who had followed me up there, sat behind me placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"What happened?" I asked Emmett calmly.

"I was in the other room with Rosalie when Bella woke up." he explained. "She seemed alright at first, so I stayed with Rose. However, a few minutes later, I heard her screaming and throwing stuff around, so I came up to check on her. She was pretty angry and upset. She wanted you, but I explained why you weren't here and what happened to Rosalie. She tried to pull her it's all my fault act, but I put a plug in it. She seemed fine after that, and Rosalie needed me again. I had to go to her Jasper, I couldn't have let her deal with the pain alone." He shook his head looking like he wanted to cry more than anything else in this world. I could feel even more guilt coming off of him.

"Emmett, stop." I said. "You're as bad as Bella with the guilt thing. I understand how hard this was for you. I'm not mad at you, okay. Now, you said that Bella made this mess, right?"

"Yes." Emmett said. "She was pretty angry and without you here, she needed to find another outlet." I just nodded. "She seemed better after I left, though. She really did. However, when I came back about a half hour later, she was gone."

"Did she leave anything indicating where she would've went?" I questioned.

"She left a note. Unfortunately, I was so upset when I found it, I ripped up and there's nothing left." he answered.

"What did it say?"

"Pretty much the same thing as last time. She's sorry for all the hurt and pain she caused the family and that she's gone to make sure that we won't get hurt anymore. She loves us all very much and is grateful for evcerything that we've done for her. She's sorry for taking herself away from us like this, again, but knows it's for the best. She doesn't want us to follow her or try to find her. And she loves you Jasper and is sorry for everything that she's put you through in the last few months." Emmett, no doubt, edited.

"Oh my god!" I managed to choke out. "It sounds like a suicide note! We have to find her! I can't lose her!"

"Relax, Jazz." Alice said, almost too calmly. Did she not understand what was going on? Bella had gone off to be slaughtered by the mutt, just to stop us from getting hurt. "We'll find her, but right now, you just need to concentrate."

Before I could answer, there was a soft moan of pain from the other room. I looked at Emmett expecting him to go and check on Rosalie. He just sat there looking guilty as ever.

"Em, go. Rosalie needs you. It sounds like she's almost finished healing, anyway. She'll probably want you there when it's over." I stated.

"But what about Bella?" he asked.

"Bella's my responsibility and Rose is yours. Alice and I can handle this for now. Come back once she's done and will let you know if we need you." I told him.

He nodded and exited the room.

"I don't even know where to start looking for her." I sighed putting my head in my hands. They could be a thousand places. And what if she went to La Push. We were already on the brink of war, and the mutt probably knew it. It'd be the last place we be able to go and he knew that too.

"Focus for a minute Jasper." Alice said. "We won't find her if you give up before we even start. Now, I want you to think about when you brought Bella back today. Was there anything to indicate Jacob had been there. His scent? A letter on the bed or dresser? An odd sign or clue that only Bella would know the meaning of? Anything at all that you remember?"

"No." I shook my head. "There was nothing. Everything was just as normal as when we left this afternoon." I lookedback at the photographic scene in my head. I went through everything from walking in the room to my one sided conversation to walking about the door. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except... "Wait a second. When I left the room, her phone went off. The ringtone was semi familiar but I couldn't remember why. I just left without answering it."

Alice hopped off the bed and dashed to Bella's dresser and back. She immediately got into Bella's missed calls and didn't have to do any looking. The first entry on the page read Jacob and the call was missed less than a minute after I walked out the door.

I gulped as Alice dialed Bella's voicemail. Thankfully, for some strange reason, probably this, Alice had a vision when Bella chose her password for the phone and knew exactly what is was. She typed it in quickly then put in on speakerphone.

Sure enough,

"Hello Bells." Jacob's malicious voice sounded from the phone. "I'd ask how you're feeling, but seeing as you probably just found Charlie's body, it isn't very good. I'm really sorry I had to do that, honey, I am. But you brought it upon yourself. You should've just kept your bloodsuckers out of it and come alone like Charlie asked. But no, you had to be stubborn, so I had to show you how serious I was. If you would've just come alone, Charlie would've lived and I could've finished this. I could've finished you but you made me have to hurt someone else you love. There is a way for you to stop it, though, all you have to do is meet me at the drive just before the entrance to your precious Edward's meadow by five thirty. Come alone and don't tell your leeches anything, or there will be hell to pay. I already have one of my brothers on a plane to Florida to kill your mother if I need him too. We'll finish it then and there. But if you don't show then I'll just have to continue taking away the ones you love. Humans and parasites, alike. Because if I can't love you, then one or another, I'm going to make it so noone else can either. Hope to see you soon darling."

If my heart was still beating. It would've stopped almost completely. I couldn't believe that Jacob Black had sunk so low. He knew she would do anything to protect the ones she loved. Especially after he's already made good on killing two of them. And then to tell her that Renee was in immediate danger. Which Alice and I knew was a lie. All the wolves had been present at the meeting. None of them were on their way to Florida. Bella, howevcr, had no way of knowing that. She would've thought her mother was in danger, just like with James. Looks like the stupid mutt wasn't so stupid after all. He knew she wouldn't deny him anything with that threat hanging over her head.

"Damn it!" I yelled throwing the phone into the wall. It shattered and hit the floor with a tinkling sound. "How could she be so stupid?! Does she really think that this is going to accomplish anything? Seriously, she should know by now that we'd do anything for her. Even if it tore the family apart!"

"She does know that, Jazz." Alice whispered. "But you should know that she'd do anything for us by now. She loves us and wants to do what she can to protect us. Even if it means hurting herself. It's just the way Bella is. You know that."

"I know which is what makes this so much harder." Jasper said. "We could lose her forever."

"We won't though." Alice whispered gently. "We know where she is now. That's a start."

"But Alice, it's already five forty." I stated looking at my watch. "What if we can't make it in time?"

"Well, we aren't going to make it if you keep sitting here feeling sorry for yourself." she stated. "Go get in the porsche - it's the fastest car we've got. I'll go get Esme and Carlisle, just in case we need back up."

She jumped off the bed and I heard her bound down the stairs. I took a deep breath and followed her, prying that she was right about everything.

**BELLA (5:25) **

I couldn't help but let a few tears fall as I drove Emmett's jeep - it was the best available car for where I needed to go. I hated that I was doing this to the Cullens again. That I was doing this to Jasper. I loved him with my whole heart and soul and hated to do anything that would hurt him.

I knew, though, that if I didn't do this, Jasper would be in more danger of being hurt. I knew Jacob wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted. Me dead, either by his hand or my own. I was sure he knew that if he kept up his string of murders, I would resolve to take myself out of the picture.

It was those thoughts that kept me driving. I couldn't allow anyone else to die because of me. I had to finish this, no matter what Jacob planned on putting me through. I knew he wasn't just going to kill me. He hated me way too much for that now. I knew he would drag it out for as long as possible and make it as painful as I possible. I also knew that he wouldn't kill me until he got what he had been wanting from me the entire time I've known him. He was too hormone driven to not do that.

Thoughts of Jacob made it harder for me to keep driving and brought on a fresh waves of tears. I tried thinking of Jasper instead. I imagined that he was sitting beside me with his arms around me, telling me that everything was going to be alright. More tears sprang up at those thoughts and I was about half a second from turning around a going right back to the Cullens' house, which was esstentially my home. I knew that I couldn't do that. I had to make things safe for everyone I loved.

I decided to think of something trival, instead. Something that wouldn't matter much in an hour or so. I actually found myself wondering if the Cullens would call the police and charge me with grand theft auto. I had, after all, in all technicality, stolen Emmett's jeep from him. Would the Cullens be angry? Or would they understand?

Like I said it was so trival and unimportant to what I was about to do. However, the thought kept me from considering and running from my fears. It kept me moving forward.

Jacob was standing just inside the line of trees when I pulled into the drive. He had his strong arms crossed over his chest and there was a look of absolute disgust on his face.

I put the car in park but stayed where I was. I needed a minute to get my emotions together. I refused to allow Jacob to see how sad and scared I was. I would not give him that satisfaction. I wiped my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before sliding out and facing Jacob.

He now had a sick and twisted smile on his face. He held out his hand a beckoned me forward. I started to walk toward him with my hands in the air. I may as well show him now, just how defenseless I came. Maybe if I already showed him that he'd won, he wouldn't hurt me as much. My knees shook underneath me as I continued to walk toward him.

"This is it, right, Jacob. I let you have me now, and do what you please to me, and you leave my family a friends alone, right?" I asked with a little tremble in my voice.

"Of course." Jake replied as his sick smile got wider. "That's all I ever wanted was for you to hurt and suffer the way I had. I thought killing Edward was enough. I hoped you would simply finish yourself off. Watching you hurt yourself was one of the most amazing feelings in the world. It made me feel that you finally had a real taste of how I was feeling. But then the stupid blonde had to interfere and make you happy again. I decided then that if you wanted a job done right, you had to do it yourself. Which is why you're here now."

I was in front of him by now and he looked me up and down appraisingly. I was still wearing the jacket I had put on to visit Charlie. He smirked and ripped it off. I let out a small squeak.

"Sorry love." he said. "But it'll make things a little easier for us later. Besides, I like your cleavage."

I just stood there too scared to say or do anything. I was having a hard time controlling my fear, now. Suddenly, He grabbed by hair by it's roots and yanked my head back roughly. I let out a small cry of pain and he just laughed.

"Now, did you tell any of your little leeches?" he questioned.

"N-n-noo." I stuttered trying not to cry.

"And did you leave them any hint of where you were?"

"No." I answered unable to hold in the tears.

"Did you erase the voicemail?"

Damn it! I knew I forgot something. Now, the Cullens would know exactly where to find me. I knew this would make Jacob angry because it meant he had less time to kill me and get away. I didn't answere, unsure of what to say.

"You didn't erase it!" he thundered in my ear, yanking my head back further.

"I'm sorry." I cried. "I was in a hurry to get here before you sent someone for Renee and I forgot."

"That's not a good enough excuse!" He bellowed and I flinced. "But I guess there's no use crying over spilt milk, right? It just means that I'll have less time to play. No big deal! But we really should get moving, then, shouldn't we?"

With that he took his free hand and swooped it behind my knees. His arm hit so hard that my knees buckled and I started falling backwards. I let out a squeal and waited for the impact. However, he released my hair and caught me before I hit the ground. He slung me over his shoulder, carelessly, as if I were a sack of potatoes or something.

"I was going to make you walke. You know, draw the torture out a little longer, but seeing as we're on a time limit now. Oh well. A little bit of advice, though, screaming and struggling will do nothing more than piss me off, and if I get pissed, things are going to be ten times worse for you." he stated dangerous. "Do you understand?"

"Yes." I choked out as he took off towards the meadow.

We were there within minutes. Jacob was, after all, almost as fast as the Cullens. He threw me to the ground hard. I let out a small cry of pain as the pain shot through my back. Before I even had a chance to think about what he was going to do, he was kneeling over my body pinning my legs together. I gulped knowing what was about to happen.

"Don't worry." he said with a sick smile. "I can't do as much as I wanted, so I'll just have to settle for taking your virginity."

He started trying to pull my shirt off, but I wasn't going to make this easy for him. I kept trying to slap his hands away, and while the slaps caused him no pain, it was difficult for him to get a good hold on the shirt. Only seconds after I began my struggles, he reached out a grabbed my right wrist, squeezing so hard I heard the bone shatter. I let out a loud and long scream as the pain caught up to me. I could feel tears prickling at my eyes.

"Now, keep the other one out of the way, or it'll get the same thing." he whispered dangerously.

My struggles ceased and he was able to rip my shirt and bra off. I squealed in surprise at his strength. He repositioned himself on top of me and took one of my nipples into his mouth. I let out a small whimper of disgust and feel and felt her smirk in response and start sucking.

It only took me a short second to realize that his new position gave me the use of my legs again. It also put him in the perfect position. I smiled to myself as I slowly bent my leg then brought my knee up and smashed it hard into his groin. He bit down on my nipple in pain and shock. I let out a small yelp but he grabbed himself and rolled off of me. I didn't waste anytime getting to me feet and running in the opposite direction.

"You stupid bitch!" Jacob yelled.

I chanced a glance behind me and saw him getting up. Damn! I thought he'd be down longer. I picked up my pace, but it wasn't enough. His had was suddenly around my waist. He yanked me back and slammed hard into the ground. This time, I felt some bones break and pain shot through my whole back.

"Did you really think that you could out run me?" he taunted climbing back on top of me. I shook my head as tears continued to poor. "That's right because your nothing more than a weak and pathetic human."

He then resumed trying to violate me. I could tell, though, that he was shaking like crazy. He was getting angry, on the verge of phasing. I knew if I could somehow get him angry enough to phase, he wouldn't be able to control himself long enough not to hurt me. Which meant that he would most likely just kill me. I knew that option wasn't much better than the one I was faced with now, but I didn't this to be my last memory. I didn't want to die with my ex best friend turned murdered being the one who took this from me. Not when either of the men I loved could do it for me.

"No Jacob, you're the pathetice one." I stated. "You're so pathetic that you have to violate your best friend, who doesn't even love you, just to make yourself feel better."

"Shut up you stupid worthless bitch!" He yelled punching me hard in the right boob.

I let out a cry of pain but was prepared to make a counter move. I lifted my left wrist and slapped him across the face. I felt the bones in my hand break and he smirked.

"Werewolf, remember?" he grabbing my wrist and shattering that too.

"Go to hell, Jacob!" I managed to yell and spit through the pain shooting through my hand.

He backhanded me hard. My head flipped to the side connecting with the ground. I wasn't sure how I managed to stay concious through that. However, I wished I did pass out. He I could feel the skin on my cheek tear and some of the bones break. Tears flooded my vision.

I managed to look back at Jacob, though, he was struggling to take off his own clothes. I could see that I was succeeding in making him angrier. His shape was blurring and he was almost there. He just needed one more little push.

"You know something, Jake." I said. "I think that I'll just give in and let you do what you want. I can always pretend that you're Edward or Jasper. They would be ten times better than you, whether I wanted it or not."

That did it. He froze in the proccess of taking off his shirt and let out low feral growl. The next thing I knew, he exploded and instead of Jacob, there was a big russet wolf standing over me. The snarled pulling back his lips and exposing teeth.

I didn't even have a chance to consider the consquences of what I had done before the pain started. I felt claws and teeth ripping into every part of my body. I let out scream after unheard scream. The pain continued coming in large doses as I felt the blood leave my body. It hurt so bad, I prayed that I would fall unconcious or just die soon.

It hadn't even lasted a minute before I heard another loud and low snarl coming from my left. I didn't have the strength to look at who it was. The next thing I knew, a strong wind blew across my body and the wolf was no longer on top of me. I couldn't see what had caused the wind, though.

I listened to Jacob and whoever it was fight for a second or two before the pain and blood loss finally became too much and my world faded to black.

**A/N; Well, what do you guys think? I hope it wasn't too much for anyone. This scene was the reason that I had to up my rating. I figured it would be too graphoc for the younger audience. Anyway, let me know what you guys think. Please review? **


	33. Feeling This

A/N: Sorry, I left you for awhile on that cliffhanger. This was a complicated chapter to figure out. It does get a little intense. Especially for Jasper. I had to figure out how to get it to flow without coming out bad. I hope that I managed to do that. Finally, I know the end of the last chapter made you think that Bella was completely out of it. However, there are some significant things that I need her for in this chapter so she's going to be flowing on the level of semi-conscious. Anyway, I guess that's it. I hope you enjoy this one. I worked really hard.

JASPER

**Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and I were in Alice's Porsche headed toward the entrance to the meadow less than two minutes after we received the voicemail. **

**I still wasn't completely sure why Bella hadn't erased it. It would've made more sense with her plan. Part of me hoped that it was because she wanted us to figure it out. I hoped that she'd actually want us to save her and destroy the thing that's made this last year hell for her. However, I knew Bella well enough to know that wasn't the case. She had probably forgotten to erase it in her haste to leave and get to Jacob. That definitely sounded more like the Bella we knew and loved. **

**Whatever the reason, though, I was grateful. Who knew how long it would've taken us to get to figure out where she was if we hadn't heard that. And even if we did figure it out, it definitely wouldn't have been in enough time to save her from being killed, or worse. I shuddered to think about the or worse part. **

**I couldn't even begin to understand why Jacob was doing this to her. I mean wasn't it bad enough that he had to kill Edward and Charlie? Did he really have to hurt and kill her too? All in the name of revenge? It just didn't make sense to me. **

**I mean the pain of unrequited love was an issue everyone dealt with at least once in their lives, sometimes more than once. Yet, you didn't see anybody else running around trying to destroy the other' person's chances for happiness. That wasn't what love meant, at all. If you loved someone, you should want them to be happy, whether or not it was with you. Jacob didn't seem to see that. **

**It was interesting to think that Edward always thought of himself as selfish, because he couldn't let her to keep her safe. Knowing how happy being with her made him and vise versa, made it almost impossible. However, in his situation, he wasn't just looking out for his happiness but hers as well. That made him one of the most unselfish people that I had ever known. **

**Edward had always regarded Jacob with a great amount of respect, despite the natural hate of our species , because he had helped Bella survive one of the roughest points of her life. He even continued to be there for Bella, even after Bella chose Edward over him. His willingness to go through that kind of pain for Bella's happiness made Edward to think he was a fairly unselfish creature. Willing to do what he could for the woman he loved, regardless of how she felt about him. **

**I think the rest of were blinded by this illusion as well. We trusted Jacob with Bella's life because we knew how much she meant to him. We knew what he would do to protect her and keep her happy. We never once considered the fact that he might get sick of seeing Bella happy and decided that enough was enough. **

**I just couldn't believe that he would put her through all of this pain just to ease his own. It wasn't right or fair to Bella at all. She deserved to live a long and happy life with whoever she chose to. Not to be repeatedly ripped apart by her selfish best friend who couldn't over himself long enough to see what Bella wanted and needed to get through life. **

**I spent most of the five minute ride in the passenger seat clenching and unclenching my fists and trying very hard to keep my anger at bay until I was face to face with the monster that was Jacob Black. Alice kept one of her hands on my mine and the other on the wheel as we drove toward the entrance to the meadow. **

"**It's going to be alright." she kept telling me. "We'll get to her in time. I promise. She's going to be fine." **

**Alice had always been one of the best liars that I knew . In fact, the tone of her voice was so convincing, that I probably would've believed her, if it wasn't for the empathy. I could feel the worry, pain, and anger radiating strong off of not only her, but Esme and Carlisle as well. They were no more sure of what we would find than I was. **

**I was too wrapped up in my own emotions, though, to do anything about theirs. Nobody said a word about my lack of intervention, though. Which was something that I was very grateful for. I don't think that I would've been able to project the right amount of hope and calm in my state, anyway. **

**Emmett's jeep was sitting at the entrance to the forest just before the meadow when we pulled up at five forty. I was out of the car and halfway to the forest before Alice even put the car in park. The whole place reeked of werewolf, most particularly of Jacob Black. It was, however, very diluted with Bella's beautiful flowery scent. **

**I took off into the woods, following the trail, before the others even got the chance to catch up with me. He already had a ten minute head start. I didn't want to give him too much more. God only knew what had already happened in those ten minutes. **

**As I ran, I realized the two scents were so intertwined that I knew he had been carrying her when they walked through. I could imagine Bella struggling to get free of him as I ran. **

**I was running for less than five minutes when the worst possible scent hit my nose. The smell of freshly spilt human blood, Bella's blood. It was ten times worse than what I smelt the night that she cut and almost killed herself. I could only imagine how much blood she had already lost and kicked up my pace a few gears. I reached the meadow, less than thirty seconds later, and was met by the most horrific sight. Bella was laying on the ground, half naked. Tears streaked her face and were mixing with that was dripping from scratch and bit marks that were on her cheeks. Blood was coming from other places as well. There weren't many places the mutt didn't hit. Bella looked to pale to be healthy as she laid there screaming and struggling. **

**The mutt, of course, was on top of her, in wolf form, biting and clawing every part of Bella's body that he could get a hold of. It was a horrific sight and I, once again, found it hard to believe that this animal ever loved my sweet and beautiful angel in the first place. **

**Less than a second after I came upon the scene, I let out low, deep, threatening growl. It was the only warning the stupid mutt got. I leapt at him, knocking him off Bella, and sending him slamming into a tree. **

**He hit it pretty hard and I thought he was down for a bit. I turned back to assess Bella's damage, but before I could get to her, something strong and hard collided with my back and I fell face first to the ground. I managed to flip myself over, but not in enough time to stop Jacob from getting on top of me. **

**Jacob leaned forward trying to get his teeth around my throat. Thankfully, he hadn't been able to pin my hands and I was able to grab his muzzle to try and force him away from me. He was strong, though, and wasn't going to give in without a fight. I fought back just as hard, though. **

**I knew there was no way that I could hurt him enough, to keep him away while I checked on Bella. At least not while he was in wolf form. That body was too resilient to the thing a human body wouldn't be. If I'd hurt him bad enough in human form, he need some time to recover. Enough time for me to check on Bella's condition. **

**All I had to do was figure out a way to force Jacob back into human form. He'd be much easier to deal with then. That was, however, much easier said than done. It seemed unlikely that he would phase back with one of his enemies present. We continued to struggle on the ground. Him trying to get a good grip on my throat and me trying to force him off of me. It didn't help that I was only partially focused on Jacob. **

**There was a part of me that was aware of the fact that Esme, Carlisle, and Alice had just run into the meadow. Bella was the first thing they saw and I could feel the horrible mess of emotions coming off of all three of them. **

**Carlisle had immediately jumped into doctor mode and was doing what he could to stop the bleeding and make Bella comfortable. I could feel a large amount of helplessness coming off of him. And I cursed the mutt that was on top of me and shoved against his muzzle harder. **

**Alice was torn between staying with Bella and helping Carlisle or coming to my aid. She wasn't sure where she was needed more. The thought of leaving Bella's side was killing her though. She had the same hopeless feelings as Carlisle. She held Bella's hand and whispered comforting things. I could feel her worry over me, but I was glad she decided to stay with Bella. **

**Esme, of course, was just as panicked and worried as any mother. I don't think that she even registered the fact that I was fighting with a werewolf halfway across the clearing. There was a great amount of fear and disappointment coming off of her. I understood both emotions very well. I felt the same way. **

**Esme and I feared losing Bella. I didn't want to lose the love of my existence and Esme didn't want to lose another child. And I feared that she wouldn't survive it, if she did. She wasn't even over what happened to Edward, yet and it had been almost a year. It didn't help that we both felt like failures to not only Bella, but Edward as well. We promised him that we'd protect her if anything ever happened to him, because she was unable to protect herself. However, we all failed her when she needed us most. She was slowly dying and we weren't able to save her. **

**I could hear her shuddering breaths and her slowly failing heart as I continued my struggle with Jacob. It was getting harder, though because the others feelings were clouding my resolve. I felt like giving up, because that's all I could feel was helplessness. And it was hurting. **

**I wasn't sure why, but Jacob started to back off a minute or so after the others arrived. It was weird, like there emotions were affecting him as well. He pulled back enough for me to throw him off of me. He hit the ground with a thud that shook the ground. I got up quickly and raced to Carlisle. **

"**Is she going to make it?" I asked frantically kneeling beside her. I could tell by the smell of her blood that he had already injected her with several shots of morphine from his black bag. He was no making tourniquets for the larger wounds over her body. **

"**I'm not sure, yet." he replied. "She's already lost a lot of blood, but if I can stop it, then maybe." **

"**And what if we can't?" I questioned. **

"**Then we……" **

**Carlisle was cut off by a very long and low snarl. I turned around to see Jacob back on his feet and coming towards us. Well, more specifically, Bella. I immediately stood and ran at him. I slammed by elbow into his throat and pinned him to a tree. I was happy to hear a crunch, which meant that I had broken something. **

"**Why did you have to do this to her?" I spat at him. "It wasn't bad enough that you killed her fiancee and her father. You had to kill her too! Hasn't she suffered enough at your hands. You were her best friend, Jacob Black! She trusted you with her life and her heart. And this is how you repay her. By taking away her life! How could you possibly live with yourself after this?" I ranted making sure to spit in his face. I felt his claws digging into my arms as he struggled. The scratches where nothing, if this kept him away from my Bella, then I could endure them. "You know, you've spent most of your new life calling us monsters because of what we are. Because of a choice that we didn't get to make. Yet, we're the ones making the best of the hand we were dealt. You, Jacob Black, chose to kill Bella's loved ones and hurt her like this. You chose to destroy her because she didn't want to love you the way you loved her. So who's the real monster now, huh?" I then grabbed him by the fur on his chest and through him to the ground. **

**I was once again, pleased to hear a crunch that told me I had hurt something. He, still didn't stay done long, though. He jumped right back up and started snarling at me. He, however, didn't come any closer to me. I smiled slight at that as I crouched down, ready to defend myself should he try to surprise me. He started circling instead, trying to find a weak entry point. I, of course, circled in the same direction, not allowing him to get behind me. **

**While we were squaring off, I kept another part of my mind on Bella and the others. He heart rate was dropping dangerously and her breathing was becoming shallower. I could tell be her feelings of pain and fear that she was at least semi-conscious. She was definitely aware of everything that was happening at the moment. I could feel her fear for me, mixed with a lot of guilt. But I didn't understand what she could possibly feel guilty about this time. None of it was her fault. This one was all on the mutt. It was his fault, so why she feeling guilty. Then she spoke, "Jacob….please…stop." she begged weakly. "Leave….him….alone…I'm…sorry, I couldn't give you what you wanted from me." **

**Something inside me snapped at her words. I couldn't believe this. The mutt had caused her so much guilt and pain in the last year and she felt the need to apologize to him. It was, of course, typical Bella. She blamed herself for everything, even if it wasn't her fault. It was just something that we'd all learned to accept and deal with. I couldn't do it this time, though. **

**None of this was on her. This whole thing was Jacob's fault and I wasn't going to let her take the blame for it. Not this time. The mutt deserved to hurt. He deserved to die a long and torturous death, and I knew exactly how to do it know. **

**As Jacob and I continued to circle, I pulled out the memories and feelings of guilt, pain, sadness, and fear that Bella had felt in the last year. Everything she felt the day Edward died. Every once of guilt and anger she put into the blade across her skin. Everything she felt as we walked that long hallway to Charlie's kitchen and found him dead on the floor. And all of the fear, pain, hurt, and guilt she felt in that moment as she lay dying. I slowed hard and directed every bit of that ball of emotions at Jacob. It hit him with such a force that he flew backwards into the ground and I heard another crack. He tried to get up but I kept pushing those emotions at him and walking toward him. He struggled against it whimpering all the while. **

"**Do you like how that feels Jaocb?" I questioned. "Did you know this is how Bella felt everyday after you killed Edward? Do you have any idea what she did to make it go away? What's more, she's actually sorry for hurting you. Can you believe that? I can't! You deserve that pain and so much more. Way more than this in fact." **

**I few seconds later, the wolf was no longer there. It was replaced with a completely naked Jacob, curled in the fetal position with his hands over his eyes. I was please to see tears running down his cheeks and hear sobs escaping his mouth. He looked pathetic, but I didn't care. I held onto those emotions forcing them relentlessly at him. **

"**Please stop!" he cried after another few seconds. "Make it stop! I can't take it! It's too much! Just stop!" **

"**And why should I?" I taunted. "It's never going to end for Bella. She's going to have to feel these emotions to some extent for the rest of her life. Did you even think about that when you killed Edward or Charlie? Did you think about how what you did to her now would affect the rest of her existence. No, you didn't. Because you're a selfish waste of air!" I aimed a kick at him as I finished my speech. **

"**I'm sorry! Okay! Is that what you wanna hear?" he moaned from the ground. **

"**Unfortunately, Jacob, sorry isn't going to cut it this time. Sorry can't bring Edward or Charlie back. Sorry can't take away the pain she's in now. Sorry can't get rid of al the scars her actions have given her. And sorry definitely isn't going to save you from death Jacob Black. In fact, that mere thought of forgiving you, just makes me want to hurt you more." **

**I continued to push my powers out toward him. He begged and pleaded and moaned but I didn't give in. He was a monster who deserved to die a slow and painful death. A death like this was a little less than what he deserved, but it was the best I could do. He needed to feel all of the pain that he caused my beloved and to understand what he had done to her. It was the only fitting punishment for a monster like him. **

**I held onto the hate and her pain for a few more long seconds before I felt a hand on my shoulder. Not taking my concentration off of Jacob, I glanced back to see Carlisle standing there. **

"**Jasper, enough." he whispered. **

"**No, he deserves this." I said pushing harder. Jacob let out a few more sobs. **

"**Maybe, he does, but that's not for you to decide, son." he replied. **

"**He has to suffer for what he's done to her." I argued. **

"**I know, but do you think that's what Bella would want?" he asked calmly. "Sweet kind hearted Bella, who would probably forgive him for everything, if he asked. Do you really think that she'd want you to kill him like this? That she'd want him to suffer like this? Because I don't." **

"**But…He's a monster." **

"**Yes, but you're not." **

"**He killed her. I can't let him get away with it." **

"**But he didn't, Jasper. She can still be saved, but she needs you. The wounds were too much. There are too many of them for me to patch up and she's lost a lot of blood. But if you stop this right now, and help me. We can save her. She needs venom from two of us, and she refuses to allow Alice or Esme to do it. She wants part of it to be you. So let him go and help Bella. If you do, then she'll pull through. Please, Jasper? Come and save Bella, and let your mother and sister deal with him." he explained. **

**I knew he was right, but I didn't want to stop. I enjoyed seeing Jacob suffering like this. I loved the fact that I was making him cry and suffer for the things he did to Bella. Making him see how he had hurt her. That was until I heard Bella's weak voice again, **

"**Jasper, please, leave him alone. For me." she whispered and that broke me. **

**I let go of all the pain, fear, and sadness. They only left was love and the will to save my sweet angel. I turned my back on Jacob and walked over to Bella's side and kneeled there. **

"**Thank you." she whispered and then fell unconscious again. I grabbed her hand in mine. **

"**What should I do?" I asked frantic. **

"**We need to get as much venom in her as possible." Carlisle answered. "Too make sure all the wounds get completely healed. You just need to bite her in every possible spot. Where ever there is an opening to for the venom. Just get it inside of her." **

**I nodded as I leaned down and sunk my teeth into her neck. A let out all the venom I could and tried to avoid any sucking. I was almost positive that I wasn't going to kill her, but I didn't want to take any chances at the moment. I continued from her neck, down her arm, along her stomach and down her leg. Carlisle did the same thing on her other side.**

**She started moaning and convulsing after the fourth bite on each side. I stopped, at first, but a little nod from Carlisle told me to keep going. When there was no more spots for us to bite, Bella had already begun screaming. I cradled her head in my lap and sent her calming and peaceful thoughts trying to keep her from hurting herself. **

**It was a minute before I realized that someone other than Bella was screaming. I looked over to see that Jacob was on the ground, convulsing, just like Bella. It took me a second to realize that Esme and Alice had simply bit him on each side of the neck and they were simply allowing the venom to kill him. It was ten times less than what he deserved. However, it was the most humane way for us to dispose of him. Which was what Bella would've wanted. **

**I blocked everything else out after that and concentrated only on making things easier on Bella. I don't even remember anyone saying anything about going home, but somehow, Bella and I ended up in our bed. I removed all the tourniquets, knowing they were no longer needed and curled up beside Bella. We weren't there for very long before the steel walls came crashing down around the windows. Esme and Carlisle must be worried about a wolf attack while Bella was still vulnerable. I was grateful for that. I didn't want to have to go through this alone while I was fighting. **

**Bella continued to convulse and scream beside me. I did the best I could to make her feel comfortable. I knew, though, everything I did would be useless. There was no escaping the fire, ever. **

**A/N: What do you think? Please review. **


	34. Closure

**A/N: So I'd like to thank ****olivia-earnhardt** for inspire this chapter. She suggested that I do a chapter from Edward's P.O.V. However, I couldn't really think of anything that would work for the story. But I was thinking about it earlier today and decided that Bella deserves some better closure as well as to know what Edward thinks of everything that's been happening to her. Which is why I decided to do this chapter. I hope you like it. Warning: It's another box of tissues chappie, though. Enjoy!

BELLA

I couldn't remember much of what happened after Jasper pulled Jacob off of me. I just rememeber fluttering between the pain and intensity of what was happening in the meadow and the peaceful and painless blackness that threatened to take over my whole being.

The blackness was definitely preferable to the pain and I wanted nothing more than to let it take over totally. No more pain or feelings. No more anything, it was almost as good as dragging the blade across my skin.

There was two things stopping me from letting it completely engulf me, though. Charlie and Edward. Both of their voices were in my head telling me not to give up. The told me that I had to keep up the fight. I had to stay alive for the Cullens, for my family. The people who gave up so much to protect me from every sadistic vampire and crazy werewolf out there. It wouldn't be right if I gave up after everything they went through to keep me safe and alive. It definitely wouldn't have been much of a thanks to them. I had to keep going for them, because they loved me and didn't want me to die.

I didn't want to die, either. I had to much left to live for. Too many things to do and too many people to love. I couldn't just leave it all behind. I couldn't give Jacob that satisfaction. It was what he wanted from me, after all. No matter what happened to him, if I let go of everything that I was holding on to, he would win. I couldn't let that happen. He didn't have any power over me and I wasn't about to let him get any either.

I held the blackness at bay for god only knew how long. It was getting harder and harder by the second, though. I focused on the voices of Charlie and Edward, yelling at me to hold on and concentrated on everything that I had to lose that I couldn't lose. I couldn't let myself lose any of it. It was way too important to me.

My plan to focus on those thoughts wasn't working, though. The blackness was gaining by centimeters. I wasn't sure how long my fight lasted before the blackness was lost in the fire.

My whole body felt much hotter than it was supposed to. I felt like someone had thrown a lit match into my body and soul. Every nerve, blood cell, and organ was fire. Every limb and bone. It felt like a wild fire all over my body. I couldn't think or move.

I wanted nothing more than to reach up and claw at my body ripping the fire straight from it, however, I couldn't make my arms move. I wanted to scream for someone to just kill me and end it all, but when I opened my mouth, no sound would come out.

I knew neither option would do me any good, though. I was well aware of what was happening to me, as well as the fact that there was nothing I could do to stop it. I just had to deal with it, until it was over. Besides, I knew that Jasper was a lot like Edward when it came to seeing me in pain. He hated and would probably hate himself for being the one to inflict this kind of pain on me. I didn't want to give him anymore reason to feel bad, so I dealt with my inability to respond to the pain.

After awhile, I began to feel a little calm and peace spread through my body. The fire, of course, never let up. However, with the calming emotions that were no doubt being pushed through me, made it easier to concentrate on other things. It made me focus a little less on the pain that I was going through.

My thoughts settled on Charlie and Edward. I began thinking about the good times that we shared over the time that I lived in Forks. I found myself reliving every moment I had spent with Edward. I thought of every emotion I ever had for him. It was a crazy tangle of some of the strongest things that I had ever felt in my entire life. Still though, I discovered that they were nothing compared to the feelings I now held for Jasper.

That thought brought me up short. I hadn't meant to compare the two, but now that I had, I was reconsider things with Jasper. Now that I actually had the chance to sit and think about it, I realized that we would never really now how Edward felt about he and I together. We had assumed that he would be happy simply because I was happy. However, we had no way to know for sure.

That was going to be extremely difficult for me to deal with for an eternity. I mean, while I felt loved Jasper more than anyone else in my enitre life, some part of me would always feel like I was betraying Edward. The man that I had loved so much for so long. I had just thrown him aside mere months after his death and jumped into forever with his own brother. I didn't think that I could spend enternity knowing that and continue my relationship with Jasper. It was like an insult to Edward's memory or something. I had been a month away from being Edward's wife before he died, now I felt like I had tarnished his memory.

What I wouldn't give for one last conversation with him. A chance to find out how he felt about what was going to happen in my future. Something to tell me that he didn't hate Jasper and I for what we were doing with each other.

The fire continued to ravage my body but the scene around me suddenly started to change. I no longer felt the comfort of mine and Jasper's bed underneath me. Nor did I feel Jasper's cold hands caressing the different parts of my body, doing his best to soothe the fire.

Instead, I was standing in a dark room that was ablaze with a strange golden fire. It was strong and fierce but as I stared at it for several long moments, I realized that it wasn't spreading. It was just kind of background for where ever I was.

I was however, intrigued by it's beauty. I had never seen anything like it in my entire life and wondered if it would burn me if I touched it. If it hadn't been for the fact that my body wasn't already on fire, I wouldn't have acted on my impulse, but what was a little more pain going to be to someone already on a pyre? So I stopped forward and reached out my left hand.

Someone's cold hand wrapped around my wrist. The sudden temperture change as well as the abrupt discovery that I wasn't alone caused me to jump several feet in the air and slightly forward. I would've landed in the strange golden flames if is whoever grabbed my wrist hadn't removed there hand and wrapped their arms around my waist to pull me away from them. Said persons actions were followed by a low and soft but familiar chuckle.

I knew who I thought it was, but somehow, I felt that it was way too much to hope for in that moment. Besides, it would be utterly impossible, right?

"Even trapped in your own subconscious, you're still a danger magnet." the beautiful velvet voice that I hadn't heard in months sounded from behind me.

I quickly turned, praying that it was who I thought it was. Edward, my greek god, stood there. He was wearing the same khakis and pull over that he had been in the day he died. He had a sad smile on his face. It looked as though the human in his comment didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Edward?" I gasp unable to believe it. My first thought was that I had been dreaming but everything seemed so real and I could still feel the dull burning from wherever my body actually was. If I was dreaming, I would most definitely not be in any kind of pain.

"Hello, love." he whispered.

"What are you...How are you...Where are we...What happening?" I stuttered through the tears prickling my vision and the lump in my throat. I was so confused and happy and sad that I couldn't even make up a human thought.

"I'm not exactly sure where we are. I think it has something to do with your subconcious, though. Because this is obviously what your brain should feel like right now. I'm here because I heard that you wanted to speak with me and figured I owed you at least that much, after everything." he answered two of my questioned and fell silent.

"But how are you here? I mean, you're dead." I stated.

"Well, let's put it this way, you were right about one thing. Turns out, I did have a soul." he stated.

"You're an angel, aren't you?" I said as it clicked. I felt a smile spread across my face at the idea of him ending up in heaven.

"More or less." he replied with a shrug.

"See, I told you God would be crazy to keep you out." I replied with a small giggle.

"Well, I think it had a great deal to do with you and that last year or so of my existence." he replied.

"I doubt that." I said blushing a little.

"I don't. Bella, you honestly have no idea how much loving you changed me." he replied. "However, that's beside the point. We are here because you needed to talk to me and I was allowed to visit simply to do give you what you needed. So what do you want to talk to me about?" He had that beautiful crooked smile that I loved so much on his face.

I wasn't sure what to say to him, though. I mean, I had wanted to talk to him about this. I wanted to be positive that he wouldn't hate Jasper and I for it. However, now that I was face to face with the chance, I couldn't bring myself to do it. What if he did hate us for it? I didn't think that I could live with myself after that. I knew, though, that we probably didn't have much time and needed to say something.

"There's something that's been going on over the last few months." I said. "Something that I've been doing that you might not approve of. I don't want to continue if you don't approve of it."

"You wouldn't happen to be talking about you and Jasper, would you?" he asked and I could her the slight amount of pain in his voice.

I bit my lip and blushed, looking to the ground.

"You know about it?" I asked.

"Bella, I know about everything that you've done since the day I died." he explained and I could still hear the sad edge to his voice. "Including the cutting." he added in a disapproving tone. I blushed again, embarrassed. "I've seen it all."

"And how do you feel about what you've seen?" I asked.

"It depends on which parts you're referring to." he answered in the same tone. "That parts about the five months that you spent hurting herself made me very angry and it hurt me a lot. You have no idea how hard that was for me to watch and not be able to do anything about it. And then the night you nearly killed yourself. You have no idea how crazy that made me. It was worse because I knew that if you didn't make it, there was no possible way you'd end up where you belonged. I couldn't bear the thought of you not ending up where I am. It wouldn't be fair to keep you out for a stupid decision like that."

"I'm sorry." I muttered unable to say anything else.

"I understand, love, I do." he answered. "But what you should've understood then was that none of this was ever your fault. It was all that worthless mutt's."

"I know that now." I replied. "Thanks to Jasper."

"I know. And I couldn't be more grateful for the things that he's done for you." he told me. "He succeeded in saving, protecting, and loving you in a way that I never could. I will always be grateful for what he's done for you."

"But what about the other part?" I asked in a small voice.

"Bella, love," he reached out to stroke my cheek. "I don't care about the other part. All I've ever cared about was your happiness. I would've done anything to ensure it. You know that. I would've given you up to Jacob, if you would've told me he was making you happier than I was. I held on, though, because, I knew that he never would. That's why I fought for you, that day in the woods. I wasn't going to give him the chance to make you anymore unhappy. Had I known what my death was going to do to you, I would've done things differently. But since I didn't, things fell in a different pattern. That pattern was a little more painful for you than I would've liked, but it lead you to Jasper. And if he's what makes you happy now, then I not going to complain. Besides, I'd rather see you with one of my brothers the someone like Jacob Black or Mike Newton."

I nodded and swallowed hard to push back the lump in my throat.

"I guess I always knew that was true." I whispered. "I just worried that I was insulting your memory or something."

He smiled kindly and ran his fingers through my hair.

"Silly Bella." he said. "I'm gone. My existence is done, over. There's nothing left and I'm not coming back. I wish I could but I can't."

"I know." I replied.

"But your existence is just beginning and you have forever. You can go to school as much as you want. Do all the things that you've always been to afraid to do. And your free to love whoever you want. You can't dwell on the memory of me and worry about whether or not what you do is going to upset. The only way you could hurt my memory or insult me in anyway, is if you hold back any thoughts, feelings, or actions that you want to let out on account of how it'll make me feel. That's not how the rest of your life is supposed to be lived. You have to keep going without me and just know that whatever makes you happy will make me happy. And always remember that nothing you say or do we'll make me love you any less. Okay?"

I nodded. I knew what saying was the truth.

"Like I said I always new that was true." I answered. "I guess I just needed to hear the you say the words. I had to be sure that's how you felt. Thank you for saying it."

"No Bella, thank you." he replied.

"For what?" I asked looking down and blushing again.

He grabbed my face between his hands and made me look at him.

"For bringing love, life, and hope into my existence. For loving me despite what I was. And for not being afraid to be a part of my world, even through all of the craziness."

He then pulled me close to his body and wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped my arms around him too. Happier than I felt in awhile. I finally got the closure that I needed to completely move on with Jasper and that was the best feeling that I've ever had.

"I love you Isabella Marie Swan and always will." he whispered and kissed my hair.

"I love you, too." I whispered back.

I pulled back after a minute and looked into his eyes. There was one more thing I had to know before I could officially be okay with the rest of my life.

"How's Charlie?" I asked.

"He's fine." Edward replied. "Actually, he's better than fine. Now that he actually understands why I couldn't marry you."

For some reason his answer brought on another blush and I looked down trying to cover it up. He, however, had a different plan, he placed his hand under my chin and lifted my face until we were eye to eye.

"You have no idea how much I miss that." he whispere before pulling my face close to his and bringing his lips down onto mine.

I, of course, kissed him back. It was like no other kiss we'd ever shared before, it was a goodbye. Sad and slow full of the pain of the past but the hope of the future. It was a nice kiss and something that I missed doing and feeling. However, it was nothing like kiss Jasper, which was better. At the moment, though, I didn't care too much. I was back with Edward, for however short the period.

He pulled away after only mere seconds, like usual. Only this time, I didn't feel any need to protest to it. It felt right that it should be the end of it all. He rested his forehead on mine.

"It's time for you to go." he whispered. "You've been so still that Jasper's about to have a vampiric heart attack." I chuckled at his little joke. "Goodbye, love. Be happy and don't worry about me. I'll always be watching."

"Goodbye Edward." I whispered.

Edward faded out as did the beautiful gold flames and the black room. I, once again, found myself lying on mine and Jasper's soft bed with the pillow behind my head. The only difference from the last time was the fact that I was no longer burning. I was lying perfectly still talking unnecessary breaths with my eyes closed.

I felt a hand running over my forehead pushing the hair out of my face and voice soon joined the hand,

"Bella, honey, are you alright?" the voice asked concerned. "Can you hear me?"

It sounded so worried that I didn't want to make whoever owned it wait too long to see that I was fine. My eyes slowly fluttered opened and were met with the beautiful liquid topaz ones of the other man I loved.

**A/N: What do you guys think? I hope it turned out okay. I know a lot of you are going to say that it seemed a little impersonal. I did that because they were both trying to acknowledge that fact that they didn't love each other the way the used to and Edward was trying to respect Bella's space. So I hoped that it worked out alright. Anywho, please review. I love them. Also, I don't say it enough, but thank you so much to my loyal fans. You guys have no idea how much your support means too me. **


	35. Relief and Fear

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the delay. It was a little harder than I thought to make Bella's waking up work. Unforunately, I was unable to do a proper focus on her super self control. It didn't seem all that important with everything else they were about to face. I hope it didn't turn out badly because of that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.**

**BELLA**

"Bella, are you alright?" Jasper asked as my eyes fluttered open.

I knew I should reply, but I was distracted by his beautiful face. I mean, I had always thought that he was good looking, even when I was with Edward. Of course, good looking was a word used to describe seeing him through human eyes. However, thorugh my new eyes, he looked nothing short of magnificent.

I could see different little things that I could see before. I could now see that his hair was several different shades of blonde. I could see that his eyes still had a small tint of red to it. I guess it took longer for them to change when you spent a century or so on the human diet. That was okay, though, because it was as much a part of him as his scars. His beautiful scars, that were clearly visible in my new sight. I knew he never really liked them and was anything but proud of them. However, for some reason, as I stared at them, I was very proud. He was a brave man to endure all that he endure in his time with Maria and that was something that he should be proud of. The scars proved that he was brave.

As I continued to admire every curve and angle of his face, I found myself absentmindedly tracing one of the beautiful crescent shapes on his hand. I continued to take his beauty in until my eyes met his. I could see shock, relief, confusion, and concern written in his beautiful golden orbs. I wondered what could possibly have caused him to look like at me like this.

"Bella, can you hear me?" he asked and I nodded slowly sitting up.

Jasper slowly shifted from being right over top of me to sitting next to me on the bed. I looked around the room to see my family staring at me with the same emotions as Jasper's written on everyone of their faces.

I noticed that a huge steel wall covered the windows and realized that we most be on lockdown. I had no idea why. I filed it into the back of my mind for later. If it was a big deal, they would say something right away. Right now, it was more important for me to figure out why they were looking at me like I had come back from the dead.

"Are you alright?" Jasper asked again barely five seconds after I had opened my eyes.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" I asked turning to look at him.

"Well, you completed the transformation about ten minutes ago, but you wouldn't repsond to anything. We were worried that something had gone wrong." Jasper explained. I could hear the relief in his voice.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I replied. "I was just talking to Edward."

I looked around the room, curious at what kind of reaction they would have. I was pretty sure, with the evidence of the existence, that they'd believe it was possible for me to communicate with the dead. Apparently, I had been wrong. They were all staring at me like the were afraid for my mental health. Everyone except Carlisle, of course. He knew what I was getting at and there was a half, almost amused smile on his face.

"Um Bella....Edward's dead." Rosalie stated.

"I know that Rose." I said as politely as I could. I supposed I'd have to explain.

"Then how?" she quesitioned.

"Well, Carlisle was right about you guys all along. It turns out that you do have souls and that heaven is possible for us." I smiled at Carlisle.

"So are you saying that you spoke to Edward as an angel?" Esme questioned.

"Yup." I replied with a smile.

"I told Edward that they'd be stupid to keep him out." Carlisle laughed to himself.

"So what exactly happened?" Alice asked, perching herself on the edge of the bed.

Carlisle, who was very interested, came to sit by my head. The others sat down on the couch, eager to listen. Rosalie, Emmett, and Esme were still looking at me like I was crazy, but they seemed to accept that I was telling the truth.

"Well, while I was changing and Jasper was doing his best to distract me with his calm and peaceful feelings, I found myself able to have a few rational thoughts. At first I just thought about my time with Charlie and Edward and the family. You know, just things to keep my mind off of the pain." I began explaining. "However, after awhile I started to realize, that we could never really be sure of how Edward felt about you and I, Jazz and that was something that really bothered me. It didn't seem right to go into enternity with just the assumption that Edward would want me to be happy. Some part of me would always feel like I was betraying him by loving you. I didn't want to feel like. It would hurt me too much to think that I was hurting him or his memory. I mean, I love you so much Jazz, you know that, right?"

"Of course, I do, honey." he whispered. "I understand, though, that Edward was just as important to you. I felt like I was betraying him sometimes too. It's not a bad thing."

I nodded and continued,

"I found myself wanting to talk to him. Wanting to find out, for sure, how he felt. It happened suddenly, and felt much like a dream, only I knew it was real. Edward was there with me. Solid, touchable. Every bit the Edward that I rememebered. He was there to talk to me."

I paused for a moment as the clear memory of him brought a lump to my throat. I swallowed hard.

"And what did he say?" Jasper questioned.

He slowly shifted his body and my own so that I was sitting on his lap and he had his arms around my waist. I noted that his moves were slow and cautious. Almost like he expected me to attack if he startled me. I would ask him what was wrong later. He played absentmindedly with my hair while I answered his question.

"He told me that he heard how badly I needed to talk to him and got permission to come to me. He then told me that he knew what was going on between you and I and that he was okay with it. He said the only I could ever betray him was to let his death interfere with my life and happiness. He also said that if he couldn't be with me, he'd rather see me with you or Emmett, than with someone like Jacob, or Mike Newton, or any other human boy we know for that matter. He wanted me to tell you that he would be forever grateful to you for saving me from myself. For forcing me to talk and feel, rather than keeping it all in. He said he loved me and always would and then he said goodbye." I sighed and Jasper chuckled lightly. "What?" I demanded.

"Nothing, that's just exactly what I always knew he would say." Japser answered.

"I guess, I always knew it too." I sighed. "I just feel so much better now that I've heard him say it. Now that I know, for sure, how he feels. It's easier to see my happy enternity with you now."

"I understand completely, love." Jasper replied and kissed the top of my head.

The family fell into a tense and awkard silence. I looked around at them and noticed their faces were full of concern, confusion, and little fear. I looked up into Jasper face and saw the same emotions.

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"Alot, actually." Jasper sighed. "Most importantly, you."

"What's that mean?" I questioned.

"It's not wrong, per say." Carlisle responded. "Just unusual."

I furrowed my brow unsure of what they meant.

"You remember the newborns, don't you?" Jasper asked.

I suddenly understood. They were all waiting for me to do something newbornish. I think they expected me to rip someone's throat out or throw something, at least. I didn't have that kind of impulse, though. I really didn't feel much different from when I was human, except the dull burning in my throat. Uncomfortable, though managable.

"Is there something wrong with me?" I asked quietly.

"I don't think so." Carlisle answered. "I think you're just unique, that's all."

"It's strange, though, isn't it Carlisle? I mean any other newborn would've needed to hunt the moment the awoke. But she just had a ten minute conversation without even thinking about it." Jasper stated then looked at me. "Are you thirsty?" he asked.

My throat suddenly flared up. It became nearly unbearable.

"I am now." I stated smacking him playfully in the arm.

"OW!" he said and rubbed his arms where I hit him.

"Oops." I whispered looking down.

"Alice, can you go to the basement fridge and get Bella a couple canisters of whatevers down there?" Jasper asked.

"Of course." she replied and skipped from the room.

There was still that odd tension in the room and I looked around to see more fear written on everyone's faces. I wanted to know what had every so worked up, however, my disappointment over not being able to hunt won out over the curiousity.

"What?" I stated. "Do you guys have that little faith in me, that I can't even go on my first hunt with you guys? I mean, I know enough not to kill the people I know. Which is just about every God damned person in this town!"

"Bella, honey, calm down." Jasper cooed and I felt him using his gift. "It doesn't have anything to do with not having faith in you. In fact, we were all really excited about going with you on your first time. We were looking forward to teaching and watching. The problem is, we can't leave the house, right now."

"What? Why?" I asked panicky a little as I remembered the lockdown.

"A lot happened in the two days that you were out of it." Carlisle explained. "We had to kill Jacob to stop him."

My heart suddenly dropped to my stomach. Jacob was dead. My best friend. My best man. The sunshine on a cloudy day. The man who pulled me through the second darkest time of my life. The man who would've laid everything, even his own life down for me, had I given him that chance. He was gone and never coming back. I'd never see his handsome face or the smile that could bring light into even the darkest place. I'd never see him or touch him again. He was gone for ever.

Suddenly, it didn't matter that he killed my father or my fiancee. It didn't matter that he tried to kill me or the rest of my family. All that mattered was that he was dead and I would never see him again. I had lost my best friend and it felt like someone had jammed a knife through my heart. I let out a dry sob and buried my head in Jasper's chest.

"I'm so sorry." Jasper whispered. "We wouldn't have done it if there was any other way. We didn't have a choice."

"I know." I whispered. "I don't blame you."

"We, then, of course, had to change you to keep you alive." Carlisle continued. "Now the wolves, want revenge for their fallen brother and to deliver punisment for our crime. They're actually outside the house right now and have been there for a day and a half. They're waiting to attack the minute one of us leaves."

"Which we won't." Jasper stated. "Not for awhile at least. We have enough extra canisters of blood and even some donated human blood, if we get desperate. Their should be enough there to last at least two months. Maybe more. Since we won't be interacting with humans at all."

"Somehow, I doubt they'll wait that long, though." Emmett stated.

"So do I." Carlisle sighed.

"So what do we do?" I asked knowing they were both right.

"I don't know, Bella, I don't know." Jasper sigh and buried his face in my hair.

**ALICE**

I skipped down the stairs at a human pace. I was fairly happy about life at the moment. With the exception of the predicament with the dogs, of course. I couldn't help but be happy about the fact that Bella was finally my sister.

Don't get me wrong. She's been my sister since Edward stopped her from getting squished by the van. However, it seemed a little more official now. I wasn't quite sure why though. It's not like we even have the same venom or anything. I think it had a lot to do with the fact the we were now equal as sisters. She could do the same things I could without limitations. Or maybe it was just my odd sense of logic. Whatever the reason, I couldn't be happier.

I was also very happy to find out that Bella had been able to get a comfirmation from Edward about her and Jasper relationship. She didn't need to spend enternity worrying about whether or not she did right by him. She needed to foucs on being happy, and Edward made sure she could.

Did I believe she really saw Edward as an angel? Yes, I did. I agreed with Carlisle on the fact that we all had souls. We could live, love, do, and feel all the things that other humans can. Not too mention, we do the very best we could not to hurt or kill any of the humans around us. Of course, we make mistakes, but who doesn't? I was sure their was a place in heaven for all of us.

I had to be. Especially since I knew my life would be coming to an end soon. Less than two weeks. Hell, with the way things are going, maybe less than two hours. Who knew?

I had to believe that I was going to go where Edward was when I died, because there was no way that I was going to let Bella or Jasper go there. The had too much to learn and be for each other. It wouldn't be right if one of them died. Which is why I wasn't going to let it happen.

I was already prepared. I had written Bella and Jasper letters explaining why I had to do it. I told them to go on with their lives and be happy. That's the best way the could remember me. Take my sacrifice and consider it my gift to them. And not to waste it. I only hoped they would listen to me.

I made it to the basement fridge and pulled out two canisters of what looked liked deer. When I spun around to head back upstairs, I noticed one of the panes had been knocked out of the window down there. We didn't bother putting anything over these windows because it was highly unlikely that anyone would try to gain entry here.

The whole wasn't big enough for any of the wolves to get through, even in human form. It was, however, big enough for them to put something. I panicked and took and quick look around the room, just too make sure they hadn't sent anything through that could hurt or distract us. There was nothing in the vicintiy other then a folded up piece of paper. I picked it up and opened it.

_Bloodsuckers, _

_We know that you're in there. We have the place surrounded and you are outnumbered. We suggest that you simply come out and accept your punisment. We promise it'll be much less painful that way. We don't have much patience though. We've already been here nearly two days and are getting very antsy. So, we're going to give you until 5:30 tonight to come out on your own. If you don't, then we will force you out. We'll have you out by the end of the night. It's up to you whether we do it the easy way or the hard way. _

_Sincerely,  
Sam _

I crumpled the piece of paper in my hands and let out a dry sob. I stared at the note, unsure of what to feel. Fear and anger were very dominate in my mind. The fear more so than the anger. I thought about his words about forcing us out and knew that there was only one way to pull that off.

I realized then, that whether or not we cooperated, we were all going to die.

**A/N: What do you guys think? Was it another one worth waiting for? I hope you liked it. Once again, so for making you wait. Please review. I love you all! **


	36. In This Together

**A/N: I just wanna warn you guys that this is another tear jerker chapter with an out of character Emmett. You'll understand when it gets there. Also, I had someone ask about the whole wedding vision and why it changed. I promise that will be explained in this chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. **

**ALICE **

I stood there frozen for a long minute. I couldn't believe that Sam would go this far in his quest for revenge. Hadn't we all once been able to get along well enough to get passed things like this peaceful? Weren't we all mature enough to deal with this without bloodshed? We were all grown ups after all. Why did he have to resort to scaring us out of our own home.

Didn't he owe us something, anyway? It was his side that started this whole mess in the first place, after all. But did we go knocking on their door wanting to kill them right away? No, we gave them chances, and plenty of them to correct their mistakes. Just because they didn't take those chances didn't give them the right to do this us.

I guess none of that really mattered. All that mattered now was getting out of the house and Washington alive. Something that seemed quite impossible at the moment. The house was surrounded by fifteen werewolves and there was only seven of us. How on earth were we suppose to get out alive?

I looked down at my watch to check the time. 5:00. Fantastic! I only had an hour to figure out how save my family. I didn't have any idea what to do.

I closed my eyes trying to see the outcome of any decision that I had made. Unfortunately, all I got was a big blank future, which was exactly what I expected. I hated the fluke of a vision that cropped up for Rosalie and Emmett's wedding. I knew exactly what was going to happen and how because I had seen it so I could be able to save Jasper's life. Something had changed since then, I wasn't sure what, maybe Charlie's death. I couldn't be positive, though. However, the change through everything completely out of whack and I had nothing to go off of anymore. I still assumed that I was going to have to save Jasper, because that seemed very important. I was completely blind for everything else, though, and I hated being blind.

I quickly ran some plans for an escape through my mind and only one seemed plausible. I was sure it could work, but it would devastate the rest of the family. Then again, if I did what I was thinking then at least they still be alive to be devastated. It seemed like the best idea in the world. Sam may acutally buy it.

I wanted to walk out there right then and put the plan into action. I knew if I said anything to the family, they would fight me and wouldn't let me go out there alone. If I was going to be able to do this, it had to be without their knowledge or a chance at them stopping me.

I thought more about it as I began walking back upstairs. It didn't take me more than four steps to realize that doing this without telling them wasn't right or fair to them. They would be losing a member of their family. Some one the loved and cared about, someone who meant everything to all of them. It wouldn't be right or fair to just go out and get myself killed without explaining or giving them any kind of reason.

It was those thoughts the lead me up the stairs and back to Bella's room, rather than out the front door.

**BELLA **

I could feel the fear and tension coming off of everyone in the room. We were all silent, though. Lost in our own thoughts about what was going to happen to us.

We all knew that we'd have to leave the house sooner or later. We only had enough blood stocked up to last us only a couple months. If the werewolves even waited that long before they attacked. If they did, we'd have to leave to go get more. And I highly doubted, that Sam would give up, just because we took forever to leave the house. I was pretty sure he'd still be waiting for us if we didn't come out for fifty years.

There was no way we could win if things came down to a fight. Their was fifteen of them and only seven of us. That was two werewolves each. I'd seen them in action and knew that it was going to be hard enough for us to handle one at time. More than that and we may as well just let them burn us alive. It would be the easiest way for everyone.

I couldn't help but feel responsible for all of this. It was me who got involved with Jacob and the wolves in the first. I, once again, got myself into this mess and was dragging the family down with me.

I didn't dare express this opinion though. I knew that they would just tell me that I wasn't my fault and that they're were they want to be, doing what they want to do.

I was actually surprised that Jasper didn't say anything to be about the guilt that was coursing through me. He was usually the first to try to explain away my guilt. However, I was sure Jasper was too lost in his own feelings to notice anyone else's. He didn't even bother to try to calm the emotions in the room.

He just sat behind with his arms tightly wrapped around me and his face buried in the crook between my neck and shoulder. I was holding his hands very tightly in my own. I was sure that I was squeezing so hard that he should be in pain. However, he made no move or sound of discomfort.

I looked around the room and saw that the rest of my family were sitting, in similar positions with their mates. I was sure they were all wondering how much more time they had together. I just shook my head and looked down at the bed before I could let the scene get to me too much.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that Alice had been gone for about fifteen minutes. That was weird. Even when I was human, I could've made it to the basement and back in less than five minutes. I found myself worrying that something might be wrong, but then I decided that maybe she had just gotten distracted by something. Which was typical Alice. I didn't say anything, though, because I didn't want to worry the family over something that could be nothing at all.

Less than a minute after I thought about it, like she was reading my mind, Alice opened the door and walked in carrying two canisters of blood. She had a serious and almost hopeless look on her face. It was a look that seemed extremely out of place for Alice's almost always smiling and nearly bouncing face.

The look spread waves of fear coursing through my body. Whatever happened, it was extremely bad, if Alice, who always had hope, was now looking there wasn't any hope for anyone. Alice always knew what to do and whether things would be alright or not. She was optimistic about everything. Seeing this look on her face made me feel like we were all doomed. Doomed to die at the hands of our once allies. And there was nothing would could to do stop it.

Jasper must have felt whatever I was seeing on Alice's facem because he finally removed his head from my shoulder and looked at her.

"What's wrong, Alice?" he asked quickly.

"Things are about to get really bad." she replied handing me the canisters of blood.

I simply laid them next to me. My thrist had all but evaporated upon seeing the look on Alice's face. Jasper sighed and picked up one of the canisters. He opened and offered it to me.

"I'm not thirsty anymore." I replied too worried about what Alice had to say.

"Bella, you have to drink something. Especially with the possibility of having to get away from the wolves. You need all the strength that you can get to get through this. Please." he pleaded.

I sighed, took the canister and chugged. It was cold and almost disgusting, but I choked it down without complaint. I knew it was the only thing that was available and didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

"There, happy." I said putting the canister back in his hand.

"Estatic." he replied but there was no trace of humor in his voice.

"So what's happened Alice?" I asked as Jasper popped open the second canister and handed it to me.

Alice simply handed a folded up piece of white paper to Carlisle. Carlisle unfolded it and read it outloud. The tension in the thickened as he finished and folded up the piece of paper.

No one spoke for a very long time. We were all too busy comtamplating Sam's plot to force us out. We all knew that there was only one way for them to do it without actually getting inside the house. The would have to set it on fire.

That would go us two options, leave the house and let them kill us then. Or just stay inside and let the flames consume us. Either way, we were all pretty sure that we were going to die. It was just a matter of when and how.

"So what do we do?" I whispered after a minute knowing that no one really knew. I just couldn't stand the silence anymore.

Everyone looked at me with the same stressed, fearful, hopeless, and clueless faces. Everyone except for Alice. While her face looked just as distraught and hopeless as when she walked in, there was a small glimmer of something in her eyes.

"I have an idea." she whispered. "But I don't think that any of you are going to like it."

"You may as well tell us." Carlisle answered. "Whether or not we like, it may be our only option."

I didn't need Jasper's powers to see how upset and scared Alice was about this. I just couldn't be sure if she more upset about her idea or our possible opinion on it.

"Well," she said slowly. "We all know that for Sam, this about more than punishment, it's about revenge. He wants us to pay for killing Jacob, regardless of the fact that we were completely justified in doing it. A life for a life. He killed Edward and tried to kill Bella. We had every right to get our revenge. Even if Sam doesn't see it that way. So I was thinking that maybe we should send out the one that was directly responsible for Jacob's death. The one who injected the poison into his body, watched him die, and destroyed the evidence. Maybe that would satisfy his need for revenge. And maybe, we could even convince him the one that did was also the one the bit Bella. With any luck he'd be winning to punish that one person, the one who "broke" the treaty and leave the rest of you alone."

"No way, Alice." Jasper stated. "It isn't happening. You aren't going to take the fall for the rest of us."

I was surprised that Jasper knew she was talking about herself. I wasn't even sure myself who she was referring to. Granted, I was only partially concious when everything was happening and didn't who played what hand in Jacob's death. By the look of utter shock on everyone elses' faces, they hadn't made the connection either. I guess you didn't spend decades loving someone without really getting to know them. I was sure Jasper now that Jasper had seen this coming.

"Why not?" she asked with a shrug. "It's better than having everyone go out there to be slaughtered."

"You think we want to see you die?" Jasper asked. "Because we don't. We love you Alice and can't let you do something like this."

"If you loved me then you'd let me do it." she argued.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jasper challenged.

"It means that there's nothing left for me here. My reason for being is gone, Jasper. It's over for me and I need to get out. Sam's offerring me a way to do just that and possibly save all of you in the process." Alice explained.

Her words caused anger to flare up in me. I knew I shouldn't have been this angry about the statement, yet my irrational newborn emotions weren't going to listen to reason. I couldn't believe she had said those things. I never would've imagined a situation were she would try to guilt us into letting her give up her own life.

"Don't you dare do that to us, Alice." I growled. "You know how hard we tried to keep this from happening! I nearly killed myself over the guilt, Alice. The feelings ripped my apart, and you know that. You know how horrible we feel about what we did to you. And you know how sorry we are. So don't you dare play on those feelings to get us to give in to you!"

"I'm not trying to play on anything, Bella. Really, I'm not. I'm just telling the truth. These feelings have done the same thing to me that they've done to you. They've ripped my heart and soul to pieces and I hate myself for the pain I put you in trying to hold on to him. But the fact is the same. Jasper yours now and there's nothing left but for me to go down protecting the ones I love." she answered trying to stay calm and in control of herself.

"It doesn't matter anyway." I said working hard on trying to calm myself. "Because we won't let you do it. You shouldn't have to die for something that wasn't your fault. If anyone should go out there, it should be me. I started this whole thing by getting involved with Jacob and the wolves. I should be the one to end it without allowing the family to get hurt."

"No!" Jasper growled in my ear. "You're not going out there alone, Bella. I'm not going to let you die. Not after everything we did to protect you from them. Besides, we all promised Edward that we'd protect if anything happened to him and he's not the only reason why I won't break that promise. We aren't going to lose you too. You're too important to this family for that."

"Well, I'm not going to let any of the rest of you go. So you can all just forget that." I stated crossing my arms over my chest.

"I think that I should be the one to go." Jasper continued as if I hadn't said anything. "I was the one who bit Bella and broke the treaty. And I was the one who was prepared to torture Jacob to death. I deserve to be punish for that. Nobody deserves to feel the things that I was making him feel. Nobody deserves to be in that kind of pain, regardless of what they had done. I deserve to die after that."

"NO!" Alice practically yelled. "I've gone through way too much to see that you guys were able to be happy. I spent too much time and emotions on making sure that you two guys the future that you deserved to allow either of you to mess it. You guys need each other and I won't let either get in the way of your own futures. So you can just forget it. I'm going and that's that. This is the last thing that I can do to ensure your happy future. And I'm determined to do it."

Anger was once again pulsing through my vains. I couldn't believe that she was willing to go this far to make sure we were and stayed happy. She was willing to give up any chance she had left of happiness for our own. The rational side of my head, knew that she was just trying to protect the one she loved, but my irrational side would do anything to convince her no to do it.

"So what?" I asked between bared teeth, rising from the bed and Jasper embrace. "You think that will be happy you you go out there and get yourself killed so we could be happy. How stupid are you, Alice? You can't seriously think that we'd ever agree to allow you to do something like that. It wouldn't do any of us any good. Besides, there's a good chance that killing only you isn't going to satisfy them. And what are we supposed to do then? Just say 'Oh well, Alice sacrificed herself for us, but we're going to die anyway.'? I don't think so. You are not going out there to let yourself be murdered by pshycotic werewolves."

I was vaguely aware of my rising anger as I continued my speech. Some part of me knew that I should calm down, however, the irrational part had taken over. I needed to get Alice to understand that he commiting suicide was not the answer. And if anger was the only way to do it, then so be it.

I was silent for a moment after my speech. All I could hear was my own labored breathing and feel the anger that was coursing through me. Then I felt a gentle hand squeeze my shoulder.

"Bella, honey, you need to calm down okay. If you don't, Alice isn't going to have to worry about the wolves killing her." Jasper voice sounded in my ear and I felt calm wash through my whole body.

I knew he was right and closed my eyes fighting to regain control of myself. I was shocked to discover that I had ended up several feet closer to Alice. I took deep unecessary breaths and counted to ten. Telling myself over and over again that I just needed to relax. When I finally felt the anger disappear completely, I opened my eyes and looked at Alice.

"I'm really sorry Alice." I whispered. "I didn't mean to get so mad. I know that you just wanna help protect the people you love, but going out on this suicide mission just isn't the answer. It's not the right way to go about it. There has to be something else that we can do. Some other way out."

Alice opened her mouth to reply as I folded myself back into Jasper's comforting embrace. Before she could get anything out, though, Carlisle raised his hand to silence her.

"You're not going, Alice." he stated. "And that's that. None of you are going out there alone. The wolves have already taken one of my children and I refuse to allow them to take anymore. Besides, you're all too special and have too much left to learn and do before your forever ends. However, after three hundred years, I found there's not much left for me to do and learn." We all knew what he was getting at and opened our mouths to protest, but he held up his hand to stop the flow of words. "As the head of this coven and family, it is my job to protect all of you, especially from something like this. Aside from that, it was I who gave the order for Jacob to be killed and it was I who told Jasper to bite her. I gave the orders that broke the treaty and gave the wolves a reason to come here right now, so I'll be the one to accept those consquences. Not anyone else."

Esme stared at him in horror once he finished his little speech. I knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling right then. It was the same thing that I felt when I discovered that Edward intended to fight Jacob. The feeling of knowing that you're going to lose the one person you care most about and know there's nothing that you can do about it. The thoughts of how your life could possibly go on without the man that was standing next to you. Itb felt like someone had already ripped a chunk of your heart out and was now stomping on it. Esme let out a small dry sob and wrapped her arms around him.

"Please, don't do this." she sobbed.

"I have to dear." Carlisle replied. "I can't let one of the children do it. It would be very wrong to ask. Besides, no one here needs me anymore. I've taught them and given them all I can."

"But what about me?" she sobbed.

"You will be fine." he said. "You will move on with your exitence and be happy. Who knows, you may even find someone else to love."

"NO!" she yelled. "I don't want anyone else! If you're going to insist on doing this then I'm not letting do it alone. I'm going out there with you."

"No, Esme," he replied stroking her cheeks. "You're children need there mother. The need the guidance and unconditional love that only you can provide them with right now. You can't let them down."

"But I can't let you die alone either." she whispered.

"Why does anyone have to do it alone?!" Emmett burst out causing me to jump.

It was the first time he had spoken since Alice entered the room. I had all but forgotten the he and Rose were in the room. We all turned to look at him as if he'd just asked the most stupid question in the world.

"I mean are we a family or aren't we?" he questioned.

"Of course we are son." Carlisle said soothingly.

"So then why are we arguing over who's going to go out there alone?" Emmett pressed. "We went into this together as a family, so we need to leave it the same way. We've all had a hand in what lead to this moment. And we've all done things to piss Sam off, so we all need to deal with the consquences together, as the family we are."

"Here, Here!" Rosalie stated.

We were silent as we contemplated Emmett's worse. He was right. We were family. A good strong and loving family. One that would always live and die together, no matter what.

"Emmett's right." Carlisle said after a long moment. "So this is what's going to happen. We going to go out there and face this together. We'll fight, but only to get away from them. And kill, only if we have to. Once were away, we can't ever come back. Jasper, I want you to focus on getting Bella safely away. She's too vulnerable right now for a full on fight."

"Right." Jasper stated.

"No." I stated indignanty and angry. "I will not run away while the rest of my family fights for their life. Besides, what just happened to Emmett's whole fight as a family speech. I'm part of this family and I want to do my part. I want to help you guys fight."

"I know, Bella, but you won't be able to handle fighting these werewolves. You don't know anything about them. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you during this fight." Jasper stated.

I found my anger flaring again. I couldn't believe he was doing this to me. I was a newborn vampire and stronger than any of them. I ripped myself from his embrace and turned my angry eyes on him.

"God, you sound like Edward now. First of all, I'm a newborn and I'm strong. The strongest vampire in this house, in fact. That has to count for something. Not to mention that fact that I spent months in La Push getting to know them. I probably know a hell of a lot more than any of you about them."

"Yes, Bella, you are a newborn and you are the strongest vampire present. But you all you have to go on is your instincts and I'm afraid that might not be enough. And yes, you probably do know more about the wolves than we do. However, you know nothing about how to fight and destroy just one, let alone the two or three that will be all over you. And it doesn't help much that they've been trained, by me no less, to destroy you. Do you know how scary that is for me, Bella? You have no idea. They could kill you faster than I could get to you and I taught them how. I can't risk it. I'm sorry."

"I know it's hard Jazz and I'm scared too." I said knowing exactly what he meant. "But I already lost Edward because I had to run away from the fight and couldn't help. And look how badly that almost killed. I don't think I could live through losing you or any other member of this family if I had to run away again. I have to do what I can to help you guys. I owe it to all of you and I owe it to Edward. Please, Jasper, let me do this." I whispered and met his eyes. I widened mine pleadingly.

He was silent for a long time as he looked into my eyes. I saw many emotions pass across his face in that time. Anger, fear, concern, hate, sadness, and love were all present and passed very quickly. The beautiful topaz orbs finally rested on acceptance and he nodded at me. I smiled and wrapped myself in his embrace.

"We're all going to fight this battle and do our best to win and get out. If one of us falls, the others will keep going, doing everything in there power to get out alive. And no matter how many of us are left standing when it's over, we will move one with our existence in honor of the ones who died. The survivors will move on with their lives and try to be the best people they can be. And they will pass on Carlisle's wisdom, knowledge, and lifestyle to anyone willing to learn. Are we understood?"

Everyone nodded or verbalized their agreement.

"Alice, what time is it?" Carlisle asked.

"5:25." Alice stated barely glancing at her watch.

"Well, let's do this, then." Carlisle sighed and he and Esme led the way to the stairs.

When we got into the living room, Esme pressed the button on the keypad and the steel walls rose no longer covering the windows, no longer protecting us.

Esme and Carlisle were the first ones out the door. Esme had her arms tight around Carlisle's waist while Carlisle had his arms tightly around Esme's shoulders. The stance was both comforting and protective. Rosalie and Emmett went next in much the same position. Alice, Jasper, and I brought up the rear. I had one arms tightly around Jasper's waist while his arm was draped over my shoulder. Alice was on his otherside and they were holding heads.

As we crossed over the threshold, I felt an sort of calm sweep over me and knew that Jasper had nothing to do with it. I knew what did, though. I was walking out the door to a handful of uncertainties, I knew I could very well lose my life out there. However, that didn't really matter at the moment because I didn't have to face it alone. I had my family with me, and that was all that mattered.

**A/N; What do you think? I hope the ending wasn't too week. Anyway, please review. **


	37. Fight

**BELLA **

I couldn't help but shake as we crossed the threshold and stepped into the early evening sun. While I knew that I was surrounded by my family and wouldn't have to deal with this alone, I couldn't help but be afraid.

Carlisle and Jasper were right. I may have been the strongest vampire in the family, but I was still newborn and had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to fight anyone, let alone werewolves that had been trained by my boyfriend to kill vampires like me. All I had to go by were my insincts, but I wasn't sure if those would be enough. What if they weren't?

I found myself shuddering at the thought at that thought. Jasper, who knew exactly what I was feeling, tightened his grip on my shoulders.

"Don't worry," he whispered. "I'll take care of you."

'Yeah, but who's going to take care of you?" I whispered back.

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out." he answereed. "Just remember that whatever happens, I love you."

"I love you too." I answered and he placed a kiss in my hair.

All too soon, we were lined up face to face with a human Sam who was flanked by four other wolves. I recognized them as Jared, Paul, Quil, and Embry. The original five, the ones that were closest to Jacob, who wanted the most revenge for what happened to him. I knew the remaining ten wolves were probably scattered through out the woods, just waiting for Sam to give the order.

We all stared for a long moment before Carlisle released Esme and stepped forward with his hands raised. I heard a sharp intake of breath and it wasn't until Jasper squeezed my shoulders again, that I realized it was me.

"Relax." he whispered.

Esme looked torn. I knew she wanted nothing more than to go and stand beside him. However, he'd want her to stay as far away as possible from this conversation. The two wants warred with each other for a couple seconds before she stepped back to stand beside Emmett, who wrapped a comforting and protective arm around her.

"Look, Sam, we all know why you're here and what you want. We killed Jacob and broke the treaty and now you want justice for those two crimes. We understand that. We really do. However, none of us want to fight you and I know that you don't really want to fight you. Too many young lives would be needlessly lost. I know you don't wanna see any of your family fall. We don't want to see any of ours die, either. And we most definitely don't want to be responsible for killing any of yours. Especially when their only crime was trying to avenge a brother. So, in order to keep the peace, we are prepared to leave the second you allow us to and never come back. Wouldn't that be a much better alternative to bloodshed?" Carlisle stated.

Sam face turned up into a sick twisted grin that churned my stomach.

"I don't think so, Dr. Cullen." he replied in a deathly whisper. "See, my brothers, sister and I have been inching for a fight with you for months, and now that you've finally given us a reason, we aren't going to walk away without that fight. Besides, I would never push your kind off on some other poor community. You chose to break the treaty and take Bella's life away, now you're going to have to face the consequences."

Sam was already trembling as he said the words. I gulped knowing it wouldn't be too much longer before something happened.

"Now, you listen here mutt." Emmett growled releasing Rosalie and Esme and walking to stand beside Carlisle. "We didn't choose to do anything. We were going to leave Bella human out of respect for our brother, but because that dumbass excuse for a dog didn't give us any other choice. Because of what he did to her, we had no choice but to change her, or she would've died. If this is anyone's fault, it's Jacob's and seeing as he's already been punished for it, we shouldn't even be here, right now."

"See, leech, the thing about that is, the treaty never specified what condition that bitten human was in. It never stated that it mattered whether or not you were doing it to save the human. So why you did is a moot point. The fact is, you broke and we have every right to attack. Which is exactly what we're gonna do know." Sam stated.

He shape had already started to blur before he even finshed the speech. We had less than a second notice before his body exploded and a giant wolf was standing where Sam had been snapping and snarling. He didn't even give us a chance to adjust to the change before he lunged at Carlisle and all hell broke loose.

The rest of the pack started leaping at us from all sides. Jasper immediately jumped in front of me and started shoving as many of them away from me as possible. I heard snarling and snapping as my family took on their own wolves. The family was smart ebough to move their individual fights away from each other. They were trying to seperate the pack. We all knew the pack worked better in groups but if they couldn't get closer enough to gang up on one of us, then they weren't very good.

It took me a couple of seconds to realize that Jasper and I had bigger problems than what was going on with the rest of the family. I hadn't noticed that the wolves Jasper had force away from me, had now surrounded us.

There were five of them all forming a perfect circle around the two of us. I only recognized three of them. There was the smaller sandy haired Seth. The beautiful gray Leah. And the chocolate colored Quil. I could only assume the other two were from the younger genersation. The one that I hadn't known long enough to recognize.

Jasper grasped my hand firmly in his.

"Stand with your back to me." he whispered so low only I could hear. "Relax and remember that even though, they no how to destroy you, you do know how to stop them. Remember the things you saw in the clearing that night. They'll know you know they were taught not to go for the obvious kill, so watch all areas. Don't let them get too close and don't let them catch you by surprise. If you can get behind them, grab them, squeeze and don't let go. And if all else fails, use your venom." He said all of this in less than five seconds but I caught every word.

We stood there for another few seconds watching the wolves snarl at us, waiting for them to attack. I was sure they were working out a strategy in their head. They were probably going to attack at the same time so we would be too distracted to help each other.

Sure enough, after another interminable second, Leah lunged at me and Quil lunged for Jasper. I didn't pay attention to what the other three did. I let my instincts take over and lunged myself at Leah. I hit her hard against the chest and brought her slamming down hard on the ground. I was disgusted to know that I was satisfied with the whimper of pain that escaped her muzzle.

I was know on top of her. She struggled and snapped at me trying desperately to knock me off, but I was ten times stronger than her. It was no competition. There was a small part of my brain that registered Jasper trying to do battle with four. His gift was an immense help. I could also hear the whimpers and howls of wolves in pain and the panting of my family. They were putting up a good fight and so far I hadn't heard the metallic screech that would signal one of their demises.

Most of my brain was focused on Leah, though. I had her on the ground and wasn't exactly sure what to do next. I wasn't going to be able to get my arms around her like Jasper had said unless I moved, but that would give her the chance to get to me. I knew what my instincts were telling me to do, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

It wasn't right. I wasn't a killer. Besides, Leah wasn't an enemy, she was an alley. Or at least she had been before everything with Jacob. I couldn't bring myself to kill a former alley. Leah continued to struggle under me and was making some ground as I stayed on top of her, hesitating.

That's when I heard it. It was the first time I heard the velvety voice in my head since the cliff diving incident. It was just as perfect and beautiful as it was then.

_"You have to do it, Bella." _It said. _"If you don't kill her, she'll kill you. It doesn't matter to her what you used to be. All that matter is what you are now. The enemy. You need to do it and get back into the fight. The family needs your help. I know you don't want to, but you don't have a choice. Please, for yourself and the family. The won't stop just because you show them mercy."_

I knew the voice was right and that was all the push I needed. I grabbed Leah's muzzle in my hand and held it shut as I pushed her face to the side to expose her neck. I then leaned down and sunk my teeth into her neck. My teeth went through the fur, muscle, and sinew like a knife. Easily and effortlessly. I tried not to suck when I tasted the blood, it was the most disgusting thing in the world. I held myself there for a long moment letting the venom poor out of my mouth and into her blood stream.

Her struggles turned into convulsion of pain after a couple seconds and I pulled away. I looked at her laying helplessly on the ground her face contorted in pain as she slowly shifted back to human and began to regret what I had done. She was so young, barely even an adult and I killed her. It didn't matter why. All that mattered was that I killed her. I was a monster and I hated myself for doing it.

I didn't have too much time to dwell on the remorse, though.

"Bella, look out!" Jasper yelled less than two seconds after I pulled away from Leah.

I looked back just in time to see a sandy colored Seth leaping at me. I didn't even have a chance to throw my hands up to protect myself before he collided with me and sent my flying off of Leah and onto the ground. I cringed as pain shot up and down my back, but I knew I didn't have too much time to be a baby about it. Seth was straddling me snapping at my neck. I quickly reched my hands up and tried to force his muzzle away from me.

In the meantime, I could hear Jasper still going at it with the other three wolves. I could hear all of them whimpering in fear and pain as Jasper was, no doubt, using his gift to keep two of them a bay, while he worked on one. There were other noises too. I could still hear the distant sounds of my family fighting and the snarling and yowls of pain from the wolves. I was relieved to realize that I hadn't yet heard the sound that would tell me that I'd lost a family member.

I tried my hardest to force Seth's mouth away from my neck, but it wasn't working. Yes, I was stronger than him, but he was fueled by anger and hate after what I did to his sister. I realized then that Seth no longer thought of me the way he used to. I was no longer the good human that I had once been. And I definitely wasn't his friend anymore. No, to Seth Clearwater, I was now a bloodsucking monster, his enemy. The creature that he was sworn to protect his tribe from. The creature that had killed his sister. A monster, that was all Seth saw, now. Maybe that was true, I did kill Leah, after all.

It was that thought that maybe realize that maybe I deserved to die at this moment. Maybe, that was my punishment for killing Leah, to die before I ever had a chance to live my immortal life. I supposed I could live with that, if only there was a way to save my family before I went.

I felt the fight start draining from my body and my grip on his face got looser. This went an for another couple of seconds before I finally decided that I really did deserve to die. I was just about to release Seth and let him do what he had to do, when I felt him being knocked off of me.

I managed to sit myself up and saw that it was Jasper who had knocked him off of me. Jasper brought him crashing to the ground and he let out a yowl of pain. Jasper didn't give him any time to recover, in less than a second, he had his hands in position behind Seth's head and had snapped his neck. I cringed as Seth's body fell limply underneath him.

"Are you alright?" Jasper asked getting up and walking over too me. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he felt just as horrible about the killing as I did. We both knew, though, that it was the only way we could live through this fight.

"I'm fine." I stated. "What about you?"

"Better now that you're not on the wrong end of those teeth." he replied.

We didn't have much time to celebrate because there was growling and snarling coming from behind us. We whipped around to see three wolves standing there this time. The weren't the same ones that were there when I got into with Leah. I recognized one as Paul and one as Jared. I froze in fear when I saw the third. It was Sam.

Why was Sam standing here looking at me? Shouldn't he be fighting Carlisle? Unless...But I would've heard the screeching and seen the fire. I did a quick inventory without taking my mind off of Sam. Nope, the enotire family was still alive. Carlisle was across the yard helping Esme fight. I breathed a sigh of relief then met Sam's eyes head on.

I could see anger, hate, and accusation in those eyes. And all of those emotions were directed at me. It was then that I realized why he had stopped his fight with Carlisle. He wanted to be the one to destroy me, because in his eyes this was all my fault. I was the one who got in too deep with Jacob. My rejection had caused him to snap and kill Edward and Charlie. Charlie, who was probably the best man that Sam knew, was completely inoccent except that he was a connection to me. Something Jacob new would hurt me. Jacob trying to kill me and getting killed himself. This fight and the lost of a brother and sister. It all boiled down to me. If I hadn't come into Jacob's life then none of this would've happened. Sam knew it and I did too.

I was completelt selfish about everything. I should've just walked away when I realized our feelings for each other weren't the same. But I really needed him and I was too selfish to realize how much pain he was in. This was all my fault and I deserved to be punished for it. I knew that. I also knew that Sam wanted to be the one to do it. Maybe I could convince to just punish me and let the rest of the family leave. If it was the last thing I could do for them, then I'd do it.

I was vaguely aware of the fact that Paul and Jared had launched an attack on Jasper. I was sure that Sam wanted him distracted for this. I was glad for that because I didn't want Jasper to have to see it. Or any of the family for that matter. I was going to die and, with any luck, end it all. I could handle that, as long as the family was safe. That's all that mattered to me.

I found myself walking a fewq steps closer to Sam. He growled and the showed his teeth.

"Sam, please?" I whispered. "I know you think it's my fault. I know it's my fault. All of it. I was selfish. Please, just take me and do what you want, but just let my family go, please."

Sam paused for a moment as if telling his brothers something. He, then looked back at me and sprang. His jaw wide open and claws out, prepared to finish the job the minute he landed. U braced myself for it and then,

"Bella, no!" Jasper's yell rent the air and his body collided with mine. I was unprepared for a side attack and was knocked to the ground. Jasper was standing in my place, where Sam was about to land in less than a second.

The next second happened so fast that I would've missed it if I were human. Alice's body collided with Sam in midair and she sunk her teeth into his neck as the came crashing to the ground. Sam let out a howl of pain as Alice pulled away. The venom was fast, but not fast enough.

The pair landed on the ground with Sam on top of Alice, who wasn't even struggling. He managed to get his teeth around her neck and ripped her throat out.

The fighting had stopped with Sam's yowl of pain and the quiet air was filled with the metallice screeching of Alice's throat being torn off. Before the family got over the shock enough to act, the wolves had surround Alice's and Sam's bodies and the clearing was once again filled with the screeching of them finishing Alice off.

I made to run in there to save her, because Alice couldn't be dying, not because of me. Jasper, however, grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back.

"There's nothing we can do." He whispered sadly. "She gone."

"No!" I yelled struggling against him.

I was wondering why he was able to hold me while I was throwing all of my strength into getting free. It took a long time to remember that he had trained newborns before and knew exactly how to keep them in line. I gave up after a long minute and started dry sobbing into his chest.

The clearing was soon filled with the awful smelling purple smoke of a burning vampire. I sobbed even harder into Jasper chest. I could feel the dry sobs wracking his body too and I put my arms tightly around him.

After an interminable amount of time, I heard footsteps and I turned to see Jared, in human form, walking to the still shocked and grieving family with his hands in the end air. It looked like he was surrendering or something.

"We don't wanna do this anymore." he stated and I could see tears running down his face. "We done, it's over. Just leave and never come back."

"Alright." Carlisle replied his voice sounded very faraway. "We're sorry that it had to come to this. And even more sorry for your losses."

"Just go!" Jared answwered as though it took everything he had to stay calm.

"Okay. Thank you, Jared." Carlisle returned with a nod of his head.

Jared turned around and walked back to his grieveing family. Mine turned to leave but I couldn't make myself move. Not even when Jasper tried to pull me. I couldn't go anywhere. What was the point? There was nowhere to go. Alice, my best friend and sister, the one who was always there for me, the girl who gave up everything for my happiness, had died for my happiness. Surly the world, was going to come crashing down around me at any minute. I didn't understand why it wasn't.

I saw for gone in my grief that I barely noticed Jasper pick me up and start to carry me away. It was ironic, I hadn't even been a vampire for twenty four hours and I found myself wishing I was human again. At least then I could sleep and forget this ever happened.

**A/N: Well, what do you guys think? I hope it turned out alright. Let me know. PLease review. **


	38. Grief and Guilt

**A/N: Sorry guys. I'm straddling two stories right now and I was working on the ohter one for the past couple of days. I hit a small block with this one for a bit. I'm still working on bringing my stories to a close, so please forgive. However, there's only going to be like one or two more chapters of this one, though. I'm satisfied that I'll be able to end it fairly decently. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one. **

**BELLA **

I was so far gone as Jasper carried me through the woods that I wasn't completely sure if we were running or not. I didn't even know where we were going. Or if we were still in Forks. I didn't really seem to matter much, though.

My best friend was dead. That fact alone was enough to kill me already dead heart. Top it off with the fact that she died and gave up everything just so I wouldn't have too, and I was pretty much useless. I couldn't even think straight. All I knew was that all of this was my fault. Everything from the fight to Sam, Seth, Leah, and Alice. They all lost their lives because of my actions.

"Isabella Marie Swan, knock it off right now." Jasper said through his teeth. I knew that he could feel all of the guilt pouring out of me. "This is not your fault. None of it is. Do you understand?"

I couldn't find my voice to reply. Instead, I whimpered and buried my face deeper into the crook of his neck. He just sighed and kissed the top of my head. We didn't say anything else after that.

The family ran until we came out of the woods on a small strip just of the highway in Seattle. There was a small Motel 6 on the corner and few other businesses down the street. Thankfully, it was dark out and we were much harder to see.

Had anyone seen us come out of the woods, in this state, they'd be extremely suspicious. We were all covered in dirt and our hair was disheveled. Our clothes were torn it unlikely places and some of us had werewolf blood splattered on them. We'd definitely cause curious glances. Something that we had to avoid for the sake of the secret.

Jasper tried to put me down when we stopped, but my body wasn't ready for the lose of contact yet. I worried that if he let me go, he'd disappear too. I couldn't lose him, not after everything that I'd already lost.

As I felt his arms start to lower me to the ground, I locked my arms around his neck, something that had never been very effective with Edward, and forced myself closer to his body.

"No, No, No!" I cried into his neck.

"OKay, okay." he said sadly and put his arms back around me, kissing my head in the process.

"So what do we do now?" Emmett asked looking up and down the street.

"Well, the first thing we need to do is get cleaned up and recover." Carlisle stated pinching his nose. "Then deal with what happened." I heard the crack in his voice and knew how badly he wished he could cry. "Then I'll call Tanya and we'll arrange to fly to Alaska first thing tomorrow morning and stay there until we figure out where to go next. For tonight, though, we'll just stay there." He pointed to the Motel 6 across the street. It's not a Hilton, but it'll do for the night."

"Okay, but what are we going to do about clothes?" Jasper questioned. "I mean we can't walk into an airport looking like this. That would attract way too much attention."

"I'll go get us some." Rosalie offered. "I'm the least conspicuious of all of us. I just look like some rich girl who had a bad experience camping. No big deal." she shrugged. "And I know all of your sizes, so you won't have to worry about that either."

"Alright, but I want," Carlisle looked everyone over. I guessed he was looking for one of us who looked close to what Rosalie looked like. "Esme to go with her. I don't want any of you to go anywhere alone. I don't think the wolves will change their minds, but I don't want to take any chances. I've already lost two of you. I don't think that I could live through losing another."

"Alright." Esme said and went over to stand next to Rosalie.

I found myself almost angry about how composed they all were. I mean they had just lost a sister and daughter. Shouldn't they all be falling apart or something? Why did they have it all together? How could they talk through a plan without breaking? I didn't understand.

As I watched the scene, though, I realized exactly why they were so composed. They had to be. They had to go through the motions of keeping the secret, that was way more important than grieving. Before we could do anything else, we had to make sure that we were inconspicuious enough to pass for a grieving family. Instead of family who had just lost one of their own in a fight with werewolves. It was all part of being what we were. The secret was always more important than anything. They'd fall apart as soon as the secret was safe. I could see that now.

Jasper attempted to put me down again. I wanted more than anything to fight and cry. I didn't want him to leave me too. Yet, I knew that I was part of this family now, in the way that mattered most. Which meant that I had to learn to do things the way they were doing them. I had to stay composed until we had all our bases covered. I couldn't be losing it, while my family was trying to protect us.

I let him place me on the ground. Getting my balance wasn't a challenge in my new body. I did place my hand in his, though. I wasn't completelt ready to let go. I looked to Carlisle as we waited for more instructions.

"Bella, honey, I know you're only a few hours old and all, but the motel is probably going to smell strongly of humans, old and new. Do you think that you can handle it? Or should have Jasper take you on a quick hunt first?" Carlisle asked looking seriously at me.

I swallowed hard and felt the burning in the back of my throat. It was painful, but managable. I would've felt better if I had more blood in me, but I was sure I'd be alright around humans. Besides, Carlisle was worried about seperating and frankly, so was I. The wolves weren't ones to give up on a grudge. They probably just needed a chance to regroup and be coming after us later. We couldn't afford to seperate anymore than we had to.

"I think, I'll be okay." I stated. "We can't afford to seperate too much right now."

"All the same, Jasper, I want you to keep a hand on her at all times." Carlisle replied. "I want you to be able to restrain her if it does get to her. Also, with the tension and her emotions right now, I don't wanna take any chances."

Jasper nodded.

"Alright, Rose, Esme, go get the clothes, I'll tell the receptionist at the motel to give you guys the room numbers when you get there. Just grab whatever you can find and get back here." Carlisle explained.

Esme and Rosalie nodded and took off.

"Alright, Bella, are you ready?" he asked me.

"Not really, but I don't have much of a choice, do I?" I answered.

"Don't worry." Jasper whispered. "I'll be right there. You don't have to breathe if you don't want to. Just move your shoulders up and down like you are."

"Let's go." I stated with a nod.

Jasper put his arm around my waist, pulled me close, and kissed the top of my head. The four of us headed toward the motel with much trepedition.

I could definitely see the difference in accomadations, right now. I remembered when we were on the run from James, the entryway to the hotel was bigger than this whole building. The small room was decorated very nicely, though and there were some comfortable looking chairs scattered around.

The receptionist looked up at us with a raised eyebrow when we entered. She was, no doubt, trying to figure out where we came from and why we were here. The look was there for only a split second before she smiled a huge smile at us.

"Hello, sirs and ma'am, what can I do for you today?" she asked in a cheery voice.

"We'd like three rooms for the night, please?" Carlisle stated.

"Alright." The woman stated and started typing on her computer.

"And the name?" she asked.

"Carlisle Cullen." Carlisle replied.

The woman's eyes widen in surprise and slight shock when Carlisle answered. She stopped her typing and turned to take in our appearance again.

"And will you be paying in cash tonight, Mr. Cullen?" she asked.

"Yes." Carlise responded. I could hear the concern in his voice at her reaction to his name. The woman continued to stare at us in shocked bewilderment. "Is there a problem, ma'am?"

"Oh no, problem. I'm just a little shocked and confused, is all?" she answered as she went back to typing on the computer. "You see, about three weeks ago, a young woman, short with spiky black hair, reminded me of a pixie. She came in and told me that between then and two weeks from now, there would be a group of you coming in. She told me your last name and that you'd pay in cash. She also said that you'd look like you've been wandering through the woods for a few days." She looked us up and down as if to prove her point, then pulled something from under her desk. "She gave me one thousand dollars not to ask her or you any questions and not tell anyone else. Then she aske me to give these to Bella and Jasper?"

Carlisle looked back at Jasper and I with a furrowed brow. We looked back at him, just as confused about what Alice was up to as we were. He turned back to the woman after a minute.

"Thank you." he stated and took the two pieces of paper that she was offering.

The woman turned back to the computer and Carlisle handed Jasper and I the papers. As soon as he turned around, the woman was handing him three keys.

"Rooms four, five, and six." she stated. "Your total is $150.00."

Carlisle pulled the money out and handed it to her. She put it in her drawer and before she coudl turn back to the counter, Carlisle place a stack of one hundred dollar bills. She saw the bills and looked at him like he was crazy.

"For your trouble, confidence, and cooperation." he told her with a polite smile. "We have to more girls who'll be coming soon, if you'd kindly give them the room numbers."

"Of course." the woman replied still looking shocked.

Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, and I walked down the hall and towards our room.

"Go to your rooms and get cleaned up." Carlisle passing out the keys. "We'll meet in mine and Esme room in an hour to talk. Jasper, Bella, I'll send Esme with your clothes when the get here."

Jasper and I just nodded as he unlocked our room.

Though it was easier than I thought to keep my thirst under control in front of the receptionist, it was a relief when we made it to the room. The scent of humans, old and new, was being completelty washed out by the scent of popouri and febreze.

I looked around the room. It was a small space with a bed against one wall and a T.V. against the other. The was one other chair and a nightstand with a phone sitting on it. The bathroom was small with just enough room for one person, a shower, a toilet, and a sink.

_"Yup definitely not a Hilton." _ I found myself thinking.

I walked right over to the bed and collapsed on it. I had never felt more drained than I did right at that moment. I wished that I could sleep. Jasper walked over and laid down next to me. We stare into each other eyes for a long moment and he brushed some stray strands of hair off of my forehead.

"Are you alright?" he whispered after a long moment.

I suddenly found myself exasperated with him. What kind of question was that? Of course I wasn't alright! I just had to kill someone, someone who I somewhat cared about. I had to watch him kill a good friend of mine because he was going to kill me. Then I had to watch my best friend kill a good friend and then watch my best friend die. Why would Jasper even think I could begin to be alright?

He must have felt my emotions before I could answer, because he put gently cupped my cheek and said quickly,

"I meant physically, love. I'm sorry. I just meant do you have any injries?"

"Oh." I whispered quickly calming. "No, I'm not injured. What about you?"

"I got a few scrapes and scratches but the venom took care of that while we were running. I'm alright now." he answered.

"Good." I whisered running my fingers through his blood curls.

We fell silent for a few minutes after that. Both lost in our own thoughts and grief over what had happened tonight. Despite what everyone said, I couldn't help but blame myself for everything that happened this year. Yes, I knew that it was Jacob's action that got as where we were, but it was my relationship with him that caused him to do it.

"Bella, I wish you would stop this." Jasper whispered after a minute, still stroking my hair. "None of this is your fault, honey. It's all the stupid mutt's. Even the fight tonight, he caused that, not you. It all comes down to him."

"But you don't understand, Jasper," I stated. "It was my fault for getting in so deep with him. It was my fault because I was selfish enough to keep him as a friend when I knew that we didn't want the same thing. I should've just walked away the minute I found out his feelings for me were more then mine for him. Maybe, if I had, Edward would still be alive, and Alice wouldn't have had to sacrifice herself. Charlie wouldn't have been pointlessly murdered. I wouldn't have spent so many months away from my family. Hell, I wouldn't have spent so many months hurting myself. Jacob would've tried to kill me and he'd still be alive. We wouldn't have had to fight the wolves and Sam, Leah, and Seth would still be alive. And we'd be at home right now, watching a movie like one big happy family? Don't you see, it all comes down to my relationship with Jacob? I could've chosen to end it, but I didn't. I was too selfish to do that."

"First of all, you staying friends with Jacob after everything wasn't a crime, babe." Jasper responded. "You needed a friend and you made it very clear to him that it was all you wanted from him. You just wanted to be his friend. He screwed himself by trying to make you feel the same way about him that he did for you. He only succeeded in pushing you away and it was you walking away that caused him to snap. He brought upon himself and tried to make you suffer the consequences. Secondly, you're only focusing on the bad things that came out of this year. What about all the good?"

"Like what?" I asked not following where he was going with this.

"Like you and me, together." Jasper stated.

"I suppose that is a good thing." I whispered.

"Yes it is." he stated. "And I can almost garuntee that if none of this with Jacob had happened, that we wouldn't be at home like a big happy family."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, if none of this with Jacob had ever happened, Edward would still be alive and you'd be married to him. Alice wouldn't have got any kind of advance warning on you and I. Which is something that would've still happened. Our feelings have probably been there since the day we met, but we've been so busy being in love with Edward and Alice to notice. Our feelings would've grown no matter how the whole thing with Jacob played out. Us being mates is a given. That's they way we were supposed to end up. If Edward had lived, you'd be too afraid of hurting him to do anything with me. You'd be completely miserable and Edward would probably be hurt anyway because he could've read me thoughts. Chances are, if Edward had lived and Alice hadn't had the vision to prepare her for it, we'd all have destroyed each other with petty jealousy and pain. And honestly, I think I prefer things this way. I mean, yeah, we lost a lot over the last year, but we gained a lot too. And as mush as I miss Edward and will miss Alice, I wouldn't have changed anything that happened. And I know that Alice, Edward, and Charlie wouldn't either. We're all where we want to be, because that gives you the ability to be where you want to be, which is right here in my arms. That's where you're happy, and that's all any of us ever wanted was for you to be happy. We would give up anything and everything, just to see you happy. Do you understand that?" He questioned at the end of his speech.

I thought about his words. They were very comforting and sounded so right. I had always known that Edward's goal in life was my happiness. And hadn't his angel proven that his goal in death was the same thing. And Charlie, he died not knowing why, just knowing that he was protecting his little girl. And Alice she gave up everything just so I could be happy with Jasper. It all made sense.

"I suppose I do." I told him snuggling closer. "I just wish they didn't have to die."

"I know, love, I know." I whispered and kissed the top of my head. "I love you so much." he stated after a moment.

"I love you, too." I replied.

He then pulled me away from his body and lifted my chin so our lips met. His came down on mine gently. Somehow, this was the most gentle and most passionate kiss that we had ever shared. I could feel him pouring all of his sadness, grief, and pain into that kiss. I poured just as much of the same emotions into it as I kissed him back. We stayed like that for a long time, until we could no longer stand the discomfort of not breathing, and when we did pull apart, I found that I felt much better about everything.

"I'm going to take a shower, now." he whispered. "I won't be long, I promise. Esme should be back soon with the clothes." He kissed the top of my head again before getting off of the bed. "And I know how thirsty you must be, so Carlisle and I will find some way to get you some blood before we get on the plane tomorrow."

I just nodded as he went into the bathroom. I laid on the bed for a long minute, until I remembered that I was still holding the note from Alice. I unfolded it slowly and read through it very carefully.

_Bella,_

_If you are reading this that means my vision came true and I'm no longer with you. I just want to tell you that what I did for Jasper was my decision . I know how you have a tendency to blame yourself for everything. Don't blame yourself for this. I chose to jump in front of Jasper and take the attack. Just like Edward chose to send you away from the fight that terrible day. _

_We did it because we love you and that's all there is too it. Don't be afraid to get close to Jasper just because of what he was to me. I want him to be that to you too. And don't worry about _

_Edward, either. He only ever wanted you to be happy. And if Jasper makes you happy then go for it. _

_Please allow Jasper to help you through what happened to me. I know he really helped you get over Edward. I hope that he'll be able to do it again. Please, let him. I don't want you to end up where we are. You have too much ahead of you for that. Let Jasper help you get there. Please. _

_Bella, you are one of the smartest, prettiest, and sweetest people I've ever met. I couldn't have asked for a better best friend and sister in this life. Don't let guilt over me stop you from being happy because that's not why I made my decision. I did it so you could be happy. So go be happy, even if it means being happy with Jasper. _

_I know you love me and don't want to hurt me but I don't want you to be miserable because of me. I wouldn't be a very good friend if I did that. Which is why I made this decision. I wanted to give you a second chance at happiness without the guilt. So just be happy and don't feel guilty. _

_I love you and hope that you will find the happiness in Jasper that I know is meant for you. Don't let what happened to me or Edward drive you away from him. You need her so please don't waste this chance I've given you? _

_Bella, you will always be my best friend and favorite sister. I just want you to be happy, so go be happy. _

_Your sister forever, _

_Alice_

Alice had say the same things to me over and over again for the last few months. Yet, somehow, reading them, now after she was gone, was oddly comforting. In fact, after reading them, I was sure that everything was going to be just fine from now on.

**A/N: Well, what do you guys think? Was it a good start to the ending? Could it have been stronger? Please tell me what you think. **


	39. Second Chance

**A/N: So guys, I was having a hard time figuring out how to really end this story. I'm still not sure if this is exactly the right spot. However, I've thought about it and I've decided that to drag it on any longer would be a little repetative. Therefore, this is going to be the last chapter. I'm not sure if I'm going to do an epilogue or not. If I do, it'll just be an extended version of the prolouge. I really do hope this ending turns out good. Thank you for your support of this very AU story. It is actually the most reviewed of all of my stories. And I appreciate all of your support on it. I just hope this ending doesn't disappoint any of you. **

**JASPER **

I managed to make it into the bathroom and get the door locked before my knees gave out underneath me. I slid to the floor, leaning against the door and completely broke. I started dry sobbing and prayed that Bella was too lost in her own thoughts to really listen to me. She didn't need to see me like this.

She'd only end up blaming herself for my current emotional state. Which was something that I did not want. I had just had a hell of a time convincing that Alice's death wasn't her fault. I didn't want to have to convince her that my break down wasn't wasn't her fault.

I didn't want to hurt her feelings either. I knew Bella, being Bella, would think that it was because I thought that I had made a mistake in protecting her instead of Alice. That wasn't the case at all. I loved Bella with all of my heart and soul. That was why I held myself together long enough to take care of her.

I didn't regret any of the choices I made involving her. I knew she wouldn't believe that if she heard this now. It was the truth, though. However, I still loved Alice very much. A small part of me always would. I knew that.

Watching and listening to the wolves tear her apart was the hardest thing that I've ever had to endure. It felt like someone was drilling a permanent hole in my heart. And now, I felt like there was a large part of me missing. A part of me that Bella would never be able to bring back. No matter how hard she tried to. No matter how much I wanted her to be able too. It just wasn't going to happen.

I hated myself for feeling that way about it. I really did. I didn't want there to be any doubt in Bella's mind about my feelings for her. Still, the memories of Alice would always stir up certain emotions and there was really nothing that I'd be able to do about it.

Alice had always been the brightest light on my darkest days. She helped me through some of the toughest points in my life. I wouldn't have survived life as a vampire much longer before I met her. She pulled me up when I was down and she gave the first bits of hope when I thought there was none. And now she's gone.

I sat there trying to muffle my sobs as I imagined my life without her. It was utterly impossible. How was I suppose to exist without that beautiful little pixie to help me through it. Sure, I had Bella and I loved her, but it wasn't just love with Alice, it was friendship, too. And that was made different from what I had with Bella.

What was worse? I couldn't even imagine how the world could go on without Alice's existence. She was the kindest, most wonderful, sweetest, and bravest person that I had ever met. She did everything that she possibly could to take care of everyone, not just vampires, but humans too. She used her gift to help people whenever she could. She truly was a special person and vampire.

She was the only one of the family who, not only accepted who she was, but live it up to the fullest. Sure, she had her moments when she wished she could be human, but we all do. Alice, however, never let it get her down. She always found some reason to love who she was and was just happy to be most of the time.

She had even said that she wouldn't trade being a vampire for anything. It gave her the ability to use her gift in better ways. It also helped her protect the family better. It tore me up a little to know that it was her will to love and protective the ones she loved that got her killed in the first place.

I was down there for a few more mintues before I realized that I was still clutching the letter that the receptionist gave me. I took a deep breath and opened it to find out what the last thing my once lover and always friend and sister had to say.

_Jasper, _

_If you are reading this that means my vision came true and I'm no longer with you. I know you would've rather it been you than me. I also know that you still love me and part of you always will. However, like I told before, as much as I still love you, I know I don't need you anymore. I know you probably told yourself that on numerous ocassions over the last year just to avoid hurting me. Please stop lying to yourself. I don't need you. _

_Bella, however, needs you more than anyone else in the world right now. I'm sure you can feel that someone deep inside. And honestly, I think you need her too. The two of you have so much to learn from each other and I don't want to see you lose that chance. So take the chance on her for me. _

_The choice I made was my gift to the two of you. Jasper, Bella lost so much when she lost Edward and you're the only one who could give anything back to her. That's why I did what I did. So you could be there for her to hold on to. She needs you so much. Don't walk away, please. _

_Jazz, you've been with me since the day I awoke to this existence. You were one person that kept me pushing on when being on my own became too much. The day I met you was the best day of my unlife and I don't think I'd ever been happier than I was that day. Not even on our wedding day. You are an amazing person Jazz and I love everything about you. _

_I hope that you will not let your guilt over what happened stop you from being happy. I made my decision because I wanted you to be happy and if being with Bella makes you happy then do it. I will always love you no matter what. Just like I will always love Bella no matter what. _

_I know you love me and don't want to hurt me but I don't want you to be miserable because of me. I wouldn't be a very good wife if I did that. Which is why I made this decision. I wanted to give you a second chance at happiness without the guilt. So just be happy and don't feel guilty. _

_I love you and hope that you will find the happiness in Bella that I know is meant for you. Don't let what happened to me or Edward drive you away from her. You need her so please don't waste this chance I've given you? _

_I will always love, Jazz and I just want to be happy. So go be happy. _

_Love, _

_Alice_

I had to read the words twice before they all sank in. It was just as I had suspected. Alice had gone and gotten herself killed so Bella and I could be happy. It ripped my heart up a little more to think that she could never have another chance at happiness, because she gave that to Bella and I.

Despite what I told Bella about this not being anybody's fault except Jacob's, I couldn't help but feel the guilt rolling over me in waves. Alice saved me so that Bella wouldn't have to be without me. Maybe I was partially to blame.

It was then that I understood exactly why Bella had so many problems with her guilt. It was hard to feel like it was your fault when someone died to protect you. It's just an automatic thing, even if you know in your heart that it wasn't your fault. It's just a natural reaction.

Alice loved me and Bella, that's why she died to keep us together. It was her decision, I couldn't have changed it. It hurt, yes, but there was nothing I could do. The guilt continued to lay heavy in my stomach, even as I thought about it.

A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Jazz, it's Bella." Bella saddened voice stated. "Are you okay? You've been in there for awhile?"

"I'm fine." I called trying to regain my composure as I stood.

"Well, I just thought I'd let you know that Esme brought the clothes." she stated and I had a feeling that she didn't buy my act.

I unlocked and opened the door, slowly. Bella was standing there with a sad smile, holding a pair of blue jeans and a button up black shirt.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asked. "I mean you've been in here for about ten minutes and you haven't even showered yet."

"I'm fine." I stated. "I just got lost in my own thoughts is all."

I made to reach for the pile of clothes, but she brought her free hand up to cup my cheek. I knew then that she knew what I had been doing. I turned my face and kissed her palm then sighed.

"It's okay for you to be sad, Jasper." she whispered. "She meant as much to you as she did to me. Maybe more so. You guys were mates for decades. She loved you and you loved her. She was your everything through a great deal of this life. I understand, I do. And I don't want you to be afraid to break in front of me. Like I said, I know how much she meant to you. She was a mahor part of you. It isn't going to hurt my feelings if you talk about her. In fact, it would hurt more to think that you thought you couldn't come to me. I love you and I know you love me. I know that you loved Alice too, though. And that's fine. But please, don't hide things from me. I need to know when you're hurting so that I can take care of you. Okay?"

I wanted to protest. Tell her that I didn't want to put her through hearing my cry over my dead ex-wife. Alice was my past and Bella was my future. I didn't want to hurt her over the past. However, the sincerity in her voice and the look of open vulnerability in her eyes broke me. There was only thing that I wanted to do then.

I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her hair before breaking down again.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." he cried. "I feel so terrible. And it's all my fault. She was trying to protect me."

"Shh." Bella whispered holding me close to her body. "If it's not my fault, then it's not your fault either. It's Jacob's remember? He caused the fight."

"Yeah, but I should've...."

"No, there was nothing any of us could've done. There wasn't time. Besides, Alice made her decision. We couldn't have changed her mind if we had the time. You should know that better than anyone."

We sank to the ground and she held me close to her body. I didn't try to defend my guilt anymore, because I knew Bella was right. We were both silent as she rocked me and stroked my hair. I was grateful that she wasn't trying to tell me that everything was going to be alright. We both knew it wouldn't be. Alice was gone, nothing would ever be completely alright again. She just held me and comforted me in the best way that she knew how.

I wasn't sure how long we stayed down there before Bella pulled away rather abruptly.

"Bella, honey, what's wrong?" I asked a little panicked.

"Nothing." she replied. "We just have to be to meet Carlisle and the others in fifteen minutes. And niether of us has showered yet."

"Right." I said getting slowly up. "I almost forgot."

We showered together. It was a quick, quiet, and subdued affair. Not at all the way I imagined my first shower with Bella. I thought it would've been a little more erotic. I guess fate didn't like that idea. We were out of the shower and dressed within ten minutes. I managed to gain enough control to go see the family without another break down.

I slung my arm around Bella's shoulders and togehter we walked down the hall toward Carlisle's room.

When we got within range of my gift, I braced myself and held tight to Bella's hand. I still remembered what happened the night Edward died. I walked into the living room and everyone's emotions brought me to my knees. I didn't want that to happen to me, especially now. With the way my emotions already were, I would've gone into emotional overload and exploded or something. I took a couple deep breaths and thought about calming and peaceful things as I squeezed Bella's hand tighter.

I was hit with everyone's pain, grief, and anger when I entered the room. If it hadn't been for my mental prep outside, I would've been brought down to my knees. As it were, I managed to stay on my feet and send a few waves of peace around the room. The peace was accepted with reluctance. Nobody wanted to feel it, but they wanted to make the situation easier on me.

When I got used to the emotional climate of the room, I was able to take in my surroundings. Carlisle and Esme's room was slightly bigger than mine and Bella's. There's even had a small armchair in the corner. It was, however, the most depressing look at my family that I had ever gotten.

Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the bed. Esme was curled into Carlisle's side. She had her head buried in his shoulder and I could see her body shaking. I had no doubt that she was sobbing. Carlisle had his chin resting on her head. His eyes were closed and he was muttering something under his breath. I was sure that he was praying.

Emmett and Rosalie were sitting in the armchair. Rosalie was in Emmett's lap. She was curled up against his chest, but wasn't sobbing. She was just staring blankly in front of her. I couldn't feel any emotions coming off of her. I was sure she was numb from shock. Emmett, the big teddy bear, had his head buried in Rosalie's hair and was letting out sobs.

I pulled Bella over to the floor at the foot of the bed and sat down. She sat beside me and laid her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and rested my head on hers.

We all sat their silently for a few minutes. I was sure we were all trying to make sense of what had happened tonight.

"So what are we going to do?" I asked when no one else spoke. Carlisle sighed.

"I spoke to Tanya and she said they'd be delighted to have us until we figured out what we wanted to do." he explained. "I also called the airline. We have to catch the first plane out of Washington and seven o'clock tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, we have about three lay overs and the whole trip will take about twenty hours."

"Woah, wait. Twenty hours, Carlisle." I said getting a little panicked. "Bella's not even twenty four hours old, you can't expect her to be around a big group of humans for twenty hours. Even if she doesn't go after one, do you know how painful it's going to be?"

"I know, Jasper." Carlisle stated. "And I'm sorry. I tried to get us a private jet, but they're all booked up for the next three weeks. We can't hangf around that long. We don't know how long it'll take the wolves to decide that it's open season on vampires. Who knows, they may even be patrolling close to here."

"So are you saying that we can't even take her out to hunt before we get on the plan?" I questioned indignant. "That's a disaster waiting to happen!"

"Relax, Jasper." Esme whispered pulling away from Carlisle. "We're not going unprepared." She pointed to a box in the corner. "It seems Alice thought of everything. The receptionist from downstairs, Madeline, I think her name his, brought that up about twenty minutes ago."

Bella's eyes got wide as she looked at the box.

"And Alice only had to pay her $1,000 to keep her mouth shut." she said in amazement. "There has to be at least forty canisters of blood there."

"Yeah, we'll you know Alice." Esme said in her motherly tone with a sad edge to it. "She had a tendency to overdo everything."

We all laughed as Esme walked over to the box and started handing out canisters. Once everyone had two, she walked back over to sit on the bed. I opened my canister and made to drink some.

"Wait." Bella cried and everyone froze. "I think we should do a toast." She gave an embarassed smile and I almost expected to see her blush. She didn't, of course. "To Alice." she stated. "A beloved daughter, sister, friend, and wife. It was her bravery, loyalty, quick-thinking, and love that saved not only Jasper and I, but the rest of the family as well. Her family and friends will always miss and love her. We hope that she's as happy where she is now as she was whenever she brought a new dress." We all chuckled in spite of ourselves. "Alice." Bella finished lifting her canister.

"Alice!" Everyone else chorused.

We raised our canisters and clicked them with our mates then downed them. The blood was cold and tasted a little off, but it was the best we could do until we got to Alaska, so I didn't complain.

I finished the first canister and was preparing to down the second when Esme cleared her throat.

"And to Edward." she said once eveyone's attention was on her. "A beloved son, brother, friend, and lover. It was his love for a very special human that brought this family a very special gift. He'd do anything to keep her safe and happy, no matter what the consequences were for him. It was for that reason that he went up against a werewolf and lost. His courage and love for her will never be forgotten. And we will be sure to finish what he started. Edward." she raised her canister.

"Edward!" we chorused and repeated the process.

Everyone was silent as we were lost in our own thoughts about where to go from here. Bella moved slightly so she was curled against my chest. I looked down to find her staring back at me. I noticed she had a little blood smeared on her upper lip and leaned down. I took her lip in my mouth and sucked the blood off. She smiled into my lips then slid her tongue into my mouth.

I moaned slightly as our tongues fought for dominance. The kiss was as glorious and wonderful as the first time. I felt like I was being reborn as a human and everything was just so new.

As I enjoyed the feeling of kissing my beautiful angel, I thought back on everything that had happened in the last year and finally realized what Alice was trying to tell me.

Goodbye really was nothing more than a second chance. And that was what Alice had given us.

**A/N: What do you guys think? Was that a good ending? Did it suck? Do you want an epilogue? Let me know what you think. **


	40. Epilogue

**A/N: Hey guys, you wanted an epilogue, so I'm going to try. I really hope it turns out okay. **

**BELLA **

Things got better over the next four years. We decided to spend some time in Alaska with the Denalis. I was surprised at how welcoming they had been toward me. I thought for sure that would have a problem because I had taken Jasper away from Alice. That wasn't the case at all. They were just thrilled to see that both of us were happy. They considered me as much a part of their family as the Cullens did. For some reason, that knowledge made me feel so much better about everything that had happened.

Emmett and Rosalie postponed the wedding, one last time. We decided that we wanted to honor Alice and Edward with a memorial so all of their friends could say goodbye. Rose and Emmett decided to do it on the day they were supposed to get married. Rose said that it was the easiest thing considering that everyone was already invited and coming.

It was a very nice and beautiful day. Over one hundred vampires showed up. I hadn't realized until then just how popular the Cullens were in the vampire world. Specifically, Alice. It seemed that more than half of the vampires who showed up where there solely for Alice.

I decided, though, that it was a good thing that we were all vampires. Just about everyone insisted on speaking and the whole thing lasted a good twelve hours. It helped that we didn't need to eat, sleep, potty, or even move. Everyone spoke one right after the other without interruption.

Even every member of my family had to speak. I honestly can't remember much of what anyone said, though. I just remembered feeling sad, but at peace with everything. I didn't even feel guilty that day. It was strange, but something about that day just got rid of all the bad feelings.

Emmett and Rosalie did, however, finally have there wedding, four months later. And, just like in Alice's vision, the wolves showed up. However, it wasn't to attack. The came waving a white flag and everything. It would've been funny if we weren't afraid they were going to kill us all. In the end though, they just wanted to talk.

Jared, who had taken over as alpha, said that after a very long discussion with the Elders, it was decided that everything with Jacob was to be forgotten. The Elders realized that they had made some serious mistakes in that situation. Mistakes that costs them the lives of three of their own. The admitted to this mistakes and gaves a formal, written apology. Jared then informed us that they treaty was still inact and we could return to Forks at any time in the new or distant future. Jared them gave us the packs condolescenes. He informed us that the pack was terribly ashamed of their actions and hoped that we ccould all live in peace again someday.

Carlisle politely listened to every thing he had to say. And of course returned the gestured of apology. The whole meeting ended on an almost friendly note. We decided, though, that we wouldn't be going back to Forks or Washington, even, any time soon. There were just too many memories, good and bad. None of us wanted the constant reminders.

Jasper and I couldn't have been more in love. It was easier for us to be now. We both took Alice's words to heart and decided that we had nothing to feel guilty about. She wanted us to be happy, so that's what we were. Neither of us wanted to rush things, though.

I guess that's why it took us four years to get to the alter. Now, that we were finally here, I couldn't quite believe it. We had gone through so much pain and suffering that first year, it was hard to think that something good could come out of it. It was so hard to believe that I'd ever be happy again.

Still, here I was, walking down the aisle next to my father in front of my family and friends with Charlie, Alice, and Edward looking down on my, towards the man I loved. Toward my second chance at life, love and happiness. It was almost surreal for me. I never thought that we'd make it this far.

I should've known better than to bet against Alice.

**A/N: I hope it turned out okay. I wasn't really sure about it. Let me know what you think. **


	41. Without You Trailer

**A/N: I knwo you guys are probably getting sick of the author's notes all of the time, but I just wanted to let you know that the amazing, Lis123 has struck again. She made a trailer/video for the entire Without You Series. I thought that I'd leave a note on all of my stories. If you've read the series, you should watch the video to see how awesome she is and if you haven't she did a fantastic job of depicting the story and you should check out the video. Anyway, her Youtube channel is Lisalmf123 and the video is titled Without You Series. You should all check it out and leave her some love. **


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